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Thread: When your best friend falls in love with you

  1. #1
    Tomaria

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    Feb 2011
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    When your best friend falls in love with you

    Well, hello World,Ö.

    ThereĎs something Iíd like to get off my mind..

    I am a female senior in college and I have a male friend. Heís the best male friend I have. We met in high school, so I know him for quite a lot of time. Last month he told me, he has always been in love with me and well, somehow I have always known it and I have even asked him about that a couple of times, usually a little jokingly. He always denied any such thoughts, so I never really knew. It was just a feeling I had.

    But still I was shocked by his sudden revelation and then I felt so sorry to tell him it would never work. He accepted my explanations but was kinda sad, while we talked about that.
    Since that day I put a little distance between me and him. I stopped leaning myself on him. I stopped using any mistakable gestures at all, because I donít think itís good for him.

    It feels awkward being alone with him and I donít want it to be awkward.
    I really like him but just as a very good friend.
    Yet if I look at how things went since last month I seem to slowly go farther away from him. I donít want to lose him, but I donít want him to get his hopes up, if I would show him any Ďsignsí that obviously made him confess in the first place.

    It's really hard to act like nothing has happened and we discussed it.

    But I don't seem to know whats the 'right thing' to do.

    Any thoughts about my situation?

  2. 02-20-2011, 10:12 AM

  3. #2
    lavenderdove
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
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    I personally feel that the kindest thing you can do for someone who is close to you who falls in love with you, where you don't fall in love with them, is to stop seeing them for as long as it takes for them to stop focusing on you and find someone else for themselves. It is very hard to fall out of love with someone you see a lot and spend a lot of time iwth, and torturous to be in the throes of unrequited love.

    So the kindest thing you can do for him is to let him go... tell him that you don't want him to have any hopes that you will change your mind, so it is best to not see each other for a few months while he gets over this. Then you can touch base in a few months and see if he is over you and it is OK to be friends again.

    But also try to work on getting a BF for yourself and not spending a lot of one on one time with single guys who might fall into his situation again. Very painful for all involved.

  4. #3
    BMP2CPM
    Silver Member BMP2CPM's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do is to end your friendship with him. He needs to move on and be with someone who can love him. It's obviously not you. You've kind of kept him hoping since high school. If he's really a good friend, you'll end any contact with him and let him go.

  5. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomaria [Register to see the link]
    [...] somehow I have always known it and I have even asked him about that a couple of times, usually a little jokingly. [...]
    This is where you made your mistake. If you felt the same about him it wouldn't have been bad, but by doing this you sent him the wrong signals to prompt a response out of him. Your ego set him up, and now he's hurt.

    Once a friend crosses the line of vulnerability into exposing 'love' that's not mutual, that's a friendship killer. Until that point you could have both played innocent with the tension, but now it's not innocent, it's awkward. He has the choice of hanging around you hoping for your feelings to change, and you now have the pressure of diffusing that. You might try giving him some time and space to get over you and find someone else, but if you try to keep him around, then don't be surprised that he can't resume the same quality of friendship you had before--and don't expect him to do that.

  6. #5
    Galaxo
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMP2CPM [Register to see the link]
    The best thing you can do is to end your friendship with him. He needs to move on and be with someone who can love him. It's obviously not you. You've kind of kept him hoping since high school. If he's really a good friend, you'll end any contact with him and let him go.
    +1


    It is not a normal friendship. End or suspend it until he has moved on. That is actually the best way for you to be able to have a normal friendship with him later. When he decides to give up and move on, he will end it himself for good.

    You both may act like friends, and get along well, but neither of you are being a true friend to the other right now.

  7. #6
    Hannah29

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    Help please:)

    Basically the same thing has happened to me
    My best mate who is a girl says she talks to him everyday about me and all my mates say "OMG you should go out" which is really awkward then he says that he is upset because he wants to ask me out and doesnt think i feel the same way:L

  8. #7
    sunshines
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    Well do you? I believe once you cross that line you can't go back to just being friends only in the rarest of circumstances so if you feel that you really do like him and think theres a REAL shot, go for it?

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