Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: When your best friend falls in love with you

  1. #1
    Tomaria

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    1

    When your best friend falls in love with you

    Well, hello World,Ö.

    ThereĎs something Iíd like to get off my mind..

    I am a female senior in college and I have a male friend. Heís the best male friend I have. We met in high school, so I know him for quite a lot of time. Last month he told me, he has always been in love with me and well, somehow I have always known it and I have even asked him about that a couple of times, usually a little jokingly. He always denied any such thoughts, so I never really knew. It was just a feeling I had.

    But still I was shocked by his sudden revelation and then I felt so sorry to tell him it would never work. He accepted my explanations but was kinda sad, while we talked about that.
    Since that day I put a little distance between me and him. I stopped leaning myself on him. I stopped using any mistakable gestures at all, because I donít think itís good for him.

    It feels awkward being alone with him and I donít want it to be awkward.
    I really like him but just as a very good friend.
    Yet if I look at how things went since last month I seem to slowly go farther away from him. I donít want to lose him, but I donít want him to get his hopes up, if I would show him any Ďsignsí that obviously made him confess in the first place.

    It's really hard to act like nothing has happened and we discussed it.

    But I don't seem to know whats the 'right thing' to do.

    Any thoughts about my situation?

  2. 02-20-2011, 09:12 AM

  3. #2
    lavenderdove
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    13,251
    Thanked
    898
    I personally feel that the kindest thing you can do for someone who is close to you who falls in love with you, where you don't fall in love with them, is to stop seeing them for as long as it takes for them to stop focusing on you and find someone else for themselves. It is very hard to fall out of love with someone you see a lot and spend a lot of time iwth, and torturous to be in the throes of unrequited love.

    So the kindest thing you can do for him is to let him go... tell him that you don't want him to have any hopes that you will change your mind, so it is best to not see each other for a few months while he gets over this. Then you can touch base in a few months and see if he is over you and it is OK to be friends again.

    But also try to work on getting a BF for yourself and not spending a lot of one on one time with single guys who might fall into his situation again. Very painful for all involved.

  4. #3
    BMP2CPM
    Silver Member BMP2CPM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    PA
    Age
    47
    Posts
    417
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    37
    The best thing you can do is to end your friendship with him. He needs to move on and be with someone who can love him. It's obviously not you. You've kind of kept him hoping since high school. If he's really a good friend, you'll end any contact with him and let him go.

  5. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    18,056
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3624
    Quote Originally Posted by Tomaria [Register to see the link]
    [...] somehow I have always known it and I have even asked him about that a couple of times, usually a little jokingly. [...]
    This is where you made your mistake. If you felt the same about him it wouldn't have been bad, but by doing this you sent him the wrong signals to prompt a response out of him. Your ego set him up, and now he's hurt.

    Once a friend crosses the line of vulnerability into exposing 'love' that's not mutual, that's a friendship killer. Until that point you could have both played innocent with the tension, but now it's not innocent, it's awkward. He has the choice of hanging around you hoping for your feelings to change, and you now have the pressure of diffusing that. You might try giving him some time and space to get over you and find someone else, but if you try to keep him around, then don't be surprised that he can't resume the same quality of friendship you had before--and don't expect him to do that.

  6. #5
    Galaxo
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    193
    Quote Originally Posted by BMP2CPM [Register to see the link]
    The best thing you can do is to end your friendship with him. He needs to move on and be with someone who can love him. It's obviously not you. You've kind of kept him hoping since high school. If he's really a good friend, you'll end any contact with him and let him go.
    +1


    It is not a normal friendship. End or suspend it until he has moved on. That is actually the best way for you to be able to have a normal friendship with him later. When he decides to give up and move on, he will end it himself for good.

    You both may act like friends, and get along well, but neither of you are being a true friend to the other right now.

  7. #6
    Hannah29

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    1

    Help please:)

    Basically the same thing has happened to me
    My best mate who is a girl says she talks to him everyday about me and all my mates say "OMG you should go out" which is really awkward then he says that he is upset because he wants to ask me out and doesnt think i feel the same way:L

  8. #7
    sunshines
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    365
    Well do you? I believe once you cross that line you can't go back to just being friends only in the rarest of circumstances so if you feel that you really do like him and think theres a REAL shot, go for it?

  9.  

Top Threads
Contacting old friend
I don't know if this is the right place to write this at all but I'd like a bit of opinion? I was heavily depressed, pushed away best friend of 8
Male friend of mine contacted me and asked where I live
This is a guy I went to college with and I see on a daily basis because he is a public bus driver and I catch that bus to get to work. So tonight
i want to know blocked or just deactivate ?
hello everybody, i have a friend on facebook that our relationship is just hi how are you doing, asking questions and lately we have better konwn
Did I Do The Right Thing? ('Toxic' friend)
I recently made the decision to end contact with someone I thought was my closest friend. We would argue periodically, and each time she'd treat me
Girls now think I'm weird and awkward
I am in high school, and I had many friends that are female (or so I thought). I always acted as if them and their friends were my friends as well
In need of advice
Hi, Long time reader of these boards (dating back to breakups about 10 years ago haha) but first time poster. I apologise in advance for this, I

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •