It's over after 3.5yrs.... :( dont know what to do or what to feel

I was with my ex fiance for over 3yrs we had some real highs and some real lows. Yesterday I was finally strong enough to walk away.... But I never thought it would hurt so much.

It wasnt one of the greatest relationships it happened very quick. The day after we met he asked me to be his gf, 8 wks later he declared his love for me then asked me to move in with him. So i did. 7 months later he proposed... 3.5yrs later its now over another failed relationship on my behalf.

I seen him as very selfish I couldnt accept that he's friends seemed so much more important than me. To the point where hed go out and leave me watching his children while he got drunk and partied to all hours of the morning. And if he and I went out somewhere and I was getting tired and wanted to go home hed start a fight and i'd end up going home alone.. I wasnt allowed to go anywhere or do anything cos he didnt trust me. He would always say he didnt care what I did but when it came down to mne actually doing something he start a fight with me.

Now I left him in april last year because I was unhappy and I cheated on him and I told him that now was the time for us to go separate ways. He agreed until a week later he rang me crying begging me to go back. I did I knew I shouldnt have but I did. Things were ok for a bit when I went back we were more considerate by July last year we had agreed to have a baby together and have been trying every since. But yesterday he started accusing me of cheating again which for the record I havent I learnt from the 1st time. He started yelling at me and grabbed me around the neck and face and hurt me. He did this a couple of times and then put his hands around my neck like he was going to choke me. He said to me your not safe here anymore... I got someone to come pick me up. So I am now out of that situation. But it's hurting pretty bad I dont know if its cos i left him or cause I've had to move back home at 27 and rebuild my life.. I lost all my friends because he got me into drugs and I wasnt allowed to do anything or talk to anyone. I wasnt allowed to have male friends... I am so broken its not funny

I dont know what to do from here... I feel I am old and there is no return all my hopes of being a wife a mother all crushed in an instant.. Maybe I gave up to easy...

I dont know what to do right now...

I think you most definitely did the right thing. He followed the classic pattern of an abuser..they tend to sweep the other person off their feet and rush quickly into the relationship. He is an emotional and physical abuser and for your own emotional and physical well-being it is the best thing that you left him. Don't ever go back no matter how much he cries and begs and says he will change. That is the typical cycle of abuse. You need to stay strong and remain with you parents until you get yourself back on track. Start making new friends. Also, you need to take ownership for your own actions. He did not get you into drugs...you CHOSE drugs...you chose not to say NO.

I dont mean to put the full blame on him for the drugs yes i chose to take them but i never wanted to touch them until...

One night he had his drug dealer mate over and he bought some drugs off him. My ex kept pressuring me to take some I said no and went to the bedroom where he followed and spent and hr of breaking me down and pressuring me into it to the point where i was cryinjg so much and the only way to get him to back off was to take some. I regret it.. and shouldnt have given in but i wanted to make him happy... and yes i know i chose to do it from there... I am to blame for giving in