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Thread: How long can one stay in a LDR and still stay happy?

  1. #1
    swann
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    How long can one stay in a LDR and still stay happy?

    Kind of a silly question I know but basically asking how long one can be in a LDR and it still provide something meaning full to you? When one knows that the two people aren't going to be together, in one place for anytime soon. She lives 1,200 miles away and wants to live where she is and I have children and really don't want to uproot them when they are happy where we live.

    When does that point come where you feel like your kinda wasting your time and energy on a LDR that isn't going to improve from a physically being together stand point?

    I guess just loving them isn't enough sometimes.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Jd1983
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    There really isn't a right or wrong answer here.

    It really comes down to how you feel. If you don't see yourself moving to be with her, and she doesn't see herself being with you - ultimately you have to ask yourself, what it is that you truly want out of this?

    Sure, LDR's can and have worked. However, eventually the couples involved will have to decide where they plan to be within 'x' amount of time.

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    michelle21689
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    Dated my bf for 3 years hten 2 1/2 years long distance, was suppose to move next fall after he deployed this year when he came back...broke up for different reasons..not distance =(

  4. #4
    ronhait
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    When you realize that neither one of you is willing to move then the entire thing is not only a waste of time but a waste of a heck of a lot more including missed opportunties.

  5. #5
    Esteller
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    LDr works for some people but not everyone.. im one of those people that i hate LDRs. i like contact... connection. i want to be around my woman. yea LDr makes the heart grow founder but it makes me miss my girl terribly too much which is ridiculous. unless your in the armed forces or travel a lot and not in love or you are committed.

  6. #6
    greywolf
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    Everyone is different. I could probably stay in one for awhile as long as I knew there was an end date to it and we had spent a sufficient amount of time in person as well. But if you don't know when you'll get the chance to be together, then it's really difficult.

  7. #7
    swann
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    Well to add to this story is the fact that we lived together for a year and she began to miss her old life and her home which she kept. Now she is back at her home and for the last 6 months or so we have been in this LDR thing. We have managed to see each other about once a month (in fact I am flying up there first of March to see her) but I feel like it's me having to go see her if we are to see each other. She has the flexibility work wise to be here or there but I have my kids who like living here with their friends and such. I am widowed so the kids have lost their mother to cancer about 3 1/2 years ago and I feel like I can't "uproot" them as I don't think it would be in their best interest.

    We have spoken about me moving at some point in the future and I would if it weren't for the kids. They are still young (13 & 11) so they have a ways to go before going off to college. She pretty much says she doesn't want to move as she tried it and it just wasn't her cup of tea. So, that's why I'm asking my questions here. One part of me says to end it and move on but another part of me has a really hard time of letting go. She seems to say "if it's meant to be it will be" but that doesn't really help any.

    A friend said "she loves you but she's not "in" love enough to need you and make a move while the kids are in school" We are both in our 40's so neither of us is getting any younger. And yes, I do like the area where she lives and would move for her if she could just move here with us until the kids are older and then I would move back with her for good.

    Maybe I'm just missing the point all together here and that is she loves me but she loves her home, friends and life up there too much to make a commitment to me here. She is that type of person who is independent and likes to keep most people at arm lengths when she wants her space. Is it "move on" time for me as this LDR isn't going to change anytime soon. Guess if I could just treat it like a "when I see you, you are the one but when we're apart we are free to do and see who we want" type of deal then my heart wouldn't be in it and we could just have a causal LDR at best?

    Thoughts?
    Thanks!

  8. #8
    Batya33
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    My husband and I started out in an LDR but my conditions were (and his!) that one of us (probably me) would be willing to relocate when things got more serious, that we'd put in the effort to see each other often (hundreds of miles away -so it was about every 11 days) and that the point of the relationship was to see if we should get married. With all those conditions I still would never have done it if we didn't already know each other well and had dated in the past,seriously. I think the simple answer is that if it works for both people go for it. I have a friend in her late 40s who lives an hour from her SO of 2 years- they both have major kid-related responsibilities and financial issues so they see each other every few weeks. They are exclusive and while they would love to have more time together they realize that isn't in the cards for now. The difference between them and you is that both are accepting of the arrangement and have the same future goal- when their kids are older they'll have more options to be together.

  9. #9
    OptomisticGirl
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    My fiance and I never would have entered into our 4,000 mile LDR if one of us weren't willing to move. Luckily, both of us were willing to move for the other. You can stay in an LDR and remain happy as long as it's healthy pretty much, same as a normal relationship. And if you can't move to be together for a while and neither are you happy... well, then I would say that's the end of the LDR.

  10. #10
    ldrnlovingit

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    I think it really depends on how much you love the person, and your future plans. One of my friends has been in an LDR for 2 years, and this year they are finally together and still strong. I myself am in one, and we love each other dearly. We won't be able to be together for at least another year and a half, I'm still in school 6 hours away from home, and he is 5 hours away in the opposite direction. I think the thing that keeps us going is that we eventually plan on being together. When we both are graduated and in the same metroplex again.

    The point I am trying to make is that you can't worry too much about the future, you never know what will happen. If you are happy, and have faith in the relationship, take life one day at a time. Yeah, the situation may not be idea, but whenever I stress about distance, or if we will end up in the same place by a certain time...I try to remember that, I couldn't be happier with anyone else...no matter how far away he is.

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