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Feeling like you're "meant" to be with someone?


Ritz Maidge

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Have you ever had a strong gut, or heart-felt, feeling that you were "meant" to be with someone? Maybe not at that exact moment in time, but someday. If so, how did that turn out for you? I would love to hear stories on these types of situations.

 

 

 

I am currently going through a similar situation. I am a (almost) 22-year-old female. I met a guy at work a few months ago, and we quickly became friends - lunches (we typically always had the same lunch hour) and talking at work, or off work, led to this friendship. However, I found myself developing feelings for him beyond a friendship as well. Initially, I had a physical attraction to him; eventually, it led attraction mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well. Admittedly, he shares the same feelings for me.

 

Honestly, I have been in long-term relationships before, and I have loved before; however, something seems different this time around. Something tells me that we will be together one day, but not anytime soon - there are too many obstacles in our way right now:

 

1. He has a girlfriend.

2. Even if he were single, I have too many things I have to work on before I can even attempt to try making another human being happy. If I were to try loving somebody right now, it might end up a failure or disaster: I have to work on me first.

 

 

This guy is currently gone. I haven't talked to him in a month (I opted against it while he was gone away - I figured we both needed some "space" from each other to really think things over, given the situation) and he will not be back until summertime.

 

Over the past few months, I have had several people tell me that I only like or want this guy because I cannot have him, due to his girlfriend. This past month, with complete space from him, has proven that's not the case at all.

 

 

Anyways, I would love to hear any success and/or failed stories in situations like this. I don't have "high hopes" for us - I am a strong reality-based girl - but I do have those gut instincts, and I do know what I feel. I just won't act on them until an appropriate time.

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Have you ever had a strong gut, or heart-felt, feeling that you were "meant" to be with someone? Maybe not at that exact moment in time, but someday. If so, how did that turn out for you? I would love to hear stories on these types of situations.

1. He has a girlfriend.

2. Even if he were single, I have too many things I have to work on before I can even attempt to try making another human being happy. If I were to try loving somebody right now, it might end up a failure or disaster: I have to work on me first.

 

Put the brakes on. He has a girlfriend, so you need to back off. It doesn't matter how you feel about him, he's not available. That 'feeling' someone may get about being with someone only works when both people feel it, otherwise it means nothing. Having space doesn't get rid of the fact that he is taken, so your excuse you are making for yourself is not doing you any good. Look for guys who are available and stop talking to this one.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Yes, totally. I knew a man about 8 or 9 years ago now who shook me to the core from the moment our eyes met. We had amazing chemistry, such as I have never known before or since. The mutual attraction was so powerful that all our colleagues commented on what a great pair we made... All these years later my heart still drops into my boots when I think about him. He was in a relationship at the time, and his partner became pregnant, so we did the right thing and there was never anything physical between us. I moved on, and was in a relationship myself when his ended - we just kept missing our opportunities. He's married now, and I hear of him occasionally.

 

I live by the maxim, "if you can't have the one you love, love the one you're with". I have a sweet and loving partner who I wouldn't hurt for the world, and we have a solid relationship and have built a life together that I don't want to destroy. Having said this, my feelings for this other guy have never changed - they've got more controllable, and I'm used to them, but I still feel that this was really the guy I was "meant" to be with. I still think one day our paths will cross and our time will come - like you I have work to do before that can happen. And if and when we meet again, well, who knows? I don't have any firm hopes and wishes, I just know that to have one of our amazing conversations again will feel like coming home.

 

I totally get where you're coming from, you don't need to be told to "back off" because you've accepted that you're playing a long game here. And you've made sure it's mutual, so you don't need to be told that "it only works when both people feel it". Neither are you making excuses as far as I can see.

 

Put him in a warm, cozy place inside, and get your feelings out from time to time and examine them. In the meantime, build your life so that when you meet again - in whatever near or distant future - he meets a person you're proud to reintroduce to him. These feelings can't be turned off - sometimes it's just not as simple as "move on". The best thing is to keep a perspective (which you have), and build a big, beautiful you around them. I know you can.

 

Good luck. x

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I have that feeling with my current boyfriend now. We haven't been together very long though, so I'll get back to you in like a year or something.

 

But from what I feel, it's not really just a feeling of love or infatuation. My connection with him isn't electric or passionate exactly, it's deeper than that. When we talk, it's like we speak from the soul. He hears things that I don't even say. And also, when he's around me, he becomes more of himself. It's like I see who he really is, instead of who he pretends to be.

 

I've fallen hopelessly in love before, but I've never felt that I'm meant to be with someone like I feel for my boyfriend now. I don't know... I'm really young and it's really early, but I feel like he's the one. I've never felt this way about any of my past relationships before. It's really strange.

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Put the brakes on. He has a girlfriend, so you need to back off. It doesn't matter how you feel about him, he's not available. That 'feeling' someone may get about being with someone only works when both people feel it, otherwise it means nothing. Having space doesn't get rid of the fact that he is taken, so your excuse you are making for yourself is not doing you any good. Look for guys who are available and stop talking to this one.

I don't agree.What would be the harm in casually mentioning her interest ,if only in a lighthearted way ''ah,if only you were single''.Relationships constantly fluctuate,we really don't know the status of his relationship now do we,his girlfriend might be on the way out.I am not suggesting the OP aggressively pursue this guy but what is the point of her silently pining away for this guy and not doing anything about it.If he turns her down flat then so be it,she can have closer and move on.

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I've had that feeling twice before and it turned out to be a bunch of bull. I was just seeing what I wanted to see in them because I was loved up. When I found out who they really were... hell no we weren't meant to be together LOL

 

So no, I don't believe/trust that feeling at all. Its just chemicals firing around in your brain.

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No, I haven't really felt that way with anyone, including my current boyfriend. And we've been together for 2 years.

 

We have long-term potential, yes, and we want to be together long-term. I just don't feel that feeling of "I was meant to be with him". There are many, many men in the world who could have made me happy had I met them and chose to go with them. However, I didn't and I chose my boyfriend so it works.

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I've had that feeling twice before and it turned out to be a bunch of bull. I was just seeing what I wanted to see in them because I was loved up. When I found out who they really were... hell no we weren't meant to be together LOL

 

So no, I don't believe/trust that feeling at all. Its just chemicals firing around in your brain.

 

I hate to be pessimistic but I agree. With my ex, it was so difficult because we were in a LDR, but I felt like we were meant to be and I should have ended it because the 'meant to be' masked a lot of problems in reality (like the fact that we didn't have solid plans to make it not a LDR). With the benefit of hindsight I now know all this, even though at the time of breakup I was a wreck and it felt like I was losing my soulmate.

 

The reality of the situation is how it is - I'm guilty of falling for movie magic feelings sometimes, but you have to be honest with where things are. You're grounded enough to know that you need to work on yourself, and he's not prepared to end things in his relationship otherwise he'd have already done so.

 

The beauty of life is that no one knows what happens in the future - but don't get focused on this guy too much that you miss one who just needed a chance for you to develop stronger feelings for.

 

Who knows, maybe after you've worked out whatever it is with yourself, you might come to find that you're a different person then and not interested in this guy anymore.

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I've had this feeling before with a guy. I have never spoke to him once, I worked with him when I was 15 years old and was attracted to him but I was too young to do anything about it. I quit that job a year later and never really forgot about him, he was still in my mind.

 

A few years later I saw him working some place else, and remembered him but never talked to him, and again, in an instant he was out of my life again and yet I still kept thinking about him way back in my mind. A few years later I saw him working some place else as a cashier and I so happened to pay with him. Again I didnt talk to him, aside from the casual "wait, i have a coupon for that". Then he was out of my life again.

 

A couple years after that I worked with him for a few months, him being 35 now and me 28, Not once did i talk to him but just noticed him from afar and he noticed me, there was something there. I dont know how to describe it but its a feeling that you just know somethings meant to be. Its not infatuation at all, its a much greater deeper feeling than that.

 

Well, I never approached him, and I no longer work at that job so again hes out of my life, but I still think something was meant to be, maybe one day when we both are ready. Because I know for a fact i havent been ready for him, I need to get my life straight. However also, I dont want to depend that he is the "one". Im going to live my life and whatever happens happens. If i meet someone along the way who I love deeply ill be perfectly happy with that.

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  • 3 months later...

I know the feeling. I have felt like I was "meant to be" with someone. It was like an irrefutable conviction. Like some cosmic force telling me that he's going to be mine completely someday. This was a year ago, and as of today the whole thing is something of a tragedy. Instead of leading to anything pleasant (or even to nothing at all), he completely broke my heart. And I still have this nagging feeling that it's not over, that some day somewhere we'd meet again and we'd become the couple we were "meant to become". There's something that feels "right" about him, but... But I think I'm delusional. He had his reasons for not wanting to be with me. He explained that it was his circumstances and problems beyond our control. But who knows--despite what he said, maybe there is something not good enough about me.

 

I do know, however, that after the most horrifying event of my life, he abandoned me in the rain because he didn't want the responsibility of a completely shattered me. He said like most people he's selfish and couldn't solve my problems. It's understandable, really. At the time it hurt a lot to hear him say it, but I understand (now that my life isn't in hell anymore) that what I asked of him was probably way too much. But still. He abandoned me on the night that the universe more or less abandoned me, and how can I ever entertaining the thought of being with him? He has broken every last bit of what was in me that night... how can I still be thinking about him as if someday we'll be together? I see his flaws, and I'm actively annoyed by them. But I somehow believe that they'll get better, that he'll grow up to become the person I "know" he's capable of being.

 

* * * * , this is all totally crazy, isn't it? In any case, at least you know that you're not alone.

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  • 1 year later...

Yes! I definitely have this feeling. Cant really explain it properly but it feels like that one day I should/will be with him. I can imagine my self with him (Even know I don't know him all that well) I met this guy on holiday, half way accross the world, and the guy I met was from my home town (out of any guy I could have met he was from my home town) anyway, on the second night of my holiday we hit it off instantly and we totally connected (at least I thought so anyway). We got together a few times throughout the holiday and something about him just made me really like him. Normally when people hook up its awkward and the other person doesn't seem to know what the other person wants but this guy seemed to know everything and I felt this kind of lure towards him every time I saw him. Anyway we flew home and I couldn't stop thinking about him and the time we spent away.

 

We talked lots after holiday but a few times there would be months where we wouldn't speak and sometimes I thought oh well that is that..but he'd always come back, and we'd start talking again as usual. I bumped into him a few times back at home and my heart flipped, usually though we are both going somewhere so its usually just a grin and a hello and maybe a little convo. Recently we met up after a night out and we spent the night together, in the morning though, he stared into my eyes and I felt like something was there, something more than just a hook up. I'll never forget how it made me feel when he stared into my eyes but its so hard to explain. One day I hope we end up together. Its been nearly a year since the holiday and we still speak, occasionally arranging meet ups, which they usually result in being blown under the carpet. I think about him nearly everyday and have since the holiday, I have dreams about him and everything. The thing with this is my feeling fade for people eventually, but with this guy they haven't, and that is what makes me think its more than what it seems.

 

I have been in relationships before (one for 4 years) and I have never felt like this even with that relationship. Maybe not now, or any time soon, but I think one day something will come of this.

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I have this with my current boyfriend, though he admittedly felt the sparks before I did, more or less because I ignored them. When we met, he was dating a former friend of mine (who was my best friend at the time). But a few months after they parted, he started talking to me on a daily basis through text. Then this January, he came and picked me up and we went on a mission to get me a new phone, and ever since that weekend, he's taken the half hour drive each weekend following to come see me. We became official in March, and soon after the "L" word came into play. I still get butterflies when I see him, when he runs his fingers up my sides... I've never actually been in love before, though no one aside from him and I (and a few choice friends) know how intense our feelings for each other are. I mean, everyone has always told me that love takes time blah blah. I don't believe that anymore. I mean, yes, there are still things we have to learn about each other, and there's a very long road ahead... but "when you know, you know."

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  • 2 weeks later...

It was that way with my current boyfriend from the very moment we met - love at first sight, really, which is something I vehemently denied existed previously.

 

However, we were both single and available to be together. The guy you're in love with is not - and until he chooses to end his relationship, he's off limits. Acting on your feelings, even if he reciprocates, would be a terrible thing to do to his girlfriend.

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Can relate. I have someone that I see in a service capacity almost daily. We have seen each other for about 5 years on and off. He takes different shifts and so sometimes we may not see each other for months. From the start I felt this closeness with him. It isn't a crush. You get to know someone by their actions and the choices he makes are choices I would make, even if they are not exactly what most people would. He recently got married, during a period he was on a different shift, (thanks facebook) and so he is off limits, but it really doesn't make a difference to the fact that there feels like a whole connection between us that I can't quite figure out... what it is. I know he is as connected to me as I am him but we don't speak and probably never will because it just isn't appropriate and he seems to be unable to speak unless spoken to first. A trait we share. I have attempted to talk to him in the past and didn't get much so ... I don't take that personal. That is the way he is with all customers... but... I don't see him taking the bait if I put it out there.

 

Another weird thing that is happening is that it feels like we are drawn together physically. For instance we work in about the same neighborhood and we keep running into each other. As if, if we are close at all to potentially meeting up we will. I have come to conclude that we may be similar thinkers and chose similar things at similar times. But it is super awkward.

 

It is something about the fact that I would like to talk to him but can't figure out a way to do it. If we had a few conversations I feel like what was building might dissipate but the fact that for both of us, our curiosity builds... makes the "thing" more of a "thing". I do suspect that if I were to actually get to know him, we may not have anything in common and I might find him unsuitable. But for the moment it is killing me. I even suspect that about myself. I may appear when around him to be a very different person than what I really am just because of the circumstances of seeing me in his workplace.

 

Still super hard ....

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I don't think that at all. How many people are in the world? I'm willing to bet there are literally millions of people who are perfectly compatible with you, who would make you just as happy as the next compatible person. It all boils down to circumstance - how much you put yourself out there, how you put yourself out there, where, when. To me, the whole "fate" thing implies resignation - either to notion you'll never find the "right one," or that one particular person is that right one (often when they just happen to be unobtainable).

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  • 7 years later...

Yes, I have felt that before. We were both in the middle of getting divorced. Both our exes left us for other people.  We were friends for a year, and I had a crush on another guy who didn’t have any feelings for me. Finally, after getting sick up being ignores by my crush... I started spending more alone time with my friend (who chased after every girl possible only to get rejected every time - most would describe him as a fat loser) and one night when we were on his couch watching tv he kisses me. I was married for over 12 years and I still don’t have words to explain what that kiss was like. My feelings for him completely shifted in that moment...from feeling like he was just another brother to my complete and other half.  It still sounds insane when I say it out loud.  I told him my feelings for him and we dated for a few months, but the entire relationship was a tragedy.  He had to sell his house in the divorce, and was planning on moving out of state.  In hindsight I think we both had severe trust issues from our fresh ex spouse wounds, and weren’t healed enough to meet each other’s needs.  Every time there was a disagreement I broke up with him only to miss him and get back with him again. I wanted more of a family man with my kids and he was always running off with his friends and trying to act single. I broke up with him for the last time and made up same lame excuse about not wanting him to be subjected to my ex husband’s bs, and told him he needed to find someone who didn’t have kids that he could have his own family with. He told me understood, but that it wasn’t what he wanted.  But I had already started to feel like his fwb and not a significant person in his life; so it was done for me.  The next month I was planning his goodbye party with some of the other divorce group friends, but they turned out to not really be friends at all and I let the control freak attention whore of the group take over all the plans, left the group, and never went to the party.  The next month later I drunk texted him, and he invited me to another goodbye party his childhood friends were having... and I went and got handed a homemade drink from his wasted out of his mind friend, and stupidly drank it only to find out shrooms were being passed around the whole night.  I was completely wasted after only four drinks (that I got myself) and had a panic attack after my ex bf announced that he was leaving the party when he told me he was going to be staying there. I texted him that he was a liar, and I ran out (ok stumbled and crawled is more accurate) to my car and spent the night there after blowing up his phone trying to ask for help for him to just ignore/mock me and leave me there. I messaged another divorce member the whole story, and threw everything out that reminded me of my ex. The next day I sent him some amazingly hurtful revenge texts to which I never received a response.  He had dinner with the same friends from the parry that night and then moved the next day. The party was the last time I ever saw him.  I sent him a half hearted apology text a few weeks after and he never responded.  My sister in law texted him to try to get to the bottom of it all, and he told her I was using her as a puppet to continue playing my mind games with him.. to which I ended up texting him that he was the one playing games and not me and he called me a liar.  About a month later I wrote a short story of my relationship with him in third person, and all of the events of that night from my perspective (including how i think he had me drugged) and emailed it to him.  Two days later I got added in a group text from one of the girls in the divorce group that he was still friends with, and she added me in with him and all the other members to see how we were all doing with Covid lockdowns.. she she hadn’t talked to me in over six months, and my best friend had run into her at a library the month prior and as soon as she recognized that she knew my friend through me she stopped talking to my bff.  And my bff heard her mutter under her breath she hoped me and my ex were ok. I played along with their nonsense and sent pictures of me rollerblading having fun that day, and then asked them to pray for my dad who was actually in the hospital that week... and their duplicity was evident in their complete fake empathy.  My ex had also shared pics of himself with his friends from the party who visited him the week prior at his new place, and he was making it out to the group like they were still there partying with him.  It was all so absurd I wrote the guys in the group to leave me the f alone and to never let me be group texted like that again. That is the last I have ever heard from any of them.  My ex has been posting videos on his youtube channel that are about missing me etc., but it’s all so pathetic.. and I’m so done with the games. It has been the WORST experience of my life, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. I still miss him like crazy, and wish/feel like he could maybe one day change and be a decent guy for me, but I will never hold my breath on anyone who treats someone like that.  I’m going to hold out for good guy, and hope and pray I have the same feelings one day on someone new.

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41 minutes ago, Ravechild said:

I’m going to hold out for good guy, and hope and pray I have the same feelings one day on someone new

Yikes!

Well, that just goes to show that feelings are just feelings. They don't necessarily mean anything.

Glad you realized that this guy was no good for you.

By the way, you posted on a very old thread, and the mods will probably close it when they see it. 

If this is an issue that you are still working through, why don't you start a new thread?

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