Is 3-4 months after the breakup the hardest?

Of course right after the breakup is the hardest because of the shock. But after the shock wears off, is 3-4 months after the breakup the hardest?

I am at 3 1/2 months milestone after the breakup, and after the initial shock wears off, I started to push forward, and it felt like I was starting to move on. It felt like that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and suddenly, BOOM! I am stuck in the middle of the tunnel, and that tiny light I could see from afar has gone. I know the healing process is not linear, and you keep going up and down. But does it keep coming back? How do you deal with the setbacks? It is hard because I thought that, after 3 1/2 months, I would be in a better place, but I still hope to get back together with him, and although I haven't talked to him for almost 3 months, I still feel like it is not over. And I don't know how to get over this feeling....

Any advice? Any advice other than "enough is enough, just get over it".

Yes, I agree that the first 4 months are the hardest. Just don't do what I did and break contact after 6 months just to be ignored. I went through all of the emotions of anger etc again. WISH I WOULD HAVE STUCK NC!! Well, am on NC track again and plan on it to be forever. The * * * * * will never change, therefore not worth hoping for or returning to.

if you ACCEPT the break as being over and not pretend to be fine when you're not,take all the pain that comes with it and embrace it,don't run/hide from it(drinking,flings,drugs etc)then you can move on slowly,if not you will have plenty more "BOOMS" down the road.

it can be 4 months or 4 years ,the time limit starts only when you're accepting the break which can be somewhere around 4-6 months(but again,that's relative,there's a lot of factors to consider)

Any advice other than "enough is enough, just get over it".

Please dont listen to, nor seek advice from those who would say that...It is actually very bad advice...

You have a broken heart, and just like breaking you leg or your back, there is a process to go through to healing it and getting it to 'walk' properly again...

And like Gallop says ~ Acceptance is the first place to get to...

Stay strong. Make sure you eat and sleep....

Also, your join date is 2006....Have you not been through this before..?

K2* 8)

i think the initial shock of a break up gives a lot of adrenaline, and after a couple of months it wears off and you have to push through on your own. also by this time people are less sympathetic to your situation, as you put it they may tell you to just get over it. don't be so hard on yourself, and don't focus so much on the timeframe, we all go at our own pace. focus on how you feel, and if it isn't good do what you can to change it, even if it's nothing to do with your break up or your ex just do something that makes you feel good.

I agree with Miss SMcc, after a couple of months people around you are less sympathetic with your situation. I only have 2 friends, who more or less seem to understand how hard it is to loose someone, you loved sooo much... most others are expecting me to have moved on already. When they hear, it's been "already" 6 months since the break up, all I here is, by now you should definetely be over it and stupit stuff like that, that doesn't help me in any way, but pressures me and makes me feel even worse. So to most people I pretend, I'm OK, only my close friends and family know I'm still not over him completely.

But we shouldn't listen to those people, each and every person and each and every relationship is different and everybody needs their own time and pace to heal, so don't pressure yourself, you will need as long as you need...

I think, after 3, 4 months it's so hard because reality starts setting in and you start seeing things much clearer again, you start realizing your ex won't come back to you at all or at least not any time soon and that is another stage in your healing process, you have to cope with. Well, speaking from my own experience, the first 2, 3 months, I still hoped, my ex was just confused, that he may realize, he made a mistake, I still hoped, we would get back together and that hope somehow made it easier for me to handle the break up, since I hoped and prayed, his choice was not a final one , although deep down inside of me, I knew that it was, I still wanted to believe the contrary...but as time passed and I got over the initial shock of my break up and the overwhelming feelings of sadness started to subside slowly slowly and since I haven't heard a single word from him since the break up, it made me realize, well, he really made his choice, he wasn't just confused or anything, he knows exactly what he wants and that is at least not being with me anymore...I think it's the time that we start realizing the harsh reality and start losing hope for reconciliation and all that isn't easy to handle...

I'm still (even aftre 6 months) sad sometimes and miss him, miss the good times we had together and everything but I'm starting to finally accept it's over and it's starting to finally get easier for me, at least mostly... I'm starting to hope (and truly mean it) that he is happy with his choice, that it feels right for him and since I still love him and probably always will, I hope he finds the love he deserves...

Stay strong, believe me, it will get better, every day, every week, every month that passes, each time will get a little better....

It was a tough time for me as I recall. I just used that initial year to really focus on work and seeing friends. That's when I needed them most in that first 5 months and even up to 12 months I was still getting the odd dark time but after so many they don't have that much sting to them.

As the other people say, you just gotta go with it. It becomes annoying towards the end of year 1 and just feel robbed of your mindspace by then, I think that's when anger took over for me at 12 months. Anger is even more tiring but really healthy to let it out.

You will get there though. Just don't get into any bad habits that could prolong the process like breaking contact, pity parties, isolation etc.

Take care

Thank you everyone for the response!

As gallop pointed out, I am at the point where I am starting to accept that it happened, and we might never get back together.

The evening I posted this, I met someone great. I met him at one of the meeting, and talked a little, then my colleagues were going out to another bar, one of my friend invited him, and he joined us. I don't think he knew that it was going to be all my colleagues. But, anyways, we talked a lot that evening, and now I have a huge crush on him. I don't even know him that well, but he made me very comfortable, and it was the first time in a long time that I felt that comfortable with him.. I was afraid that this was too soon for me to like someone, and I was just trying to distract myself from hurting from the the breakup. And then, I learned that he just went through divorce, which actually made me more attracted to him because I feel like we could actually understood each other's pain. And then, I realized that HE might not be ready to be in a relationship. I tend to dive into a relationship without dating much.. so this is new to me. But, I guess the first thing I need to do is figure out if I am ready to date, and if I am ready to be in a relationship. Seeing that I wrote the original message 2 days ago, I am probably not ready to be in a relationship, but am I ready to date? How do you know if you are ready to date? I don't want to hurt other people's feeling because I want to avoid my own pain..

he isn't ready and neither are you.using each other to get over the "hurt" of a separation isn't the right thing to do.

he made you comfortable because you both are still hurting and have that comfort in place to "care" for the other one,don't confuse that with a "huge crush".

Gallop: I'm not saying that I love him. I just would like to spend time with him and get to know him better. Maybe 'huge crush' was too big of a word, but after meeting him, just thinking about our interaction makes me smile. That is 'my' definition of crush.

Kaglan: I joined when I was going through a breakup with my ex ex, but he contacted me a couple times, and the breakup was not a complete shock. With my current ex, it was a complete shock. He proposed to me, and three months later he dumped me for good. No contact effort whatsoever. He did respond to me the three times I contacted him, and he was supposed to contact me regarding sth an he hasn't talked to me in the past 12 weeks. The sharp contrast in his behavior is very hard to take. But I am learning that there is nothing I can do except moving on...

Also, with the ex ex (who brought me to this forum), we started to talk 3 month after the breakup, and 4 months after the breakup, we were practically dating.... That might be why it's harder at 4 months milestone...

that's better,and makes more sense.

so if i'll make you smile will you have a "huge crush" on me too? jk

just be careful hon,you two might hit it off without even realizing it,use each other to get over the pain. i know you're telling me otherwise,but that's how those things work.

but the again,what do i know?

Hey there! I'm currently going through the same thing. Our brain has a weird way of trying to heal us and it's perfectly normal to having setbacks. Take as much time as you need so you can heal completely rather than date someone else while you still want to get back to your ex because you'll end up regretting. Not only will it hurt him/her, it will hurt you in the process too. Good luck! I hope you for the best recovery and we'll get through this together!

Same thing here too. It's been almost 4 months. I've met someone else and I'm happy for the distraction, but I know that's what he is. I'm doing everything I can to "let go" because that's what the ex told me I had to do. Like you, I'm also starting to realize this is exactly what he wanted. He's probably happy and could care less how I feel any more. I only have myself now, so I'm doing whatever I can do to keep my life moving forward.