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My Girlfriend is active on a dating website, any suggestions?


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Hello,

 

I have been seeing a girl now for just over 2 months (we have been very close and are exclusive) and we were friends for 3 months before we started dating. It was nice that we were friends initially and had built up some trust between us.

 

Anyway last week she mentioned that she had to take herself off a particular dating website as she was still getting emails. I guess just out of curiosity I had a look at this website and to my dismay found that she has been active within the last 24hours.

 

I guess I could give her the benefit of the doubt for the short term (1 week) just incase she is figuring out how to take her profile off. Although if she continues to be always active within 24 hours then obviously something is not quite right here.

 

How should I go about this situation and at what point do I raise the subject with her?

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When someone is "active" it could simply mean they checked their messages or even just logged in to change their settings - like setting their notifications off. SOME dating sites aren't accurate and even "fake" that a user is online to make new subscribers think the site is just bustling with activity from hotties. Also, when she says she is getting emails, she might not be getting emails from guys but could be simply getting site newsletters, etc etc. If she said she was taking herself off a website, then I would just take her word for it and trust her. If she signed up for a few of them, she could have forgotten about one of them especially if she had a free membership.

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I don't think that you have anything to worry about. She actually went out of her way to tell you that she's still on a site and still receiving messages. These are not the actions of someone trying to hide something - but rather, the actions of someone who is upfront and honest about stuff.

 

Wait a week or so and if she still hasn't taken down her profile - ask if she got around to it.

 

I wouldn't get all freaked out, though. It's early days and she went out of her way to be honest with you. I highly doubt there is anything fishy going on. She could just be saying her goodbyes to people she had made friends with (when I was doing the online thing, I still did and do keep in contact with some of the guys who weren't matches but were cool people).

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It takes 2 minutes to remove or hide a profile, and she's had a week. I would talk to her, and if she still doesn't remove it, I would put up a profile, too.

 

lol that's a bit passive-aggressive. I'd just tell her if it's still up "hey I saw your profile up still" and leave it at that.

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lol that's a bit passive-aggressive. I'd just tell her if it's still up "hey I saw your profile up still" and leave it at that.

 

I would bet money that she'll just give him some lame excuse about checking emails or hasn't had time to take it down. She is his girlfriend, her profile should not be up on a dating site. This shouldn't even be open to discussion, he shouldn't even have to remind her.

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If she hasn't yet got around to taking the profile down she could be looking out of mere curiosity. She may not have any intention of replying to any emails.

 

Having said that, I dont personally see why she should have a profile on a dating site if you are exclusive. How is one meant to take a relationship seriously when there so-called other half is still on a dating site ... and seemingly active. If she has had the time to go onto her profile then she has had the time to deactivate it.

 

Bearing in mind you are meant to be exclusive I think you have a right to ask her about it. I would certainly make her aware that you know she has been recently active and that it makes you uncomfortable as you are both now meant to be exclusive.

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A lot of the responses are, 'oh, it's probably nothing to worry about', but I differ and would take a pretty firm stance. The idea of saying your goodbyes on an online dating site -- an online dating site -- sounds wildly unlikely. Furthermore, I also disagree with the other posters saying that after a few months of exclusivity, it's still normal, or those who said that because she's honest it's okay. Sometimes people are honest because they're close to being found out, or maybe they're just feeling guilty.

 

Here are the likely possibilities

 

a) maybe she's lazy and really DIDN'T get around to it, she might not be super technically inclined or take it that seriously anyway, so there is nothing to worry about. Maybe the 'active in 24 hours' isn't to be taken seriously and it was just a fluke because she just happened to log in at that time to look at account settings or such.

b) maybe she really is, or was, active on the site either because she wanted a 'backup' just in case, or because she liked the attention. That she had dates on the side, I don't know how likely that is, probably not highly at this point.

c) maybe she's just testing you

 

What I'd probably do is, not say anything at all, and wait a few more days, and check again whether she's active in the last 24 hours. If she is, yeah, this sounds extreme, confront her with every attention of cutting her loose unless she has a proper explanation. Just be aware that most likely she can see visitors to her profile, so use a friend's profile or an anonymous one. If you can't trust her word, find someone whose word you can trust, life is too short and trust needs to be there.

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One thing about those profiles....if you remove it completely it sometimes takes forever to make a new one depending on the questions they ask you. She may be keeping it online because she isn't totally sure she won't need it again...especially if she has had a lot of breakups in the past.

 

I'm curious how this plays out.

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One thing about those profiles....if you remove it completely it sometimes takes forever to make a new one depending on the questions they ask you. She may be keeping it online because she isn't totally sure she won't need it again...especially if she has had a lot of breakups in the past.

 

You can still deactivate a profile without have it removed completely. She also has no need to be active on it.

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I deactivated my online profiles when I met my boyfriend and became exclusive. It's really, really hard to delete, sometimes impossible, so I just deactivated. However, I know I don't show up at all to other people and I don't get emails anymore. It's juts as good.

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I have to admit I found it almost impossible to delete my link removed account. Perhaps I accidentally clicked on something I needn't have but the process seemed to be going on forever. There was question after question after question. I gave up in the end and just deactivated it.

 

Yes deactivating is just as good in that sense but its nice to show your partner you have every faith in your relationship enough to delete it to completely.

 

In the OP's case however even if his gf hadn't got around to deactivating her account she has still been active on it and that would make anyone uneasy if they were meant to be in an exclusive relationship.

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Ok so the situation with my girlfriend of 2 months being on an online dating website is developing a little further.

 

She came around to my place a few days ago and found that I had been on link removed.....hmmmmm......she went a little crazy and accused me of dating other girls and asked wasnt I happy with her. Quite amusing really as the only reason I had gone on the site was to see if/when and how active she was on the website herself. I of course admitted to this.

 

She said her friend had set the account up for her a while ago although she didn't even know the password so couldn't take her profile down. I mentioned that the profile had been active within 24hours although she is still adamant that she has not logged on. SO I surpose I have to give her the benefit of the doubt although how can her profile always be active within 24hours??? That really doesn't make sense?

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I had signed up for a free promo trial of link removed, in September. I keep getting emails every few days on the matches available in my area. It's kind of annoying but nothing I try makes it stop, so I just consider it spam now and ignore it. Now, if made a comment on how annoying the emails from match are, I'm sure my bf would over-react.. but why?

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You two are in your mid 30s? I highly doubt a woman in her mid 30s needs a friend to set up her dating profile and she does not have the password to it!!! Even children know how to register for a membership on sites...EVERYONE knows you just have your password/reset instructions emailed to you..you know emailed to her at the same address where she's "still" receiving the matches. She's full of crap.

Believe it or not, there ARE people in the world who have different rules for themselves than they have for others. She felt the sting seeing you there, but feels it her business (enough to lie) for her to be there. Ask her to log on right in front of you, have the password sent and deactivate right then and there. If she's hesitant you know she's totally lying. You've known this girl for just a short while.

 

Yes I know I am highly suspicious and COULD be wrong. I certainly hope so.

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I would bet money that she'll just give him some lame excuse about checking emails or hasn't had time to take it down. She is his girlfriend, her profile should not be up on a dating site. This shouldn't even be open to discussion, he shouldn't even have to remind her.

 

agreed.

and since his updated info , sounds like she is lying.. Her GF put it up, right.. I'm such a cynic sometimes, but usually when i give that sort-of benefit of doubt, it bites me in the butt.

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