"sealing the deal"

i have had a great year dating-wise, but have yet to get over this problem of "sealing the deal" with women. i can go out on dates, chat them up, even bring them back home, but i always always have a problem with getting intimate. some women have even asked "why do i wait so long" to kiss them or make any moves. in my head i just dont want to be a CREEP and i like acting like a gentleman but it gets in the way of me getting any action which i regret immediately after. please give me some honest advice people because i am tired of feeling like a chump!

Sometimes you've just gotta go in for the kill! A lot of women (myself included) need a bit of a push on the man's part in order to reassure her that you're as interested in her as she is in you.

I can't count the number of men I went out with that were trying to be gentlemen, or were maybe just to dang shy, to even go in for a kiss after a first date or a couple dates. It confused me about their feelings towards me and in turn made me question how I felt about them. Eventually I lost interest.

This doesn't mean you need to throw yourself on the girl you're seeing - and likewise, each person you'll date is different - but I think a general rule of thumb is that even the shyest or most courteous of men have to "man up" as it were eventually.

I asked my boyfriend out, so I had to step up in some regards, but he still went in for a kiss on our first date, which confirmed to me that asking him out was okay, and that he was attracted to me too (and not just going out with me to entertain me).

I suppose that with regards to sex, I can't give much advice, since I kind of throw myself on the guy once he has given me the OK.

so if im on a date with a girl and we are hanging out on the couch having a good time, should i just automatically assume shell start making out with me if i make the first move? last nite i was hanging out pretty late with friends and found myself alone on the couch with a girl who was being pretty flirty all nite etc, i didnt "go in for the kill" and she started making booty calls on the phone right in front of me! would this not have happened if i had moved in? kicking myself for not having guts!

Bottom line is..YES you need to do something bcuz women, like alot of men, will move on if they don't feel you want them.

Its very simple actually. You can't expect someone to wait forever or have a ''5th grade'' relationship with you. Shyness aside, and yes we are all shy to an extent on these boards BUT we are all adults and need to act accordingly.

Annnnd NO i do not think sex is the only way to show someone you care and want them for a relationship but holding hands and an arm around her while sitting in the couch..even a kiss..will tell her a lot and aet the tone as well

slacker4life if you figure this one out please tell me. As someone with not experience in this area being exposed is a huge fear of mine.

What is it exactly that frightens you? What runs through your mind?

If she's on a date with you and ur alone together on a couch she must like you

Doesn't that help?????

If someone is going to make booty calls right in front of you she is not the sort of person you want in your life.

What is it exactly that frightens you? What runs through your mind?

 

If she's on a date with you and ur alone together on a couch she must like you

 

Doesn't that help?????

Been there. It doesn't help. When you have no experience with physical intimacy of any kind, there is no relaxation, especially when she sits down next to you, rather than with you (for lack of a better term).

Ohhh so its not the fear that she doesn't like you, rather its performace anxiety???

Ohhh so its not the fear that she doesn't like you, rather its performace anxiety???

I will toss my two cents in again. I think the uncertainty of whether or not the person in question likes you, makes the shy person uncomfortable ... that adds anxiety. Thus leading to the act of actually mustering the courage to ask them out even more anxious. That said the fear of asking could lead to anxiety and subsequently doubts about whether the person in question likes you.

All that to say I do not believe the two are mutually exclusive.

I'm getting so confused..lol..

So, it could be liking the person..does she like me too???? That can cause major anxiety or asking them out..will she say yes or no and will i be devastated to the point of no return? But at the same time it could be the fear of what do i do IF she says yes and wants something more after that..will she really want me once she gets to know me???

Am i right??? Its basically all of the above but not neccessarily ALL at the same time?

BE HONEST is there really any hope at all for women who like men that are this scared of women (or at least the ones they really like) and so overtly anxious that they can't function..basically crippled and paralyzed by a very deep routed fear?

It just seems to me it doesn't matter what the girl does it wouldn't help anyway

Sitting on the couch with me to watch a movie doesn't mean that she likes me "like that". I wanted her to, but I didn't know if she would have been ok with it had I just gone and put my arm around her or something like that.

There is hope for women who like men in our situation. Reality is however, that for them to get what they want with us, they have to do A LOT MORE than just throw subtle hints that we're never going to see. You cannot be scared to (or refuse to because of old gender roles) make the first move because it's very likely that you will have to.

Yes you are correct it could be any of those factors, or a combination of both. With some people, such as myself, I can talk myself out of a situation no matter how certain it is.

I suggested this to another, you are going to have to take the initiative. The shy guy in question will warm to you almost immediately.

ok, so i got the date. we went out and had a great time. does this automatically mean i have the "green light" to go in for a kiss or should i wait until the second date? also i guess if i get rejected i dont ever have to worry about having that problem again with the same girl LOL

i just dont want to wait too long and get thrown into the friend zone because i have plenty of girl "friends". im assuming she went out with me because she likes me and not as a friend. do most women want a kiss from a nice guy on the first date or prefer they "keep their cool" as i have the problem of doing too often?

If i am sitting on a couch with you i must have been out with you a few times at least AND yes if i am alone with you after a few dates then I WOULD EXPECT that you would want to kiss me or at least put your arm around me..most men do that and thats why they are not alone.

And bcuz most women don't make ''the big move'' or feel they have already put enough of themselves out there (and possibly not enough action from you towards them) if she gets tired and impatient SA GUY what happens to guys like you then? Do you all just end up alone????

If she is sending out signals..and you can't see them will you just not be with anyone then ever????

Women will always have other men who are not shy hitting on them...but what happens to the shy guys who are waiting for a women to make a move???? Do YOU just keep waiting???? Aren't you afraid of beng alone?

i think shy guys just need some sort of "sign" that gives them the green light to make a move. to some its subtle and to others it has to be a full on giveaway. my last gf whom i was with for 4 years told her friend she liked me and then her friend told my brother who then told me last, and that just made it a "sure thing" with me (sad, i know)

youre right, there will always be guys hitting on girls, so its basically up to the shy guy to at least put himself in the game or get forgotten about quick.

i have had a great year dating-wise, but have yet to get over this problem of "sealing the deal" with women. i can go out on dates, chat them up, even bring them back home, but i always always have a problem with getting intimate. some women have even asked "why do i wait so long" to kiss them or make any moves. in my head i just dont want to be a CREEP and i like acting like a gentleman but it gets in the way of me getting any action which i regret immediately after. please give me some honest advice people because i am tired of feeling like a chump!

Start small and work your way up. Grab her by the arm and kiss her hand and then see how she reacts. If she doesn't pull away or cringe, then you know that you're in there. Pull her to you immediately after that and go!

Actually, the girl who was on my couch watching a movie with me was only spending time with me for the second time.

The fact that a lot of women don't make the move is the problem. When you're with a guy who you KNOW is shy, why would you hold him to the same standard as other men, especially when you like him? Men are told to "grow some balls" all the time, but women aren't on the hook to show some fortitude themselves in situations that calls for it? That's not fair.

Actually, the girl who was on my couch watching a movie with me was only spending time with me for the second time.

 

The fact that a lot of women don't make the move is the problem. When you're with a guy who you KNOW is shy, why would you hold him to the same standard as other men, especially when you like him? Men are told to "grow some balls" all the time, but women aren't on the hook to show some fortitude themselves in situations that calls for it? That's not fair.

I agree with you a lot SA_Guy99. I suppose it is just social norms that keep women from being more aggressive. I have read that introverted people are a more compatible match with extroverted people. Which leads me to wonder if an extroverted woman break that norm?