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Thread: I fancy him, i think he fancies me - but he's married.

  1. #1
    lemonline
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    I fancy him, i think he fancies me - but he's married.

    Im guessing this is not the first time a post like this has come up, and i hate the fact that i have fallen for a married man.

    Ok, so... I seriously need some good advice here. Honest, good, advice.

    I recently got myself a new job. Now the man in question, is in his early 40's and he is very attractive, ticks all my boxes. He has an amazing voice, he's intelligent, funny, he has a <removed> hott smile, im completely infatuated with him. Im 20 years younger than him. And he loves that fact.

    I get the impression as i would from a married or single man, that he fancies me. Now im not stupid. I know hes not about to give up his wife and kid for some little bit on the side. He's probably bored, the most i would ever get from this is him having a wank over me when he's alone in the shower.
    Anyway, he's really flirty with me. Hes always making stupid excuses to talk to me, He keeps lending me CD's to listen to. He craps himself sometimes when were talking, like i can see him shaking a little. He has the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen. Today i saw him and we just looked at eachother and said nothing. He looks at me like hes trying to <removed>me with his eyes and i cant stand it.

    He is everything i admire in a man. He's has a good working background like my father, and i admire that. He's a good man. And thats just it. If he ever came onto me, in my eyes, i would be getting what i want, but would he no longer be a good man?

    I want him so bad though. Im trying to be good. Im a Catholic and im trying to save myself for marriage. I have never, in my whole life, wanted to be <removed> by a man as much i do this one. I just have to think about his face, and how he looks at me, and i just want to touch myself. He turns me on so bad. I want him all the time. And im so scared that im never gonna meet someone who turns me on like that. He just walks into the room and he's already turned me on. Yeah yeah, i probably just need to get laid, whatever, but even when i had oral sex with my ex boyfriend i had to think of porn to get me off. He did turn me on of course, but he couldnt make me come, and this married man, makes me come so hard its unbelieveable. And he has no idea how i have thought about him. I am in awe of him. I worship him. I cant stop thinking about him. I dont know what to do. I want to be with him, and be a good woman to him. I want to make love to him every day, give him what his wife doesnt.

    Sorry if that was a bit heavy, but i needed to let it off!

    Any advice readers?

    Dazed and Confused,
    Lemon x
    Last edited by avman; 02-04-2011 at 06:02 PM. Reason: Language

  2. #2
    FrenchFries
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    Take control of your thoughts and reduce the amount of contact you have with him. He's married.

  3. #3
    lemonline
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrenchFries [Register to see the link]
    Take control of your thoughts and reduce the amount of contact you have with him. He's married.
    I have already tried this. I took myself to another part of the company where it was impossible for me to see him. Only then he started calling me over the phone with excuses!
    I really want to let it go. But i cant get the opinion out of my head, that, how does he know that the woman he's with is the one? How can anyone know? In fact they dont, which is why divorce exsists. This man has already been divorced once. I dont want to let go, i want to have him. I know its going to kill me, i know its going to break his life apart, but since when did anyone listen to the head over the heart even if they tried? I cant help myself. But i need to get some other sort of distraction.

  4. #4
    FrenchFries
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    This is lust lemonline, not love, and if he's the type of man to have an affair what kind of lasting relationship do you expect? Let's say you convinced him his wife wasn't "the one" and he then goes off with you. Once the novelty of that relationship wears off, he'll be eyeballing someone else. You are allowing yourself to become deceived. No lasting good can come out of breaking up a marriage. There are entirely too many single men out there for you to be going after this guy. Let it go and stop allowing your daydreams to convince you that you are better for him than the woman he married.

  5. #5
    guynextdoor
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    You should consider getting a new job and he should consider getting Depends if he keeps on crapping on himself...

  6. #6
    abitbroken
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    I think the best thing for you would be to go out and meet people. Volunteer. Surely there is something you are interested in - volunteer for habitat for humanity on your own or with your church group, or sign up for some other volunteer situation that puts you in contact with a bunch of folks. It will take your focus off of him and split it among others. And if you feel you are making a difference, your mind won't feel like you need his approval.

    By the way, just because a man has been divorced once, doesn't mean he will be again. Plenty of people marry young or don't meet the right person and the second time's the charm. Don't assume he would leave his marriage just because he did (or his ex wife did) before.

    Also, why are you thinking about affairs if he never offered one? Could it be possible that you are overinterpreting his interest? Also, it could be that you are turned on because he is not available to you because he is a coworker and because he is married. I don't think you should leave your job just yet and learn how to manage your crush, because that is what it is. In a few months you may realize he is not so dazzling or in your mind you will just acknowledge that he is handsome but is not for you. I know easier said than done, but with some fresh air, and meeting new people you might think differently.

    If you have so much pent up sexual frustration - you said "maybe you need to get laid - go for hikes. Get some good honest physical exercise in you. it does wonders for making the sex drive not so urgent. And if you want to read steamy erotic books (the brain is a powerful sex organ - for some it doesn't have to be anything graphic to read. It can be pretty standard issue romantic stuff) or masturbate if you are comfortable with it.

  7. #7
    lemonline
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    Thanks for your advice guys,

    I have thought about getting a new job, but im doing really well, i have made so many friends, and there are not many jobs out there right now. So im stuck. I dont think that i am better than the woman he married. But i do believe that if he is looking and flirting with another girl, then something is missing. His woman should keep him so satisfied that he wouldnt even bother with me. I dont know. It annoys me to think i am wasting my time on him. But i cant help seeing how well we get along, how he is everything ive been looking for. I look at other men his age, famous men for example, like Sean Bean, who just divorced his FOURTH wife? what the fridge? and hes getting to an age where he should just settle right? i cant work out if marriage these days is just an excuse for a man to collect women.

    Anyway, my opinion on it is so strong. Even Oscar Wilde said one should always be in love that is the reason one should never marry. The kids dont give a <removed>man. Whether their parents are together or not. They grow up faster than i ever remember. What if we have an affair when if i eventually find a single man? thats even worse right? Shouldnt i just have a fling with this man to get it out the way and get over it?
    Last edited by avman; 02-04-2011 at 06:03 PM. Reason: Language

  8. #8
    Solo Pilot
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrenchFries [Register to see the link]
    This is lust lemonline, not love, and if he's the type of man to have an affair what kind of lasting relationship do you expect? Let's say you convinced him his wife wasn't "the one" and he then goes off with you. Once the novelty of that relationship wears off, he'll be eyeballing someone else. You are allowing yourself to become deceived. No lasting good can come out of breaking up a marriage. There are entirely too many single men out there for you to be going after this guy. Let it go and stop allowing your daydreams to convince you that you are better for him than the woman he married.
    You don't need to read another post. Fries post is the best advice you could get. Put your hormones away. He obviously likes to flirt with you. Men at that age feel invigorated when talking to a pretty young thing. Being that he's married, flirting isn't right but at least he hasn't made a move. If he did, would he still be attractive to you since he would now be a cheater? Would you want to be responsible for his divorce? How would his kids feel? I bet his marriage to his wife is just fine. He just makes it sound like she's mean to him to gain your sympathy. It's amazing what people will believe.

  9. #9
    lemonline
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    How am i able to get over someone i have not yet had? Im trying so hard to listen to you all. But how is it possible when he is all i want and i compare every single man to him? Ive had an affair with a married man before. But not this bad.

  10. #10
    Solo Pilot
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    How did the affair with the married man end?

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