Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 58

Thread: Dating Someone You're NOT attracted to????? Have you tried it?

  1. #1
    25something
    Member 25something's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Sunny side, U.S
    Age
    32
    Posts
    240
    Gender
    Female

    Dating Someone You're NOT attracted to????? Have you tried it?

    Ok so I met this guy, which is just a great guy. He is kind of shy, but he is a gentlemen, nice, shows up, and basically he is just the type of guy I want to date. The only downfall is that I'm not attracted to him physically at all, and I'm not even sexually attracted to him either. I cannot imagine sleeping with him, its like i'm punishing myself. My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him. I tried to just give him a shot to see if I like him, but Its not even working at this point. I wouldn't consider myself shallow because looks/physicality is not the most important on my list but I think it should be to some degree?
    Do you guys/gals think that dating someone who is not your type physically can work out? Have you tried it? Is chemistry that important, esp in the beginning stages?
    Last edited by 25something; 01-30-2011 at 02:18 PM.

  2. #2
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    36
    Posts
    45,946
    Thanked
    1111
    attraction can grow. and if you are dating a man who treats you really well, is kind to you, has a lot of great qualities, definitely, give him a chance. if after dating for a while, you don't want to take things 'to the next level' then sadly - yes, you might need to break it of. good luck with whatever you choose.

  3. #3
    Stay_home
    Forum Supporter Stay_home's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Washington, D.C.
    Age
    32
    Posts
    4,381
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    77
    I cannot date someone that I'm not physically attracted to, no.

  4. #4
    KittyBoo
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    585
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    It's the intimacy factor that separates friends from lovers. If he's a great guy but you just don't feel any attraction for him then it's not fair to either of you to be in a relationship together.

  5. #5
    sidehop
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    6,879
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    I agree with Kitty. You could potentially end up hurting him if you're already uncertain about his looks. And that's your choice, not something people should judge you on.

  6. #6
    Fudgie
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    14,469
    Thanked
    1658
    I think if you are "neutral" about someone's looks when you start, it's fine. Give it some time. I've done it before and it worked fine for me.

    However if you're actually repulsed and/or can't ever see yourself being intimate EVER with him, then no, I don't thimk it would work and it's time to go.

  7. #7
    Starrgrl

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    On my way over the rainbow.
    Age
    26
    Posts
    1,238
    Gender
    Female
    Go out with him a few times. Personality can make sb alot more attractive. But if you still feel eh... after like 4 dates, it's time to cut him loose.

  8. #8
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    18
    My sister and all my family members think that I'm selfish and I need to just be with him. I feel so forced, and its like I feel like I'm settling down for someone who I don't really like which is unfair for him.
    Nobody should ever make you feel like you should date someone when you are not interested. I agree that plenty of people have grown to be attracted physically to someone over time once they become emotionally attracted to that person. Sometimes physical chemistry builds as two people really get to know each other. There is also this phenomenon in dating today where if two people don't feel complete lust for each other on the first or second date then it is game over. One can feel some kind of physical draw to a new person..some kind of physical chemistry...which is not the mindblowing lust that results in two people who just met ripping their clothes off and having sex with each other. Over time the mild, but present physicial chemistry can indeed grow into mindblowing lust as the two people develop a more meaningful rapport. The bottom line is how you view attraction...if you view attraction as someone you immediately want to have sex with then you may not be able to recognize mild physical attraction leading to long-term potential because you are focusing on the instant lust that is missing. So you need to take a step back and see what your pattern has been in relationships...if you go for the instant lust feelings or do you ever go for someone where there is mild attraction but no immediate lust. At any rate, the decision is completely up to you and not to your sister, family members, friends etc...do what you feel is best and don't force yourself to date someone simply out of family or peer pressure.

  9. #9
    Griffey
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    270
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    I wasn't that physically attracted to my ex but she was awesome on every other level. I ended up seeing where it would go and before I knew it I found her to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I highly recommend giving the guy a chance if you love spending time with him.

  10. #10
    carma
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28
    Same. I wasn't physically attracted to my ex. But I gave it a chance. He was adorable. I went crazy about him. And then BAM. He left me. I don't get it.

    I went out with other another guy. He was the ideal suitor but I realised I wasn't physically attracted to him. He was crazy about me. I dropped it after a couple of weeks. He was sort of possessive. Can;t deal with that crap.

    Just give it a shot and then weigh things - I mean which things really matter to you. For me, as long as he's decent and mature, there's no harm in giving it shot. If things don't go well for you, drop it.

  11.  

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
I feel every girl is out of my league.
I've also become "scared" of beautiful women; I'm intimidated to talk to them. I don't see myself as very attractive and I live in an area with A LOT
Any stories of finding real love and happiness after 35?
I broke up with my girlfriend at 34, now I am 36, and I have never met anyone since who I have even come close to having that kind of connection
I miss him so much
We started working together about a year ago, and last week he left to move 2 hours away. I felt that in the time we worked together, we were really

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Spouse's lack of ambition is frustrating
I recently got married. About eight months prior to our wedding my now husband was laid off from work. He decided not to look for work as wedding
Petty, petty arguments
Hello all!! My partner who I've been with for a few years is 7 years older than me yet his maturity level is not where mine is. This is not a
Blocked by crush. Will NC work?
Last month a guy I had being talking to for about 3 months blocked me. He said the excessive calling and texting was starting to he to much. Prior to
Child Support.. Pursue or Not Pursue?
I'm needing a little advice about how Child Support works. My Ex Fiance decided at 7 weeks he didn't want my child. I was told in no uncertain terms
Millennial-aged men: could you really date someone like me?
(I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It's hard even to type about.) Three years ago, I had been working as a prosecutor for two years. My boyfriend and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •