Learning to Get Over Being Disowned

The interesting thing about families is that they can be functional or dysfunctional, just like any other relationship. Within those families, there are many different point of views on many different subjects. Usually in a family, the children look up to their parents for help and support, they look up because it is better than looking down.

Parents all over the world, for centuries, have tried to keep their children close, to protect them, to nurture them. However, there are some parents who do not feel that way. These parents just want their child out of their life so much that they resort to disowning the child. These parents have their own ideas of perfection and take it to an extreme to the point of disowning another family member without much conscience and further thought.

Parents, or people, can come up with just about any reason to disown someone. Some reasons can almost be justified. For example if a child was a alcoholic druggie and the parent couldn’t stand the sight of that child hurting themselves anymore, the parent might disown him or her.

Some come to the point that if their children make a choice as minor as it might be, and they don't agree with it, out they go. Such as if a child did not agree with being texted at six o’clock in the morning, being expected to answer while she was visiting her father because her parents were divorced.

That was what happened to me.

My parents divorced almost ten years ago due to my mother’s behavior towards my father. Immediately, my mother found someone else, someone who was already waiting in the back wings for the document to be legal. A month after the divorce was final, my mother moved my sister and I into his condo.

I was only a child then, still in fourth grade, only 9 years old and of course I believed all the lies my mother and her boyfriend told me about my father. What was I to do, I loved my mother. I believed my mother.

Over the years I got used to life of seeing my father only every other weekend, not being able to call him because my mother told me not to. Not answering the phone when he called because she would threaten me with idiotic punishments.

Close to three years ago, a few days before my 16th birthday, everything came crashing down, buildings of confidence and self esteem that I had been building for years, crumbled. My life was once again in ruins.

My mother had disowned me.

I had only not answered a text while I was visiting my father. Not answering that text created an argument, that argument created tension and discourse. My sister chose sides, she chose my mother. I chose myself.

My mother didn’t tell me outright that I was disowned, she wasn’t even the one to tell me. I thought she was joking when she told me on the phone that I was not to come home, it had happened before, and I had expected it to happen again.

I went back to the house, my father driving my sister and I home like he always did after a weekend visit. They let my sister in. They barred me from entering. My mother couldn’t even face me, she sent her boyfriend out to do the dirty work. I treated him like a step father, he treated me like a stray cat.

“Turn around now before your father drives away,” he had begun, “You are no longer welcome here.”

I went to my new home with my dad, feeling hurt, rejected, angry, sad. I didn’t even cry that night. I didn’t cry until my mother called me at school a few days later.

“All your stuff is on the porch,” she had said, “Come get it on Saturday. Also I took all of your money from your bank account. You don’t deserve it.”

I cried then, in class, with friends and my teacher there. I now knew it was real, I had heard the conviction in her voice. She no longer wanted me. I felt she no longer loved me. Her voice had told me everything.

That Saturday, I collected my stuff. She took anything she wanted, anything worth money, my guitar, my DS, a bath robe she had wanted. The bags my clothes were in had garbage included. She had taken over a thousand dollars from my bank, money that had been given to me for birthday’s, Christmases. Money that was not hers to take.

I no longer believe her, I no longer see her. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. She is but a ghost I have mixed feelings for. I still love her, she is my mother, and she took care of me. I no longer like her. She’s like a leech, sucking everything from me until nothing is left.

She left me but a husk to reanimate. She left me nothing but ashes to be reborn from. She left me nothing but emotions and memories, both almost destroyed me. They would have destroyed me if it were not for my dad and step mom and grandmother. The saved me. They rebuilt me. They love me.

In psychology there is a saying that goes along the lines of “From the moment a child is born it becomes a close rival to its parent. They love each other the most but they are also fearful of each other.” I have overcome my mother, I will not let her be a road block anymore, instead she is just a hole in the road, a road I have passed. Now I can look forward, towards where those I love are helping me to lay bricks beneath my feet, to keep me from falling, to help me towards my future. These are the people I look toward.

Are you sure it was just about a text or something bigger? Did you do something that was not permissible in her eyes? We only have one side of the story, as I find it hard to believe it was just about one single text. it seems like whatever it was broke the camel's back. What is her boyfriend like? Do you think she is trying to please him and he just doesn't want you there? Do you still talk to your sister?

I would just be thankful for who you have. they are your real family.

The entire situation was because I would not conform to her ideas or my step-father's ideas of god. Over the years my step-father has ruined my mother's relationship with her parents, siblings and me. He is controling and wants her to see only him. So much so that they are now moving as far as they can to get away from family. He never liked me because I was outspoken and so much like my father, whom she hates.

I only see my sister about twice every year for only about hour each time.

Parents cannot arbitrarily decide to terminate their parental rights and responsibilities. They need to make a case to the courts as to why the child refused to comply with their reasonable demands and that's only one step of many, they also need to prove that the child is financially independent, and a whole bunch of other things.

One thing for sure, they cannot simply flip the lock on the door and tell you to find somewhere else to live.

My heart goes out to you. I hope someday your Mom is brave enough to admit to the huge mistake she made. She already knows it on some level, and that must be hell for her--to live in the constant denial she needs to fight to hold onto against her highest intelligence every single day.

My guess is that you're going to draw on this experience to help someone someday. Meanwhile, I'm glad to hear that you care well for yourself and your Dad and Grandmother. You might forgive your sister someday. She probably feels guilty and conflicted no matter how little she shows it. That might be something to consider if you ever want to soften your heart toward her. You know who raised her, so her life has been no picnic, either.

Head high.

Your Dad didn't take your Mom to court. There are laws against what she did. You guys let her get away with a heinous crime! She is no mother, I'll tell you that!

Lookingup it sounds like you might be 18-19 years old. If you are a legal adult in the area you live (at 18 you would be pretty much anywhere) then you can file against your mom in court for the money she stole from you.

But of course that does nothing to help the emotional pain you must feel. I'm very sorry. Do you have access to some counseling service? Either through your father or perhaps at school?

You are one strong individual and let no one else tell you otherwise. I truly hope my own daughter grows up a bit like you for i fear a similar thing, in my head, might occur in life. I see my daughter every week and I try to impower her as much to think on her own, to believe in herself and not be afraid. And I only pray to God that everything will be okay.

Your mom, well is your mum and that can never change. Maybe one day she will realize what she has done, or maybe she won't. But that should not affect you of how you can go on from today. You sound like you have a big heart and feel free to post w/e you feel in here. There's always someone on here that can lend a helping hand.

Lookingup, you are so inspirational and strong...keep it up

You are beautiful...

Thank you for your beautiful words....You give others hope.

Your mother was wrong to do that. I wish you strength.

All you can do is feel sorry for her; for them.

YOU are in a better place than she is.

My Daughter will not acknowledge I exist, its been 9 years nearly ten since we spoke. I actually have never been told by her why, I saw her first time in 6 years 3 yrs ago and she again would not speak I did get a note from her fella telling me to leave her alone or they will press harassment charges, for trying to speak to my little girl.

IN 2001 I TOLD MY HUSBAND I NO LONGER LOVED HIM AND WANTED TO SEPERATE THIS HAPPENED , HOWEVER HE WAS BITTER ANGRY AND CREATED HELL, I WAS NOT IN A GOOD MIND SET AND NOT AWARE AT TIME HOW MENTALY ILL I WAS. MY BROTHER HAD DIED SUSPICIOUSLY. I WAS DEVATATED ID BEEN VERY CLOSE TO HIM. I WAS FALLING APART, I NOW KNOW I WAS IN THE MIDST OF A TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN. I went into myself drinking not sleeping online in chat houses all night . id vanished a few times id get in the car and drive then check in a hotel and drink , I could not cope . eventually I met someone I was talking too online as a friend , his wife had done the dirty so it was good to bury what was happening in my life. My eldest daughter was being awful to her sister till she picked a knife up threatening to kill herself or her big sister, I had to call her dad she was in consolable he came took her for the night. That was the last time she lived with me. She refused to come home. I decided I needed to move from the house our home and go away from the area, otherwise wed of ripped each other apart totally (ex husband). I was offered a place to go so I asked the kids if they wanted to come with me , my eldest cudnt pack quick enough, but my son and other daughter didn't want to leave there dad and family. It broke me apart the day we left. They came to stay and we called each other often. I eventually remarried he adored my children and everything was going ok when my son my baby asked if he could now live with us that was 2006. within seconds of him telling his dad I got a call that day her screaming down phone that was it whenever ive called any time I went back to family she wouldn't see me. I found out she wrote a awful note to us all but my husband binned it . he said I didn't need the vicious stuff. ive begged her in bday cards Christmas allways phoning til shechanged number,. Then she moved in with her now husband and id no idea where she was , so I sent everything via post. I found out she was marrying 2009 she went to Cuba. she wouldn't have even her dad there. miss her so deeply I think about her every second. she has any contact with her brother sister nan anyone. There father passed away in 2015 she didn't go to the funeral, I think it was to avoid her siblings. WHY ,,, so I don't understand mothers who want nothing to do with there kids, im sorry you deserve a good mom. I hope in the future things work out for you.

Parents all over the world, for centuries, have tried to keep their children close, to protect them, to nurture them. However, there are some parents who do not feel that way. These parents just want their child out of their life so much that they resort to disowning the child. These parents have their own ideas of perfection and take it to an extreme to the point of disowning another family member without much conscience and further thought.

Parents, or people, can come up with just about any reason to disown someone. Some reasons can almost be justified. For example if a child was a alcoholic druggie and the parent couldn’t stand the sight of that child hurting themselves anymore, the parent might disown him or her.

Some come to the point that if their children make a choice as minor as it might be, and they don't agree with it, out they go. Such as if a child did not agree with being texted at six o’clock in the morning, being expected to answer while she was visiting her father because her parents were divorced.

That was what happened to me.

My parents divorced almost ten years ago due to my mother’s behavior towards my father. Immediately, my mother found someone else, someone who was already waiting in the back wings for the document to be legal. A month after the divorce was final, my mother moved my sister and I into his condo.

I was only a child then, still in fourth grade, only 9 years old and of course I believed all the lies my mother and her boyfriend told me about my father. What was I to do, I loved my mother. I believed my mother.

Over the years I got used to life of seeing my father only every other weekend, not being able to call him because my mother told me not to. Not answering the phone when he called because she would threaten me with idiotic punishments.

Close to three years ago, a few days before my 16th birthday, everything came crashing down, buildings of confidence and self esteem that I had been building for years, crumbled. My life was once again in ruins.

My mother had disowned me.

I had only not answered a text while I was visiting my father. Not answering that text created an argument, that argument created tension and discourse. My sister chose sides, she chose my mother. I chose myself.

My mother didn’t tell me outright that I was disowned, she wasn’t even the one to tell me. I thought she was joking when she told me on the phone that I was not to come home, it had happened before, and I had expected it to happen again.

I went back to the house, my father driving my sister and I home like he always did after a weekend visit. They let my sister in. They barred me from entering. My mother couldn’t even face me, she sent her boyfriend out to do the dirty work. I treated him like a step father, he treated me like a stray cat.

“Turn around now before your father drives away,” he had begun, “You are no longer welcome here.”

I went to my new home with my dad, feeling hurt, rejected, angry, sad. I didn’t even cry that night. I didn’t cry until my mother called me at school a few days later.

“All your stuff is on the porch,” she had said, “Come get it on Saturday. Also I took all of your money from your bank account. You don’t deserve it.”

I cried then, in class, with friends and my teacher there. I now knew it was real, I had heard the conviction in her voice. She no longer wanted me. I felt she no longer loved me. Her voice had told me everything.

That Saturday, I collected my stuff. She took anything she wanted, anything worth money, my guitar, my DS, a bath robe she had wanted. The bags my clothes were in had garbage included. She had taken over a thousand dollars from my bank, money that had been given to me for birthday’s, Christmases. Money that was not hers to take.

I no longer believe her, I no longer see her. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. She is but a ghost I have mixed feelings for. I still love her, she is my mother, and she took care of me. I no longer like her. She’s like a leech, sucking everything from me until nothing is left.

She left me but a husk to reanimate. She left me nothing but ashes to be reborn from. She left me nothing but emotions and memories, both almost destroyed me. They would have destroyed me if it were not for my dad and step mom and grandmother. The saved me. They rebuilt me. They love me.

In psychology there is a saying that goes along the lines of “From the moment a child is born it becomes a close rival to its parent. They love each other the most but they are also fearful of each other.” I have overcome my mother, I will not let her be a road block anymore, instead she is just a hole in the road, a road I have passed. Now I can look forward, towards where those I love are helping me to lay bricks beneath my feet, to keep me from falling, to help me towards my future. These are the people I look toward.