GF dumped me, I'm heartbroken still after 5 months...

I'm 19, out of hs, dont have a job or go to college. My first girlfriend ever broke up with me in september, although we only dated for 2 months, it was the hardest thing ever. I treated her like gold, she cheated on me and dumped me cause she felt bad, i cried and begged for 2 weeks, then she came back, we got together, only for it to end again. she says we're better as friends. thats her latest excuse. I've heard a lot though, shes afraid of love, she doesnt want love, she wants to enjoy senior year hs. I was so into it. i was in love and still feel i am. I'm hurt, ive been a mess ever since. I have yet to go a day without her on my mind, its killing me. I just want to either get her back or have someone else take her place but idk where to start because i dont know any other girls really. Even if i did, i couldnt forget her. she has my heart, what do i do?

Why would you want her back - she cheated on you. It sounds like she wasn't all that into you and never felt the romantic spark, sorry. Those things are out of your control so there's no way she'd take you back, especially after you begged her to take you back after she cheated on you - all within only two months of being together. Stick with No Contact because it does get easier to deal with and you will fall in love with someone that feels the same way about you, as you them.

We do talk quite often, shes told me how amazing I am, how perfect, trust me if she wasnt into me 90% of what went on wouldnt have. She tells me she loves me all the time and misses me, and apparently shes coming to see me this week. I'm afraid of how its going to go.

Don't see her. This is the way she's manipulating you. Someone who loves you is devote 100%. Not 90% or 50%. I know it's very difficult to lose someone you love and being betrayed but it's a big sign telling you this person isn't the one to be with long term. You really have to find happiness away from her; otherwise you're going to depend on her existence and if that part is not fulfilled then you'll never be happy.

My mood and outlook change every second. For the most part I've been depressed. I don't know what to do. I still love her, I haven't seen her in 5 months I want to see her, I'm just afraid if shes mean I'll get hurt. I wonder if we'd get together again, you never know. I just need to learn how to clear my mind of her and make it not all about her. I don't want to forget her or pretend she doesnt exist. I wanna learn to live with my problems not run away from them.

jojo, it's natural to have fluctuating moods when going through No Contact. It's similar to withdrawing from a drug. Don't let her words fool you - she wants to keep you around so that you give her an ego boost. Look at what she's doing because words are cheap - does cheating on you and telling you that she only wants to be friends seem like someone that is commited? Tell her TODAY that since you two are not in a relationship anymore that you need space to move on. If she wants to be in a relationship again, she will make it happen. But all of this "I miss you" and "you're amazing" means nothing, unless she's asking for you two to try again.

You haven't seen her in 5 months, but you've still let her contact you, so really, this is just the beginning of NC. You will NOT be able to clear your mind of her until you stick with NC for at least 6 months to 1 year. It's impossible to move on - how could you let your feelings fade when she's whispering sweet nothings in your ear? You are doing NC not so you can run away from your problems, but so YOU are the one that is in control. Because if she can't manipulate you into being her back-up plan, her second choice, if you won't be a part of it, then you are taking charge of your own life and won't stand for those silly games.

Guide to No Contact:

I dont know if im weak or stupid but i cant let go, i cant push her away, she wants to be my friend. we went a month and a half without contact back around october, then she came begging to be friends. i cant push her out of my life, i guess i just have to suffer through it because i refuse to do that to her.

You are choosing to suffer then. Nothing good will come from this. It's not a friendship if you secretly, or not so secretly want to be with her. You are just going to torture yourself. You're blinded by love. If you weren't, then you'd see how wrong it is to let someone back into your life when they cheated on you. If she was really as awesome as you think she is, she'd understand that you need time to yourself so you can move on. It's selfish of her to not want you, but when you try to move on, she begs you to come back. Maybe one day you'll see. You're taking the easy way out. Go and read the threads of people who cannot live without their ex because they are not strong enough to go NC, and you will not be an exception. You are in for a world of pain, so don't say I didn't warn you. Good luck anyway.

I understand and appreciate all of your input. I have a lot of thinking to do.

I'm sorry for being so harsh. I know it's hard not to talk to someone that you have feelings for. TBH, my ex stopped talking to me so I didn't have the choice - I was forced into NC because he refused to talk to me. In a way it was a blessing in disguise because had he not done that, I may not have been strong enough to stick with NC. So I know it hurts. But if you want to move on and not be in pain anymore, and open up your life to someone that will be committed 100%, not "just friends" or crumbs that she throws you, then NC is the answer. It puts you in control of your life, and she will not be able to hurt you anymore. You can do it. Don't take the easy way out. Don't settle for this. There is more waiting out there for you, but you will blind to it if you only have eyes for her (and she is not a real catch, you'll see that one day.)

Yeah she stopped talking to me for a month like i said, and told me after it was to help get over me it actually made things better for me during th last week but then she came back saying i love you miss you coming to see you all that, then turned mean the next day.

But who is the one that gets decide when you are over her - you or her? Only YOU should be the one to decide when you are fully over her. And even then - once you feel that you are over her - add a month or two extra to not see her. But I think that once you start refusing any contact and block her from facebook, you won't even want to be friends with her again when you take your love goggles off.

Nah its alright. Actually she made us not talk for october and like a week or so into november, she said it was to help get over me. i actually started to feel okay the last week of it bc it was like she didnt exist, but thats wrong in my mind.

disregard last post, thought other didnt post

I get it, i just dont know if i can do it.

You CAN do it. We've all been through it. You just have to find the strength to not settle. Find other things to do with your time. Go for a walk, post on these forums instead, block her number if possible, block her from facebook, ask her not to contact you for good. Make it hard for you to contact her. If you want a better love life, then you have to do this.

Thank you, I will keep you posted, either in this post or a new one, again thanks for all the advice.

You're welcome. You're stronger than you know, so you will be able to do this.

thank you very much