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Thread: How people can move on so fast?

  1. #1
    pillowtalk
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    How people can move on so fast?

    This doesn't have to do with my own situation. I actually have no idea what my ex's dating status is.

    But from observing others, people really do just jump from person to person, and it doesn't really matter if you are the dumper or dumpee, each position does it.

    I know a girl who dumped her live-in boyfriend of three years. One week later, she was a dating site and starting dating a new guy. My other friend just got dumped by this guy who she only dated for like a month, but she had been talking about him like he was The One. She's already back out there, dating another guy.

    Then there's people like me, who even though there are men who would date me, I have no interest in them. I have never been one to date someone just to have someone around. Unless I REALLY like them, I just don't bother. So therein lays my question: how do people find people they genuinely like and connect with so often? I've never understood people who jump from relationship to relationship, because it seems impossible to find so many people you actually WANT to be with in a meaningful way.

    Are MY standard too high? Can some people just not be alone? Standards too low?

    I've been truly single for more than four months since my breakup. I've given myself plenty of time, but the truth is -- though I miss a man's company -- at this age, I'm really only looking for the real thing, Love. Still, I know I'm not ready to give my heart away again just yet, so I remain single.

    I just don't understand people who are never single or who just have to SOMEONE around all the time.

  2. #2
    pennyloafer2
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    I jumped from my last relationship to my new one (I didn't mean to, I was just looking for sex) in a day. But a spark happened and here I am. I wish there was more time between my relationships but both of them were special people who I am pretty compatible with. I randomly met them and was not pursuing a relationship with either one. I was the dumper. I was pretty heartbroken but I think if you are upfront about your emotions it can work without being a rebound situation. It was crazy intense for me, jumping from loving one person to really caring about another, and there were nights that I look back on and wonder how it worked out, since everything was so scary, and uncertain, and heartbroken, yet for some reason here we are.

    I did move on fast. My first heartbreak it took me a year (and a thousand miles) to move on. Maybe I've gained some wisdom? Maybe I know all relationships end and when they do I've learned to accept it? I'm still scared of heartbreak but part of me welcomes it as a learning experience. I know sometime in the future I will be dumped again, but there is no way my behavior will match the first time I was dumped. I have just grown so much from that. I know when to leave people alone now, and I understand better the dynamics of a breakup. So I moved on fast. Found someone new. Learned to love again. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with time either.

    Some people use dating sites and the attention they get on them as a healing tool. I haven't done this but I don't judge those who do.

  3. #3
    EQ>IQ
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    Some people walk into another relationship quickly because they don't want to deal with the suffering of wondering what happened, what went wrong etc. You walk into another relationship, shove everything under a carpet, and feel the rush of "falling in love" again, and thus rebound. With this they completely miss out on the whole learning experience, and hop from person to person. Some people simply can't manage to be single... "love addiction" ever heard of it?

  4. #4
    pillowtalk
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    I guess I just don't understand how you can go from loving one person to loving another so quickly, because when I love someone romantically, they hold my heart completely, and there isn't room for anyone else in there.

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    LillyLooWho
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    Just because they move on doesn't mean they fall in love right away. They just want someone there. Sometimes they move on quickly to help them not slide backwards towards their ex and sometimes they are relieved to be away from the ex and thrilled to be moving on. Just depends on the people and the situation. My ex found a new woman in two months and I was pissed. Now we are friends and from what I hear of his rebound relationship, it was no bowl of cherries. He wasn't happy with her but stuck with her so there would be someone around.

  6. #6
    pennyloafer2
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    Quote Originally Posted by pillowtalk [Register to see the link]
    I guess I just don't understand how you can go from loving one person to loving another so quickly, because when I love someone romantically, they hold my heart completely, and there isn't room for anyone else in there.
    You don't. Also, when you are the dumper, you don't dump the person the instant you realize you're falling out of love, or when you realize you don't want to spend your life with them or whatever. I spent months trying to repair my old relationship. There was no romantic love left. I ended it when I was completely 100% done and knew there was no way to repair it.

    The new person I had around because I was lonely and needed someone for comfort. It was someone I barely knew. I ended up getting to know them and actually started liking them down the line. It took me months to admit to anything like love, and even now, I don't say "I love you" to him. It's very very slow .. the way it should be for me right now.

    Hope that explains the issue.

    I think half a year is enough to fall out of love with someone and in love with someone else. Who knows.

  7. #7
    resilient7
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    great question by the way,I always asked myself the same thing and thought I was the only one,seriously.Thought maybe I have standards that are way too high,really don't know how could people jump so quickly and easily from one to another..I know they don't actually want to be with them in a meaningful way as you put it.I think in some cases we subconsciously end up settle with someone,be it because they work with us or go to the same school and we just get to see that person so often and we may find them somewhat attractive so our minds says '' WHAT THE HELL" even though you would never settle but at the time your lonely and just lose track of what you're really searching for...I myself rather wait and I know when it's someone I truly like and want to be with...I think we all do,but lose sight of that,only to later realize when your in the relationship with that person that they aren't what you really wanted.

    could be wrong though

  8. #8
    gallop30

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    insecure,low self esteem,fear of abandonment,get over the pain

  9. #9
    pillowtalk
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    I understand how you fell out of love with your last boyfriend. That's often how it goes.

    But, with your new boyfriend, don't you find it kind of improbable that this person who just decided to hook up with because you wanted to have sex, has turned into love? Most people are lucky to find love once in a lifetime, and you're claiming to have found it back-to-back. I think it's very easy to find someone you like, feel comfortable with, and how that lead into deeply caring about them. But -- no offense -- that seems more like a relationship out of convenience.

    I hope you don't find what I'm saying insulting, because that's not my intention! Just trying to understand.

  10. #10
    pillowtalk
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    I think this is really true. I know plenty of people who are in relationships like this. The type of "grew to love them" sort of thing, but never really IN love with them. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I would never want to be in that position.

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