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Thread: Is it unreasonable to not tolerate yelling at all?

  1. #1
    Platinum Member PhilliesFan001's Avatar
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    Is it unreasonable to not tolerate yelling at all?

    I think I've always been lucky in that my boyfriends were never yellers. When we had arguments, it was more about sarcasm and angry words than actual voice raising.

    When I was young, my mother and father fought viciously; plenty of screaming and name calling. Then my mom began dating another man who would scream at her all the time (sometimes hit her) and as a kid in that environment, it's really scary and unsettling.

    Now I feel like if a boyfriend ever yelled at me that way, I would be out of there. Not that I equate yelling with abuse necessarily...it just makes me very uncomfortable. I think it's scary and disrespectful and unattractive and would completely turn me off the person. When I hear yelling, I start preparing myself for somebody to be hit.

    Is that odd? Even watching "The Breakup" just now and hearing Vince Vaughn yelling is making me want to change the channel. Seems like I have a really low emotional tolerance for it, but I also think that's probably stupid because surely everybody yells sometimes?

    What about all of you, do you/your partners yell at each other during fights?

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    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    I can probably only think of a handful of times we've ever raised our voices at each othe in the 7 years we've been together. I will not tolerate it, and make it known that if his voice is raising...I am walking away. I can't even recall the last time we raised our voices...but then again we very rarely get into it, or fight or have arguments. I know I wouldn't tolerate yelling at me as 'normal' and acceptable behaviour.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member PhilliesFan001's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Asti_
    I can probably only think of a handful of times we've ever raised our voices at each othe in the 7 years we've been together. I will not tolerate it, and make it known that if his voice is raising...I am walking away. I can't even recall the last time we raised our voices...but then again we very rarely get into it, or fight or have arguments. I know I wouldn't tolerate yelling at me as 'normal' and acceptable behaviour.
    Yeah, my fiance yelled at me once in the 6 years we were together and I never forgot it. It wasn't the norm in our relationship either. I think my issue is, whenever I heard yelling in the past, somebody inevitably got hurt or put in a scary situation - but then I think that's probably an extreme example and not everybody who yells intends to hurt. So maybe it can be a normal reaction sometimes? I have no idea. I just don't like it.

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    I think if yelling is a deal breaker for you than it's a dealbreaker. Nothing wrong with that. I've never dated anyone who yelled so I don't know how I react to it.

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    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    I was raised in a household where voices were never raised...so for me, thats normal. Raising my voice is not something I do, or that crosses my mind, or I feel the need to.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I'm with you - my parents fought a lot and it makes me cringe. also like you, most of me and my former boyfriends, we never really fought or argued, mainly because i dated a lot of men who preferred to walk away or avoid issues. it's far better to talk things out rationally.

    i hated that movie the breakup. how awful and depressing. i much preferred wedding crashers

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    My dad has a short temper and would always yell and scream at us. I remember being afraid of him as a child, so when I began dating I never tolerated it. My boyfriend has never once raised his voice at me. I purposely made sure that the man I am with has an even temperament and is pretty easy going. I also made sure he liked his job, because my dad always came home miserable and complaining. My boyfriend loves his job, so I got both of what I wanted. When my boyfriend and I argue, we can say mean words at times, but no one raises their voice.
    Last edited by sweetpea03; 01-16-2011 at 01:20 AM.

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    Yelling, swearing, name-calling... All of this is unecessary and has no place in a loving relationship, IMO.

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    Platinum Member BellaDonna's Avatar
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    I would never tolerate someone yelling at me. I don't like yelling in general (I find it annoying when people yell at the TV when sports are on). I would never want to be yelled at.

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    I was brought up in a very chaotic family environment (parents argued CONSTANTLY) and dad has an extremely violent temper (no physical abuse though) this has really affected me alot as it seems I literally freeze whenever I get yelled at by my s/o, and tense up, feel really queasy and uncomfortable.

    Last three exs had awful tempers.
    =/ I need to change this cycle.

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