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Thread: Is it unreasonable to not tolerate yelling at all?

  1. #21
    Silver Member cm17's Avatar
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    I guess I've never experienced much yelling that could be categorized as abuse. In the scenarios you've described it definitely sounds abusive and awful! I was thinking more along the lines of the many debates (political, religious, musical) that involved all parties eventually raising their voices. Im my family sometimes playing a board game was enough to make us erupt into raising voices, mostly none of it was mean spirited. It seems like I'm around quite a few people who raise their voice during debates. I don't typically yell at people, but if someone is yelling at me I will yell back. I suppose since there has never been any yelling that corresponded with insults or physical abuse it just doesn't make me as sensitive to it. I can think of a couple of times I have been yelled at and it came out of nowhere so I had no response and it made me feel pretty bad, I don't like people being really angry with me. You are right that it doesn't facilitate communication.

    When I described someone walking away from a discussion, I was thinking particularly of my ex who would yell a lot actually (he loved to argue), if he didn't like what I was saying sometimes he'd just try to up and leave without resolving a thing. If I were screaming at someone I could totally understand them walking off. I was mainly thinking of my friends and family that raise their voices in debates, if everyone engages it can't be abusive.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
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    It's not odd, yelling is not even communication. It's just another form of displaying anger in trying to harm the other's feeling even if it's not intended to. It's worse when there are children involved. Such yelling and screaming they have similar effects of someone being emotionally and physically abused.

  3. #23
    Member guanyu4u's Avatar
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    I never cough my parents yelling in my life to each other. My ma sometimes yell at us but we know she loves us as much as we love her.

    I discovered that I'm sometimes a yeller when I don't get my chance to express myself but I'm always aware if the person I'm dealing with is a man or a woman cuz I learned that yelling at a woman is the shortest way to unresolved problems.
    Last edited by guanyu4u; 01-17-2011 at 01:48 PM.

  4. #24

    yelling

    I think theres another angle to this topic...if someone (significant other) is behaving in a manner that creates in you the need to yell, get out of that relationship...find someone who respects you and not someone that creates trouble and is self-centered, double standard etc.

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  6. #25
    Gold Member figur's Avatar
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    With my last ex, I could be a yeller. But I could tell it would escalate when he would just keep saying "shhh" and try to force hugs on me and not let me leave the room. It drove me INSANE, I can't really describe it. I felt like that was just as terrible as yelling because he was totally ignoring me and basically treating me like a child. I have never screamed like that with another person, but even thinking about those fights now makes my skin crawl. I do not want to be a yeller in a relationship, but good god I do not want to be treated like that again either.

  7. #26
    Member Happens4aReason's Avatar
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    Wow. It does seem that yelling is a deal breaker to a majority of the women here. I must note this in my next relationship I am a short tempered person. But on the other side, my anger is short-lived because I let it out as soon as I am angry.

    Should check this behavior of mine. People tend to prefer guys who walk away and talk later when things have calmed down.

  8. #27
    Member StifledSavant's Avatar
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    When I was a teen my girlfriend yelled and hit me, pushing me to the point of manhandling her in return. When I realized what I was doing, I walked out and I never spoke to her again. I swore that I would never raise my hand to a woman again and I never have.
    My next relationship was calm and I actually wanted her to fight with me more so I could know what she really wanted in a situation but she was docile and that was so comfortable to me that I stayed with her through any and everything... even her death.
    My last girl often tried to get me to hit her. Again and again she fought with me over every little thing, trying to push me over the edge and even daring me to hit her. I controlled myself but it took a toll on me and eventually she drove my blood pressure to the point of bursting a blood vessel in my head. Again I left as quickly as I could and never looked back.

    The point of my story is that just because a behavior may be normal for most other people, even normal for the people we love, it does not mean that you or any of us need to accept it. It's your relationship too! Believe me there are people out there who feel as you do, as you can see from the other responses here. I think, "what is the point of being in a relationship if someone is uncomfortable, or scared or could even die from the stress of it?" What kind of life is that for anyone to live?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member lilypadgirl's Avatar
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    Hmm, I guess I have to judge on a situation to situation basis.

    I don't mind yelling (defined simply as raising voices) if it's a true, sincere expression of hurt and in the attempt to try to express themselves rather than with anger or the intent to be hurtful or abusive. For example if he feels that he isn't being heard and feels frustrated - as opposed to being angry and ready to hit something/someone.

    I find yelling with true feelings coming out to be more ... real (for lack of a better word) ... than cold, sarcasm with the intent to be hurtful. I also find it to be more ... real (again for lack of a better word) ... than someone who is completely rational all the time.

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