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Thread: Is it unreasonable to not tolerate yelling at all?

  1. #11

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    I tend to hate it (as I'm peace loving in general) so I tend to withdraw and give one word replies or I walk away.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    I was raised in a household were my parents screamed at each other. I can NOT be around a couple that yells at each other... I literally flash back to being six years old hiding behind the couch while my parents yelled at each other. It tears my nerves up.

    That said, I know I raise my voice a lot when CS and I are arguing, especially when I'm trying to get a point accross, and it's somethign I need to work on.

  3. #13
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    Depends on the circumstancess I guess. I'd rather have someone that expressed themselves outwardly than bottled everything up and never really let out their emotions

    If it's just a vent that's driven by frustration for example, I can deal with that, and if it quickly subsides then I don't see it as a major problem

    But if it's swearing or personal attacks or screaming and ranting for the sake of it that's a bit different and if it becomes a cycle, so everytime there is a point of difference the other person deals with it by yelling I'd see that as a problem too

    Everyone is human and I just don't like the whole drone thing, sometimes people do get very upset and angry and they yell, it's human nature.

    Saying that, I can't remember the last time I ever yelled in an argument but my partner has her moments for sure

  4. #14
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    My ex used to yell when we first got together, but when I raised MY VOICE, she stopped. I don't think it's right to yell at one another. I used to have a bad anger problem when I was younger and I yelled a lot. I also think it's a little un realistic to think neither party will ever yell at eachother. It happens. Just realise that they're only mad and don't mean it.

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  6. #15
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    My ex had a temper that I didn't see for awhile. He would never yell anything abusive or mean, but he would just YELL REALLY, REALLY LOUD when he got angry or frustrated. It upset me so much that I would start crying, and his yelling wouldn't stop because once he got started he couldn't stop.

    I couldn't have lived with someone like that for the rest of my life.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
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    My bf and I were both brought up in homew where our fathers were abusive alcoholics who yelled at everyone all the time. I hate yelling and so does my bf. You are not a drone if you don't yell, you just know how to express strong emotions in a civilized manner. I think yelling is rather neanderthal, really. We have disagreements to be sure, but we never raise our voices.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
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    I think you have a very healthy set of boundaries. I too was raised in a chaotic and violent household. I've, unfortunately, tolerated yelling in the past. I won't tolerate it anymore. It's abuse.

  9. #18

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    I don't like yelling, either. If you can't talk in a normal voice, I won't communicate with you at all.

  10. #19
    Silver Member cm17's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mauxly
    I think you have a very healthy set of boundaries. I too was raised in a chaotic and violent household. I've, unfortunately, tolerated yelling in the past. I won't tolerate it anymore. It's abuse.
    Its abuse? I've definitely raised my voice in arguments... so did the other parties. Even just debates. I think it might depend on the yelling, like whats being said. I'd never tolerate nasty insults being yelled at me. However, in an argument passion flares up.I never thought of myself as abusive, nor the other person raising their voice. I've never been exposed to any really abusive behavior before though. Having said that, it seems like you know your boundaries and thats really good. Its important to make your partner aware of them. I certainly have boundaries that might seem "oversensitive", like I can't handle someone bailing when having a discussion, I need to be able to talk things out. Also I certain teasing (sarcasm especially), its easy for me to see it as disrespect.

    Everyone has their different boundaries and pet peeves, thus you choose a partner that respects them. It seems a little extreme to label all yelling or voice raising as abusive.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
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    I only say its abusive because it feels like an act of intimidation. My ex would resort to yelling whenever he got frustrated. He'd get up in my face, raging. My boss does this too. She's done it to so many people that people are simply afraid to disagree with her, I'm sure she thinks this works for her because she feels powerful. But really, no one respects her and it causes problems.
    My mother would yell right before she broke out the electric cord and whipped me with it. Another ex I had would yell and slam things around.

    None of this behavior facilitates healthy communication.

    I do think yelling is an act of emotional abuse. And then, of course, the apology always goes like this, "I'm sorry I lost my temper but you just make me so mad sometimes." Which is exactly how physical abusers apologise.

    I've had plenty of relationships where no one raised thier voice but we were able to discuss frustrations in the relationship.

    You say that you won't tolerate someone walking away from an argument. If someone starts yelling at me, I absolutely will walk away. I'm not about to risk escalation.

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