Been with a girl a few months now, it's intense and we are so sexually compatible it's ridiculous.
With every girl before her, my main talent has been giving oral. Every girlfriend I've had has loved it and wanted it all the time and orgasmed through it consistently. Not with this girl though!
She told me a while back only one guy has ever made her orgasm through going down on her. Apparently he was down there literally a couple of hours; however she said he was a horrible boyfriend, and that she loves it with me and that I get her so so close and it never quite happens - most likely a psychological thing, not completely relaxing and not focusing on it so much that there's pressure and it doesn't happen.
I was all good with this. I'm okay if she doesn't come as there are plenty of other ways for it to happen She really wants it though - she thinks if she does it once, the door will be unlocked and it'll happen much more.
We were talking about it all the other night when she says "I really want it to happen, I really want to get rid of the memory of X".
X being the guy who made her come with oral.
X being a guy at my work who I knew she dated.
I didn't know it was X.
Now that I know it's him, when I get sad (manic depressive, happens somewhat frequently) I do that horrible self-torture thing where I can see it all happening; I can see the surprise on her face as it happens, the big smile on her face, her saying to him "that's never happened before". Yuck!
I wasn't worried if she never came from oral before - I wanted to do it for her - but now I feel like I HAVE to do it if I am to get over this.
We are in a rough patch right now and every little thing is setting off insecurities with both of us. I know we'll come out of it and I'll be able to discuss this with her then, but for now I know this will just upset her and it'll be in the back of both our minds whenever I go down on her and probably make that big goal psychologically impossible - that might still be the case even when we're out of the rough patch
How do I deal with this by myself in the meantime? What can I do to make myself feel better? Should I tell her or will that mean it'll never happen? Should I keep it to myself and keep trying once we're out of the rough patch until it does happen?