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Thread: Gaaah! I didn't want to know who gave her THAT orgasm!

  1. #1
    horses
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    Gaaah! I didn't want to know who gave her THAT orgasm!

    Been with a girl a few months now, it's intense and we are so sexually compatible it's ridiculous.

    With every girl before her, my main talent has been giving oral. Every girlfriend I've had has loved it and wanted it all the time and orgasmed through it consistently. Not with this girl though!

    She told me a while back only one guy has ever made her orgasm through going down on her. Apparently he was down there literally a couple of hours; however she said he was a horrible boyfriend, and that she loves it with me and that I get her so so close and it never quite happens - most likely a psychological thing, not completely relaxing and not focusing on it so much that there's pressure and it doesn't happen.

    I was all good with this. I'm okay if she doesn't come as there are plenty of other ways for it to happen She really wants it though - she thinks if she does it once, the door will be unlocked and it'll happen much more.

    We were talking about it all the other night when she says "I really want it to happen, I really want to get rid of the memory of X".

    X being the guy who made her come with oral.
    X being a guy at my work who I knew she dated.
    I didn't know it was X.

    Now that I know it's him, when I get sad (manic depressive, happens somewhat frequently) I do that horrible self-torture thing where I can see it all happening; I can see the surprise on her face as it happens, the big smile on her face, her saying to him "that's never happened before". Yuck!

    I wasn't worried if she never came from oral before - I wanted to do it for her - but now I feel like I HAVE to do it if I am to get over this.

    We are in a rough patch right now and every little thing is setting off insecurities with both of us. I know we'll come out of it and I'll be able to discuss this with her then, but for now I know this will just upset her and it'll be in the back of both our minds whenever I go down on her and probably make that big goal psychologically impossible - that might still be the case even when we're out of the rough patch

    How do I deal with this by myself in the meantime? What can I do to make myself feel better? Should I tell her or will that mean it'll never happen? Should I keep it to myself and keep trying once we're out of the rough patch until it does happen?

  2. #2
    DN

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    I think she was remarkably insensitive to bring this up in the first place and to keep on about it is really out of order. She is putting all this responsibility on you to fix her problem. Don't allow anyone to do that to you.

    I think you should stop going down on her until she stops comparing you to her ex.

  3. #3
    In the Dark
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    Could be some psychological barrier by the sounds of things.
    She need to bury the past.

    Not your fault.

    To make yourself feel better, remember you are not horrible to her.
    She should prefer that more than having an issue with you not being able to give her an orgasm during oral at this moment.

  4. #4
    RedDress
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    Wow! I agree... It's one thing that she is having trouble orgasming during oral. She can work on that (with you, together). But to add all this extra pressure by:
    a) telling you that she really, really wants it (umm... it's her problem too) and
    b) telling you that it was your friend/co-worker (how are you NOT going to compare yourself to him??)

    Completely insensitive.

    I think you should BOTH go with the notion that it will never happen. I mean... do it for it's own sake and pleasure... but simply don't expect it to ever happen.

    ... and make sure to tell her how insensitive and hurtful her comments were. She clearly has a sense of entitlement and NO personal responsibility for her OWN problems. That's not right at all.

  5. #5
    pinkelephant
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    Tell her to tell you how she wants it, what works for her and to keep on giving you directions while you're down there.

    My bf couldn't get me off for the longest longest time and then all that work (from both of us.. believe me!) paid off, but he could've never figured it out by himself. It's like a minefield down there! One wrong move and it's ruined. And if she's comfortable enough, tell her to masturbate in front of you and you can watch and see what she likes.

  6. #6
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    I hope there is more to your relationship than just oral sex...because both of you seem to be making it the be all and end all of this relationship. Nobody wants to hear about the amazing sex their partner had with someone else. To start talking about the sexcapades one had with a previous partner shows lack of class and lack of consideration for the new partner. Is this woman really all that special out of bed that you are staying with her?

  7. #7
    horses
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    To clarify:

    We are crazy intensely manically in love. Everything is emotion and drama!

    I knew she had dated X, I just didn't know that he was the one who had made her orgasm - she has had some bad exes and I assumed it was one of them.

    We are very open and honest about sex and we were talking about how I have always been good at oral, and that she never orgasms from it apart from once and that the guy was a real douche and she wants to forget it. The other day when she let the cat out of the bag - she thought she had already told me, and was very apologetic and upset when she saw it made me upset.

    She has similar issues with my exes - it's odd because I know she did specific things with another guy I know and that doesn't bother me at all. Not sure why the oral does. Weird.

  8. #8
    Stay_home
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    Why in the world would she say that? I mean seriously that is just a stupid thing to say to your partner. I would've stopped whatever it was I was doing and told her that she better go call her ex boyfriend back up.

  9. #9
    SongCoyote
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    OP: From what it sounds like you have a good relationship going. I'm not as bothered as some of the others who have responded by the fact that your lady told you about her experience - you said yourself you've both been very open about sex, and if someone isn't easily able to have orgasms from a particular activity it's very natural to end up talking about it when you have that level of communication. It really sounds like she wasn't trying to do a comparison per se and hasn't done so repeatedly - which is good, as that would have been reprehensible in my opinion!

    I completely understand your anxiety, though, about comparing yourself to other lovers, as I've been in the same mindset in the past. I got through it by being patient with myself and my sweetie (who also made sure to tell me how much she enjoyed me) and by remembering that I'm the one she's with, not anyone else. It turned out very well for me, and I believe it can for you, too, whether she ever "gets there" from oral or not.

    So keep on licking away! As long as you're both enjoying what you and she get out of it, it's really okay. My sweetie is on a variety of meds due to long-term health conditions, and it sometimes keeps her from having the Big O at all - but we still have lots of sexy fun together.

    Be well and happy, act with compassion for yourself and her, and enjoy!

    Light and laughter,
    SongCoyote

  10. #10
    Macarooney
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    He couldn'tve been that great if she's not with him anymore.


    Just sayin.

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