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lostnscared

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I just took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I was very upset and contemplated abortion for a while. The reason being is that I was not planning on having a baby for a while from now. YES we were using protection. No I was no on birth control--I was not allowed to for medical reasons. I don't think the condom broke--we have noticed. I'm really caught off guard. I already told my mom and my boyfriend.

 

I'm terrified.

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Okay, once the feeling of panic passes, you need to sit down and look at your options. Forget about arguing over the protection or lack of, that is all water under the bridge now and you cannot undo the past.

 

You have talked to your mother and boyfriend already and that is a good start. You will need both of their help should you decide to continue the pregnancy. But in the end, this is your decision and your body.

 

Just breathe and remember that you have people around you who care. It is natural to feel the fear but panic can shut down your ability to assess the situation and make decisions. Has Mom or BF stepped forward with a promise of support? If you are thinking termination, you need to not sit on the fence. If you eliminate that as an option, you need to think about selecting a health care provider or clinic who will monitor your pregnancy. Good luck!

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Finding out you are pregnant IS terrifying even if it is planned. I think along with feelings of joy a lot of people have there is fear too. Finding out you are responsible for another life IS terrifying. This is a very common feeling. Talk with your family a lot and your bf. Be close to the people who love you. Talk out the pros and cons. It would be so hard to make any decision. Make the right one for YOU. Maybe ask about the consequences of both courses of actions. Only you know what is right for you, but remember to include your bf in decision making. Good luck and congrats! ( I love babies so much, so I had to say congrats)

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It is logical for you to be terrified... but as PaintWithLight just said, wait till you calm yourself to make decissions. It is up to you to make the choice, and whatever you end up choosing WILL be the right choice, because it is yours. Don't be afraid to lean on your family and your BF (hoping that he provides support) for guideance... but in the end, you have to do what you think is best.

 

How it happened is the least important part of all... you casn worry about it once you have made a decission.

 

Everything will be fine... you'll see.

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If you are not ready to have a child then you don't need to go ahead with it. There are so many people who will tell you that motherhood is wonderful and to go ahead but the truth is that being a parent is the hardest thing imaginable and you should not go ahead with it if you are not 100% ready.

 

You also need to think ahead to what you will do if your bf walks away. Being a parent is a million times worse if you are on your own (I grew up with just my mom after my dad passed away). People will say that the child will make it all worth it but not everyone loves being a mother (just check out link removed if you don't believe me.

 

I wish you much luck in whatever decision you choose

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Sorry. You know how I am with babies.

 

I know you are terrified, and I know you guys weren't planning on having one for a few years. Do you know what you will do? I know you said once before you couldn't do another abortion. I know things look hard now, and like everything you had planned is going down the drain, but it's also something I know you want, even if you are getting it a little earlier than you wanted it. The universe is a funny thing. -

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If you are not ready to have a child then you don't need to go ahead with it. There are so many people who will tell you that motherhood is wonderful and to go ahead but the truth is that being a parent is the hardest thing imaginable and you should not go ahead with it if you are not 100% ready.

 

You also need to think ahead to what you will do if your bf walks away. Being a parent is a million times worse if you are on your own (I grew up with just my mom after my dad passed away). People will say that the child will make it all worth it but not everyone loves being a mother (just check out link removed if you don't believe me.

 

I wish you much luck in whatever decision you choose

 

This is what I'm scared of, I don't know if I'm ready to be a parent right now. I'm scared of the labor, of the parenting, of telling my dad--everything. I just don't want this right now.

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Sorry. You know how I am with babies.

 

I know you are terrified, and I know you guys weren't planning on having one for a few years. Do you know what you will do? I know you said once before you couldn't do another abortion. I know things look hard now, and like everything you had planned is going down the drain, but it's also something I know you want, even if you are getting it a little earlier than you wanted it. The universe is a funny thing. -

 

I know that I said I wouldn't have another abortion, but I don't think I'm ready to be a mom now. The universe is a funny thing, but I'm not happy about it.

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Are you not ready to be a mom because you feel you aren't emotionally mature or you don't want to give up the plans you had? Either is a valid feeling.

 

Both really. This is terrible timing. I'm not happy at all about this, I'm more embarrassed and disappointed more than anything. I already called my mom and told her I didn't want the baby. My boyfriend is against it and is angry with me for considering it, but I just don't want to be a mom right now.

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Usually the support a pregnant woman has around her makes all the difference in how the experience will turn out (whether planned or unplanned). Before you knew you were pregnant you were active in the Pregnancy forum on various topics for quite a while. From your posts it appeared that you always wanted to be a mom, at some point- so please think carefully about your options and choices. No matter what, try to stay calm as you think this through.

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Wow, Lost, I'm sure that has been some surprise.

 

I know when I found I was pregnant, the first thought that popped into my head was not "joy". It's very scary, and there's a lot to think about. It took me a lot of time to get used to the idea that I was pregnant, and actually come to terms with it before I was happy. I wasn't sure I was ready to be a mom either, I wasn't sure I was ready to give up going wherever I wanted to on a whim, and I wasn't sure I looked good pushing a baby carriage. ;-)

 

But, the truth is that it does get better. You can't think about everything all at once, your head will go crazy and you won't be able to cope. Don't worry about birth (I'm in 3rd tri and I STILL try not to think about birth too much!) or anything like that. Just try to focus on the here and now-- there's plenty of time to worry about the rest later. I'm sure you have got a lot going on, and sounds like you have a support group, and you need to relay on them to help you. You will make the best decision for yourself, and deal with whatever consequences and receive the rewards as well. Good luck, and think wisely.

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Both really. This is terrible timing. I'm not happy at all about this, I'm more embarrassed and disappointed more than anything. I already called my mom and told her I didn't want the baby. My boyfriend is against it and is angry with me for considering it, but I just don't want to be a mom right now.

 

It's not his choice in the end.... men have it so much easier because they have the ability to just walk away. How many men have promised to be there for their children, and then changed their mind when theh found out how much work it is.

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If you're not ready for it, have you considered adoption instead of abortion?

 

If you're not ready, it is not a shameful thing. You're not ready. Just don't shove a baby into your life when there is not room for it. You can give up for adoption and in the future, when you're ready, have another child.

 

My heart goes out to you. good luck.

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It's not his choice in the end.... men have it so much easier because they have the ability to just walk away. How many men have promised to be there for their children, and then changed their mind when theh found out how much work it is.

 

It may not be the man's choice but he deserves some consideration,there is more than one set of genetic material there.

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If you're not ready for it, have you considered adoption instead of abortion?

 

If you're not ready, it is not a shameful thing. You're not ready. Just don't shove a baby into your life when there is not room for it. You can give up for adoption and in the future, when you're ready, have another child.

 

My heart goes out to you. good luck.

 

This is a good idea and maybe something to consider. Maybe someone who would adopt would be willing to consider and open adoption and that way you could see your child.

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I think BellaDonna gave great advice to you. I am sorry you have mixed emotions - totally normal. If it means anything when I first saw your thread I felt as BellaDonna wrote-that you've been posting for a long time, and at length, about your desire to be a mother and your focus on so many issues surrounding parenting that I wouldn't have been surprised if it wasn't much of an "oops". Please take some time to let the news settle in, to talk with yourself when you are feeling more centered and calm, or write it out if that helps you. I know the timing is not what you wanted but on the very positive side you know you want to have a child, and you suggested that that would happen in, what, the next 5 years or so? As you know, I think being a mother is incredibly awesome and fun despite the awesome responsibility and often grueling schedule. I'm sure you'll hear that from many parents and also hear the downsides. I know you will give this careful thought and I hope you get to a calmer place very soon. All the best.

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It's not his choice in the end.... men have it so much easier because they have the ability to just walk away. How many men have promised to be there for their children, and then changed their mind when theh found out how much work it is.

 

I agree with Victoria. While the decision may end with the woman, to just say 'it's not his choice in the end' implies he has no rights. This is a huge decision that two people who create a child need to make, together. LostnScared, I think what may be putting him off is the previous time. Forgive me (I'm sick right now) but I can't remember if he knew about it or not until afterward. This may be what is weighing on his mind and causing him to react solely on emotion, he could be afraid you will make the decfision without consulting him or his feelings. I'd def let him know how you feel about it, everything, and ask him honestly how he feels, not his first reaction or a reaction bought upon by fear of something repeating.

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yes there are many lovely childless couples out there. You can pick the child's family too. They are ready and you are not....but there shouldn't be shame. Sometimes, things happen. This could be an opportunity to truly bless another family. It's like a present. You bring them joy and then someday, when you're ready, you'll have another child of your own.

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yes there are many lovely childless couples out there. You can pick the child's family too. They are ready and you are not....but there shouldn't be shame. Sometimes, things happen. This could be an opportunity to truly bless another family. It's like a present. You bring them joy and then someday, when you're ready, you'll have another child of your own.

 

That is true. I would love another child but can not. I at least have one and some people have none. I know MY pain of not being able to have another..so I can only imagine the pain of people who can have none.

 

In the end you both have to decide what to do, but take time to breath and think about all the options and do not make decisions while in an overly emotional phase.

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Thank you everyone for the advice. I know I created a lot of posts on here about pregnancy and parenting--but I had NEVER wanted a child NOW. It was something I wanted in the future. I just liked exploring the topic. Unfortunately now I am second-guessing me wanting a child in the first place, and I'm actually embarrassed that I had wanted a child at one point. I don't feel ready--point blank. I don't want to have an abortion again--I already had one, but I see no alternative. I don't think I could give a child up for adoption. And I'm terrified of keeping this child. It's a hard decision to make for sure. i am very surprised by this, I honestly took the test thinking I wouldn't be pregnant.

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I agree with Victoria. While the decision may end with the woman, to just say 'it's not his choice in the end' implies he has no rights. This is a huge decision that two people who create a child need to make, together. LostnScared, I think what may be putting him off is the previous time. Forgive me (I'm sick right now) but I can't remember if he knew about it or not until afterward. This may be what is weighing on his mind and causing him to react solely on emotion, he could be afraid you will make the decfision without consulting him or his feelings. I'd def let him know how you feel about it, everything, and ask him honestly how he feels, not his first reaction or a reaction bought upon by fear of something repeating.

 

It is... He doesn't want me doing it again. He told me if I don't want the baby, that is fine, give the baby to him. He keeps saying that, because I've already told him I don't want to go through with this--he knows this and is getting scared that I will do it again. IDK I'm trying to remain positive about this but it's hard right now when I think of what's to come.

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