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Thread: I can't cry when someone close to me dies.

  1. #1
    LostLeo42
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    I can't cry when someone close to me dies.

    I know everyone grieves differently, I didn't search to see if there were other posts on this topic.
    My uncle died last week and I haven't cried at all. I have lost other relatives, none that I was super close to, but other aunts and uncles and I never grieved by crying for anyone. I feel there is something wrong with me. Why can't I cry? I try to imagine that it is someone really close to me that died and would I cry then and I don't think that I would.
    I did cry after both my dogs died though.
    I'm afraid I am becoming really hardened to life's tragedies. I haven't had the easiest life.
    I have to go to my uncle's funeral on Wed and I'm afraid of what people will think of me for not crying. I will miss him and I did care about him. My BF thinks that I'm cold.

  2. #2
    Amzie
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    You are right, everyone deals with loss differently and the last thing you need is to beat yourself up wondering if you are/aren’t dealing with it right. To tell the truth, when I first found out the death of a family member of mine, it took a whole ten-15 minutes for me to cry; I just couldn’t believe it before then. It could be just shock that you are experiencing, but again everyone deals with things differently, and sometimes it just takes something to trigger emotions.

    I myself am a cry-baby at times, but I have improved over the years and cry a lot less often. You may be right when you suggest that past events have in a way ‘toughened you up’, although I think toughened might be the wrong word.

    You shouldn’t worry about the fact that you can’t cry, if you feel upset about something I think that this is good enough indication that you are indeed NOT cold!

  3. #3
    TidalWave
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    It's ok, I don't cry when people die either.

  4. #4
    Lady Rashomon
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    Everyone deals with grief differently. When my grandfather died, my cousin--who absolutely hated my grandfather and didn't have a close relationship with him at all--couldn't stop bawling. I think it was for added drama, personally. I'm not the kind of person to express my emotions publicly, but the pain was definitely palpable. I did a lot of journaling, meditating, praying, and other things that would help me heal--and it was a very long process, but there wasn't necessarily much crying involved, even if I did love him.

  5. #5
    lucyblue10
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    No, I don't think you are cold. Everyone reacts differently.

    When one of my aunts died, it was unexpected and we were informed by telephone. My nun and sister immediately burst into tears. I only cried at the funeral. With my other aunt, her death felt more real because I was at her bedside when she died and I did cry.

    I also bawl at funerals, great loud sobs, its embarrassing.

  6. #6
    Allyo
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    I am sorry about your loss. Even though you can't cry, crying is only one way of expressing sadness. Maybe it has more to do with your connection to the person (or animal) that passed away. Although somebody may be "close" to you, like your uncle, sister, parent, or cousin, that doesn't necessarily mean that you share a connection or deeper understanding or friendship. I don't know if this is the case with you and your uncle, although certainly just for being family and having him in your life you care about him at some level.

    I felt like you after several of my family members died. I couldn't cry at all or feel any sadness when my cousin and grandmother died. I wondered how it could be that I didn't really feel anything. When my grandma died I almost felt worse for my dad for having lost her than any sort of sadness on my part.

    However, I certainly cried a lot when my cat died. My best friend from childhood died a few years back, and I also suffered and became depressed. I also cried when one of my favorite authors died... but I have never felt that for a family member...

  7. #7
    dedem
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    Sorry for your loss.

    I have the same problem as you, I cry for an hour maybe after I'm told, or am sad for a day if I was really close, but after that I feel absolutely nothing. Probably because I refuse to see someone dying and only remember them as living, breathing and happy. I don't know why, I just accept that they're dead... and move on. Wish I could say the same for relationships, but no one is that cold. Even when my beloved grandfather died, I only felt sad when I saw others crying, I never really grieved too much for him, other than to talk about it with a friend. I felt more sorry for my grandmother than him, he had been suffering and I saw death as a no longer in existence and without pain, so don't weep too long sort of thing.

    I once read a poem when I was younger about death, one of the verses rings true to this day. Do not stand over my grave and weep, for I am not there, I do not sleep. It's true, the lifeless, rotting thing in the box is not one my grandfathers, or my cat, or my cousin, uncle, ect. It's only a body decomposing into the earth. They have vacated it, so why weep?

    I read that it's a thing on both closeness and shock, sometimes you are too stunned or too distant from your relative to cry much, or see the dead body in another light. Look it up, I think I did sometime, because I remember wondering whether or not I was turning into a sociopath who can turn off her feelings with ease.

    Hope it gives you closure.

  8. #8
    thejigsup
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    I can't cry very much either. It doesn't mean I'm not mourning them, it's just that I hate showing strong emotions to others. I keep a lot inside. This is sometimes good, and sometimes bad, but it is who I am.

  9. #9
    LostLeo42
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    Thanks for the replies everyone. My father is an undertaker, his grandfather started the business. So I have been around death my whole life. Unfortunately I think this may be causing me to be a little bit used to death - used to really isn't the right word - but I guess I have seen so many dead bodies in my lifetime that its not shocking or weird or gross to me.

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