Porn is not the issue here me thinks, I feel she would have had a breakdown on other in/significant issue, anyway, if this incident didn't happen. Besides, porn is such a touchy subject and it's all too easy for a woman to validate her feelings, real or imagined, that she is unwanted etc. Why doesn't she trust you?
Well I'd decided to take a different aproach. Not take porn so personally ad focus on the sexual side of things. It seems to be working well, spice is up again in my yard!Originally Posted by CRCfem
Originally we met online.Originally Posted by CRCfem
She doesn't trust me because I left my email open one time and she decided to have a look through it. She saw my SPAM email folder and noticed all these SPAM emails I get from fake dating websites/casual sex websites and she believed that I had profiles on those websites and were using them to meet other women.
I can see how that would look. But the thing is I never had any profiles on those sites I would get emails from. The reason my SPAM folder gets bombarded with those types of emails is because of the personal ads I would respond to on the same website we actually met on. I would respond to an ad and then receive back a link to some BS dating/casual sex site. Since then I receive daily emails saying so and so has viewed my profile and would like to meet from websites I have never even heard of or once visited.
Tried explaining that to her but to no avail and she has never been able to let go and this happened over 12 months ago. Since then she has always snooped through my email on my phone when she got the chance.
Myself having worked in IT for many years and knowing and understanding how easy it is to fabricate an email like the ones I receive in my SPAM folder and then email them out to a million email address with a click of a button did make it quite hard for me to understand her reasons for using that as the sole reason not to trust me and subsequently constantly accuse me of cheating.
Doesn't she get spam emails? I know I do, even with my limited internet habbits ( eg facebook + some news site + checking my mail) and still, my spam folder has dozens of spam at the end of each day, for credit cards, sex sites etc
According to her she does not get those types of Spam email with links to dating websites etc. I don't know for sure as I have never once looked through her emails.Originally Posted by CRCfem
Not only this, but she thinks all I do is stare at other women when we are out together. She doesn't seem to understand that if I glance at someone it doesn't mean I am checking them out. But also that both men and women appreciate the opposite sex and a reflexive glance means nothing! She uses this to her advantage when arguing and is also another one of her reasons not to trust me. Yet she claims that when she is out she never looks at anyone. I told her it is physically and utterly impossible for you not to look at anyone when you are out and about.
The reason why she thinks looking is another issue is because one time she was telling me about her friend who is in a relationship and her boyfriend always look at porn in front of her, naked women and constantly checks out other women when they are out. To my mistake (only realizing this as being a mistake in hindsight) I said to her that ''yes, most men when out and about look at other women whether they are in a relationship or not. There are different levels of checking out and admiring the opposite sex, but most men and women give a quick glance when they see someone attractive. It's completely normal.''
Since then when we would go out all she would do is accuse me of constantly looking at other women and get upset in public. As a result of that, we hardly go out together because I can't handle the anxiety that builds up knowing that she is on the verge of accusing me of checking out another woman. So I just say forget it. I don't need to feel like this when we are just popping out to the shops or to lunch etc.
It's a messy ongoing situation that I don't know if it will ever be resolved.
In her world, I am the sole reason for ALL her insecurities!
Last edited by Wrxrtd; 01-24-2011 at 08:34 AM.
Obviously she is not happy generally, and incapable of articulating herself; it's easy for her to see you as the bad guy, but it's the easy way out and a dead-sure answer that she is projecting all her sorrows onto you. How fair that is, you decide. Trying to please her I don't think it's the answer as it will continue to reinforce her behavior and ways of thinking how, it's a slippery slope where you will wear each other out. Maybe something like standing up for yourself and 'twisting her arm' , so to speak( I do not advocate violence!!!!! I only mean sit her down and be assertive and don't let her get away until she truly confesses what is wrong with her). Tell her that you love and care for her etc, but enough is enough, you need to sit down to solve this situation, as it's affecting both. Maybe she feels she is not listened to , no matter how unrightly she is judging the situation. Maybe she has fears and doubts about herself that she is unable yet to articulate. Either way, communication is the key, and both of you deserve a listening ear and the intention of solving this and putting it behind- for good!!
I have tried that. Listened to her, not gotten upset or angry even when she is falsely accusing me of something. Then there are times when I have had no choice but to be assertive and tell her ''how it is'' and what I see her problems are. Both of them result in the same outcome, her getting extremely upset and blaming me for everything and convincing herself that I don't love her.
There are also times when I simply cannot believe the accusations that I am hearing from her and have gotten angry and reacted by simply telling her to stop being a b!cth! And well, the result from that was her going mental and physically attacking me (not the first time) and hitting me as many times as humanly possible. Of course, that was my fault as well because I 'made' her react like that in her words. The next day I had my bags packed after that and was on my way out for good and she got upset and I ended up staying, even though she was the one that day who said to me ''I think we should split up'' and I agreed.
I don't know what is going to happen from here. All I know is that we seem to be wearing each other out to no end and the happiness seems to be long gone.
She is abusing you. No matter how you look at it, there is no excuse for violence, ever.Originally Posted by Wrxrtd
agree.Originally Posted by Wistful
while i understand peeps use it...when in relationship i dont agree with it. you are wanking off to another woman. yeah can say its jus an image but the mind is a powerful thing and them women are still real in that scene
i had chance to do porn once...its a sick industry and i thank my angels for guiding me out of it....so messed up
anyway, my now ex was using it whilst lying to me he wasnt....i felt pyshically sick and id rather be single for life than accept a partner watching porn. but thats jus me and slag me off all you want
I disagree with you on that one. Sure, there are real men and women in a porn scene, but I still masturbate to porn when I'm in a relationship (I'm female). But I don't masturbate to the thought of another man, but just to the images of the sex act itself. Most of the times the scenes don't even show the man's face, so it's not like I'm comparing them to my boyfriend or anything. Most of the times I see a sex scene and I think "oh, I bet that'd feel good" or "that looks like a great position", and then most likely I get off thinking about my partner doing that to me.Originally Posted by 1guygirl
I don't have any problem with my partner watching porn either. In the beginning when we got together, he told me " I deleted all porn videos & pics etc off my laptop since I met you." and I was like "why? and we discussed the porn issue. But you have to have communication about it. Lying about it and saying that you don't watch porn when you do is not a good idea, IMO.
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