Porn--Something your girlfriend needs to know?

Alright, first off thanks for reading this and I appreciate everyone's contribution to this conversation.

Guys, I'd like to know if you think watching porn is morally right while you're dating someone you love. Is it okay to use porn as an outlet for your sexual tensions? Maybe you have a totally open relationship with your girlfriend and she's cool with it, or maybe you're like me and feel guilty about doing it and would probably rather her not be cool with the idea because you'd be a hypocrite if she were the one getting off to images of other guys.

Girls who feel like contributing, what's your take on this?

As long as he isn't saying no to me and ONLY getting off to porn, I see no problem with it. Mens shouldn't feel ashamed to watch it, nor should women.

If I watch porn when I'm in a relationship with someone, they are aware that I watch it. I don't mean that I tell them everytime I do it - but they would be aware that ocasionally I do it. (for the record, It is a rare occasion that I DO watch). I would want to know if a significant other watched it - not because it bothers me but because I like the open communication of a trusting relationship between two people.

Of course I think it can be taken to extremes with fetishes or illegal interests. However, I think as an ocasional tool, it is no different than experimenting and trying new things within a monogamous relationship. Heck, it can even be done together or as foreplay.

If my significant other didn't approve, I would talk to them and see why they didn't approve, and see if there was some way we could compromise (I know it's a hard thing to compromise on).

If you do, in fact, feel like you would be bothered that your gf watched porn, I think you should tell your gf that you do. You don't have to be ashamed of it; if you two have a trusting relationship she can tell you how it makes her feel and you two can go from there, whatever that direction may be. It is so different for each and every couple. It's always been amazing to me how for some *committed* couples porn is an amazing spice to their sizzling sex life, while for others it can dismantle a marriage.

It's all about communication.

Guys, I'd like to know if you think watching porn is morally right while you're dating someone you love.

I do not think it is morally wrong. I think it's fine in moderation - if you watch too much porn you are setting your sex life up to fail.

Is it okay to use porn as an outlet for your sexual tensions?

Yes, but again - in moderation.

Maybe you have a totally open relationship with your girlfriend and she's cool with it, or maybe you're like me and feel guilty about doing it and would probably rather her not be cool with the idea because you'd be a hypocrite if she were the one getting off to images of other guys.

I've told my H repeatedly that I'm fine with him looking at porn - he says its something he did when he was single but doesn't feel comfortable doing it now he's coupled up. I've told him that if he ever does do it he does not need to feel guilty (I do not view it as cheating, immoral or even inappropriate to be sexually aroused by sexual images of women that are not me and get off on them occasionally with no connection to them whatsoever other than the visual one and his imagination) but to make sure he doesn't overdo it because that can affect your sex life.

I don't watch porn - just not turned on by it. That said I do occasionally get off on my imagination and while it sometimes involves my H - it doesn't always (and he knows this and is fine with this too.. he knows this because the first time it happened while we were engaged I had this ridiculous guilty break down and "confessed" to him that I had fantasised about someone that was not him - and he was very comforting and said that was normal and just fine.. which is exactly what I'd say to him).

I dont think you need to restrict your sexual fantasising or imagination to just your partner.

However - I am against going to strip clubs. I know that's not quite consistent but that just crosses a boundary for me.

I think you should be open with your gf about it.

Personally, I don't like porn. I don't like the way women are treated in it and are made to look. It's just not something I am ok with. I am lucky enough to have found a man who feels the same way about the subject, so we have never had a problem with this issue. Neither of us look at porn and are good with that. I don't think a person really 'needs' porn to release sexual tension. But that's just my opinion.

I am kinda over the whole porn thing. When I am in a relationship, I want her to be my focus and desire. So no, I do not watch it. Not for any moral reason, hey, to each his own. At this point in my life, I much prefer a real woman next to me, real skin, real sensation, and a real connection.

Porn is there for an outlet but I find her the most desirable woman I know. Much more than some paid performer with all the artificial extras. I cannot understand a guy who watches porn when he has a real lady in the next room. For me, that would indicate that something is broken. I turn down sexual offers from other women, I feel that indulging in a sex fantasy with porn would be even less fulfilling for me.

I guess it helps that I fall totally in love with her look, her smell and her laugh. I do not want to form any sexual associations with anyone but her.

I watch porn because it visually stimulates me when I'm masturbating. It's not about getting off to watching other MEN.....it's more about the deed itself and the visual aspect of it, not because I find men in porn so particularly attractive.

Anyway, since I watch it, I have no problem with my partner knowing that I watch it, and I even encourage them to watch it themselves. My previous boyfriend got off on lesbian porn. No problem for me, since I've been known to watch gay porn on occasion. As long as it doesn't turn into an addiction and they don't refuse sex because they only get off on porn, it's alright with me.

My current LDR boyfriend has also mentioned seeing some "stuff" here and there. Of course I don't blame him, since we're LDR and we can't be there in person all the time to tend to each other's needs. On the contrary, we use it to ask about each other's preferences. We'll be like "I saw this or this the other day, how do you feel about this or this position, etc...."? Let me tell you, sex with him is totally amazing! And we are already accumulating ideas for the next time we'll see each other. *grins*

Alright, first off thanks for reading this and I appreciate everyone's contribution to this conversation.

 

Guys, I'd like to know if you think watching porn is morally right while you're dating someone you love. Is it okay to use porn as an outlet for your sexual tensions? Maybe you have a totally open relationship with your girlfriend and she's cool with it, or maybe you're like me and feel guilty about doing it and would probably rather her not be cool with the idea because you'd be a hypocrite if she were the one getting off to images of other guys.

 

Girls who feel like contributing, what's your take on this?

My boyfriend's use of porn doesn't bother me. He's completely open with me about it and that's part of why I am comfortable with it, because I don't feel shut out of that part of his sexuality even though I'm not there physically.

More often that not he'll tell me afterward because teasing descriptions of our time alone often form part of our mating ritual.

I don't think I would be happy with someone who used heavily though, or kept it from me and felt he needed to do it in secret. or if porn took priority over me.

I can see where it would be useful, but you need to be honest with yourself, if it is negatively affecting your life or your relationship.

If she has a smaller sex drive than you, and you use porn to even things up, I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I would definitely not consider it something she needs to know about.

Why aren't all guys like that? LOL

My current BF told me he looks at it EVERY day. And it is interacial that he prefers?!

Okay, I needed to catch my breath after that for awhile.

And I preferred he would not watch that as much, cos it is not a good sign in my head..

But then again, he has been single for good long time and old habits die hard.

Plus so far he has been amazing in bed and our sex life is awsome! The Best ever! So can't really complain

I do watch porn myself , sometimes. When I don't have a partner, I can do it like every day And when I do have omeone, sometimes I forgot it for months. It is purely visual help to cum when I want to cum. I actually usually dont look at the mens faces or smth like that, just the deeeed!

And about the interracial..

Yeah, it was not that nice to hear. As we are both white, but.. oh my, if he would know what kind of porn I watch most of time, he would probably feel a bit insecure as well.

Final world: Porn is okay in moderation, sharing that with your SO is also good in moderation. No secrets, no guily and no.. oversharing!

Nothing wrong with it. In fact, if I ever met a guy who never watched porn I'd be very suspicious of him. I'd figure something was wrong there, like he's a serial killer, or extremely religious, or something along those lines. Not someone to make a friend of.

Having said that, MANY girls entertain the strange notion that their man doesn't, or shouldn't, watch porn. If he decides to rub one out, it should be only to her. I personally wouldn't have a problem with that, if a girl is willing to follow that through to its logical conclusion: want me to only jerk off to you? Fine. I'll need a film of you getting gangbanged by 22 black guys, another of you in a lesbian threesome, and some assorted rape/bondage/masturbation videos. I'll also need updated scenes monthly, because as we all know, even the best porn gets boring with time. Sadly, not many girls are willing to do that.

Therefore, it is imperative that your girlfriend knows about your porn stash and your use thereof. However, the trick is timing. You don't want to spring this on her too soon, or she'll leave you. You also can't tell her too late, because then you risk questions like "why were you hiding this from me for so long? am I not enough? are you CHEATING???" The right time to tell the girl of your dreams that you have been, are, and will be taking care of yourself to porn is during the honeymoon period. The 3 to 6 months after you've met, that's the sweet spot. She won't be any more reasonable about it, really, but being in love with you will allow her to justify (read: bs herself) into accepting it.

Have you ever watched Oprah with the girl you love and pretended you gave a flying crap about the plight of the 7yr old Asian boy orphaned in a tsunami, just because she did? Same principle.

Once you do this, you're set. At any point in the future you can say, "but honey, you told me it was okay!" and there's no problem. Just don't overdo it, since being in a relationship means your girl is your priority, and *she* should be the one who gets your "best effort", so to speak.

I used to watch it together with my boyfriend

Most of my previous bfs watched porn and I didn't care. As long as they still spent time with me (including doing sexual things) and our bedroom life wasn't negatively impacted by porn, I didn't care.

I draw the line at live webcams though. I don't feel it's appropriate for my boyfriend to be interacting sexually with people on the net but I would be fine with him looking at pics/videos/etc. He wouldn't even have to tell me about it.

Yes, you should tell your girlfriend. It`s not a confession you have to make on the third date or anything, but certainly don`t hide it. She has a right to know before she commits any further, as she might have a problem with it. If she does have a problem with it, you`re both better of knowing and dealing with it sooner rather than later.

Darn your gf is lucky! There aren't too many guys like this in this day and age.

Guys watching porn is soo normal, so I'm not bothered. If they are absolutely addicted, then that's a proble.

I feel it's normal and haveno problem with it. hell, sometimes i watch too. But sometimes it becomes a little too much ( eg i'd like that attention that he gives to porn, esp when he knows I do but evaporates only to find him half an hour later jerking off. O.O

porn is not a huge hobby for either of us; if we didn't tell each other we watched porn we'd never know the other did (save for the few times we watch it together)! I don't care what he watches and same for him. I really like how open our relationship is, and how there is no guilt involved for fantasies.

Thought I would put my post here regarding this as I am currently going through an issue with my wife about this.

I recently emailed myself some pics that I found online to use purely for masturbation one afternoon. I then deleted them. My wife then snooped through my email on my phone and saw the deleted email and the pics. (I guess it was also my doing for not deleting them permanently)

We had a massive fight about this and she was seriously upset and in tears over it. I tried to explain to her that it was purely for visual stimulation only to get myself off one afternoon when she wasn’t home. She feels I have cheated on her in a way and that I would prefer being with these women over being with her. I have tried to explain to her that it is no way a replacement for her and it was only something to look at while I gave myself a release. There was no emotions attached to it.

We already have serious trust issues. She doesn’t trust me in the slightest even though I have never cheated on her. Her snooping through my phone is obviously part of this major trust issue we have but that is a whole different story which would require a new thread and many hours typing up the back story.

Basically I don’t know where to go from here. We had a discussion/argument about it last night and I tried to explain it to her but she was so emotional it ended up turning into an argument with her believing that I am now addicted to porn after a basically once off masturbation using these pics.

For the record, I do not have a porn collection, I used to watch porn when I was single, since being in a relationship and now married to my wife I have only once looked at porn on my phone and used these pics once for masturbation. We have a pretty decent sex life and I told her that this in no way is some kind of replacement for her or our sex life but she doesn’t understand it.

I don’t know if I am being too calm and relaxed about this or if she is over reacting in a big way or if her reaction is completely warranted. This wasn’t just a reaction of her telling me she doesn’t like it. It was basically a full on breakdown.

I obviously feel bad for her and despite my best efforts my reassurance doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help defuse this situation.

Porn is not the issue here me thinks, I feel she would have had a breakdown on other in/significant issue, anyway, if this incident didn't happen. Besides, porn is such a touchy subject and it's all too easy for a woman to validate her feelings, real or imagined, that she is unwanted etc. Why doesn't she trust you?

I feel it's normal and haveno problem with it. hell, sometimes i watch too. But sometimes it becomes a little too much ( eg i'd like that attention that he gives to porn, esp when he knows I do but evaporates only to find him half an hour later jerking off. O.O

Well I'd decided to take a different aproach. Not take porn so personally ad focus on the sexual side of things. It seems to be working well, spice is up again in my yard!

Porn is not the issue here me thinks, I feel she would have had a breakdown on other in/significant issue, anyway, if this incident didn't happen. Besides, porn is such a touchy subject and it's all too easy for a woman to validate her feelings, real or imagined, that she is unwanted etc. Why doesn't she trust you?

Originally we met online.

She doesn't trust me because I left my email open one time and she decided to have a look through it. She saw my SPAM email folder and noticed all these SPAM emails I get from fake dating websites/casual sex websites and she believed that I had profiles on those websites and were using them to meet other women.

I can see how that would look. But the thing is I never had any profiles on those sites I would get emails from. The reason my SPAM folder gets bombarded with those types of emails is because of the personal ads I would respond to on the same website we actually met on. I would respond to an ad and then receive back a link to some BS dating/casual sex site. Since then I receive daily emails saying so and so has viewed my profile and would like to meet from websites I have never even heard of or once visited.

Tried explaining that to her but to no avail and she has never been able to let go and this happened over 12 months ago. Since then she has always snooped through my email on my phone when she got the chance.

Myself having worked in IT for many years and knowing and understanding how easy it is to fabricate an email like the ones I receive in my SPAM folder and then email them out to a million email address with a click of a button did make it quite hard for me to understand her reasons for using that as the sole reason not to trust me and subsequently constantly accuse me of cheating.

Doesn't she get spam emails? I know I do, even with my limited internet habbits ( eg facebook + some news site + checking my mail) and still, my spam folder has dozens of spam at the end of each day, for credit cards, sex sites etc

Doesn't she get spam emails? I know I do, even with my limited internet habbits ( eg facebook + some news site + checking my mail) and still, my spam folder has dozens of spam at the end of each day, for credit cards, sex sites etc

According to her she does not get those types of Spam email with links to dating websites etc. I don't know for sure as I have never once looked through her emails.

Not only this, but she thinks all I do is stare at other women when we are out together. She doesn't seem to understand that if I glance at someone it doesn't mean I am checking them out. But also that both men and women appreciate the opposite sex and a reflexive glance means nothing! She uses this to her advantage when arguing and is also another one of her reasons not to trust me. Yet she claims that when she is out she never looks at anyone. I told her it is physically and utterly impossible for you not to look at anyone when you are out and about.

The reason why she thinks looking is another issue is because one time she was telling me about her friend who is in a relationship and her boyfriend always look at porn in front of her, naked women and constantly checks out other women when they are out. To my mistake (only realizing this as being a mistake in hindsight) I said to her that ''yes, most men when out and about look at other women whether they are in a relationship or not. There are different levels of checking out and admiring the opposite sex, but most men and women give a quick glance when they see someone attractive. It's completely normal.''

Since then when we would go out all she would do is accuse me of constantly looking at other women and get upset in public. As a result of that, we hardly go out together because I can't handle the anxiety that builds up knowing that she is on the verge of accusing me of checking out another woman. So I just say forget it. I don't need to feel like this when we are just popping out to the shops or to lunch etc.

It's a messy ongoing situation that I don't know if it will ever be resolved.

In her world, I am the sole reason for ALL her insecurities!