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Thread: He's angry with me for something. How do i handle it?

  1. #1
    miie
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    He's angry with me for something. How do i handle it?

    Im not sure what the best way is to handle this. Either to back off and drop contact or something else.

    My bf has been acting different for about the past 5 days. I saw him NYE and he fell asleep on my couch. We didn't do anything. I haven't seen him since. I have asked him numerous times to do stuff, places to see as we are both off on holidays from work, dinner, movies, going out etc. I either get ignored or a no. Something was clearly bothering him but it took him about 2 days to tell me. I dont know if i actually believe his answer.

    He told me that he asked me twice to see me one day and i said no. Now, he asked me at 5pm to go out. I was busy. He could have asked earlier. I said we could do it the next day. He then asked to go to the movies. I said no, but mainly due to the fact it almost $20 bucks to go and few hours before i just asked him if he wanted to get dinner and he told me he couldn't afford it. How can he afford a movie if he cant afford a pizza?

    Anyways, apparently that is why he is 'angry' with me - because i said no. I have barely had any replies to my texts. I have asked him to do stuff, either get a no or no reply. I asked him again today and he is apparently going out.

    This has been going on for about 5 days. Im fed up with it!! Im asking for him to come with me to places etc, i guess trying to make him feel that he is wanted, but it is clearly not working.

    What do i do. Do i just back off and not contact him and let him do it. I dont see how you can be this angry or annoyed with someone for so long over something like this. I get 'no' from him all the time. We have plans tomorrow and i have asked him if he still wants to go. If we dont, we loose a lot of money as its been booked.

  2. #2
    SapphireNoir10
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    I think the issue has to run deeper than hes letting on. Because you turned him down oneday isnt reason to disappear and not make the most of free time to see eachother when your on holiday from work , something you can't get back.

    I say back off and don't contact him unless he contact you. It takes two to make a relationship work and at the moment it seems your the only one putting any effort in.

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    thejigsup
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    Guys get weird about being told "no". My brother's wife said "no" to romance one night because she had the flu. He never asked her again. For the next twenty years she had ask him for sex and he often told her "no". Do you want to live like this? She finally divorced him and I don't blame her one little bit.

  4. #4
    miie
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    Quote Originally Posted by thejigsup [Register to see the link]
    Guys get weird about being told "no". My brother's wife said "no" to romance one night because she had the flu. He never asked her again. For the next twenty years she had ask him for sex and he often told her "no". Do you want to live like this? She finally divorced him and I don't blame her one little bit.
    No Way! Why do guys get weird about being told no?. I've said no in the past and he's acted like he has been rejected. Yet - he tells me no all the time. For a while i gave up asking coz i knew what the answer was going to be. He doesn't like it when i give him no notice on things, yet he constantly does that to me. If he asked me sooner, would have been no problem.

    But i cant see him acting this way for 5 days, over the fact i said no. It has to be bigger than that. He also 'complained' that i was already going out when he tried to ask me if i wanted to do something. He never asked, he made a random comment and i said i was going for a walk. Apparently because i was already doing something or had plans, it pissed him off. Yet, i have to work around what he plans.

    Im seeing him tomorrow and hope he is his normal self coz if he is like this in person, it will ruin the day

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    stickman
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    Perhaps try to tell him how you feel. And how when he does a certain thing, it makes you feel a certain way. Be willing to hear the same from him.

    Give and take. The Quality of conversation is very important in relationships. If he is unwilling to discuss anything, then back off and give him time to think about his issues and work through them himself alone. Push and pull. We all tend to move toward things that make us feel good and away from things that dont feel good.

    Hope this helps

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    geekgirl4
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    The times you said no, did you give him the reason why? Specific reasons?

  7. #7
    miie
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    It seems it was because i said no or that i was busy. He didn't really explain it...but some how it was half my fault.... even tho i dont know what was!

    I didn't give him specific reasons, one i told him i had planned to do that tomorrow. If he asked earlier, it would have been fine. I get the feeling he expects me to drop everything to see him or just wait around for him to ask. He is busy quite a lot and i get 'no' and not always a reason either.

    I saw him for most of today, and the start was a bit shaky, but it ended well. In future i will try to be clearer when i say no (why i am saying no) and be more clearer when i ask for something. Well i hope to be. It can be hard to remember that when you constantly get replies that are 3 words or less!!

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    geekgirl4
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    Yeah, it might help to be more specific when it comes to declining an offer from your partner. Try seeing it from their point of view. They want to spend time with you and instead, they get a cursory decline back. I think he's kind of sensitive, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a reason for why you decline. "Oh, no thanks, I'm doing that tomorrow" could have been "Oh, sorry babe, I'm doing that tomorrow, did you want to do something else instead?". I think he just wanted to do something with you and being turned down to spend time together might have hurt him. You should talk to him about being less sensitive though.

  9. #9
    miie
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    Quote Originally Posted by geekgirl4 [Register to see the link]
    Yeah, it might help to be more specific when it comes to declining an offer from your partner. Try seeing it from their point of view. They want to spend time with you and instead, they get a cursory decline back. I think he's kind of sensitive, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a reason for why you decline. "Oh, no thanks, I'm doing that tomorrow" could have been "Oh, sorry babe, I'm doing that tomorrow, did you want to do something else instead?". I think he just wanted to do something with you and being turned down to spend time together might have hurt him. You should talk to him about being less sensitive though.
    Yeah i will try. I thought it pretty much did that already, but i guess not. Its funny, how he can decline my offer with just a 'no' and its all ok. I've asked him a lot of things and all i get is 'im busy' or 'sorry, can't' or no answer at all!

    Im also not sure why he was hurt so much. He asked twice. Over these past 5 days, i probably asked him to do about 8 things, and i got turned down on all of them.

  10. #10
    D3tail
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    Guys get weird about being told no because we take it as rejection. Once a man feels rejected he completely pulls back to protect himself. No, not all men, and yes its childish. But many of us expect our gfs to love us like our mothers did, unconditionally and without exception.

    Guys get really weird about being told no in a sexual context because its taken as rejection. Refer to the aforementioned. When a man tries to initiate sex he's at his most vulnerable. Most women don't realize that.

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