i am 17 and a straight girl ( i am not in denial, i thought i was bi for several months because of this but i realized i am not physically attracted to women at all) and i think i am in love with my bff who is also a girl. we have been best friends for three years but are so close it's like we have been friends 10 years. i love her more than anyone in the world even my parents, and i would do almost anything for her. i think about her constantly she is the first thought that pops into my mind when i wake up, even if i was with ten friends and she wasn't there i would feel like i am alone. i see her everyday and text her pretty much throughout the whole day everyday but she very rarely texts me first which makes me feel like she doesn't want to talk to me, it is not like she is my only friend but she is the only person i want to be with i don't try to hang out with anyone but her or even text anyone but her because i don't want to be with anyone but her but she is not the same way she likes seeing other people and texting other people and i know that is normal even if i don't feel the same way but sometimes it makes me feel insecure like she doesn't love me enough or is going to find a new best friend and i just sit there crying because i know she is with someone else. we are very touchy and always cuddle and lay on top of each other and jokingly pretend like we are about to kiss, i have never kissed a boy but yesterday we did kiss it was just a peck but it has left me extremely confused and afterwards i wanted to makeout with her but we never did and she said she wouldn't do that anyway it is not really that i want to be in a relationship with her but i want to spend the rest of my life with her being best friends i want her to get married and all of that stuff someday and i still want us to be close but i also like touching her which makes things complicated. sometimes i think about making out with her but never any other girls. this summer she is going to a month long camp and i cry about once a week about her leaving me already i am so paranoid she is going to have a new best friend or kiss a lot of guys and i don't want her to do that and i sometimes feel like if she really loved me a lot she wouldn't want to be away from me for a month because there is nothing that could make me leave her for a month! when she is away i am not going to commit suicide or anything but i am definitely going to want to die i already know it is going to be a month of hell with me watching depressing movies and crying and not leaving the house because i am so paranoid about her replacing me. i have told her before i think i was in love with her but i think she thought i was joking i need to seriously tell her i think but it is hard because it might make it awkward between us. being in love with her feels great at times but other times it is so painful and i don't want to deal with being in love with someone who isn't in love with me anymore, what should i do?!?!