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Thread: I am in love with my best friend, we're both girls

  1. #1
    rachiekins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Bellbrook, Ohio

    I am in love with my best friend, we're both girls

    i am 17 and a straight girl ( i am not in denial, i thought i was bi for several months because of this but i realized i am not physically attracted to women at all) and i think i am in love with my bff who is also a girl. we have been best friends for three years but are so close it's like we have been friends 10 years. i love her more than anyone in the world even my parents, and i would do almost anything for her. i think about her constantly she is the first thought that pops into my mind when i wake up, even if i was with ten friends and she wasn't there i would feel like i am alone. i see her everyday and text her pretty much throughout the whole day everyday but she very rarely texts me first which makes me feel like she doesn't want to talk to me, it is not like she is my only friend but she is the only person i want to be with i don't try to hang out with anyone but her or even text anyone but her because i don't want to be with anyone but her but she is not the same way she likes seeing other people and texting other people and i know that is normal even if i don't feel the same way but sometimes it makes me feel insecure like she doesn't love me enough or is going to find a new best friend and i just sit there crying because i know she is with someone else. we are very touchy and always cuddle and lay on top of each other and jokingly pretend like we are about to kiss, i have never kissed a boy but yesterday we did kiss it was just a peck but it has left me extremely confused and afterwards i wanted to makeout with her but we never did and she said she wouldn't do that anyway it is not really that i want to be in a relationship with her but i want to spend the rest of my life with her being best friends i want her to get married and all of that stuff someday and i still want us to be close but i also like touching her which makes things complicated. sometimes i think about making out with her but never any other girls. this summer she is going to a month long camp and i cry about once a week about her leaving me already i am so paranoid she is going to have a new best friend or kiss a lot of guys and i don't want her to do that and i sometimes feel like if she really loved me a lot she wouldn't want to be away from me for a month because there is nothing that could make me leave her for a month! when she is away i am not going to commit suicide or anything but i am definitely going to want to die i already know it is going to be a month of hell with me watching depressing movies and crying and not leaving the house because i am so paranoid about her replacing me. i have told her before i think i was in love with her but i think she thought i was joking i need to seriously tell her i think but it is hard because it might make it awkward between us. being in love with her feels great at times but other times it is so painful and i don't want to deal with being in love with someone who isn't in love with me anymore, what should i do?!?!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Well, the bottom line here is that you are unhealthily attached to someone who is not interested in being in a romance with you or any girl for that matter, unless you are both denying the facts that you are lesbians.

    No one should be so much the center of your world that you can't be separated for a month, and frankly, as you both grow up she WILL get a BF and be far less likely to spend so much time with you or play kissy-face games etc.

    Do you have a school counselor? I think you need to talk to a counselor to try to straighten out your obsession with her because that is what it is at this point and no obsession is healthy. Also, you need to try to break the habit of constantly texting and thinking about her. Google 'thought stopping' and start practicing it, trying to limit your contact with her and widending your circle to include other people, both other female friends and guys as well.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member dedem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Eastern US
    Well, if you're in love with your best friend then you are bi, however everyone is a little bit bi. You can't honestly look at a beautiful woman without saying "gosh she's pretty," can you?

    Anyway, what you should do is talk to her about your feelings. She probably has no idea that her little peck on the cheek jokingly meant so much more to you.

    She will feel awkward about it. You MUST tell her that despite your feelings, you still want to be her friend, and that if she is too uncomfortable with it you will just drop the feelings and seek help for them. Give her some space as well after telling her.

    Don't make the mistake I made with a gay boy and my friend made with another girl and simply don't say a word. It'll only lead to her ignoring you and not wanting to be your friend, because eventually she'll figure something's wrong and not want to have to deal with your needing her every second of every day. You may not be extremely obsessed now, but the more you hide your feelings the more they will grow. You're already crying and upset about her going away to what seems to be a happy place for her to be, imagine what will happen down the line when she doesn't respond to your texts because she's doing something more important to her.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Wow, I forgot how intense teenage girl "friendhships" can be...

    Ok, I think we can all agree you have an unhealthy infatutation with your friend, since you can't be away from her for a month, and you text her all the time (unhealthy for you, so lets figure out how to help you get over this).

    I'm inclined to agree with dedem's advice that you should tell her how you feel. It might blow up in your face and create a tonne of problems, but in the end, it will probably be better than saying nothing and letting it fester and drive you crazy, (because Rachiekens, crazy is what you are at the moment. so let's fix that shall we)?

    Of course, whenever anyone tells their (suposedly platonic) friend that they have feelings for them, one must always be prepared to lose or harm the friendship. But it's not like you have a choice. Once an attraction develops, it's hard to kill it without exposing it to the sunlight first.

    It's not a healthy friendship for you, so you should see a benefit in losing her as a friend. You're not going to lose your infatuation by waiting and saying nothing. It will probably just get stronger if you leave it.

    You sound tormented by this.

    I've had my fair share of unrequited crushes (infatuations that have made me feel crazy), on people who only saw me as a friend, and I can tell you, it's when you tell them how you feel that you allow the situation to change. In all my experiences, telling the person has been a good thing.

    The good thing about telling someone you have feelings for them, is that you give them a chance to officially tell you they don't share your feelings. You get to hear it from their mouth that it's never going to happen. If you're as far gone as you sound like you are, then you need a bucket of water over the head that is the official "sorry, I don't feel the same and never will." that you need to hear. It removes any hopes you might have entertained.

    . . Once you KNOW there's no chance, you get to grieve, and then you can move on. Say nothing, and you stay stuck in your obsession. I've been there.

    I suspect that the fact that your crush is unspoken is making your insecurity worse. Because you're playing the "close friends" role, but secretly framing her responses in a romantic - love context, you're making yourself crazy.

    Unspoken crushes are like splinters. If you leave them in they can get infected. Pulling them out hurts, but the sooner you pull it out, the sooner your body can start to heal.

    Oh, and just on the whole thing of identifying as straight, rachiekins you can identify as whatever you want, but I think it might be easier for you to process this whole emotional drama you're in if you could consider the possibility that this is a Lesbionic crush, a romantic same sex crush, which in my definition, makes you somewhat Bisexual (assuming you like guys as well, that is, which you didn't say).

    Why I'm saying this, is that I've had strong "friendship" feelings for people in the past which weren't returned, and I was framing it as friendship when infact it was more toward the romantic end of things, but I was in denial, and these people were more into guys, and if I'd framed it as a romantic thing, rather than a "friendship" thing, then the unrequited feelings could have been processed appropriately, as a "sexual orientation" thing rather than a straight up rejection.
    Last edited by Lucy__lou; 01-03-2011 at 01:09 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    WoOW. This is exactly what is happening to me now. But my friend is also bi. And. I am the one going a way on a trip for 2weeks and I never even had my first kiss I am 16 turning 17 in 30 days so yeah but my friend is totally weird she said she will kiss me the end of the year if I don't get my first kiss. And she will like keep flirting with me or tell me she is going to kiss me and try to maky me kinkie or whatever. And sometimes its hard to not like it I mean she is a model so she is as hot as hell. But anyway the same sort of thing is happening to me now to and I really don't now what to do about it to so I'm just going with the flow but she knows I had a crush on her a year back but that was wen we where not friends yet so I saw nothing wrong with it. But now. I can't stop thinking about her she is one my mind 24. So I don't really know what to say to you seeing as I'm siting with the same problem.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Alberta, Canada
    Well this thread is more than 2 years old so its unlikely the OP is still sitting with the same problem. It not unusual for teenage girls to occasionally form very strong emotional bonds, because it is just so much harder to find in similar age boys.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    I've read your whole story. At first. I was googling "I'm in live with my best friend and we're both strait" and came to your site. Your story has been very enlightening to me. See the think is. We're both high school jrs. And we both have a LOT of things in common. She's fairly new here and we've only started being friends and getting to know each other the start of the year. But you won't believe how close we've gotten sense then. I've always admired how she looked. Acted. When I got to get close to her. I knew she was something very special. She's not like other girls. She doesn't gossip around. Or wear make up. She has this all bad ass short spunky hair gothic look. But trust me she is totally strait. And far from gothic. She watches Disney movies for crying out loud!! I've been having problems with depression and suicidal thinking. And when she became my friend I finally had something to live for. Someone who could understand me. I try so hard not to let in that I have feelings for her. I don't want to scare her away. Cus I'd be miserable. I'm happy now anyway. I stopped hurting myself. But I can't help thinking about her. And imagining kissing her. But I have to stop myself. Tell myself "what am I doing?? She's my best friend!! Get a HOLD on yourself!!" I'm way into guys. I don't even like girls in that way. Just her. What does that make me? I don't catagorize myself. I just know I couldn't be happy with out her. No matter how much of a grouchy ***** she can be we're both pretty evil and ***** to each other! We have this mutual agreement thing lol. I just wish things could be different. That I could run my hands through her beautiful hair. But I know things will never be that. Cus life is not some fairytale. To go with me is to go against everything she believes in. I love God. And it says Being gay is a sin. How can you tell me love is a sin? That I brought this on myself? I wish I woulda never fallen for her smile. Her eyes. The way she talks. Her awesome sense of humor and wit. She's ALWAYS making me laugh. We talk for hours everyday. More than I've ever talked with anyone. She can't like me more than a friend tho. When ever we're near each other. Or riding in the same seat. She try's so hard not to touch me. Like I'm some kind of disease or something. I know she's not doing it to hurt my feelings. After all we have eaten after each other before. But I just feel scared that she's afraid of me or something. And let me tell you SHE'S the intimidating one! I'm the ***** inside the puppy! Maybe she just doesn't like touching period. I hugged her once but she went all ballistic so I didn't do THAT again. Now tho I just act just as physically distant as she does. When ever were close I go out of my way to have no physical contact with her no matter how much my heart beats irrationally when my hand brushes hers. Or the smell of her. Am I going crazy? Is this some kind of intimate crush? An obsession? Can this be love?? I guess I just want her to be happy but I do get jealous when she's talking to other more than me. I don't show it tho. I think it's good she has a lot of friends and people like her. I mean I have my friends!! When ever we talk about gayness or anything like that on the phone. She says flat out that she wants to change the subject. She said she got weirded out once when I payed to close attention to her and her now ex boyfriend. Do u think she suspects? And if she does WHY is she still my friend? I feel like a monster thinking of her like that. Like I have some weird abnormality. Maybe I'm not really I live with her. Maybe that's how best friends think. I wish I knew. Ever sense she came alone I haven't even thought about guys. Of course I've dated. But I just could have that connection like I have with her. She's my best friend. I don't want to loose her. I guess I don't want her to love me like that either tho. I mean. She's a Christian like me. She knows that that's frowned upon. I wish these thoughts would go away. My whole family is against gayness. I'm not tho and that's what scares me. One of my best friend who's a guy is gay. I just wish I could know what she's thinking so I'd know what to do. Anyone have advice? Thanks for listening and good luck with you too. (Sorry for the long message) by!!!


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