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Thread: How do you deal with nasty comments from toxic family members?

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    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    How do you deal with nasty comments from toxic family members?

    My sister's father-in-law and her husband pick on me by making nasty comments. The father-in-law tries to go in for a kiss on the cheek but I only do that with close family members and I do not consider him my family because I do not get along with him, so why would I let him give me a kiss on the cheek when he is disrespectful? Next time I think I'll say "A handshake is fine". My approach from now on will be to walk away when they make those comments, and try to limit any contact with them. I will be cordial, but my way of protecting myself is to shut people off.

    How do you deal with toxic family members' comments? Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with letting certain people into their space (a kiss on the cheek)? How do you reject that?

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    Bronze Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    I'd just back away personally. And if he asked why. I'd respectfully tell him why.

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    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    What type of nasty comments?

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    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    I was introducing a friend on Christmas Day and he said that he was surprised that I had any friends. That was the first thing he said to me. It wasn't a joke at all, he just says things without considering others' feelings. I told my older sister what he said and she was appalled. He has been spoken to before about making sexual comments to us (my sister's family). He just doesn't get it.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I personally find people I am not close to touching me or giving me a peck on the cheek kind of creepy. If he wants to be rude, there is certainly no reason to let him kiss your cheek. Just back away and say no thanks.

    I would also tell the husband and father in law you do not appreciate the comments.

    Why do they have nasty comments about you?

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    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
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    You can say hi without getting close enough for a kiss. Keep your personal space open by stepping back or walking away. I kiss almost everyone (family/friends/friends of family) on the cheek like that so it doesn't personally bother me and I don't feel like they're invading my space. If I did, I'd be okay with stepping back or walking the other way after saying hello. If someone were particularly hurtful to me on a regular basis, I wouldn't feel the need to greet to them at all or attend events where they would be.

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    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    Whoa I make sure I have a pepper spray on me.

    Definitely don't go near him.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by savignon
    You can say hi without getting close enough for a kiss. Keep your personal space open by stepping back or walking away. I kiss almost everyone (family/friends/friends of family) on the cheek like that so it doesn't personally bother me and I don't feel like they're invading my space. If I did, I'd be okay with stepping back or walking the other way after saying hello. If someone were particularly hurtful to me on a regular basis, I wouldn't feel the need to greet to them at all or attend events where they would be.
    That too, I would not go to the event. I know you probably want to be there to see your sister, but I would arrange other times to see your sister.

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    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, I have to attend my sister's events because she's family. I love my sister's kids and my sister, but her husband and his family are just so inconsiderate. I can take a joke, but it's not really a joke if it's at someone else's expense.

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    Hi

    I have toxic family members as well. The comments I read above sound very similar to comments aimed at me. I'm not sure why family members would act in such a way but I can say that I do feel for you, and I really hope that you try to not let it affect you long term. If anything try to use those nasty comments as fuel to propel you forward in life. Hope you feel better. All the best

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