Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: How do you deal with nasty comments from toxic family members?

  1. #1
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1

    How do you deal with nasty comments from toxic family members?

    My sister's father-in-law and her husband pick on me by making nasty comments. The father-in-law tries to go in for a kiss on the cheek but I only do that with close family members and I do not consider him my family because I do not get along with him, so why would I let him give me a kiss on the cheek when he is disrespectful? Next time I think I'll say "A handshake is fine". My approach from now on will be to walk away when they make those comments, and try to limit any contact with them. I will be cordial, but my way of protecting myself is to shut people off.

    How do you deal with toxic family members' comments? Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with letting certain people into their space (a kiss on the cheek)? How do you reject that?

  2. #2
    SapphireNoir10
    Bronze Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,018
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    169
    I'd just back away personally. And if he asked why. I'd respectfully tell him why.

  3. #3
    The_Seeker
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    5,482
    Thanked
    7
    What type of nasty comments?

  4. #4
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    I was introducing a friend on Christmas Day and he said that he was surprised that I had any friends. That was the first thing he said to me. It wasn't a joke at all, he just says things without considering others' feelings. I told my older sister what he said and she was appalled. He has been spoken to before about making sexual comments to us (my sister's family). He just doesn't get it.

  5. #5
    ~Seraphim ~
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    50
    Posts
    31,436
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5131
    I personally find people I am not close to touching me or giving me a peck on the cheek kind of creepy. If he wants to be rude, there is certainly no reason to let him kiss your cheek. Just back away and say no thanks.

    I would also tell the husband and father in law you do not appreciate the comments.

    Why do they have nasty comments about you?

  6. #6
    savignon
    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    USA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    6,094
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    You can say hi without getting close enough for a kiss. Keep your personal space open by stepping back or walking away. I kiss almost everyone (family/friends/friends of family) on the cheek like that so it doesn't personally bother me and I don't feel like they're invading my space. If I did, I'd be okay with stepping back or walking the other way after saying hello. If someone were particularly hurtful to me on a regular basis, I wouldn't feel the need to greet to them at all or attend events where they would be.

  7. #7
    The_Seeker
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    5,482
    Thanked
    7
    Whoa I make sure I have a pepper spray on me.

    Definitely don't go near him.

  8. #8
    ~Seraphim ~
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    50
    Posts
    31,436
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    5131
    Quote Originally Posted by savignon [Register to see the link]
    You can say hi without getting close enough for a kiss. Keep your personal space open by stepping back or walking away. I kiss almost everyone (family/friends/friends of family) on the cheek like that so it doesn't personally bother me and I don't feel like they're invading my space. If I did, I'd be okay with stepping back or walking the other way after saying hello. If someone were particularly hurtful to me on a regular basis, I wouldn't feel the need to greet to them at all or attend events where they would be.
    That too, I would not go to the event. I know you probably want to be there to see your sister, but I would arrange other times to see your sister.

  9. #9
    dramallama
    Platinum Member dramallama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    4,190
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Unfortunately, I have to attend my sister's events because she's family. I love my sister's kids and my sister, but her husband and his family are just so inconsiderate. I can take a joke, but it's not really a joke if it's at someone else's expense.

  10. #10
    heart
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Brooklyn NY
    Age
    38
    Posts
    45
    Gender
    Male
    Hi

    I have toxic family members as well. The comments I read above sound very similar to comments aimed at me. I'm not sure why family members would act in such a way but I can say that I do feel for you, and I really hope that you try to not let it affect you long term. If anything try to use those nasty comments as fuel to propel you forward in life. Hope you feel better. All the best

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Husband's cousin is not moving out.
Hi all, I have a very serious problem and would love to get some advise on this - My husband's cousin is not moving out even after 4
My dad was the executer of my grandma's estate...
My grandma died 6 years ago, it's safe to say she died a millionaire or pretty close to it. My dad was the executor. I recently found out that after
Is my mom codependent or or something worse (narcissistic)?
I'm 100% sure now that I went through abuse from a Narcissistic Personality Disordered person, and after so much self-inflection I have also been
How do I handle my ex-wifes new fiance?
I have been divorced a little over 3 years and my ex-wife who left me for a guy she met online is engaged for a second time. She was dating two
Moving pit
I'm 17 going on 18 this year and I am ready to move out of my grandmother's house. I feel like I have no privacy and after awhile I get tired of her
Sister is leaving
My sister is leaving to be with her boyfriend and moving to another state right after graduation. She is 18 and is going to join the navy. I don't
How do I talk to my family?
I apologize for the lengthy post in advance. For almost all of my adult life I have been involved in a myriad of abusive and one-sided

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him
So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend. We trusted each other before this
Interview Vibes
Hello, eNA! I have posted a few times about my career search - thank you all for the help! I've been having a lot more luck lately and have four
Ex from seven years ago married
My ex from seven years got married in November 2016 he began dating this girl eight months after dumping me.hiw have I found this out? By the
❌Did i just get stood up????❌
A few weeks ago this guy and i started texting. It was a pretty instant interest right from the start, on both ends. He kept telling me how
HELP My boyfriend blocked me after an argument
Almost 3 weeks ago me and my (EX) boyfriend that ive been seeing for about a year had a huge explosive and petty fight over him being selfish/ self
My wife has zero trust in me
So we have been married for about 8 months now, everything was fine prior to marriage. From the day we got married to today, it has been a living
21, in a relationship and sexually frustrated
I'm 21 (female) and I'm dating a 28 year old. Ive had my round of men before him so I know exactly what I like during sex and he's PERFECT. But what
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •