"Facebook Etiquette"

So I have been Facebook friends with my ex's new boy/toy/whatever since before all of the drama went down, but since the break-up, seeing his name pop up on my news feed or stalking his profile when I'm upset has been a constant source of torture for me. And whenever I see both of them on Facebook chat at the same time, I know that they're talking and, while it shouldn't matter at this point, it still hurts. So this morning I impulsively defriended him on Facebook after I saw both of them on chat at the same time and realized how stupid and childish it was for me to do this to myself on a daily basis.

Was this a good decision? Or will it come accross as being childish if either my ex or the other guy finds out? I did it for my own benefit/sanity and not as a "screw you" to him. I just want some verification that what I did was the best decision.

Doesn't matter what the ex or the friend thinks. What matters is your sanity.

I know it shouldn't matter, but I still don't want to come accross as being childish or immature.

This is a decision that you will not regret. If indeed your ex and "friend" even notices for a while. Any sane person would do the same thing.

I had the same fear actually, when I deleted my ex. I didn't want her to think that I couldn't "handle it" even though mostly I was handling it (mostly*). I ended up deactivating my facebook for a few months and then reactivating and deleting her. I thought for sure (and I was right) that she should check our mutual friends friend list and see I was off their friends list and since I was it didn't look like I was doing it to her personally. I'm not sure if that made sense...I mean, I rejected everyone for a while and then came back on board and deleted her.

Yes I have alot of pride and the not wanting to appear "childish" was definitely a motivator.

Its not childish. If I was you I would delete her too. But if you cant do that, at least block her news feeds and take her out of your chat preferences so that you don't see when she is online and she can't see when you are. Your just torturing yourself by knowing.

Who cares what they think? You needed some peace of mind so you did something that will help you get there. I don't think it is childish at all.

Who cares what they think? You needed some peace of mind so you did something that will help you get there. I don't think it is childish at all.

The question is not if it is childish or not (it is not in my opinion) but rather, does it appear to be childish (to the ex) It's all about pride and ex's seem to be able to take that from us...or at least it feels that way

The question is not if it is childish or not (it is not in my opinion) but rather, does it appear to be childish (to the ex) It's all about pride and ex's seem to be able to take that from us...or at least it feels that way

I am almost certain it will appear childish to them but that is because they will be coming from a totally different perspective and it is not relevant to the OP's healing process. Part of letting go and moving on is getting to the point of not caring what the ex thinks.

btw...facebook is the devil if you are still holding out hope for reconciliation. If it is over and you really want to heal then delete, delete, delete. Knowing what your ex is up to will only facilitate causing your more pain and keeping your from healing and moving on.

No, it is not childish at all...it is self-preservation. Who cares what your ex and this guy thinks. You don't owe them anything.

I just stopped going on Facebook. Im sick of seeing her talk to her old ex's and shoot smiley faces to everything with penis on her wall trying to look cute. We broke up cus she was depressed and needed to work on herself, and I BROKE UP WITH HER. Shes telling people she ended it because I tried to fix things after and plan a reconciliation (stupid) and now shes putting up cute little pics of herself and making the captions quotes from songs about how "She ran to me from her problems when I was really the problem the whole time" that's a paraphrase. Anyway, I wont delete her because I think its immature, I just stopped going on Facebook, you end up staring at nothing half the time, and if not at nothing its at your ex's or who your ex is talking to.

The day she posted this on her friends wall, after telling me when we were together she never got hit on like i thought she did and nobody from her work had the hots for her, she posts a text from last night on her friend/co-workers wall: (This is where i was like FCK FACEBOOK)

'His idea of a compliment is, "If we had a 3 way I would pay more attention to you"' then she writes "Hahaha this is so us"

Her friends even think shes being a * * * * * to me for no reason, I literally did everything for the girl and then she makes stabs like that at me on Facebook, after telling me she would never love anyone as much and if she dates again she will only realize what she lost and she can't see herself having sex with anyone but me. Facebook is nothing but what people WANT YOU TO THINK OF THEM.

Its bull. I haven't been on in like 2.5 days and don't plan on getting back on it for a while. Waste of life.

We've been broken up for 11 Days...and she acts like she never cared lol. I haven't said anything negative, I don't even make subliminal statuses, my profile picture is a picture of me with friends lol, no stabs at all.

THIS may seem childish, but should I just shoot my ex a quick message and explain my motives behind it? I know people are telling me not to care what they think, but like someone pointed out, pride is something that has been ripped away from me throughout all of this, and if this means I can sustain some sort of dignity, then I'd like to do it. But if sending him a message would just turn it into a big deal or seem inappropriate, then I understand. Maybe for those of you who have been the dumper, what would you perceive this to be?

THIS may seem childish, but should I just shoot my ex a quick message and explain my motives behind it? I know people are telling me not to care what they think, but like someone pointed out, pride is something that has been ripped away from me throughout all of this, and if this means I can sustain some sort of dignity, then I'd like to do it. But if sending him a message would just turn it into a big deal or seem inappropriate, then I understand. Maybe for those of you who have been the dumper, what would you perceive this to be?

Broke NC, always bad, shows your thinking about her.

I agree with Live-N-learn. I had to completely block my ex, because seeing pictures of him, seeing what he's saying to mutual friends would probably kill me. Especially when he acts perfectly fine while I'm dying on the inside.

Do not explain anything. If you want to delete for your healing and benefit, then do it. You do not owe a dumper any explanation. Matter of fact, deleting them without saying anything is a much stronger statement. You look weak if you send anything explaining why. IMO

If it was bothering you then yes you made he right choice. If anything they were doing it because they knew you would see it and would upset you. You taking him off your friends, if anything will more then likly just make them mad because now you can't see it. You are trying to heal and from seeing post like that you are just causing yourself to think about it, which is making you dwell on everything. You need to just forget about her and go off and meet other people. Most ex's get jealous when they see eachother moving on and being happy with out them. That is what she is trying to do to you and you are letting her win. Honestly I think you need to start dating other woman and move on with your life. The only immature thing you are doing is letting her get to you.