Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 38

Thread: Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

  1. #1
    pennyloafer2
    Silver Member pennyloafer2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    479

    Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

    I was at "the guy I'm dating"'s today and he fell asleep, so I got on the computer (I opened a new window, let all his <removed>up) and Facebook chatted with a friend while he slept. When he woke up, I closed my window and let him on his computer. He got angry and said that I "changed" his tabs. I did not. His brother got on and clicked something on ONE of the tabs, which I mentioned to him. He says, no, you closed like 10 tabs. This was a totally false accusation, so I said, I have no idea what you're talking about, this is all I did and told him what I did. He said, well, you're a <removed> liar. I left the room and went to the bathroom to regain my composure. Then we went to a movie. I texted him before the movie ( we were with a huge group of friends and he was conversing with others) I said "What you did was not cool. I don't appreciate being accused of something I didn't do and being called a liar when I did nothing wrong." After the movie he said "Sorry" and I said "It's alright." Later that night when we got home I Facebook chatted him, and he said he's going to put a password on his computer and that he doesn't trust me. I said this hurt because I did nothing wrong. He implied that I lied once more.

    As far as "proof" goes, he has none. I feel like he was mad at someone else and took it out on me. This whole password stuff, calling me a liar, its sabotaging the relationship.

    Should I let it go? Forgive him even though he still thinks I'm a liar?
    I really really care about him so I don't really want to break up, but part of me feels like this is only going to go downhill.

    I'm so tired of this <removed>.
    Last edited by avman; 12-17-2010 at 08:54 AM. Reason: Language - please follow posting guidelines

  2. #2
    maalox
    Bronze Member maalox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    New Location, Same Great Servitude
    Posts
    204
    Gender
    Male
    This is one of those things where I think - why could you possibly care that I used your computer? To me, they are tools - or maybe like a toolbox. To others, my missus included, they are like personal private things. For example a woman's purse. I would never, ever, reach my hand or even look inside. Even if you were sitting right next to me and said: Grab my keys from the purse please... I would hand you your purse and let you do it yourself. To some, their computers deserve that level of privacy as well...

    If this guy is really worth the aggravation then I'd simply apologize for what you did wrong: I'm sorry I used your computer without your permission. I didn't change anything intentionally and I don't think I changed anything at all. I absolutely didn't snoop. I didn't realize that you'd be so sensitive about it. I'm okay with us treating our computers like our bank accounts. I won't touch yours. You won't touch mine. That being said, please don't call me a liar anymore because that hurts my feelings.

    That being said - either 1) your bf has reason to be suspicious. e.g. You are a snoop or told him you were a snoop. or 2) Your bf is speaking from baggage - does he have a snoop-crazed ex ? or 3) He's a wacko with serious trust issues and will be accusing you of everything under the sun for the rest of your life...

    I'm in a #3 situation. If what happened to you happened to me in a new relationship I think I'd give it about 20 minutes of discussion and reassurance, while telling my other in no uncertain terms that the accusations are not acceptable. If it came up again I'd be gone...

    You shouldn't have to spend your life defending yourself, and the accusations can get really creepy.

  3. #3
    pennyloafer2
    Silver Member pennyloafer2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    479
    You're right. He's let me on his computer before, I don't know why this time it was different. I'm writing an apology email right now. PS/ I am pretty sure it is reason #2

  4. #4
    Mauxly
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,025
    Gender
    Female
    What you just described is emotional abuse. False accusations, not allowing you to defend yourself, ridicule, calling you names.

    This guy just showed you his true colors. Do not walk, run! Get away, it will only get worse. Trust me.

  5. #5
    quirky
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    4,986
    Gender
    Female
    Why are you writing an apology email, I am confused..
    Don't mean to make you paranoid but sometimes people go crazy like that because THEY are hiding something. Do you think that could be the case at all?

  6. #6
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,496
    I think it's rather rude of him to fall asleep when you come over. what else were you supposed to do? sit there and look at the wall?

    I agree with the others, you shouldn't be writing an apology letter. You clicked on one tab and closed it? So what!? (even if you did not). i don't see what the big deal is. Don't write the letter. I would consider not seeing him anymore as well. he sounds highly unreasonably. I suspect he has something to hide.

  7. #7
    Periwinkle.
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Age
    24
    Posts
    63
    Gender
    Female
    He seems guilty, in my opinion.

  8. #8
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    36
    Posts
    31,754
    Gender
    Female
    I don't like the way he reacted to you. He was rude to you, and that is not nice.

    I suspect that he might just remember the computer looking differently. I think the bigger point is that he might not want you using his computer. That's the real conversation to have. Maybe he was annoyed the last time you used it and he just never said anything. Do not send an apology email. If you did nothing wrong, there is nothing to apologize for. Deal with the issue in person and don't back down to make a false peace.

    How is the relationship in general and how does he usually treat you?

  9. #9
    Applewhite
    Platinum Member Applewhite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Long Island, NY
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,901
    Gender
    Female
    I don't think this was related to privacy issues, hiding something etc. I am one of these people that leaves a browser with 10+ tabs up all the time for things that I want to get back to reading/doing 'later' (they stay there for DAYS WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS!). I think this was just an issue of him being annoyed at the loss of the tabs - and he took it out on you. I think it was just immaturity and nothing else.

  10. #10
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,496
    If this issue is that he wanted to read an article, surely he can go back into his internet history and find it again?

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
My new boyfriend has a close attractive female friend
I started dating this guy about 6 weeks ago. We usually see each other 2-3 times a week and he calls me on the phone every night. He seems super into
Help! Having THAT conversation with someone...are we friends or more?
Okay, so me and this guy have been casually dating since June. We never talked about getting serious but have kept in pretty constant contact since
Is he overreacting??
My boyfriend bought my daughter a mini drone for her 10th birthday and gave it to her early. He surprised her with it, she got excited of course, and
How do you cope with insecurity when dating?
I've never liked myself much when it comes to looks (I've got certain issues) and that's one thing that bothers me a lot when trying to go on dates
How to tell her I want to explore my options
So I had that bad breakup almost 6 months ago. Been good lately, started dating. Met quite a few. But I have been getting close to serious with one
I got fed up that it wasnít going anywhere, did I do the right thing walking away?
I have a thread already but thought this deserved a seperate topic. Had two great dates with a girl. Before the first date we were communtating a
Dating is confusing
Hi everyone! I am new here. I enjoy reading the post and the warm responses from everyone. Such a great site I joined a dating site and a nice

Featured Threads
What eNotAlone gave you?
I wonder mostly about long-time members who decided to be a part of this community. Has this forum enriched your lives, and if so, in what
How to end things with him
Iíve been dating this guy for 2 months. In the beginning he was very sweet and romantic, however I learned in the last month or so that he is
My ex bf told me he wants sex, nudes and me to loan him money until he's stable... Should I lend $?
Hello.. I am 22 I met my ex bf (21) 3 years ago in college. He dropped out of college after the first semester.. he didn't go to finals. He stayed in
How Should I have handled it?
My GF and I were together for about 5 months. Things were great except for some of my questioning her online activity which challenged her. All
My Ex Husband still berates me
Hello, first off I am not sure why I am on a forum but.. I need an anonymous outlet I guess because my friends and family all say the same thing
Yall ready for a messed up one...
Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only
Iím at a really bad state of mind right now
Itís been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, heís messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I donít care about), and has
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •