Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 38

Thread: Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

  1. #1
    pennyloafer2
    Silver Member pennyloafer2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    479

    Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

    I was at "the guy I'm dating"'s today and he fell asleep, so I got on the computer (I opened a new window, let all his <removed> up) and Facebook chatted with a friend while he slept. When he woke up, I closed my window and let him on his computer. He got angry and said that I "changed" his tabs. I did not. His brother got on and clicked something on ONE of the tabs, which I mentioned to him. He says, no, you closed like 10 tabs. This was a totally false accusation, so I said, I have no idea what you're talking about, this is all I did and told him what I did. He said, well, you're a <removed> liar. I left the room and went to the bathroom to regain my composure. Then we went to a movie. I texted him before the movie ( we were with a huge group of friends and he was conversing with others) I said "What you did was not cool. I don't appreciate being accused of something I didn't do and being called a liar when I did nothing wrong." After the movie he said "Sorry" and I said "It's alright." Later that night when we got home I Facebook chatted him, and he said he's going to put a password on his computer and that he doesn't trust me. I said this hurt because I did nothing wrong. He implied that I lied once more.

    As far as "proof" goes, he has none. I feel like he was mad at someone else and took it out on me. This whole password stuff, calling me a liar, its sabotaging the relationship.

    Should I let it go? Forgive him even though he still thinks I'm a liar?
    I really really care about him so I don't really want to break up, but part of me feels like this is only going to go downhill.

    I'm so tired of this <removed>.
    Last edited by avman; 12-17-2010 at 08:54 AM. Reason: Language - please follow posting guidelines

  2. #2
    maalox
    Bronze Member maalox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    New Location, Same Great Servitude
    Posts
    204
    Gender
    Male
    This is one of those things where I think - why could you possibly care that I used your computer? To me, they are tools - or maybe like a toolbox. To others, my missus included, they are like personal private things. For example a woman's purse. I would never, ever, reach my hand or even look inside. Even if you were sitting right next to me and said: Grab my keys from the purse please... I would hand you your purse and let you do it yourself. To some, their computers deserve that level of privacy as well...

    If this guy is really worth the aggravation then I'd simply apologize for what you did wrong: I'm sorry I used your computer without your permission. I didn't change anything intentionally and I don't think I changed anything at all. I absolutely didn't snoop. I didn't realize that you'd be so sensitive about it. I'm okay with us treating our computers like our bank accounts. I won't touch yours. You won't touch mine. That being said, please don't call me a liar anymore because that hurts my feelings.

    That being said - either 1) your bf has reason to be suspicious. e.g. You are a snoop or told him you were a snoop. or 2) Your bf is speaking from baggage - does he have a snoop-crazed ex ? or 3) He's a wacko with serious trust issues and will be accusing you of everything under the sun for the rest of your life...

    I'm in a #3 situation. If what happened to you happened to me in a new relationship I think I'd give it about 20 minutes of discussion and reassurance, while telling my other in no uncertain terms that the accusations are not acceptable. If it came up again I'd be gone...

    You shouldn't have to spend your life defending yourself, and the accusations can get really creepy.

  3. #3
    pennyloafer2
    Silver Member pennyloafer2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    479
    You're right. He's let me on his computer before, I don't know why this time it was different. I'm writing an apology email right now. PS/ I am pretty sure it is reason #2

  4. #4
    Mauxly
    Platinum Member Mauxly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,025
    Gender
    Female
    What you just described is emotional abuse. False accusations, not allowing you to defend yourself, ridicule, calling you names.

    This guy just showed you his true colors. Do not walk, run! Get away, it will only get worse. Trust me.

  5. #5
    quirky
    Platinum Member quirky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    4,987
    Gender
    Female
    Why are you writing an apology email, I am confused..
    Don't mean to make you paranoid but sometimes people go crazy like that because THEY are hiding something. Do you think that could be the case at all?

  6. #6
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,612
    I think it's rather rude of him to fall asleep when you come over. what else were you supposed to do? sit there and look at the wall?

    I agree with the others, you shouldn't be writing an apology letter. You clicked on one tab and closed it? So what!? (even if you did not). i don't see what the big deal is. Don't write the letter. I would consider not seeing him anymore as well. he sounds highly unreasonably. I suspect he has something to hide.

  7. #7
    Periwinkle.
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Age
    25
    Posts
    63
    Gender
    Female
    He seems guilty, in my opinion.

  8. #8
    Ms Darcy
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Age
    36
    Posts
    31,754
    Gender
    Female
    I don't like the way he reacted to you. He was rude to you, and that is not nice.

    I suspect that he might just remember the computer looking differently. I think the bigger point is that he might not want you using his computer. That's the real conversation to have. Maybe he was annoyed the last time you used it and he just never said anything. Do not send an apology email. If you did nothing wrong, there is nothing to apologize for. Deal with the issue in person and don't back down to make a false peace.

    How is the relationship in general and how does he usually treat you?

  9. #9
    Applewhite
    Platinum Member Applewhite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Long Island, NY
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3,901
    Gender
    Female
    I don't think this was related to privacy issues, hiding something etc. I am one of these people that leaves a browser with 10+ tabs up all the time for things that I want to get back to reading/doing 'later' (they stay there for DAYS WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS!). I think this was just an issue of him being annoyed at the loss of the tabs - and he took it out on you. I think it was just immaturity and nothing else.

  10. #10
    annie24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    46,612
    If this issue is that he wanted to read an article, surely he can go back into his internet history and find it again?

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
I'd like to hear women's opinions on this
I'm a 50 year old male, I just got out of a monogamous relationship about 3 months ago. It lasted for a year. But that's not what this is really
He is still active on dating site
Hey i need some advice I have been seeing someone whom i work with, we never talk at work just the occasional hey or hello and then we speak on
Blowing hot and cold new guy
Hi everyone, I wud really appreciate some input into my situation with this new guy Iím seeing. Long story short, about 7 weeks ago I met a guy
SEND HELP!! Early stages of dating.. should I still put the effort in when he is multi dating?
Ok... I will give it a go: I met this guy online (we have been speaking for two months prior) we met up finally at Christmas and had a great time, we
Turns out sheís my twin flame
After first seeing her in 7th grade and being too shy back then to ever talk to her, I ended up changing schools after a week or so and lost complete
Why do people ignore you?
What goes on in someone's head to make them think it's okay to ignore someone rather than just tell them you're not interested? Do they not
Back from the holidays: waiting for him to contact me
I am back form my holidays. I went away three weeks. We had two great dates before I went away. During the holidays we texted a few times, the

Featured Threads
Moving in together with my almost one year boyfriend but one big issue
Dear All, I haven't been back here for a while now. I have decided to post here instead than in the "pets" section, because I didn't want to
Back from the holidays: waiting for him to contact me
I am back form my holidays. I went away three weeks. We had two great dates before I went away. During the holidays we texted a few times, the
Should I do it?
Maybe itís because Iím such a nostalgic person, Itís going to be a full year since our breakup las January. I still think about her every f*cking day
He chose his lodgers side so I broke up with him but still love him
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because 4 months ago he let a friend move into his house with him she asked him ,and in turn he asked
Feeling unsure after 4 years and before marriage
Me and my fiancť are together for 4 years now, both in our mid 30s, had an engagement not long ago. We live in [B]MY [/B] apartment. I feel
Broke up with gf
So back story 4 months into the relationship. She knows about while she hasn't met my friends she knows of them. I know not much about her past. I
Girlfriend having abortion and says she needs time to herself. What do I do?
Hello, this is my first post in this forum and I am struggling and need a lot of help. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, we are
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •