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Thread: Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

  1. #1
    pennyloafer2
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    Losing trust when you did *nothing* wrong. Please help.

    I was at "the guy I'm dating"'s today and he fell asleep, so I got on the computer (I opened a new window, let all his <removed>up) and Facebook chatted with a friend while he slept. When he woke up, I closed my window and let him on his computer. He got angry and said that I "changed" his tabs. I did not. His brother got on and clicked something on ONE of the tabs, which I mentioned to him. He says, no, you closed like 10 tabs. This was a totally false accusation, so I said, I have no idea what you're talking about, this is all I did and told him what I did. He said, well, you're a <removed> liar. I left the room and went to the bathroom to regain my composure. Then we went to a movie. I texted him before the movie ( we were with a huge group of friends and he was conversing with others) I said "What you did was not cool. I don't appreciate being accused of something I didn't do and being called a liar when I did nothing wrong." After the movie he said "Sorry" and I said "It's alright." Later that night when we got home I Facebook chatted him, and he said he's going to put a password on his computer and that he doesn't trust me. I said this hurt because I did nothing wrong. He implied that I lied once more.

    As far as "proof" goes, he has none. I feel like he was mad at someone else and took it out on me. This whole password stuff, calling me a liar, its sabotaging the relationship.

    Should I let it go? Forgive him even though he still thinks I'm a liar?
    I really really care about him so I don't really want to break up, but part of me feels like this is only going to go downhill.

    I'm so tired of this <removed>.
    Last edited by avman; 12-17-2010 at 07:54 AM. Reason: Language - please follow posting guidelines

  2. #2
    maalox
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    This is one of those things where I think - why could you possibly care that I used your computer? To me, they are tools - or maybe like a toolbox. To others, my missus included, they are like personal private things. For example a woman's purse. I would never, ever, reach my hand or even look inside. Even if you were sitting right next to me and said: Grab my keys from the purse please... I would hand you your purse and let you do it yourself. To some, their computers deserve that level of privacy as well...

    If this guy is really worth the aggravation then I'd simply apologize for what you did wrong: I'm sorry I used your computer without your permission. I didn't change anything intentionally and I don't think I changed anything at all. I absolutely didn't snoop. I didn't realize that you'd be so sensitive about it. I'm okay with us treating our computers like our bank accounts. I won't touch yours. You won't touch mine. That being said, please don't call me a liar anymore because that hurts my feelings.

    That being said - either 1) your bf has reason to be suspicious. e.g. You are a snoop or told him you were a snoop. or 2) Your bf is speaking from baggage - does he have a snoop-crazed ex ? or 3) He's a wacko with serious trust issues and will be accusing you of everything under the sun for the rest of your life...

    I'm in a #3 situation. If what happened to you happened to me in a new relationship I think I'd give it about 20 minutes of discussion and reassurance, while telling my other in no uncertain terms that the accusations are not acceptable. If it came up again I'd be gone...

    You shouldn't have to spend your life defending yourself, and the accusations can get really creepy.

  3. #3
    pennyloafer2
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    You're right. He's let me on his computer before, I don't know why this time it was different. I'm writing an apology email right now. PS/ I am pretty sure it is reason #2

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    Mauxly
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    What you just described is emotional abuse. False accusations, not allowing you to defend yourself, ridicule, calling you names.

    This guy just showed you his true colors. Do not walk, run! Get away, it will only get worse. Trust me.

  5. #5
    quirky
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    Why are you writing an apology email, I am confused..
    Don't mean to make you paranoid but sometimes people go crazy like that because THEY are hiding something. Do you think that could be the case at all?

  6. #6
    annie24
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    I think it's rather rude of him to fall asleep when you come over. what else were you supposed to do? sit there and look at the wall?

    I agree with the others, you shouldn't be writing an apology letter. You clicked on one tab and closed it? So what!? (even if you did not). i don't see what the big deal is. Don't write the letter. I would consider not seeing him anymore as well. he sounds highly unreasonably. I suspect he has something to hide.

  7. #7
    Periwinkle.
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    He seems guilty, in my opinion.

  8. #8
    Ms Darcy
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    I don't like the way he reacted to you. He was rude to you, and that is not nice.

    I suspect that he might just remember the computer looking differently. I think the bigger point is that he might not want you using his computer. That's the real conversation to have. Maybe he was annoyed the last time you used it and he just never said anything. Do not send an apology email. If you did nothing wrong, there is nothing to apologize for. Deal with the issue in person and don't back down to make a false peace.

    How is the relationship in general and how does he usually treat you?

  9. #9
    Applewhite
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    I don't think this was related to privacy issues, hiding something etc. I am one of these people that leaves a browser with 10+ tabs up all the time for things that I want to get back to reading/doing 'later' (they stay there for DAYS WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS!). I think this was just an issue of him being annoyed at the loss of the tabs - and he took it out on you. I think it was just immaturity and nothing else.

  10. #10
    annie24
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    If this issue is that he wanted to read an article, surely he can go back into his internet history and find it again?

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