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Thread: If a guy doesn't chase you, does it mean he doesn't want you?

  1. #1
    Bunney
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    If a guy doesn't chase you, does it mean he doesn't want you?

    This is not the guy I wrote about on my last thread. Yes, the one I was thinking about to seduce and everyone went off on me for. I sort of have two guys on my leash right now and I'm still trying to figure out who which one I like better and who suits me more.


    ok so I'm not really used to guys not chasing.. when I think about it..all of the guys I have dated, they all kinda chased or at least showed a reasonable amount of interest (some too much).

    This lovely monsieur though is not of the sort. We haven't met irl yet, and I'm thinking he might be the kind of person who doesn't want to get too involved with people he hasn't met yet and kinda keeps his distance until he met them irl. Still, we have been playing together and talking nearly every day for about 3-4 weeks, not about too personal or deep topics though..

    He has yet to flirt with me or give me a compliment (besides once mentioning that he thought I have very nice lips) but he did invite me to go on a "date" with him.. we were supposed to go to a café together 2 weeks ago but I did not have time and the next time we were supposed to go, he got the flu.. and we haven't set up a new date yet.. mainly because he hasn't messaged me yet, yes I'm waiting for him to make the contact this time, cuz I did last time..

    The thing about him is that he is shockingly self-confident and is goodlooking and has an all around nice, good strong personality. Whiiiiich of course is a little bit intimidating, so I'm afraid I will be nervous/shy/uptight/tense on our date, but I'll just drink a few glasses of wine before I go, that'll help

    Anyway. So he's reallllllly not the chasing type, but when we talk and play it's nice & fun and all.. is him not showing too much interest a bad sign though? From what I've written here, does it seem like he is not into me?

    Any questions, just ask. I probably left out some important stuff or something. just kinda rambling, gah, hate it.

  2. #2
    Capricorn3
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    I'm not a guy, but I know if I'm not into someone, then I won't "chase" them or encourage them. I can imagine it's the same for most people.

    As to this particular guy, you say you two have been talking everyday for the past 3-4 weeks, so I'm not too sure what the problem is. I don't think he'd talk to you daily if he didn't want to.

  3. #3
    /Jake/
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    If he's been talking to you for 3/4 weeks as you've stated then he's at least somewhat interested in you. Some men simply have their guard up more than others and they don't chase out of fear of coming accross as desperate.

  4. #4
    tiredofvampires
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    He asked you out on a date.

    Why does it have to be more than that right now?

  5. #5
    Capricorn3
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiredofvampires [Register to see the link]
    He asked you out on a date.

    Why does it have to be more than that right now?
    I was trying to figure that out too, lol.

    OP: How much chasing do you need? Asking you on date is not enough?

  6. #6
    Belle
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    He doesn't sound like the type to invest in something that's not real yet. It's completely understandable and means he has a more mature outlook than a lot of people do when dating online. When you do meet, just have fun and be playful and see if he respond to your flirtation. Chemistry is a big part of the equation and photos can't tell you if there'll be chemistry.

    Glad to hear you're not pursuing the other guy. That just sounded bad all around.

  7. #7
    Bunney
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    well... he didn't exactly ask me out like in the classical way.. it was in a response to something that I jokingly said, he was like "hey ok we'll do something next week" .. he wouldn't have said that if I didn't make the joke in the first place.. so I dunno

    and a lot of the times I had to initiate the conversation.. I somehow doubt that we would have talked that often if I hadn't messaged him in the first place.. and like I said when we talk it's never personal and he doesn't ask a lot of questions.. that speaks of low interest or am I just paranoid/ reading too much into things

  8. #8
    LightbulbSun

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    Some guys are shy, and less likely to chase. It doesn't mean they're not interested.

  9. #9
    /Jake/
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    You're worried about his lack of contact and you say he is, "self-confident and is goodlooking and has an all around nice, good strong personality" but that's what you see on the outside. It might just very well be that's he's just as intimidated by you as you are of him.

    In my opinion, I don't think you should over analyze his action (or lack there of). Take it easy, one step at a time and just see where this goes.

  10. #10
    oldenoughtoknow
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    If you're talking every day, I wouldn't worry much about his interest. He may be playing it smart and not getting too invested or attached until you meet. But if he doesn't follow through on setting up the date fairly soon, I think you'll have your answer.

    Maybe, just maybe if you think he's stupidly playing hard to get, just cut off all contact. Let him squirm for a day or two and if he inquires why you aren't responding, just tell him that you suggested a date and he hasn't followed through, and you aren't into wasting your time. Being that assertive will feel really good, and who knows, it just might wake up him up as well.

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