Young women and pregnancy

I think I've stated this before, but I watch 16 and Pregnant. I also have many friends, and family members that are under 25 and that have kids, pregnant, etc. I'm just wondering if it's my observations, but sometimes when I watch 16 and pregnant especially a lot of the time--what goes through my mind--is that it's very important that you are careful about who you procreate with. It seems that a lot of the younger women on this show, end up getting pregnant by those who are either their "first" relationship(which may have been less than 6 months) or to young men who aren't going "anywhere" fast. This is why many of the relationships on 16 and pregnant, have not lasted, I believe so far only TWO couples out of all three seasons are still together and doing well.

So getting to the point:

Do you believe that the younger you are when you are pregnant, the more likely that you'll end up getting pregnant by a person that probably wasn't compatible with you, that may not be right for you, and that may have displayed a lot of red flags that you didn't notice because you were young and dumb?

Is this a reason why it's always suggested that young women wait until they are older(mid twenties and above) because at least with age they have maturity to choose a better partner to have a child with?

I also read a sad stat the other day that suggested that most young women who end up pregnant(under 22) are those that end up pregnant by men who weren't right for them--but they feel compelled to stay regardless for the child?

Amongst my friends that have kids under 25, many of them are with cheaters, abusers, deadbeats, etc. I just wonder if there is a correlation between age and choosing the wrong partner for pregnancy.

And how much thought people invest into who they are having sex with and procreating with to avoid deadend relationships or unstable environments for their child.

So my question--is age and whether or not it's your first relationship (first love or first real boyfriend) correlate with whether or not you'll end up having a child with the WRONG person?

Do you believe that the younger you are when you are pregnant, the more likely that you'll end up getting pregnant by a person that probably wasn't compatible with you, that may not be right for you, and that may have displayed a lot of red flags that you didn't notice because you were young and dumb?

I personally think its different for every person and every situation. A lot of it has to do with luck I guess, you might meet someone young, get pregnany by them and they might turn out to be brilliant and everything you hoped for. OR it might turn into a disaster. I know back in the day a lot of girls ended up marrying and having kids by their first serious bf/courter. My dad was my mums second relationship and she was fairly young when she had me, 23. But they had been dating for over three years by then and were married. So they had a good idea of character.

A lot of the girls who were at my school have had babies at the age of 16/17 and a few have had a couple of kids by different dads by my age. 21. Nearly all of those relationships have now failed and they are indeed single mothers.

Is this a reason why it's always suggested that young women wait until they are older(mid twenties and above) because at least with age they have maturity to choose a better partner to have a child with?

I think yes. That is a valid point. Yes some girls are going to be mature by the age of 16/17. But do they have the necessary life experience to NOT be naive or pick the wrong guy. Experience in relationships is important i think then your better equipped to see what is a problem with that partner, what isnt, what your boundaries are. I think having maturity to pick a good partner is important. But then again you could think they were perfect and then 5 years in they could be leading a double life. Theres no guarantees.

I also read a sad stat the other day that suggested that most young women who end up pregnant(under 22) are those that end up pregnant by men who weren't right for them--but they feel compelled to stay regardless for the child?

I think yes. a lot of people I know stay with guys they DONT even like that much let alone love because they want their child to have two parents. Or their biological father. But then that happens at a lot of ages.

Amongst my friends that have kids under 25, many of them are with cheaters, abusers, deadbeats, etc. I just wonder if there is a correlation between age and So my question--is age and whether or not it's your first relationship (first love or first real boyfriend) correlate with whether or not you'll end up having a child with the WRONG person?

I think its always a risk. You can never guarantee you have picked the right person. But I think youth and inexpereince in picking a partner could be part of why this is the trend.

Do you believe that the younger you are when you are pregnant, the more likely that you'll end up getting pregnant by a person that probably wasn't compatible with you, that may not be right for you, and that may have displayed a lot of red flags that you didn't notice because you were young and dumb?

There is always a chance that one might end up pregnant and later on realize they were not compatible; I do think that teenagers are more prone to this type of relationship because they haven't fully developed and they don't know what they want our of life and from themselves, never mind a partner. I wouldn't say they were dumb, but perhaps naive.

Is this a reason why it's always suggested that young women wait until they are older(mid twenties and above) because at least with age they have maturity to choose a better partner to have a child with?

It probably is one of the reasons, I think another reason is that parents these days encourage (or at least they should) their children to finish high school and go to college, build a life for themselves and have a foundation before starting a partnership.

I also read a sad stat the other day that suggested that most young women who end up pregnant(under 22) are those that end up pregnant by men who weren't right for them--but they feel compelled to stay regardless for the child?

I think there is always the chance of making a mistake and choosing the wrong person, but yes, I do think younger people are more prone to choosing poorly, because they haven't really experienced life and relationships.

Amongst my friends that have kids under 25, many of them are with cheaters, abusers, deadbeats, etc. I just wonder if there is a correlation between age and choosing the wrong partner for pregnancy.

I think many people can get in abusive relationships, but I feel that the younger they are, there is a bigger chance of having control over them, just because they might not know better.

So my question--is age and whether or not it's your first relationship (first love or first real boyfriend) correlate with whether or not you'll end up having a child with the WRONG person?

I do think that age plays a big factor, but even those who are older can make mistakes. you never know if someone is the right person until you live with them and experience life with them.

I guess what I want to say is: OF COURSE age is a factor!

Teenagers (and actually young adults up to 25) are not fully mentally developed. The latest part of the brain to develop is the pre-frontal cortex, which mediates impulse control and decision making. So yes, teenagers and young adults, broadly speaking, are BAD at making decisions. I work with 14-19 year olds. Some of them amaze me with their maturity and wisdom. Most of them, however, do things to which I wonder "What were you THINKING?!". They are terrible at thinking of long-term consequences, at being realistic, at controlling their excitement, at making sensible decisions, at weighing various factors. That's what makes them so fun and lively and full of idealism and potential, fantastically refreshing for adults to be around. It's also what makes the average teenager fantastically frustrating to work with, because you see him/her make bad decision after bad decision. Generally speaking, teenagers don't have the equipment to make good mothers, to be good at picking men for qualities that will make them good parents. Age will correlate with bad decisions in this case simply because teenagers are notoriously bad decision-makers.

(To note: I love teenagers and love working with them, and count myself among the group of not fully-mature, not fully-developed adults. I'd also like to say that many teenagers thrown into motherhood are amazing with what they do, with how they rise to the occasion and do a good job. I think it's hard for them though, hard as it is for any single mother but especially hard because of their age and because of what they have to give up).

Age is no guarantee that you will or won't make bad decisions, but it makes sense to wait until one is older to make such permanent and life-changing decisions as getting married and having children. Wait until your brain is fully developed, until you have your full array of neural pathways at your disposal - in addition to some life experience and some lessons from watching those around you.

One of the reasons I created this thread, is because whenever I watch 16 and pregnant, it's almost like Rocket Science(to me) that MOST of these young men were horrible choices to bring children in to the world with. For me, at 23, I would never have sex with a man that hardly kept a job, that partied all the time, that only played video games, etc. It just seems like there are many visible red flags with these men that are very easy for ME to see. One of these girls' baby daddy was in jail recently(Nikkole) and he was so disrespectful to her mom that it just amazed me that she even decided to date him. I do realize that people--no matter the age--can end up getting pregnant by the wrong person, but it just seems like this specific age group 12-22 are just not great candidates for "choosing" suitable partners for raising a child. What makes it sad, for me, is that many of these women end up having to give up dreams, carry the burden, etc because the dad did not.

I DO think age has a huge effect on whether or not someone will choose a suitable partner. I say this, because I know at 16 I dated potheads, etc. I really had no standards(and I admit this). Thankfully I didn't have sex, because sex was a big deal to me and not something I would do with "anyone", BUT I know that now when looking back on who I dated when I was young it amazes me that I thought that these men were okay. The older I get the wiser I get about what sort of qualities makes a man a good partner, and good father. I suspect a lot of these girls are ignorant to this, because it never crosses their mind that it DOES matter where a man is in his life(financially, work ethic, values, etc) when he has a child. Yes he can change, but for a lot of these young guys change takes place later.

Anyway I am starting to see, that age certainly factors into the sort of people we choose to be with. I still believe the mid to late twenties and older is a better age to have a child(for financial and educational reasons) but I'm also starting to see that it's a better age because you have the maturity to know which qualities are desirable when deciding who to settle down with and have a child with.

A lot of people make mistakes in choosing a partner. ME included. And I believe it did stem from being young and naive and pretty stupid and not paying attention to red flags.

If i'd brought a child into the world with any of my exes it would have been a DISASTER. Which is going to make me think in my next relationship 'If this person would make an awful father/having kids with them would be awful...then maybe they arent a good person to be with'

I totally agree with you. Mid to late twenties is ideally when I'd like to start considering children ,If I meet the right person. And I think by then, I should be smart enough to know whether its the right person/right time. Not saying it's foolproof, but probably better than me having a kid with an unemployed guy who smokes a lot of weed or something.

yep same here. I just think it is sad because it seems like a lot of these women are very genuine and in love at the time they find they are pregnant, and they all seem so shocked when it goes down south. But for us adults, and those a bit wiser, you could already sort of tell that it was going down south and that he was going to be a deadbeat, etc. I do wish that more PEOPLE(women and men) were more careful about who they chose to procreate with. I know that a lot of people end up "accidently" pregnant and in those situations--I'm sure that since the pregnancy was not intended, so they probably weren't placing too much "stock" on what type of partner a "so" would be. But in situations where it's planned, or where they were shocked that their "so" turned out to be a deadbeat, I just sort of feel like it was apparent that they would be. Maybe I'm looking at objectively.

I constantly see threads on here from people who ended up pregnant by "deadbeats" or those that weren't compatible with them(and this is accross age ranges) and they are either unhappily married, single parent, or co-parenting and wishing that they had a child with a more suitable partner. It seems like if people placed more stock into who they procreated with, that these sort of "issues" and "threads" would cease to exist(in a general sense--I know accidents happen, and people change). I do notice that a lot of these sorts of cases come from those that had kids in their early twenties or younger, more so then I see from the older age group.

Yeah youth is definatley going to be a big reason why people choose the wrong partner, cos they dont realise they are wrong or aknowledge the red flags/problems until its to late (they are pregnant/have kids)

However, a lot of people get with people and stay with them hoping it will change, get better, I know couples who have had 'band aid' babies cos they think the baby will fix any issues/problems they have when infact children are SO stressful on the relationship it usually just ends up worse or causing them to split.

Thats the reason why Im not going to waste my time anymore on a guy who is a deadbeat, who or is never going to change. As soon as I get the red flags, or the feelings that they wouldnt be good longterm (marriage/kids) etc I need to walk away. I know im young, but If I accidentally got pregnant, i'd at least like it to be with a mature guy who wasnt a complete deadbeat.

People make mistakes, and I wont judge anyone ,but it is a shame, especially for the women who are then left to pick up the pieces of a failed relationship.

Same here, and I try not to judge, but it's such a general pattern that I'm noticing amongst friends, family members, and throughout this country--of young people under 24 getting pregnant by those that weren't compatible and then having to try to "parent" anyway and it seems to becoming more widespread. 16 and pregnant has spotlighted in a lot of ways, but even before the show existed, I knew many girls in HS, and even in college who were pregnant by "no good" guys and trying to make it work anyway or doing it by themselves and realizing years later that they weren't compatible. I think as a part of sex education, there should also be a course on "choosing suitable partners to have sex with if you want to avoid a terrible pregnancy situation".

I always look for men that are family orientated, good with kids, money-motivated(in the sense that they are willing to work hard to provide), that have careers and good work ethics, and that have similar core values as mine(religious, financial, family, etc).

Sometimes I wish they did teach classes like that. Like 'How to approach relationships healthily' Or 'How to pick a good partner/how to spot signs of abuse etc'

A lot people settle. Young girls included. They are in a rush to get married/have babies sometimes and they kind of think anyone will do, then it ends up failing spectacularly.

Yeah Im dating, but, I've decided at the first sign of something not being right, our values being too different etc then Im cutting it off. I want a guy with his own car/job/house.

The last guy I dated was like late twenties, no job, no flat, until later on, then he started smoking weed. I should have put my foot down!! And next time I will. I dont think I want to risk sex/getting pregnant with someone who Im not sure about or who would make a terrible father. Next person im properly with, Im going to wait until I have a good idea of what their like before I risk that.

i agree with sapphire i think classes on relationships need to be brought into schools the same thing for how to rise a baby at a young age. I mean sex education has worked wonders in most area's but we need to make young people aware of what happens when you get pregnant, hope to cope before - during and after baby comes also how to handle relationships more maturely.

My ex and i was a bad pairing i mean he had no job, no money and could hardly afford his own place i didnt find this out until i moved in with him he then wouldnt use protection as he said he didnt like how condoms feel and i was trying to find at the time the right form of contraception for me but it was too late as i fell pregnant i'm glad i terminated i was too young, it made me ill and in no position to have a baby and he threatened to leave.

At the end of the day young people need to be aware that most relationships you get into dont last more so when your 16 and under i mean i'm 21 and pregnant with my new fiancé and we have been together a yr now but i still take every day as it comes as we both felt it was right for us and we are so in tune with one another its amazing but even still we know we need to work at the relationship in order for it to work.

1 agree with sapphire i think classes on relationships need to be brought into schools the same thing for how to rise a baby at a young age. I mean sex education has worked wonders in most area's but we need to make young people aware of what happens when you get pregnant, hope to cope before - during and after baby comes also how to handle relationships more maturely.

My ex and i was a bad pairing i mean he had no job, no money and could hardly afford his own place i didnt find this out until i mored in with him he then wouldnt use protection as he said he didnt like how condoms feel and i was trying to find at the time the right form of contraception for me but it was too late as i feel pregnant i'm glad i terminated i was too young, it made me ill and in no position to have a baby and he threatened to leave.

At the end of the day young people need to be aware that most relationships you get into dont last more so when your 16 and under i mean i'm 21 and pregnant with my new fiancé and we have been together a yr now but i still take every day as it comes as we both felt it was right for us and we are so in tune with one another its amazing but even still we know we need to work at the relationship in order for it to work.

The problem with the classes are not so much the classes, but the mind sets of the teenagers. I know when I was in high school we had to take this class where they gave you a baby to take home with you for 3 nights, and it would cry randomly, and you had to put this key in its back and hold it there until it stopped crying, and often times it was in the middle of the night. The baby would time how long it took you to get to it, if you took the key out, etc and then the teacher could see and it was reflected on your grade. Everyone made a huge joke out of it, however, I can totally see the reasoning behind teaching it. Sometimes it just seems like teenagers have the thickest skulls ever and nothing penetrates them until they are smacked with reality. It's really sad.

Oh yes, I do think age is a factor. Especially when talking about teenagers.

This is why I am glad when I was a teen, I simply waited and didn't have sex. It's not a moral issue for me - whether teenagers have sex or not - but for all practical purposes, waiting makes the most sense!

I too have a plethora of very young family members who had children either as teens, or very young, and got "saddled" into very ugly situations and relationships because of their feelings at the time and then, I think, because they got so scared of being on their own.

I also want to state though that it is not only those teens who get pregnant who make those kinds of awful choices, and pretty much stunt their own growth as adults because of a tenaciousness to childhood issues.

In my family, there is certainly a model for this kind of choice and behavior. And for many people, that is the case too. Though certainly not all where young people become pregnant, choose to have the child, choose to keep the child.

I've seen this show (though don't watch it regularly) and it's pretty sad. It does remind me of girls I knew at that age who had babies. Most of the cases, the boy didn't stick around and a few even gave up their parental rights. I do know a couple who had a baby at 16. They are still together and married before the baby was born. They are also young grandparents now, but they are the exceptions. Most of the couples I knew with a baby at a young age are no longer together. Then I look at the guy I slept with at 16 (only time I slept with some when I was underage) and am glad I didn't have a kid. He wouldn't have stuck around and years later he is disabled. I will say my choice in men was pretty bad in my early 20's and most of them would have been lousy dads.

I think part of it is the sexualized society we live in, and then add in this idea that having a baby is "fun". Babies are a lot of work and require 24 care. Not to mention that many girls are so love starved and think boys will stay around. Many of them won't and leave the childcare strictly to the inexperienced teen mom. She gives up far more than he does. I would have made a lousy teen mom myself because I was self centered.

If I have a child I will sit them down and tell them being a teen parent is a rough job. Tell them that yes sex is fun, but full of consequences.

So my question--is age and whether or not it's your first relationship (first love or first real boyfriend) correlate with whether or not you'll end up having a child with the WRONG person?

First off, I don't think most teens are trying to get knocked up, they just don't know how to prevent pregnancy to begin with. I've heard teens talk about many myths that go along with pregnancy(can't get pregnant your first time having sex, can't get pregnant if you have sex standing up, etc.) and they truly believe these myths. They aren't exactly looking to get pregnant, just want to have sex without thinking about consequences. Then there are some teens who believe that having a baby will "fix" their relationships. I just talked with this 19 year old who is 20 weeks pregnant and she said she thought her boyfriend would straighten out once they started their own family and boy is she wrong. Going even further, some will even get pregnant to try to "keep" their guy, which also doesn't work. These are all prevalent problems in our society that need to be fixed. I don't know the best way to get teens to understand the information, as many are very stubborn with a 'thick skull' and feel that they are 'invincible'. If you look at the statistics for how many teens get into a car accident their first year of driving, it's extremely high. They just assume they can handle it, when many can't. There are of course exceptions to every case, so there are mature young adults who can have children with the right partner and get along great. I wouldn't say all teens/young adults are stupid and not thinking things through. I learned a lot from watching my cousins. I have 2 older female cousins and both of them got pregnant in high school and got pregnant again within 6 years of that. Neither are with the first child's dad. One cousin married the second child's dad and my other cousin has given up her baby for adoption. I always promised myself that I would never be like that and have been cautious as to who I choose as a date. There is a risk at any age, that the guy you choose can be bad for you, but at a younger age, a person may be blind to the red flags that are there.

Yes. Simply because over half of first times relationships don't end up working out any way. First love and all that, people grow up and grow apart, become two separate people. I can def. see were people are more likely to get pregnant by people they aren't compatible with.

Eh. I believe we women are told to keep our V card simply because it's looked at as something holy and special in our society. To an extent it is. I lost my virginity when I was 14 and while I wish I had waited at least 3-4 more years, it happened. Can't change it. So why it is important, I don't think it's this grand thing we should wait until we are 25 to hand out, you know? And age has nothing to do with maturity in my book. Most 22 year olds are out parting, drinking, and traveling. Settling down is the last thing on their minds. Me, however, I am one of the settlign down ones. I have always been mature for my age but I don't think that has anything to dow ith age. It has to do with your life experience and how you view the world. So you could still have 30 year old who has the maturity level of an 18 year old and still be making mad decisions. I do believe you should wait until you are mature to have a child, WHENEVER that age may be.

Anyone can end up with a bad person but if they don't have maturity and are in their first relationship yes, there is a correlation.

Thinking of who we want our children's parent to be is not the foremost thought in a teenagers mind and that's when most of the sexual activity starts. So unless you have a very mature teenager or young 20-year-old they aren't going to be thinking of this.

I can agree with Optomistic i mean i'm very mature for my age most people dont believe me when i say i'm only 21 they think i'm nearly 30 because of how i act my ex on the other hand people thought he was younger then me hes now 27 and people still think hes 18-19 because he acts so immaturely.

I've had to grow up quick an learn from my mistakes and man you learn very quickly when you live with someone who is older then you but depends on you like your their mother etc.

I had to look after my sister when i was 11yrs old as my mum got depression, i then had to give up my time with friends so that my parents could work at the weekends an late in the evenings when i was 13-14 i then left home at just turned 17 to live with my ex i then fell pregnant and had to terminate i didnt mean to fall pregnant but like in previous post it wasnt just my fault. I then have had to go months with no money and living off nearly nothing because he wouldnt work and i wasnt excepted into many jobs because i was young or didnt have experience, i have had to support my ex when he refused to get a job for nearly 2yrs and i had to try and hold down jobs that made me physically ill and which i hated. I have had it pretty rough all in all and now things are starting to be on the up i mean my partner has had it rough to an would make a great dad we are so compatible its untrue, we know what makes a good long lasting relationship work and we feel ready to settle down and have kids well one for now but most girls my age who have already had kids at this age or younger arent as mature and rely on their parents for a lot of help with the kids some are far to immature and go from one man to the next in the blink of an eye and use the kids as a weapon. On the other hand you have some girls my age not even thinking about kids as they want to go out drinking and getting smashed on the rare occasion do you get girls like me who find that nearly perfect partner and settle down and are mature enough to look after the kids themselves.

I don't think age is a deciding factor as to if a person is mature or not. I know people my own age who are very mature and I know people in their 40s who are super immature. It's really about a person's life experience and how they look at life. I have no interest in partying, getting wasted, etc like many my own age do. I'm happy with my boyfriend and would like to settle down. I'm 21 and I know that I can handle it and am ready. Others may think, oh you're too young, but that is their opinion since they don't exactly know me or know what I've been through. That's fine if they think that, I really don't mind. Yes, others may make a bad name for those who are younger, but not everyone fits the stereotype stupid teen/young adult.