Why are some men stingy with money ?

What i mean is why some men like to spend money on themselves only ? And can a stingy man change his ways money wise ?

A lot depends on whether the women they are with spend money too or whether they feel that they have been taken advatage of in the past.

I think you would need to clarify what you regard as stingy behaviour, and what you think should be happening instead, in order to get a meaningful response. Some examples may help as well.

Well for example,my significant other has a job, has a house to pay and few other bills,credit cards ,also.I also do have a full time job and also my bills.He rarely pays when we go out ,so we spend a whole lot of time at the house and then i find out that he buys tv games,dvds ,just things that are not necessary and then he states he cannot afford to go places ,so i end up paying since i like to go out to eat,movies,dance,etc...Other than that he is affectionate and serious guy.

I think you would need to clarify what you regard as stingy behaviour, and what you think should be happening instead, in order to get a meaningful response. Some examples may help as well.

I agree. Are you guys married? Are you working and earning your own money? Unless you are married I don't feel he has any obligation to pay for or buy things for you.

What kind of things do you expect/want him to buy for you?

Well for example,my significant other has a job, has a house to pay and few other bills,credit cards ,also.I also do have a full time job and also my bills.He rarely pays when we go out ,so we spend a whole lot of time at the house and then i find out that he buys tv games,dvds ,just things that are not necessary and then he states he cannot afford to go places ,so i end up paying since i like to go out to eat,movies,dance,etc...Other than that he is affectionate and serious guy.

I have a friend that's like this. You should talk to him and mention that if he also wants to go out that he should at least contribute sometimes to your dates. That isn't fair that you always end up paying. I think his priorities are just a bit out of whack in terms of spending...not so much that he's stingy with money. That doesn't seem to be the case.

Yes i m working and do have a good job.I think it depends on the person.He thinks like this.If i invite him to eat out.I should pay.But we are trying to work out on that .Just wondering if thats stingy.So next time we are going out,im going to ask him to contribute.I do think that he spends a whole lot on crazy stuff.

I don't think it's stingy, I think he just has his priorities in different arenas that you do. To you, it's more important to go on dates and experience things that, unfortunately, cost money. To him, it's more important to spend money on things he can enjoy independently.

It just sounds like conflict of interests that you two should talk about and come to an understanding with each other.

Yeah.You are right.I mean with 500 dollars he ll buy something for the house,tv,furniture stuff,etc...and id go on a weekend trip with these money.

Yes i m working and do have a good job.I think it depends on the person.He thinks like this.If i invite him to eat out.I should pay.But we are trying to work out on that .Just wondering if thats stingy.So next time we are going out,im going to ask him to contribute.I do think that he spends a whole lot on crazy stuff.

I wouldn't do it that way, I would follow the excellent suggestion from Maroney555 and have a proper talk with him about your different spending priorities, and where you each think money should be spent. If you just ask him for a contribution while you're out without any prior warning, he's likely to feel resentful and not understand what's going on. Do you live with him, btw? It's a little unclear from your previous threads, but it could make a big difference to some of the answers here.

Basical.We are going to live together starting January.

It's all about teamwork. You guys should be able to oneday you pay, maybe next time he covers dinner, so on and so forth.

See .Its unclear how much money he makes.I assume good.he is a car salesman.Works for dealership.

Basical.We are going to live together starting January.

Okay, so he may regard anything related to the house as purchased on behalf of both of you; i.e. he's covering the home front and freeing you from those types of expenses, so in return he thinks you should be covering most of the social stuff. If that's not how you want it and you would rather split both, that's fine, but you'll need to talk to him about that and be prepared to start paying for some of those home things that he likes.

Okay, so he may regard anything related to the house as purchased on behalf of both of you; i.e. he's covering the home front and freeing you from those types of expenses, so in return he thinks you should be covering most of the social stuff. If that's not how you want it and you would rather split both, that's fine, but you'll need to talk to him about that and be prepared to start paying for some of those home things that he likes.

Good point. You probably wanna ask him if that's how he's looking at it OP. Since it seems that you guys already think differently for finances this could be his way of compromising.

Men like to provide so if he's not doing so for you I would question if he actually loves you.

I've never had a problem with me spending money.

99% of the time I have to TELL them to stop.

The only man who was stingy with money with me was this guy I was in love with (and he knew how I felt) who didn't care about me much at all.

What i mean is why some men like to spend money on themselves only ? And can a stingy man change his ways money wise ?

Yea, I think this question needs to be in context as well. If it's regarding men who you meet on dates or at a bar with a general lack of chivalry or if it's about men you're already close to like a boyfriend or family member. I think men in general have lost a lot of gentlemanliness and chivalry in the modern age because of this sense of feminism that's rising to a standard too. Women are no longer really dainty creatures for romance and motherhood as much as an equal in society in terms of careers, knowledge, and attitude. At the same time men aren't bred with the hunter and protector mentality anymore, they often have a vulnerability they try to shield as defensive righteousness.

Basically, if you go to a bar there's a big chance a guy won't offer to buy you a drink even if he's hitting on you because he thinks women are most likely going to use him for a free drink and leave. They might even try to sneak away with as much free stuff as they can get out of you as well. If your trying to squeeze onto a bus or through a crowd, chances are most guys aren't going to give way to a lady either. There's a general shamelessness and selfishness going on in modern society. A lot of boys find it funny humiliating women or watching women get hurt because they see them as a physically weaker people but just as threatening in competition. If chivalry is no longer popular in society then what do they possibly gain from giving and submitting to a woman's whims first? I think a man will not be stingy and selfish the same time as a woman, is when they're first infatuated to a point of worship, where they will give anything to make the other person happy. Unfortunately that doesn't last long either, so this is what we got.

Men like to provide so if he's not doing so for you I would question if he actually loves you.

I've never had a problem with me spending money.

99% of the time I have to TELL them to stop.

The only man who was stingy with money with me was this guy I was in love with (and he knew how I felt) who didn't care about me much at all.

I'd say I disagree with this. Money doesn't equate to love. And I don't feel he should have to buy her things to prove that he loves her. That sends the wrong message, in my opinion. I agree that men like to provide, but he shouldn't have to all the time.

This man is really conservative.He states he is a mommas boy and the he dont like to buy stuff for women because they can allways leave him.However he bought expensive stuff for his mom and dad.He also stated that he wants to build a future for his children and his children will have everything they want.Meaning he would put the children first.And he mentioned to have children with me in the future.

Men like to provide so if he's not doing so for you I would question if he actually loves you.

Wow, we had "he likes to pay" from another poster in a thread yesterday, and today we have "Men like to provide", and the suggestion that if a man isn't paying for most of the stuff, you should question whether or not he loves you. I guess in some people's feminism all genders are equal, but some genders are more equal than others. Measuring how much someone loves you by how much money you can persuade them to spend on you is an extremely bad idea in my view, which does a disservice to both genders.

This man is really conservative.He states he is a mommas boy and the he dont like to buy stuff for women because they can allways leave him.However he bought expensive stuff for his mom and dad.

This I find interesting. This seems to be more of a trust issue. Is there a woman in his past that expected monetary thing a lot who broke his heart? If so, how long ago was that?

His ex wife was gelous of his parents so he caugh her cheating and then she left him.that was years a go.I do not know if she took money from him.But she did loan to a girl he knew 1600 dollars and he never got it back.I m the one that does not like to buy many things to a man because of the experience i had with someone i really loved and after i was spending money on him he left me.

Men like to provide so if he's not doing so for you I would question if he actually loves you.

I've never had a problem with me spending money.

99% of the time I have to TELL them to stop.

The only man who was stingy with money with me was this guy I was in love with (and he knew how I felt) who didn't care about me much at all.

I sort of agree with this. Men generally feel accomplished when they're competent and able to provide for others, especially their woman or family. I mean really what man feels good about himself or his social life if he were the housewife and his wife provided for him. But if the guy is sort of riding the fence financially and has to budget alot to make ends meet then he might not be so willing to pay for everything. On top of that, no matter what, his parents and his immediate family will always be above you as a spouse. Because his parents raised him and provided for him his entire life. Your basically a partner who gives him friendship and sexual nourishment in his adulthood. And no matter how important you are you can be replaced, not his parents. And I guarantee you if it were a life or death situation where it was either you or his parents, he would put his parents first ( or children if there's any).

It sounds like this guy likes a good household rather than spending money on things outside. He probably thinks that having a meal at home or watching a DVD is simply better than going out.

There is nothing wrong in that! It is a difference of values; and this might be a problem in the future.

But there is a mildly sinister side of the problem, in that you are judging him by his willingness to spend money on you as a test of whether he "loves you". I would say that the difference in values could be quite wide unfortunately.

I sort of agree with this. Men generally feel accomplished when they're competent and able to provide for others, especially their woman or family. I mean really what man feels good about himself or his social life if he were the housewife and his wife provided for him.

Okay own up, who turned the calendar back to the 1950s?

We're no longer in a "men go out and earn the money while women stay at home as housewives" society. Both the OP and her bf work and earn money, in common with many other couples out there. These 1950 gender stereotypes no longer apply to vast swathes of society. Many men these days feel accomplished if they can find a partner who is an equal and who doesn't see them as a walking credit card.