Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 38

Thread: My wife is lesbian. I am going crazy

  1. #1
    grazi
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    9
    Gender
    Male

    Unhappy My wife is lesbian. I am going crazy

    Hello everyone This is my first post. I wish to get some advice from you. I just found out my wife is lesbian; after 8 years and 3 kids. Can you guys believe my luck?
    We stopped having sex because she said she felt not comfortable then after a few month she says that she wants women; that she imagines herself with a woman and to make matters worse I think she has a lesbian lover. I told her that she should think about us , about GOD ,family, responsibility; our commitment nothing worked. She told me "two women can truly love each other". Guys this is tearing me apart. I love my wife so much, she has always been an excellent companion, but now she seems changed, I can not even see her naked; for Christ sake! she locks the bathroom door to put lotion on her legs. I have no job at this time, very few friends, no family, I am ALONE. I am at home carrying this burden. I want to leave; but where? I don't want to leave the kids here with her; she is very selfish, she does not worry about them as much as me. What is the moral values that they will absorb from home as they grow up?
    I told her that I can make concessions; to let go so we can heal. I am even thinking to tell her to act on her feelings in relation to "that" woman, hoping this is just a fantasy and would go away; I am going nuts; my head is spinning. Guys this is ultimate suffering and torture.

  2. #2
    alli
    Platinum Member alli's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Age
    31
    Posts
    5,468
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    306
    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I know of someone that on their honeymoon, their new spouse told her he was gay. I guess he thought he could go through with the marriage & realized afterward he couldn't. I think if she's the one that doesn't want to be together, maybe she should be the one to move out. If she's already seeing someone as you say she won't have a problem figuring out where to stay. The longer you are in limbo though, the more it will hurt. If this is clearly an irreconcilable difference right now, it's best to end this situation now rather than stretching it out any longer than you have to.

  3. #3
    CSLX9

    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    506
    Gender
    Male
    Ever thought about having a triangle then?
    You, Her and any potential female lover she has... At least
    you'd be doing it with her as well : P
    Instead of for example, her potentially going behind your back
    and doing it. . .

    Probably very far out for most people to consider... But just putting
    it out there...

  4. #4
    grazi
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    9
    Gender
    Male
    Thank you for your quick replay alli. I am waiting to get a job to have some economical leverage; then I can make my voice be heard. -this is the most sane thought I have at the moment-
    I can not see myself without my children; without my wife; they have been everything to me for the past decade.

  5. #5
    grazi
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    9
    Gender
    Male
    Thank you CSLX9. Yes I have thought about a triangle is not that far that far out for me; but I am scared of putting my wife on a track that she won't be able to come back to me later on
    I am not scare of sex adventures. What I am scare of is loosing her forever. Do you guys understand?
    My wife makes it very hard to approach the subject; every time I try to address the problem she locks up; very few words; a few gestures and that is it; she does not like to talk about it.
    Last edited by grazi; 12-15-2010 at 12:48 PM.

  6. 12-15-2010, 12:32 PM
    Reason
    Personal ad

  7. #6
    lukeb
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Age
    51
    Posts
    3,196
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    184
    It does look like an irreconcilable differences, and as hard as it may be I think it would be best for the sake of the kids not to turn this into a moral issue. If this turns into a hard fought custody battle I fear the only real losers will be the children and the only real winners will be the lawyers.

    That is just my opinion, you must do what you feel is the right thing to do. I do think though that infidelity is not an indication as legal proof that she is a bad parent. Ultimately it is not about what you believe but what you can prove in court.

  8. #7
    millaj
    Silver Member millaj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    37
    Posts
    722
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by CSLX9 [Register to see the link]
    Ever thought about having a triangle then?
    You, Her and any potential female lover she has... At least
    you'd be doing it with her as well : P
    Instead of for example, her potentially going behind your back
    and doing it. . .

    Probably very far out for most people to consider... But just putting
    it out there...
    I doubt she would do that if she doesn't even want to have sex with him or have him see her naked.

    Anyway, my suggestion is to allow her the space to be who she is. Let her have her time and figure out who she is. She might just be going through a phase. Every 7 years we change anyway. I am bisexual, I know. I have had relationships with women and men and now that I am done having relationships with women I am ready to marry a man.

  9. #8
    WockaWocka
    Platinum Member WockaWocka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,811
    Thanked
    1
    I'm sorry for what you're going through but I agree with lukeb. It sounds to me like part of the reason you two can't communicate is because you are injecting morality and religion (and I would add some implicit homophobia) into the discussion. If your wife is a lesbian it's tragic and hurtful that she didn't realize it before marriage, but in my opinion it's NOT selfish nor immoral.

    And I say this knowing couples to whom this has happened. Mostly they were married in the 1960s and 70s, but it still happens today. In People magazine last week there was a story about a married Southern Baptist preacher--the fire and brimstone type--who realized he was gay and came out to his wife and children and to his congregation a few months ago.

    I think you may benefit from some reading on the issue. Since you are unemployed I won't recommend counseling but I WOULD recommend you contact your local PFLAG chapter (parents and family of lesbian and gays); they are a highly reputable nonprofit that offers free support groups for people coming to terms with a family member's homosexuality.

    I imagine that once you come to terms with it, give her space, and can approach the issue from more of a "what should we do now?" perspective your wife may be more open to discussion. But first you have to work on accepting this reality, as painful as it may be.

    PS. What millaj said about 3-ways is right on. Despite what you see in pornos, in real life lesbians usually want no part of a 3-way with a man.

  10. #9
    greywolf
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Good question...
    Age
    30
    Posts
    10,360
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    16
    OP, could it be that she is just no longer attracted to you? You said you have no job, and it looks like she is your only emotional support. That burden is enough to turn a lot of people off.

  11. #10
    Scotty123
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    uk
    Posts
    311
    Thanked
    1
    Hi, I am sorry about the situation you find yourself in. It is not an easy one. As with so many issues nobody can tell you what to do but only offer their own life experience.

    My experience is of being in your wife's position ... married with two kids and then slowly realising I am gay. Maybe the onlt difference was that my marrige was by that time in bits and very unhappy for both of us.

    I know this may be hard to take but your wife's feelings are no reflection on you. There are very many woman who only realise they are gay until later on in life. And I hate to say this but I don't think there will be anything you can do to effect her feelings.

    As somebody has said the question of what do we do now is I think the most important. Your kids are what matters the most without a doubt. Their future and well being must be your focus.

    Again as has been said I don't think a three way is the way to go. It will just cause more pain for all involved. I know you are hurting as you wife has been a hugh part of your life for a long time, but you will get through it.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  12.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Just found out my husband is gay.
We have been married for 9 years this year. Our marriage has had its highs and lows but mostly highs, we met while he was in the service and married
Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •