I got banned from Plenty of Fish!

I had a profile there and apparently people complained so it was removed. Some guy got upset because I said if you are dads don't respond. I don't get it, men can ask for what they want, but because I specify what I don't want I can't? Btw, I was polite just posted it like said. Not that I care since I never had luck there anyway.

Do they tell you that this is the reason for ban or are you just assuming? maybe you said stuff more hurtful than that?

weird. did you ask why you are being removed?

That's the reason why. I emailed the one moderator and that's what he told me. Apparently several guys complained because I "rejected" them. They saw what I was looking for, did they think I would bend? They could have ignored me but chose to send messages.

If I do online again I'll do eHarmony or Match. I lurk on Match and find a lot of men near me with what I am looking for.

Did you explain your position to the moderators?

And it might have been how you worded your rejections to these men.

When these guys emailed me, I asked them if they saw my profile where I stated I don't date dads. I then told them I couldn't bend. Several got really nasty with me and one guy blocked me when I tried to respond. I will admit I may have been nasty to a few of these guys, but it's clearly in my profile.

I had a profile there and apparently people complained so it was removed. Some guy got upset because I said if you are dads don't respond. I don't get it, men can ask for what they want, but because I specify what I don't want I can't? Btw, I was polite just posted it like said. Not that I care since I never had luck there anyway.

Instead of stating what you don't want, it is more positive to state what you are looking for. ie, "I am a never-married woman without any children, and I am looking for a never-married, childless man as well." Then if a man who you don't want writes to you, either a - don't write back, or b - tell him thanks but you are not my type and continue with your search. when I did eharmony, there was a pre-written reason that said, "based on statements in their profile, i am not interested in this match." that's plenty enough reason!

When these guys emailed me, I asked them if they saw my profile where I stated I don't date dads. I then told them I couldn't bend. Several got really nasty with me and one guy blocked me when I tried to respond.

I think you are being unnecessarily offensive, and there is no reason to be this hostile to strangers. A simple, "thanks for writing, but I don't think we are compatible" is more than enough. you don't need to explain to them why you don't date dads.

I should have stated it better I will admit. I know when I did Match I put looking for never married childless men. I at first ignored them but a few asked why I never responded. I think it just bothered me they didn't read my profile and I probably did say nasty things but they shouldn't have contacted me.

Did you explain your position to the moderators?

 

And it might have been how you worded your rejections to these men.

Exactly! i rejected hundreds of men myself when i did online dating, but i never wrote anything nasty to them, nor did i engage in debates.

I should have stated it better I will admit. I know when I did Match I put looking for never married childless men. I at first ignored them but a few asked why I never responded.

So if you get the divorced man with kids, and he asks why you are rejecting him, just say, "based on your profile, i don't think we are a match" and leave it at that. he can go ahead and figure it out. you don't need to reply to anything after that.

That's what I'll do if I do online again. I probably should have worded it differently but it frustrated me because most of the responses were from dads.

Out of curiosity, what age group of men are you looking for?

That's what I'll do if I do online again. I probably should have worded it differently but it frustrated me because most of the responses were from dads.

Yeah, that's what got you. Lesson learned, right?

well, that's life. When i was doing online dating, I (and I'm sure other women as well) routinely got men outside of our criteria - whether it be age, sex, location, hobbies, political interests, etc..... and i get why they do that. you may as well try! haven't you ever applied for a job that you're not perfectly what they are looking for, but you decide to try anyways? men do the same with online dating. they might be a bit shorter than what you want, or older, but they go for it anyways. sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. but it's a compliment and should be taken as such, no reason to write anything mean to a man who expresses interest.

Goes both ways. Men ask for slender/athletic women and we get women who are a combined 2-3 slender/athletic women.

No, I wouldn't reply - Did you read my profile for what I'm looking for?

I just probably wouldn't reply.

Maverick

I have a feeling that it wasn't your profile, but maybe your reponse(s)? Perhaps a couple guys got angry and then wrote to mods and got you banned. Honestly, I think it's childish of them. If you said you won't date dads, then they should have never written you. But still, being hostile to them isn't nice. It's not like they had poor intentions they just a) couldn't read or b) are dumb. Not deserving of your attention that's for sure, but also not deserving of hostility.

Anyway, I think you'll have much better luck on Match.

I've never been "banned" from a dating site but I was told by eHarmony that they "had no matches for me" and buh bye. Still, I think Match and eHarmony are your best shots. I think stating "I'd prefer a never married, childless man" is still very important on your profile. When a dad emails you on the site, just write back and say "sorry, I stated that I want to find a never married, childless man. Hope you find what you're looking for!" and then BLOCK him.

^^ yes. and when i did online dating, some men were asking for slender/athletic women, but they would write to me (I had 'average' and i had full body shots). maybe some decided i was ok enough to date, after looking at my photos?

^^ yes. and when i did online dating, some men were asking for slender/athletic women, but they would write to me (I had 'average' and i had full body shots). maybe some decided i was ok enough to date, after looking at my photos?

Right. THEY came to you, however. Based on what you said, you looked at their profile, didn't message them, and moved on.

It's different if they say what they're looking for and then message you when you didn't match their request yet they still matched yours.

In this case, if someone messages you who doesn't match your profile, don't message back. I don't see the big deal to be honest. I'm not going to tell a woman "I'm not going to continue messaging you because physically you do not appeal to me." Why do that? IMO, there is no point to addressing attribute deficiency on online dating sites.

Just don't reply.

Maverick

Right. THEY came to you, however. Based on what you said, you looked at their profile, didn't message them, and moved on.

 

It's different if they say what they're looking for and then message you when you didn't match their request yet they still matched yours.

 

In this case, if someone messages you who doesn't match your profile, don't message back. I don't see the big deal to be honest. I'm not going to tell a woman "I'm not going to continue messaging you because physically you do not appeal to me." Why do that? IMO, there is no point to addressing attribute deficiency on online dating sites.

 

Just don't reply.

 

Maverick

oh, i replied to most of them!!!!

a few guys were describing what they wanted in their profile, and then they contacted me, and to a few i wrote back saying that i didn't match their description of their dream woman, but they argued otherwise. (like one guy pointed out he did not want a 'brainiac' but i had in my profile that i was a PhD student.)

Right. THEY came to you, however. Based on what you said, you looked at their profile, didn't message them, and moved on.

 

It's different if they say what they're looking for and then message you when you didn't match their request yet they still matched yours.

 

In this case, if someone messages you who doesn't match your profile, don't message back. I don't see the big deal to be honest. I'm not going to tell a woman "I'm not going to continue messaging you because physically you do not appeal to me." Why do that? IMO, there is no point to addressing attribute deficiency on online dating sites.

 

Just don't reply.

 

Maverick

I'm not slender nor athlethic but I've still had men who like that body type like my body as well. So maybe if I was doing online dating and I really liked a guy, I would message him although I'm not considered those things physically. Sometimes it is more the matter of perception. But yeah, OP said she doesn't want a dad and I think that's a different category and a more important/obvious message to men.

I'm not slender nor athlethic but I've still had men who like that body type like my body as well. So maybe if I was doing online dating and I really liked a guy, I would message him although I'm not considered those things physically. Sometimes it is more the matter of perception. But yeah, OP said she doesn't want a dad and I think that's a different category and a more important/obvious message to men.

Sparkly - but if he chose to not message you back and said "Did you not read my profile?", wouldn't you be like..."What a jerk. I wouldn't want to date you anyhow". If he didn't message you back at all, done deal, right?

The importance factor depends on the person.

Maverick

Sparkly - but if he chose to not message you back and said "Did you not read my profile?", wouldn't you be like..."What a jerk. I wouldn't want to date you anyhow". If he didn't message you back at all, done deal, right?

 

The importance factor depends on the person.

 

Maverick

That's perfectly fine. He has to choose what is good for him. Honestly, I see that attitude more in guys than in girls.

That's perfectly fine. He has to choose what is good for him. Honestly, I see that attitude more in guys than in girls.

The attitude about not messaging back? That's pervasive accross both genders from what I've seen and heard.

If you were speaking about an attitude towards physical characteristics, that's also accross both genders. Men and women are not ALL that different. While both genders would say, I want someone to treat me right, when you get down to the meat and bones, a woman wants to find a physically appealing guy (i.e. I hope he's tall, etc..). Men want a physically appealing girl.

I don't want to take this off the original intent of this thread. Just my $.02 on this topic. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to continue this conversation.

Maverick

The attitude about not messaging back? That's pervasive accross both genders from what I've seen and heard.

 

If you were speaking about an attitude towards physical characteristics, that's also accross both genders. Men and women are not ALL that different. While both genders would say, I want someone to treat me right, when you get down to the meat and bones, a woman wants to find a physically appealing guy (i.e. I hope he's tall, etc..). Men want a physically appealing girl.

 

I don't want to take this off the original intent of this thread. Just my $.02 on this topic. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to continue this conversation.

 

Maverick

Nope. I meant thinking "What a jerk. I wouldn't want to date you anyhow".