Straight friend and..hand j's

So I've been posting threads on glbt and the friendship forums being sad, jealous, confused about my friend. He is my best friend and recently things have been pretty awkward, in a good way. For the last couple of days I've been visiting him a lot, first I came up to see him because he woke up one morning and his body was aching horribly and he had work that day in the afternoon too (first day of work). I volunteered to bring him medical help but it would require me driving about 200 miles total which I'm totally fine with. He didn't want to burden me with it and when I agreed to help him he thanked me and it wasn't just a oh thanks. It was a very real appreciation and says he loves me as a friend which made me feel good.

I'm not sure if that has any relevancy but last night I picked him up which is the day after I brought up the medicine and hung out and slept over at his main house. We just chilled on the bed and usually when I gotta sleep I have to make a bed on the ground since he says he feels weird sleeping with another guy especially a bi guy. So I did and understood where he was coming from. So the next day (today), we just hung out as usual in his house, and in the afternoon when it was getting dark we just talked and he showed me a bunch of wrestling moves and there was this one move where he got me down and it ended up on my head pressed against his c0ck. Of course I was a bit turned on but I kept cool and pretended as if it was nothing. He had to return to where he was staying and I wanted to drive him home and he didn't expect me to do so, so of course he appreciated it deeply and we were on the road.

I was close to his house and there was a yellow light, he's like "RUN IT" then I was like fff no and stopped. He's said something like "Bro you could have made it but you drive like a grandma" jokingly. I replied in a joking manner with "wut, what's wrong with wanting to spend more time with you" He just laughed and said "aw man you're so funny bro, I love you as a friend, but not romantically haha" Then he's all playfully saying "what you wanna give me a hand job before I go or something?" of course as a joke again. Then I replied nervously that I didn't want to. Then as the person he was he's like "yeah you want to give me a hand job don't you I can see it in your face hahaha"

Then when I pulled to the driveway to drop him off and when he was getting out of the car, it seemed like immediate pain on his back struck him and he couldn't stand. I was worried as hell so I helped him to his house and placed him on the bed and got him medication. He wasn't looking so well and I offered to massage his back to ease the pain and surprisingly he agreed. He usually has his shirt off when he's at home so massaging him gave me some sort of guilty pleasure. I was massaging him while he was sitting on his futon starting from his back and then I he lied down and I continued to do so but with my lust growing, I starting going down to his butt, but knew he'd be too gayed out so I proceeded to legs and see if he'd react. A little while after the legs he kind of breathed out "Oh man that feels good.." and then turned with his back on the futon. I felt extremely turned on by this seeing his face semi sick but pleased by this. I know full well he is straight, like straightest guy ever, so I'd never proceed to disrespect this. I started massaging his shoulders then chest, but being lustful I crept close to his face and he was like, "no." and I just gave a "what do you mean no? I was just seeing if you were ok" face. and continued massaging his chest then tried avoiding his nipples but I really wanted to so I "accidentally" go over it from time to time and he didn't respond. I was thinking "should I massage his legs even though he's faced up this time? Would he think that's too gay?" Then I realized he has an erection which was easily noticeable with silk shorts. I just told him, "uh you know you have a.." Then I flicked his penis as a joke and he was like "oh..bro could you massage that for me too please?" I didn't know how to react. I again said "uhh no..stop messing with me" He's like come on I'm serious there's no girl or anyone and this isn't even gay, just massage the dam thing."

I was immediately shocked and started rubbing it and asked "isn't this a bit too gay for you? His reply, "Think nothing of it bro I know you want this, I'm doing you a favor, I get to nut, it's a win win just don't run around telling people." I was slightly offended thinking like oh so since a girl's not here to help you, you're just using me, but I wanted this badly and was really into the moment so I gave in. His moans made everything worse, I wanted to just stick my head on his c0ck and when I tried going for it, he was like no bro, that's too much, I just asked for a massage not a blow job. So I proceeded to jerk him off till he came and rubbed the head and tasted it with my fingers and he just laughed and said "Bro you are so gay." Then I just spent a bit of time with him to see if he was doing a bit better and then I'm home still in shock about what just happened.

So thing is I know my friend is 100% straight, he gets girls and comments on girls as a straight guy would. He's very good looking and very very good socially. When I came out to him as bi, he was cool with it and said as long as you respect me, I'll respect you. But after today I don't understand. Why would he allow me to give him a hand job? Was it just pure pleasure, no labels or any of that bs? Was this his way of thanking me for everything I've done for him?

As long as you respect him, he respects you????

Doesn't sound like he respects you much to me. Sounds like he just took advantage of your feelings for him.

Maybe he isn't a total waste of space, and is just trying to deal with this the best way he knows how. Or maybe he is trying to understand you by exploring his own sexuality with you, a safe person for him to do that with. But what he said about doing you a favor, rubbed me the wrong way. And alarm bells were going off in your head, too, about being used.

i think he's bi-curious and highly embarrassed about it.

i'm a straight guy and i'd never be so desperate to get my rocks off that i'd put myself in a position to, and even suggest, getting a sexual favour from someone I knew was bi and into me.

either that or he's some sort of sex addict and doesn't care who he gets it from (and is being very disrespectful of you)

Yeah, I'd say he's bi-curious and intrigued by your attraction to him. Your attention to him is making him "strangely aroused" but he's trying to maintain his "straightness" as he explores it all.

The whole body soreness, massage thing and wrestling you into that position sounds like he was trying to manipulate you into making a move on him so that he wouldn't need to make the first move. Only time will tell if he ends up admitting to it all or staying in denial.

As a bisexual guy, who have been in your situation before, I can tell you how it will play out. He is either bi-curious and feels ashamed or he is totally straight and just wanted to nut to end the day. Although from your description it sounds like he was testing the waters to see how far it will go. I mean putting his c0ck in your face while doing a wrestling move, letting you massage him with his shirt off, and letting you give him a handjob. He has some homosexual tendencies, don't be surprised if he revealed them later to you down the line.

His masculinity that you mentioned is more likely a cover and around you he can be himself. Does he put his straight friends in compromising wrestling positions or allow his straight friends to massage him?

Well I haven't really met any of his friends because he hasn't hung out with them for years, I'm his only friend that hangs out with him regularly. He's become my best friend within a year already. I'm sure that the wrestling position was unintentional cause wrestling techniques are usually in awkward position anyways. The thing about my friend is..like every other story I am in love with him. He allowed me to perform a sexual act and I feel happy with that fact but also, discontent because he's just..straight so it'll be nothing more than just pleasure. We care about each other very much but in his eyes it's more of a very good bromantic relationship. This hurts me because I'm just waiting for the day when he gets a girlfriend and then I will be replaced..

Well I haven't really met any of his friends because he hasn't hung out with them for years, I'm his only friend that hangs out with him regularly. He's become my best friend within a year already.

Do you know that he doesn't have other friends, or is that just what he tells you? It's probably hard to judge him very well without knowing what he's like around other people.

That's what he tells me and I basically talk to him every single day so I know what's going on with him =/ I've never hung out with him in a group though so I only know him when he's only with me because I'm the only person he's been hanging out with regularly anyways..Btw..do guy friends joke with each other in manners such as this

Him "What's taking so long bro?"

Me "I'm just getting ready."

Him "Yeah putting on your make up and lipstick and huh hahaha."

Me "Totally I am putting on make up and wearing lipstick just for you."

Him "Gonna put my in your mouth with that lipstick hahaha!!"

Me "Zzz.."

This was all through phone when I was about to go to his house, he jokes like this a lot. This is before I told him I was bi, and way way before this hand job incident.

Also there's this other time when I introduced him to my friends who live closer to me, so I hang out with them a lot too. My friend asked how I met him and this is kind of how it went.

Friend "So how'd you guys meet?"

Him "You mean when we had sex?"

Friend "Oh no I mean before that."

Him "Yeah when we had sex."

This was obviously all jokes and fun because we never ever had sex and this way before the hand job as well. Of all the jokes, why would he choose sexual implications?

He's a very confusing man..friend..the way he talks about girls, and his past. He is 100% straight, it's like he is so dam comfortable with his sexuality, that he can poke at being gay himself but will always still be considered straight. I'm not making much sense here..

Within a year, we have become very close friends, all the obstacles within this year, helped us become possibly one of the best friends for each other. Too many details on why but, I just don't get it. Maybe the question "Do straight guys really do this and that?" wouldn't work because asking that would be stereotyping him, everyone has a different personality. Maybe that's just who he is with jokes and all..Even though it confuses me and hurts me. I could talk to him about this because he knows that I'm going through a rough time being confident in who I am and states he'll always be there. But I don't want to go right out and say, oh I really like you. It's implied to him that I like him but it was never clearly stated so I'm sure that's why there's no awkwardness yet. The reasons why I don't want to confess to him is because one it might change our friendship, two when I told him that this one song Talk- Coldplay, means a lot to me because I told him that it references him he was shocked for a moment and asked "You aren't going gay on me are you?" because he thought it was a love song but it wasn't but I just told him to listen to the lyrics. He was shocked because there was a girl who was in love with him for years dedicated a song to him and he had to gently push her away and they're still very good friends. Every time we hang out and it was a good time and whenever I leave I feel good. It usually ends with me telling him I'll always be there when he needs me and he says either, "thanks man, I appreciate it, I love you,you know that."

Then after that day I don't feel the need to talk to him because I was satisfied about the day before and want to leave it at that. I don't want to know the truth of what's going on with his day at work because I am constantly afraid of him probably hooking up with a female co-worker or something and I get jealous thinking about it and I call him to see what he's doing just to make sure. I know this is a clingy attitude..I want to stop this attitude, but I can't help but like him too much..

i think you deserve an answer from him, but if he's still coming to terms with it then you have to let him become comfortable enough with the idea to 'come out' - everything you've mentioned sounds like bravado on his part, sometimes the most adamently straight men are only acting so because they think they're less of a man for being curious or something, so they over compensate.

If you want to help him in a kind of passive aggressive way, go to him asking if you're being bisexual makes you any less of a man in his eyes (or society's eyes). if you have to, or feel like you have to, make it a story (e.g. someone treating you differently because of your sexuality) and that you need some emotional support. By 'helping' you (if that's what he wants to do) it might help him indirectly shed light on himself.

Patience though. Have you guys spoken or hungout since the HJ incident, and if so, how was he?

Yes we have, he's working a lot lately and with my personality, I get paranoid and worry a lot about him when he's working since he works over midnight. I call him every time he goes off work but I don't think I'll continue calling since he yesterday did state that it feels like I'm a girlfriend but I'm just his homie, best friend, and brother to him. I apologized but he said nothing to say sorry for because he's trying to raise me right

Yes we have, he's working a lot lately and with my personality, I get paranoid and worry a lot about him when he's working since he works over midnight. I call him every time he goes off work but I don't think I'll continue calling since he yesterday did state that it feels like I'm a girlfriend but I'm just his homie, best friend, and brother to him. I apologized but he said nothing to say sorry for because he's trying to raise me right

 

He is your best friend who you happened to give a handjob? I don't know, maybe he is just extremely comfortable with you. You say that you never hung out with him in a group setting. Well maybe he acts differently with other people than he does with you.