Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: How long did it take ex to realize their loss and return?

  1. #1
    discoverme
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    10

    How long did it take ex to realize their loss and return?

    Not sure if there's a post out there already, but how long did it take your ex to realize their loss and beg for you back?

    Don't need a long story, just time (days, weeks, months, years)?

    Also, was it a nasty yelling break up or a cordial calm break up?

  2. #2
    Bobbadoo
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    194
    Thanked
    1
    I think it really depends on the break up, the quality of the relationship and whether or not the ex jumped into a new relationship. It also depends on how fast you go into NC mode I believe. I remember reading some stories that it took from 2 days to 8 months. I think the faster you go into NC the shorter the process is. However the main thing is to not wait. Do not wait for them to come back and beg. If you wait around you are first going to drive yourself crazy and second set your value very very low. You are better then that. Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

  3. #3
    perio
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Oregon
    Age
    50
    Posts
    243
    Gender
    Male
    Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that. Maybe we will be together years down the road but I doubt it. I don't think we can assume that they made a mistake just because it was right for us but not for them.

  4. #4
    bungalo
    Gold Member bungalo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    1,351
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    Not sure if there's a post out there already, but how long did it take your ex to realize their loss and beg for you back?

    Don't need a long story, just time (days, weeks, months, years)?

    Also, was it a nasty yelling break up or a cordial calm break up?

    I can guarantee you that NO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP involves begging. If someone comes back because they were begged into it, they are retuning out of pity. Do you want someone to pity you? Indeed, there are breakups that are neither nasty nor cordial, but somewhere in between. In my case, I was shocked, and it was fairly quiet, but the tension was definitely in the air.

    Show them that you don't need them and move on and then they will see the mistake they made by breaking up with you.

    If you don't run in the same circles, how are they going to see that you don't need them? And, from many a dumpers viewpoint, maybe no matter what it wasn't a mistake for them to leave.

  5. #5
    Minx2012
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,165
    Thanked
    2
    1) " FIRST LOVE " ( 1-2 year relationship...I forget now...it was in my teenage years! )
    - Horrible messy break up
    - Came back after 2 years.

    2) " LOSER EX " ( 1 year relationship )
    - Horrible messy, scary, police-involved break up
    - Came back ( as in " stalking me " ) after a few hours of my dumping him
    - He has been stalking me for 7 - 8 years now to the point that whenever I start an online account, I make sure that I enter his e-mail addies to block him...in any case he finds me.

    3) " PASSIONATE EX " ( 1 - 3 years " on and off " )
    - Clean cut, quiet ( yet I was in turmoil inside ) type of break up. He dumped me. I accepted it even though in my heart, I was grieving hard.
    - He came back to me after 1 year or so. He comes back every year..trying to reconnect but I always say " no ".

    4) " BORING BUT NICE EX " ( 3 year relationship )
    - Sad, messy, uncomfortable break up ( I cheated on him and he found out ).
    - He never came back. I never wanted him back.

    5) " CURRENT EX - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE - THE ONE WHO I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO MARRY " ( 4 year relationship )
    - He is in the midst of dumping me...as in he has been thinking about it, but hasn't officially said it. I consider it done bc he has thought about it already.
    - Coming back ? I don't know. We're not at that stage yet.

    * In all between these boyfriends...I had a few casual dates and 3-month long " dating "....all of them came back after I dumped each one of them. Some would come back throughout the years or every now and then...but of course, I always said " no " and tried to keep them as friends.

  6. #6
    Brownstone322
    Platinum Member Brownstone322's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Virginia, USA (The 757)
    Posts
    2,245
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    35
    Quote Originally Posted by perio [Register to see the link]
    Maybe they didn't make a mistake. I have left relationships and never looked back. I believe now that my recent ex made the best decision for herself at this stage in her life. I accept that.
    This is a great attitude, and I've always felt the same way. I didn't want my ex to leave at the time, but who would I be to say she was making a "mistake"? She's a smart lady; nobody knows what's best for her better than she does.

    I've always thought that anyone who can't get past the self-absorbed idea that their ex "made a mistake" has zero chance of a successful reconciliation. It's not you being "right" and him or her being "wrong." That's a non-starter.

  7. #7
    discoverme
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    10
    Interesting u remember all that... here's mine.

    1) First love (3 years)
    -cheated on me, i forgave him, then he cheated again, i forgave him, but could never get past the cheating, then we had a nasty break up where i ripped his shirt at a club after finding out he cheated again! (yes i was young and naive)....then i cut him out and was done, he tried to get me back, but i wasn't interested. he has been trying for 6 years now, tries to contact me every once in awhile saying "i have thinking about things a lot and want to talk" in which i don't respond to cuz now he's just being pathetic. I'm grossed out I was so in love with him.

    2) Met thru mutual friend, clean cut guy who was nice on paper. (2 years)
    - was very selfish and i fought with him a lot because of this...we broke up once, but we remained in contact and got back a month later for another go. we broke up a year later after i started gettin disgusted by him, didn't want him to touch me or hold me, it was weird cuz i've never experienced that. Never wanted him back after the break up, it was mutual and we remain friends.

    3) Best friend turn boyfriend (1 year)
    - my hardest break up by far since we were friends for 4 years, then dated. He broke up with me, we were cordial and nice, but whenever we talked, we'd fight, the same reason he broke it off. The fights led to name calling, and sayin awful things, and now we are in no contact. Broken up for 6 weeks, no contact for 2 weeks after he texted apologizing for being mean and i sent no response.... we shall see....

  8. #8
    Nothisdoormat
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    In a great headspace
    Posts
    375
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Brownstone322 [Register to see the link]
    This is a great attitude, and I've always felt the same way. I didn't want my ex to leave at the time, but who would I be to say she was making a "mistake"? She's a smart lady; nobody knows what's best for her better than she does.

    I've always thought that anyone who can't get past the self-absorbed idea that their ex "made a mistake" has zero chance of a successful reconciliation. It's not you being "right" and him or her being "wrong." That's a non-starter.
    This is such a true statement. It reminds me of an old song "We Just Disagree" by Dave Mason - "there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy; there's only you and me and we just disagree."


    People leave relationships for valid reasons as much as they leave because of GIGS or because someone cheated or just wants to meet other people. Sometimes it's as simple as the couple just being incompatible, or maybe there are traits or characteristics that are simply deal-breakers for the other person. Relationships are not simply black and white.

  9. #9
    peternaizeh
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    56
    Gender
    Female
    First Love (7 yrs and 10 months)
    - He broke up with me. He told me at first that he needs time, space. He is not happy anymore. He does not want me to feel greater pain. I asked him the real reason behind it, He told me that he is not sure if he could love me the way I love him. He wants to find himself. I let him go, since I understand that he nids to breath, He nid to experience how to be free. Since we were together since were 17. After a month, I heard that he like a girl he met in his office during our relationship. I was hurt and feel cheated. I asked him, because I does not believe anyone but him, he told me that he did not cheated on me that why he broke with me, he feel that he could love the girl and he does not want to hurt me. He still value me but he does not love me. He was confused with his love for me. And He want to make sure that he really love me by letting him go and doing things that he want without hurting me. I want him back bcoz he is the perfect man for me? I'm not mad at him bcoz he was so honest. And I am willing to wait. But I'm afraid he will not come back. I felt that he loved me but I'm wondering why does that love fades. We does not fight. We had a smooth relationship together. I've been supportive. Why does love fades?

  10.  

Top Threads
Getting back with the ex - Help with signals
Ex is in contact with me now after 1.5 months. When she contacted me I asked her to meet up. Since I have agoraphobia I kindof loosly set a date
When your fiancee loves you, but loves someone else more...
Hello everyone These last 3 months (last 5 weeks especially) have most definitely been the worst of my entire life without a shadow of a
I met my Soulmate/love of my life
A year ago I met a girl I fell in love with before we ever went anywhere. We locked eyes and for weeks I saw signs with her name and felt her
Ex Texted me after 1 month NC
So a month ago I sent a farewell text to my ex saying that I loved her and that I wanted to be with her and that I could no longer be friends. I also
I guess people can't change..
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. In November, we broke up and I moved out of the home we built together because we were
Help me change his mind?
Hi, I am going to sound crazy, without self-respect and maybe a bit of a masochist but I really like him. I am hoping to make a guy----- who used
Is it normal to feel this way?
Is it normal to feel utter relief that a relationship is over and you're free from the heartache, self doubt, and gut wrenching pain it caused

Featured Threads
Controlling or very opinionated?
Hi, my name is Michael. I came here for some advice on my girlfriend and I's relationship. I am 17 and she is 16 and we've been dating for just shy
Women who prefer/only date younger men
I am dating a woman who is 9 years older than me. However, going after younger guys doesn't appear to be her pattern. In fact, the age difference
Still feels like the first day...
Long long story short.. I'll Coles notes it. I meet the love of my life at a gig I was playing, we ended up not spending a single night apart for
My partner and I have different goals, values, and thinking, should we continue?
My partner and I met a couple years ago when she moved to the city I lived in. We had shared a group of friends but never really knew each other
I'm hurt and not sure what to do ...
So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^ For a couple of weeks now
Who Am I and What do I Want?
Hi everyone, and thanks for reading this. At the moment I feel like I am having some sort of identity crisis, whilst not knowing what I want for
Is it wrong that I still talk to my ex boyfriend?
My ex boyfriend dumped me last week because he was pressuring me to have sex and I wasn't ready to have sex and he keeps calling and texting me every
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •