If my life doesn't get better I will kill myself

I've been given a terrible life and this year has gotten worse. I can't handle anymore. I'm trying desperately to find a job and keep getting rejected after rejected. I can't find any job, I've even applied at fast food and retail but was told I am overqualified (which I am with 15 years job experience and a masters). Then there's my guy situation where the one I want hasn't come around and I don't know if he will. I don't want anyone else and besides at my age the pickings are slim (and I refuse to settle). This on top of the fact that I suffer from arthritis which is normally mild but due to stress is acting up. I also have psoriasis and that's acting up too because of the stress. Also, my aunt died of cancer this fall at 45.

I am questioning why bad things happen to me and no one else. Why can't I find a job? Why can't the guy I love want to be with me? I see people I know with jobs and spouses and I know this will be denied to me for some reason.

So I have planned my funeral and plan to carry this out if things don't get better. I've even planned how I will kill myself (gas in my car). I really don't want to kill myself but if things aren't going to get better, with a job and the guy I want coming back, what's the sense of living? I can't handle this anymore and I resent that some have what I want while I have nothing. Sure, my family will be sad, but I won't be a disappointment to them anymore.

Instead of stacking your problems on top of each other why not look at them as individual challenges and break them down 1 at a time. None really seem insurmountable and most have to do with your black and white distorted perception.

Give yourself a break...noone is perfect.

Please don't consider killing yourself Newwave. You have so much potential like you've mentioned (masters, beautiful, smart etc) When we are having hard times it may seem like we are only ones having troubles and everyone else is succeeding. The truth is that everyone struggles and often are going through crises but don't show it. Be strong, you can because you are.

Hugs-Brittney

sorry but you want to kill yourself over a guy and no job??

how about the people in africa or anywhere, or the homeless or the really sick??

sounds selfish to me...i have been following your posts and you need help and you have been told this over and over but it doesn't seem to get through to you, so why not actually seek help for destructive behaviour instead of creating more and more topics with very strange questions sometimes.....you NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it seems to me that you just want the attention here with some of your weird topics

and to resent people who seem to have what you want is also not necessary, everyone has problems, you don't know what they might be dealing with so it's not that bad things only happen to you, besides there are far worse things than not getting some guy and not finding a job..

sorry but you want to kill yourself over a guy and no job??

how about the people in africa or anywhere, or the homeless or the really sick??

sounds selfish to me...i have been following your posts and you need help and you have been told this over and over but it doesn't seem to get through to you, so why not actually seek help for destructive behaviour instead of creating more and more topics with very strange questions sometimes.....you NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not helpful whatsoever. We all have struggles whether we are millionaires, homeless, or live in a third world country. Newwave is struggling right now and the emotions she's feeling are real.

yes i know but read her other posts and you see that we said many times that she needs help!

If you read these threads, lots of people on here are in the same boat as you and they aren't going to kill themselves. You aren't the only one with disappointments and a hard life.

I am 58. I raised a child alone. I haven't lived with a guy for 19 years. 1 1/2 years ago, the love of my life dumped me for another woman and never talked to me again. I am dealing with a potentially life threatening health issue. I am poor, and not working at all. I spent Thanksgiving home alone, sick and dizzy in bed. I couldn't even get out of bed to pee, I was so dizzy.Last night i thought I might have to go to the emergency room. I was supposed to go to Hawaii in a few weeks, to live with my daughter, and I am probably not going because of my health, and now my only child will probably fly away from me. Do I want to kill myself, no. You are not the only one with a hard life. I want to get better, and I want to meet my husband, and have a happy, healthy life.

You need to be thankful for what you do have. Last night I was thankful that at least if I layed a certain way, and didn't move I wasn't dizzy. Believe me, I was in bad shape.

Instead of stacking your problems on top of each other why not look at them as individual challenges and break them down 1 at a time. None really seem insurmountable and most have to do with your black and white distorted perception.

Very true about the distorted perception ..Looking at your ''problems'' from a different slant often gives you a different perspective..Personally I am thankfull for every ''problem'' or difficult situation that I have had in my life as I think they have made me who I am today and I like who I am today.

Good point ...she needs to break things down and take absolute baby steps to get back in the game.

I agree with this, there are seriously ill people out there who would give anything to be healthy e.c.t. and you threaten to take your own life over ridiculous things which can easily be orietated. Don't be silly!!! Sounds harsh i know, your probably depressed. Seek medical help!

You need to get professional help. Is there any way you could see a phyciatrist or a therapist of some sort?

We all have hard times...PM me if you need to talk.

Hey Newwave, read all the responses I've given to your threads on healing. I do know how you feel.

Please PM me if you need to talk.

We're all here to help, but we're not the only ones in the world you can turn to Use all the tools at your disposal.

Thanks for the tips,it was very helpful,i appreciate it

You are still young and killing yourself will not answer your problems..you will just end up being a lonely soul roaming this earth for eternity. So please dont do it,life is too precious and if a guy doesnt love you then why make him seem so important by ruining your life and boosting his ego! ITS NOT WORTH IT..NOT EVEN HIM!

Jobs are hard to come by,trust me i know. I also used to be turned down for jobs and i kept trying until that door opened while every other door was shutting on my face. Try doing some volunteer work at a children's hospital or animal clinic and you will see that life is not to be wasted on sulking and being negative. A young girl changed my life,i too was like you hating life and wanting to end it all...this young girl was abt 7 years old and she lost her leg during an accident but this girl was so positive about life and so happy,she loved life and has so much of dreams and hopes for the future. It made me so happy to see this young girl smile and she was grateful for everything she has. So this is just what life is about,even if life tries to get you down..you can always pick yourself up and be stronger and wiser...

I hope you realize that life is a gift and if you dont treasure it and love it then im afraid the devil has worn you over..so dont let him!! Stop the negative thoughts and be more positive........

Wow newwave, I'm so used to reading you around here that it really shocks me to find you in a suicide thread. Sad...

Actually if you are willing to get lesser jobs, a good way to avoid the "overqualified" thign is to just lie. Ommit your master, change your working experience. They usually won't bother confirming your past experience to hire someone in McDonalds, and even if they found out, why would they complain if reality is actually BETTER than what you told?

Regarding your problems with guys... well I'll leave that to someone else since I'm obviously not the best to give advice there

I am questioning why bad things happen to me and no one else.

Seneca (my favourite philosopher) had a little exercise. When he felt that bad things were only happening to him, or he was helping someone who thought the same thing, he would have them make a list of people who have the same problems.

A lot of people are single and having a hard time getting a job. Your filters just aren't looking for them. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one and your problems aren't insurmountable.

What is a problem is how having a man is so tied to your self-esteem. Being in a relationship is such a fragile state that it's a bad idea to attach to it as something that gives you a value.

Can you see a Dr about your psoriasis and arthritis? I know they are both painful condtions.

Im sorry newwave. I know it must feel overwhelming and like theres no way out. Even if there are people with similar or more issues. Sometimes people get overwhelmed by their own and it can seem very difficult to find a way out.

Like someone else said, break them down as challenges and meet them head on. The job market is difficult, really difficult, there are lots of people struggling. Life is really hard. This time last year I lost two of my relatives, was broken hearted, and felt like the world was having a laugh at me. BUT I got through it, Im stronger for it all now, and now another heartbreak around the same time. I feel ok, I have my family, my friends, Im looking for work, getting my life in order.

You can be ok. Speak to a therapist or counsellor, we can only say and help so much, but we are probably not best qualified to help you with this. But stay strong and we are ALWAYS here for you. PM me anytime.

Employers are using the 'try before you buy' method of using temp agencies to place people in 'starter' roles. When they have a temp they like, they offer that person opportunities to apply for more suitable roles within their company. These are roles not open to the public at large unless they can't fill from within--and that's why you never see them listed.

I'd get on the phone to book appointments with one temp agency per day, at least 3 days per week, even when they say they have nothing at the moment. Put on your interview costume each morning and go fill out the paper work and test to become 'active' with each agency. If you test poorly you can go back to use their tutorials until you're able to improve your score, so there's no down side. There's also no other way but in person to activate your application--electronic resumes don't count, the agencies only place from their pool of actives.

Opting for suicide if you don't get what you want is the ultimate temper tantrum. Nobody else can make things better for you, so threats are pretty useless and they make you feel sick and lousy. The best way to feel better is to know that you're proactively getting out there to methodically do your best, so visit one agency three days a week until you have covered a ridiculously large radius (the agency farthest away from me placed me closest to my home).

Head high.

Newwave, On another thread last week you stated that you got 2 job offers? What happened to that? Also, you have 2 dates this weekend so it seems things should be a bit better for you.....

To those of you who offered sympathetic advice, thank you. I never thought I'd fall this low but I have. The guy issue aside, I can't seem to get a break in anything. I've tried omitting things from my resume with no luck at all. Employers would apparently hire a recent grad than me though I have the skills. I've never considered suicide before but just feel things won't get better. Then today I got yet another rejection. People have suggested working for myself but I don't want to. I have so much to offer.

Newwave, On another thread last week you stated that you got 2 job offers? What happened to that? Also, you have 2 dates this weekend so it seems things should be a bit better for you.....

Unfortunately the two job offers at least for now fell through. One decided against me and the other I haven't heard from. One of the guys had to cancel but the other guy I'm still going to meet. I really don't want to at this point but it might cheer me up.

Employers are using the 'try before you buy' method of using temp agencies to place people in 'starter' roles. When they have a temp they like, they offer that person opportunities to apply for more suitable roles within their company. These are roles not open to the public at large unless they can't fill from within--and that's why you never see them listed.

 

I'd get on the phone to book appointments with one temp agency per day, at least 3 days per week, even when they say they have nothing at the moment. Put on your interview costume each morning and go fill out the paper work and test to become 'active' with each agency. If you test poorly you can go back to use their tutorials until you're able to improve your score, so there's no down side. There's also no other way but in person to activate your application--electronic resumes don't count, the agencies only place from their pool of actives.

 

Opting for suicide if you don't get what you want is the ultimate temper tantrum. Nobody else can make things better for you, so threats are pretty useless and they make you feel sick and lousy. The best way to feel better is to know that you're proactively getting out there to methodically do your best, so visit one agency three days a week until you have covered a ridiculously large radius (the agency farthest away from me placed me closest to my home).

 

Head high.

I'm signed up for all the temp agencies within a 40 mile radius and most have told me I'm now unemployable because I've unemployed so long. A few others send me jobs but most of the time I don't qualify. I've done a few temp jobs since I've been unemployed but not enough to survive.

I have decided that if the one I want doesn't come back by January 1st, I will go into my garage and turn on my car and have a peaceful death. If I can't have what I want I see no reason to live. I have written up my funeral.

Not to mention being attacked on here, which just proves to me I am worthless and the world would be better off without me.

I really don't want to kill myself but if things aren't going to get better, with a job and the guy I want coming back, what's the sense of living?

I know it must be hard not finding a job but I think you should give it some more time, in this economy many are unemployed. You say you don't really want to kill yourself, so why do it? Is there nothing else in life, besides this guy, that you like?

Sure, my family will be sad, but I won't be a disappointment to them anymore.

Well why don't you ask them what they prefer, your being unemployed for awhile until you find a job or you commiting suicide so the unemployment becomes an nonissue? I think your family would be more disappointed if you died on them.

I have decided that if the one I want doesn't come back by January 1st, I will go into my garage and turn on my car and have a peaceful death. If I can't have what I want I see no reason to live. I have written up my funeral.

Don't put a timeline on things they almost never work and makes you stressed and then you'll give off desperate vibes and hence making it less likely to happen within your timeline.

Not to mention being attacked on here, which just proves to me I am worthless and the world would be better off without me.

You shouldn't judge yourself by different standards than other people. Do you label all temporary unemployed and unmarried people as worthless? If not, you shouldn't label yourself worthless either. If someone in your family was still single would you tell her she ought to kill herself within two weeks if she hasn't snatched a boyfriend by then? If no, why should you tell yourself to do that?

I have decided that if the one I want doesn't come back by January 1st, I will go into my garage and turn on my car and have a peaceful death. If I can't have what I want I see no reason to live. I have written up my funeral.

 

Not to mention being attacked on here, which just proves to me I am worthless and the world would be better off without me.

Newwave your posts are scaring me. I think you need to call up a professional. The fact that your planning a suicide in a few weeks if he doesn't come back, is a bit scary to me. What happened to you dating? To joining singles groups? To wanting to have a baby? Why are you putting all that to the waste side? Believe me I've been there before(not to this extent though) and felt suicidal(weeks ago) AND I have a job and a bf. A week later I felt better. Sometimes suicide truly is an answer to a temporary problem. The economy will get better, and you will get a job. If you put yourself out there, you'll EVENTUALLY meet someone. You can still adopt kids, freeze your eggs, etc. Your life isn't over yet. If your only problems are job loss and not being married then I'd say your fairly lucky.

I know it could be worse, but it just feels hopeless at times. I know he's not coming back, I am having a hard time thinking of this. This is why I don't think I want to seriously date anyone else, because of these moods swings (which I've never had before now). Actually in a way I hope he never does come back because then I'll have to fix this by myself. All I want is a job and a man and feel neither one will happen.