Playing with fire! So confused :(

I'm in a sticky situation at the moment. My fiances best mate and I have strong feelings for eachother. We stay clear from eachother as much as we can, but the problem is when we are around each other we cant help but touch and flirt. Now there is a bit of history as my partner initiated a threesome between the 3 of us. But called it off when he didnt like the fact his best mate was touching me. That was fine but he initiated it again a couple of months later and did the same thing. This has left me and his mate wanting eachother more and more.

His mate come over the other nite and everytime my fiance left the room his mtae was trying to convince me to stay home from work the next day so he could come over. He also kept pulling a certain thing out of his pants obviously being careful he dont get caught!. Now I went to work the next day but it's starting to stress me out. I do have feelings for him but I love my fiance. And if I didnt i would have stayed home that day. I dont know what to do I cant tell my fiance cos his mate said he'd deny it.

Has anyone got any advice as to what to do? Now i know its my fault for flirting etc but i told him a month ago i couldnt do anything. He said he was cool with that. But then the other nite hes tried it on again.. Ugh so confused

For one. He is not your fiances friend if hes hitting on you.

Two. If your attracted to him to the point of flirting/touching you are being unfaithful and it would be kinder to end it with your fiance.

If you really didnt want him to carry on, and if you dont. Tell him if he tries it on one more time you will put the whole situation out in the open and tell your fiance. Im pretty sure he wont go near you again then.

but the problem is when we are around each other we cant help but touch and flirt.

If you really didnt want him to carry on, and if you dont. Tell him if he tries it on one more time you will put the whole situation out in the open and tell your fiance. Im pretty sure he wont go near you again then.

I agree with the above. If you really wanted him to stop, you would tell your fiance about it.

As to you "can't help it to touch and flirt" ...... Yes, you can. You are in full control of where this will lead, or not lead. It's a choice. You can choose to get into a situation, or not. It seems to me that you enjoy what's going on and don't want it to end.

Ask yourself how much you love your fiance. If you're very attracted to this other guy, maybe it would be best to cancel all wedding plans now, rather than end up cheating and land up in a Divorce Court.

I can't believe that your fiancée initiated a 3 way with you and his best friend. Obviously there are some non-traditional behaviors going on here. The fact that he suggested it twice is really peculiar. Now that you have developed this attraction to the other guy at a deeper level, well that's messy to say the least. Why are you two getting married to begin with? 3 ways with friends, whilst engaged or even just exclusive doesn't really scream of monogamy going forward. Maybe I am off on that, but I doubt it.

I think that you need to really assess what it is that you want from marriage, because these experiences are not your standard pre marriage kind of things.

The fact that your fiance wanted a threesome with you and his best friend, doesn't seem to score hight points...IMO. However, if you have the urge to cheat, that's on you, for the simple fact that cheating is a choice that one makes.

I agree with DN on this one. Assume responsibility for your choices.

i am taking responsibility i am staying away from him. But i cant control what he does. And if hes going to deny everything then i cant tell cos il look like a liar

Have you got no texts/emails that prove it. And WHY would you make that up? wouldnt your fiance see you have nothing to gain from making that up? why would he believe his friend over you?

You do have control over what he does, make sure your never alone with him, I imagine thats pretty easy to do.

Then just drop it. Only talk to him when you absolutely have to. If he continues the sexual or bothersome behavior, then report him to the police for harassment.

... we cant help but touch and flirt...

Yes you can.

Just drop his friend cold turkey. What kind of a relationship does he have with his friend if they do threesomes with one's gf? That's beyond me.

Your not fiance material let alone marriage material. Let your fiance go, then have all the threeways you want.

You're playing with more than a fire here. You're talking about losing your fiance, him & his friend becoming enemies and chances are, his friend is just lusting over you which in case you'll lose both from your life. If you can see that clearly then step away from the situation with his friend.

Cheaters are evil. Sorry, but you know this person, you're his fiance, you know how deeply you could hurt him but you cheat. I have no respect for people like this.

i am taking responsibility i am staying away from him. But i cant control what he does. And if hes going to deny everything then i cant tell cos il look like a liar

I'm sorry but that sounds like utter crap. Are you suggesting that your boyfriend wouldn't believe you if you sat him down and told him honestly about what his "friend" has been doing? That he would simply brush you off as a liar? I don't think so. He's engaged to you so that tells me he strongly trusts you otherwise he wouldn't be marrying you. Even if he's friend denies everything, YOU"RE HIS FIANCE, he will trust your word over his because he loves you.

I mean, can you honestly imagine him saying:

"Sorry honey i don't believe you. My friend denies it and i trust his word over yours so you must be lying"

Trust me, you will not look like a liar, he will take you seriously, but his friend will look like a liar. So yes, you most certainly CAN and SHOULD tell your boyfriend about all this.

Please drop your fiance so that he can find someone who will never cheat on him, that fully loves him, and will treat him correctly. You and his "friend" should leave him alone forever after you tell him how you and his "friend" have betrayed him and disrespected him.

Honestly, I think it's best that you steer clear of his friend. If you truly want to stay with your fiance, then I think it's best that you tell him the truth. Let him know that since he initiated the threesome, you've been feeling slightly different.

If he initiated a threesome to begin with, perhaps he won't be as bothered by you feeling something for his friend.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to do this at all. Then again, to each its own. More power to you, I presume.

However, If you have no self control to stay away, then it's best that you just break things off with your fiance. You're in no position to be married.