How is it possible to have a big family in 2010?

For my job right now, I have to track mommy "blogs"(amongst other things) as they are a target demographic. I came accross one blog today:

And the woman has SEVEN children. She is also very young(looks like she was married at 22 and started having kids within a couple of years after marriage). Every now and then I read about families with 5 or more children and I just wonder how it's economically feasible with the cost of living so high. It seems much more common for people to have less than 3 children.

I just don't know how people are able to have so many children without losing their sanity and without being extremely well off. I know several people planning on having 4 children and they've told me that people often tell them that 4 children "is too much and too expensive". I come from a family of 4 children and we were fine--sure we struggled when we were young, but when we were older it didn't seem like a huge deal.

But getting to the point:

It seems like thesedays MORE people are shying away from big families and are moving toward smaller families(some people even stopping at one child)--why is this? And how is it possible to afford a huge family in 2010? For the people who DO have big families--what were YOUR reasons for having more than the standard "2" children? Do you find it hard and chaotic?

There was one point where I thought a large family would have been cool. Of course this was when I was going to be famous so I could afford a large family. Now though the idea of a large family doesn't sound feasible. Of course being my age, a large family is pretty much something I won't have. I'll be lucky to get 2 kids, and this sounds perfect. Even if I could I don't like the idea mostly on financial reasons. I would worry about supporting a large family on two medium salaries. I suppose it depends on the area, but I know I couldn't afford a large family. I would want my kids to have a decent life and I would hate the idea of putting off something needed because I couldn't afford it.

However there are ways to save with a large family. Keep cars for many years for example. Also, no luxuries like cable tv. I would also go to thrift stores to buy clothes, which isn't a bad idea since kids outgrow them. No fancy restaurants and eating out to a limit. These are things I'd do anyway (though I would keep cable) to afford one of two kids. I have a friend who wants a big family (6 or more kids) and he wants to raise them on one salary (he hates working women and his wife is a housewife). He's so frugal so I can see how he can do it, but most would struggle. He's also against any form of assistance as well.

For stopping at one child for me is both economy and the lack of finding a truly suitable partner. I don't want to do it alone with 3 or more kids,, yikes!!!

Plain and simple, having more than zero children is chaotic and causes a financial, emotional and physical strain. Parenting is a 24/7 job, and even if you have your child in daycare (which is very expensive in most cases, around here it is $10,000-$15,000 a year) or school, you are still responsible for your child outside of school/daycare and in the case of emergencies or sicknesses, you need to be able to drop everything at a seconds notice. I adore children, and I have two jobs during my day where I work with them (one is at an inner-city school where there are plenty of large families, all...and yes I do mean ALL of those families are on welfare) but I also love coming home to a quiet house and not having to be "on" 24/7 for a child. We may have one child at some point, but NEVER more than two. Honestly I don't want more than one, and neither does my fiance. Two would be a lot. Families who have more than two are likely motivated for several different reasons, some of which I won't mention since I'm sure debates would ensue. No matter what the motivation is, I think it is irresponsible to have more than the replacement rate worth of children (two). I have no problem with families that extend past that through adoption. I bet there will be people who post and say "I want more than two because I want a big, loving family and I know I can give all the love in the world to all of my children." I've heard this sentiment before from my own friends and the naivety that exists within it is in a word, disturbing. Then again, if people actually thought truly and fully about having children before going ahead with it, this world would be a very different (and better) place. I am jaded from working with abused, unwanted, neglected and just...SAD children...think before you procreate. It can never be taken back.

What would terrify me is having 7 kids and my husband leaves me and I end up with most of the custody. It must be SO much hard work for two parents let alone one.

CS and I want 4 kids but with finances we may only be able to do 3. I want more than 2 I know. It depends on the couple really. There are ways you can cut corners without cutting the needs of the child and it depends on what the parents make. CS being the only one to work no, we couldn't have 4 kids, so for many years, if we want 4, I'm going to have to work as well which I'm fine with. I'm the oldest of 3 and like lostnscared yeah we struggled, but it taught me at an early age what I could live wthout and what I couldn't. Children don't need all new things, expensive things, and or even half the stuff people tell you need. yes it's nice to hace but they don't NEED it.

For us it comes down to living space. With 4 kids, eventually they are all going to want their own own. That's a 5 bedroom house. I don't see it happening even with both of us working, so they may end up sharing or we may go down to 3. Like Saywhen said, even one child is fiancially hard. I see nothing wrong with families with 3 or more children. Now when they start getting to be 19 kids (like that show) yeah... you are just crazy.

I suppose it comes from me comign from a large family, but I have always wanted more than 2.

Oh, and the national average for the FIRST YEAR to raise a child is $18,000. The total cost by the age of 18 is $250,000. If you are wondering how people do it...they are rarely in a wealthy position, and in most cases cut corners that they should not and that DO affect the child, they take donations from friends and family and they accept public assistance. I could see families budgeting for one child, but for three or more? Selfish, in my opinion.

overbreeding is the worst thing ever. we're not rabbits or rats. the world is overpopulated. the earth's maximum sustainable population is not far away. abopt!!!! there are already children without homes.

Oh, and the national average for the FIRST YEAR to raise a child is $18,000. The total cost by the age of 18 is $250,000. If you are wondering how people do it...they are rarely in a wealthy position, and in most cases cut corners that they should not and that DO affect the child, they take donations from friends and family and they accept public assistance. I could see families budgeting for one child, but for three or more? Selfish, in my opinion.

I think relying on outside assistant with more then one child is selfish. As long as the couple can raise and supporr the kids on their own, I think it's great. God, my grandma was the youngest of 13 kids in the 20's, and you konw they didn't have much!

Oh, and the national average for the FIRST YEAR to raise a child is $18,000. The total cost by the age of 18 is $250,000. If you are wondering how people do it...they are rarely in a wealthy position, and in most cases cut corners that they should not and that DO affect the child, they take donations from friends and family and they accept public assistance. I could see families budgeting for one child, but for three or more? Selfish, in my opinion.

I have a friend who plans to have a large family but he's the exception. The majority of the large families I've known were all on welfare. Personally, I would be content having one child. I have many friends who are only having one kid for many reasons. For one some of these women are in their early to mid 40's and they could only have one. Also, financially they could only support one. Many others didn't want to take off many days of work (stupid reason I would say) so they had one. In my perfect dream I have a boy and a girl but that doesn't always happen. My parents only had me and my brother and they are happy with that choice.

overbreeding is the worst thing ever. we're not rabbits or rats. the world is overpopulated. the earth's maximum sustainable population is not far away. abopt!!!! there are already children without homes.

Adoption is a wonderful thing but for many of us, it's about having a child with the person we love. Nothing wrong with that.

Adoption is a wonderful thing but for many of us, it's about having a child with the person we love. Nothing wrong with that.

No, but I get where he's going with that. Too many people are having kids they can't afford. It used to make sense to have a lot of kids but really not anymore. I live in a farming community and still see large families. One woman has 11 kids! I know she's not on welfare but I can't imagine having that many (she's fairly young too, maybe late 40's).

No, but I get where he's going with that. Too many people are having kids they can't afford. It used to make sense to have a lot of kids but really not anymore. I live in a farming community and still see large families. One woman has 11 kids! I know she's not on welfare but I can't imagine having that many (she's fairly young too, maybe late 40's).

See yeah, anything over 4 is just... yeah. 11 kids? Even I wouldn't do that. That is going too far. Anything below 5 I think you can handle if you are in the position to, 11 is just too much.

I understand creating a life with your partner is a powerful thing, but why is it necessary to keep repeating that process? Have one and enjoy raising him/her, giving all that you can in love, support and guidance before having another one. Not necessarily spoiling, just giving what a child needs, especially in the early years, before bringing another life into this already overpopulated world. I guess I take more consideration to it from what I have seen working with children of abuse and neglect. And I don't mean just one, I mean hundreds. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm interested in hearing why you believe people are motivated in having more than 2 children. For the record I am WELL aware of "welfare mamas" and inner city environments since unfortunately it represents a huge portion of people within my cultures(african americans and latinos). I wasn't even talking about that--and if you looked at the blog you'd see that this couple is a very well-to-do- white couple and certainly aren't depending on the state to keep popping out babies(which is what direction I think you were hinting at). My parents didn't have 4 children for assistance or because they were motivated by "selfish" reasons. As I'm sure there ARE many big families don't pop out tons of babies for "negative" reasoning(gov't assistance) that stereotype annoys me to no end because a whole group of people are excluded(those not depending on the state but choose to have more than 2 or 3 children).

I understand that you've had jaded experiences working with kids in this environment but I have FAMILY members(in my family as well as my boyfriends family) that live and breed kids in inner city environments so while I understand where your coming from, on the same hand the difference is that I understand many reasons why this is occurring within my culture and it has not jaded me. I think most people are naive about children and the amount of work and difficulty they entail-until they have their own, that's a given. But abused and neglected children--who you are dealing with-- are very different in the amount of loving and care they need than a child that isn't in such a situation. So I think that you are allowing your negative experiences in your "work" environment to "jade" your perspective on rearing a child that has not come from those circumstances.

Anyway, I don't think it's a terrible sentiment to want a "big" family, if that is what someone wants and can afford. It may be slightly naive but I don't think it's disturbing. Unfortunately I think that you are jaded(which is understandable) and maybe you don't understand why people would want to have more than "zero" children or even more than two outside of the reasons that I believe you think people are. I guess the difference for me is that I'm not talking about those families in this post... I'm talking about "stable" people and people on ENA who made the decision to have "bigger" families.

This is not me starting a debate, so please do not flame, HOWEVER, I will say that religion is a huge motivating factor. I do not mean religious fanatics, but those who are of faith and are devout often have as many children as "God will allow." I know very few people who CHOOSE to have so many children...it just happens when you don't use birth control.

Oh, and the national average for the FIRST YEAR to raise a child is $18,000. The total cost by the age of 18 is $250,000. If you are wondering how people do it...they are rarely in a wealthy position, and in most cases cut corners that they should not and that DO affect the child, they take donations from friends and family and they accept public assistance. I could see families budgeting for one child, but for three or more? Selfish, in my opinion.

Again I wish you would stop going in that direction. Not everything is about "welfare" mamas. No offense or anything but I've noticed that the moment these sort of topics come up you rely on your experiences in your work environment to sort of "jade" your perception on what is going for regular middle class folks.

The average for the first year is $18,000 but that is largely dependent on where you live, what sort of products you buy(diapers or clothe), if you breastfeed or use formula, if you use daycare, etc. It's very subjective and not at all indicative of everyone's situation. And while cutting corners isn't ideal, there are some things that you can cut corners on that will not be disservice to the children. There are also people who don't rely on public assistance(again can you PLEASE stop bringing that up--we get it).

I don't think it's selfish to budget for as many people as you can afford. But I do think it's pretty judgmental to dictate how many children a stable couple should have AND if they are "selfish" or "unselfish" for making a decision that works for "their" family.

I understand creating a life with your partner is a powerful thing, but why is it necessary to keep repeating that process? Have one and enjoy raising him/her, giving all that you can in love, support and guidance before having another one. Not necessarily spoiling, just giving what a child needs, especially in the early years, before bringing another life into this already overpopulated world. I guess I take more consideration to it from what I have seen working with children of abuse and neglect. And I don't mean just one, I mean hundreds. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I def. agree with spacing them out. CS and want no less than 2 year between each child. For me, even though my relationship with my siblings has not always been the best (mostly because of how we grew up) I want my children to have that sibling bond. I don't want a just a mum and a dad and kids. I want the whole family.

I understand creating a life with your partner is a powerful thing, but why is it necessary to keep repeating that process? Have one and enjoy raising him/her, giving all that you can in love, support and guidance before having another one. Not necessarily spoiling, just giving what a child needs, especially in the early years, before bringing another life into this already overpopulated world. I guess I take more consideration to it from what I have seen working with children of abuse and neglect. And I don't mean just one, I mean hundreds. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Saywhen--I'm not trying to be rude, but again I wish you would stop talking about "abused", and "neglected" inner city children in this thread. This is not what this thread was intended for. If you read the blog, the woman is clearly a white woman that is not raising inner city neglected children.

If people want to repeat the process and CAN repeat the process--then who are you to judge them or question their reasons? I think this is where I believe people should mind their own business. Unless these families are relying on government assistance than I fail to see why it's another person's concern about why someone had more than 1 child.

Well, maybe some don't think overpopulation is an issue, or unwanted children, that certainly could motivate them to have more children.

This is not me starting a debate, so please do not flame, HOWEVER, I will say that religion is a huge motivating factor. I do not mean religious fanatics, but those who are of faith and are devout often have as many children as "God will allow." I know very few people who CHOOSE to have so many children...it just happens when you don't use birth control.

I agree and this is what the blogger has done. My boyfriend's family is similar. His dad is a pastor, and they had 6 children. It was partially religious, partially because they wanted a bigger family. They were a bit poor, but they didn't rely on assistance and did their best to provide for their family. I wouldn't want 6 children. I'm not sure how many I would have--it would all depend on how it went after I had one child.

Well, maybe some don't think overpopulation is an issue, or unwanted children, that certainly could motivate them to have more children.

I know there are unwanted children in the world but I want my OWN. I see no difference in having 3 or 4 of my own children than adopting 3 or 4 kids that are already here. I think those families that have 11 kids and get government assitance puts a negative spin on large families.

I know there are unwanted children in the world but I want my OWN. I see no difference in having 3 or 4 of my own children than adopting 3 or 4 kids that are already here. I think those families that have 11 kids and get government assitance puts a negative spin on large families.

I think so too. But I also think people put negative spins on this, and assume that EVERY large family must rely on the government. Which isn't true. OG, personally I'm with you--I will definitely adopt ONE child, but I do plan on having my OWN and I'm not allowing people to make me feel guilty or paranoid because of that decision. Now whether I have 1 or 4 is really dependent on finances, amongst other things--but still I think as long as you can afford it, and are prepared for all the responsibility it requires, there is certainly nothing wrong with having 3 or 4 of your own children.

The woman I mentioned with 11 is very devout for her religion and it's a religion that doesn't generally practice birth control (I met her at church). My friend who wants 6 is a devout Fundie and I guess in his church they believe in having as many as possible. I don't want to get into a religion debate though except to say these families can afford it so whatever works. I personally don't like the idea of having this many kids but they aren't a drain on society. My former next door neighbor was one of 10 and many people thought her family was on welfare because they lived in the city (though in a nicer area). None of these families were on welfare and all different races. They just wanted a large family.

Getting off that though, I've noticed that many younger people (including here) stating they want 4 kids. While 4's not especially big, it is bigger than average now. I've seen this in real life with younger 20 something's I know. I wonder why this is happening.

My boyfriend wants 6 children--and his reasons are very much religious, as is for a lot of his family. I'm not sure how many kids I want yet. I realize that saying I want "4" is easier said than done. I would first want to see how I am with ONE child and then from there make the decision to have more or "less" depending on how it goes. I've never particularly wanted a "small" family since I grew up in a bigger-sized family, but I've never seen myself having a large amount of kids either.