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think my fiance may be cheating


river12

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Hi im 38 year old guy and my fiance she is 34 and attractive.

 

We have been together 3 years and plan on marrying in 2012.

 

we have a great relationship but one of the things in our relationship in a little bit of trouble is the sexual side of it, we havent had sex for a good few months now but it is a medical condition on my behalf which im getting worked on , although our sex has never ever been really mind blowing 8 times a week type of stuff anyhow from day one but it was ok.

 

We like every couple have had the conversation about cheating etc, she says she would never ever ever cheat on me and that if i ever cheated on her she would leave me 110% straight away, she is dead set against it so she says and she has been cheated on before by an ex bf.

 

Now just lately over the last 10 weeks she has been going to get her nails done every two weeks on the same day a thursday and at the same time so i would say she must have been minimum 4 or 5 times , she leaves work at 6pm and doesent get home until 10-10-30pm, this just happened again thursday gone and i thought to myself thats a bit strange you were just there two weeks ago.

 

I have asked a few friends of mine whom are girls and they said getting nails done or painted takes about 5-10 mins, although the nights she has come home her nails have been a different colour but she could do these any place.

 

a few weeks back i also just got a gut feeling to check her phone and there was a text from a guy , he said in the text "why dont you meet me at the ............. bar in ....... for a drink" her reply was "oh im just on my way home now from work , just drove past your friends house actually , but yes we will catch up another time no worries" he replies "ok sexy talk then" but she didnt reply again to that.

 

Now she started a new job this week and she said to me im probably going out for some drinks this friday night etc i said thats cool not a problem, now she text me at about 6pm to say "Hi , bumped into an old friend and now having dinner at such and such, wont be a late one as i dont want to drink to much, luv you"

 

i then got a yext at 7pm she said on my way home.

 

When she got home i asked why she didnt go out with her new work colleagues and she said her boss had a meeting and he was supposed to call after meeting but didnt so she ended up bumping into this old friend.

 

Now when she got home she starting talking to me about this old friend of hers named "pat" now this is the guy that had sent her the text message a week earlier which i had seen.

I asked her why she come home early and She said she had to come home early tonight because pats girlfriend was coming into town and if she seen pat and her together his gf would get jealous and think he was cheating so she left early.

 

 

Any thoughts people?

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I have female friends who are just really good friends but whom I flirt with a bit. So it might be that kind of situation, especially as she's told you about this guy.

 

But then, the other stuff, like staying out till late . . . who knows?

 

You're handling this really well, all things considered. I'm sure you're the kind of guy who can ask his girlfriend out straight: "Is there anything you're not telling me?" See what happens from there.

 

Hopefully someone can give better advice. Hope it all works out for you.

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Now just lately over the last 10 weeks she has been going to get her nails done every two weeks on the same day a thursday and at the same time so i would say she must have been minimum 4 or 5 times , she

leaves work at 6pm and doesent get home until 10-10-30pm
,

There is something not right with this.
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It does seem a bit odd though.

 

Even if she's not cheating on you, clearly she's keeping something away from you. She mentioned that she bumped into her friend, but this was clearly not the case because you saw that she texted him earlier during the week so more so than likely it was arranged.

 

Secondly, the whole Thursday thing seems a little fishy as well. If she's only getting her nails done, there is no way she would take 4 hours to do so.

 

My suggestion would be to talk to her and see if she acts a little suspicious or perhaps you can arrange to take her out on the Thursday that she supposedly gets her nails done and see how she reacts to that?

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well the thing is she just usually says im getting my nails done will be home 10-10.30 pm and im noticing a pattern lately that its been on thusrdays say every two to three weeks , now because i dont really know anything about nails i just thought she must be getting them done etc etc and that it was normal.

 

she def met the same guy tonight that had text her a few weeks back and called her sexy also.

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No i wont ask i will keep quiet and see how things pan out. But the thing i cant work out though is thursday she come home with different coloured polish on so she definitley must be putting something on her nails etc.

 

its strange because until these little happenings it had never ever ever crossed my mind that she may stray never , because she was so adimant and so against cheaters usually if a girl says that she will never cheat, but i have a gut feeling that she may .

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She could be getting her nails done, but I can assure you that it doesn't take 4 hours to do so.

 

You may not have to come out and ask her if she's cheating, but I strongly suggest that you have a talk with her about your concern. A relationship is based on good communication, if there is something that is bothering you, you are within your right to speak to your partner about them. Don't keep bottling things up inside because eventually it will explode.

 

Keeping quiet is never the key, you should not be afraid to speak your mind, especially when it involves your relationship.

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Ok let me chime in here. I'm a girl and get my nails done every two weeks, faithfully. I may or may not go on the same day of the week, it just depends on my schedule but there was a time when I would do them every two weeks on a Friday. I have been at the nail shop for up to two hours, as sometimes I have to wait even though I had an appointment so her nail story could be legit although 4 hours is way too long.

 

Now, the text thing is way fishy. I think she is telling you about this friend of hers so that it doesn't seem so shady on her part. It's hard for me to explain but I knew someone like that. They could casually tell their partner about a 'friend' but in reality said friend was really a bit more.

 

Next time she wants to get her nails done, tell her you'd like to make a day (or night) of it and you wouldn't mind tagging along and maybe getting some dinner after, see how she reacts to that.

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ok i think she does get them done whether she just gets them painted whom knows but getting home 10.30 at night is a bit fishy because shes never got them done every two weeks before in 3 years i have been with her ever maybe once every two months.

 

but more fishy is the text 2 weeks ago and her meeting this same guy tonight and saying she bumped into an old friend , i agree something not quite right there.

 

but have you ever been in a relationship where you would never ever even believe that your partner would cheat? and that person has said that they would never cheat on a partner?

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but have you ever been in a relationship where you would never ever even believe that your partner would cheat? and that person has said that they would never cheat on a partner?

 

That is where I am at right now. In a relationship and the thought never entered my mind that he would, but recent things have come to light that make me think otherwise. He may not have physically cheated but he did have an innappropriate friendship with a female which really seemed like an emotional affair.

 

I understand where you are coming from, so my advice to you is to keep your eyes open and ask questions.

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you would never ever even believe that your partner would cheat? and that person has said that they would never cheat on a partner?

 

Yes, I have. One of my ex bf told me that he loved me, and that he wanted to marry me and then within a months time of him telling me I found out he was cheating on me.

 

The same applies to my ex best friend. She was so against cheating and said she despised anyone who ever cheated because they have no morals and guess what? She ended up cheating on her fiance, with my ex boyfriend. Meanwhile my ex boyfriend and her fiance were good friends and she was the one who hooked me up with her to begin with.

 

Sometimes you never really know. No one can guarantee that they will never hurt you, sometimes it's a risk that you have to take. Anything is possible.

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wow jd1983 im sorry to hear that , thats not good at all.

 

see im a pretty easy going guy i don't get all crazy jealous i never have with any gf's its just not in my nature, in fact i have always liked my gf's whom ever ive dated over the years to do what they want and go out have fun with friends etc etc.

 

My gf is like your ex best friend , she says its against her morals etc exactly nearly same word for word.

 

i may be reading into it totally wrong but i guess for me to asking for advice on this forum means theres something in me now ever so tiny small in thoughts that she may be sleeping with this guy.

 

Again obviously she has made plans to meet up with this pat guy tonight instead of telling me she ran into an old friend.

 

do you girls think shes cheating? 4 hours at nails? meeting up with a guy that texts two weeks earlier that shes sexy.

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If your really not sure if shes cheating or not, dont accuse her or bring it up. Next time she goes to get her nails done, ask to tag along or get a mate to see if shes there and how long she stays. My best mate was suspicious of his girlfriend, so he asked me to go and see if she was at a place she said she would be with her friends, she was there but it was with a guy, they looked close and they both went off in his car somewhere, i had to tell my mate and when he confronted her she burst into tears. They were together for 3.5 years and it all ended because she said she was bored, didnt try and work it out with my mate just went behind his back and hurt him a lot, i dont see how someone can do that to someone who has been such a big part of there life but hey if cheating didnt exist know one would worry.

 

A similar thing happened to me and my girlfriend who i was with for 2.5 years, i was suspicious of her so for the first time after 2.5 years together i checked her phone and my gut feeling was right, she was flirting with some guy and 2 weeks after breaking up with me she got with him, it hurt but im over her now, this happened 4 months ago.

 

I hated the feeling of worrying about my girlfriend cheating on me so i know what it feels like, i think you should ask to tag along or get a mate to check on her. If your mate sees shes doing nothing wrong then you have nothing to worry about, if he sees shes up to no good then you got the answer to your suspicions.

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i cant really get anyone to follow her from work because if she gets her nails done she will usually tell me on the day by text so im imagining it cant be this week as she just got them done last night so it would probably be next week i guess.

 

my gut is telling me she has or is thinking about sleeping with this guy "pat", but surely knowing we are engaged and getting married she wouldn't risk it all? especially when she is so so against cheating, out of all my gfs i have dated over the years this one has been the most vocal against cheating.

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I agree with LarsWB. If she has nothing to hide she would agree to let you randomly go with her to this "nail appointment". You dont have direct proof yet that she's cheating and you dont want to let her know that you snooped through her cell. The texts dont sound too bad to me as it sounded like she was slightly blowing this guy off. And its good that he wanted her to talk "sexy talk" and she ignored it. I have a feeling she's not cheating but there's someone interested in her and she doesnt know how to push him away. Of course, i dont have all the details so i cant say for sure. I know that i was in a similar situation. I just enjoyed the extra attention. I wouldnt confront her just yet but if i were you i would sit with her and ask her is she is still indeed ready for marriage. And throw in "You know i trust you, right?" Any guilt in her will crush her.

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i cant really get anyone to follow her from work because if she gets her nails done she will usually tell me on the day by text so im imagining it cant be this week as she just got them done last night so it would probably be next week i guess.

 

If thats the case then i think you should try this or you will never know for sure...

 

"I'll go with you tonight, and after your nails are done we'll go out and grab a bit to eat and a beer or something"

 

See what her reaction is. That'll tell you A LOT.

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No i wont ask i will keep quiet and see how things pan out.

 

So you are choosing not to voice your concerns? I don't think that's a productive way to handle this. If you can't communicate your feelings to her, then what's the point of staying with her at all?

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We like every couple have had the conversation about cheating etc, she says she would never ever ever cheat on me and that if i ever cheated on her she would leave me 110% straight away, she is dead set against it so she says and she has been cheated on before by an ex bf.

I've heard all that before from a chick who was absolutely intolerant about cheating. It ultimately proved to be cheap talk -- you might be amazed what the zero-tolerance types will do themselves.

 

... she has been going to get her nails done every two weeks on the same day a thursday and at the same time so i would say she must have been minimum 4 or 5 times , she leaves work at 6pm and doesent get home until 10-10-30pm ...

I agree that there's something "not right" about this itinerary.

 

a few weeks back i also just got a gut feeling to check her phone and there was a text from a guy , he said in the text "why dont you meet me at the ............. bar in ....... for a drink"

Your evidence is inconclusive so far, so resist the urge to make judgment based on what you have here. However, I'm pretty sure I know what his motives are. Guys generally don't ask women out for drinks in quest of friendly conversation; we have other guys to talk about football and cars. The extent to which she's playing along is the real question, so you need to be "ethically vigilant." (That means don't go through her stuff like a louse ... 'cause you could be wrong, and you could be the one who jeopardizes the relationship if you go on a search-and-destroy mission.)

 

im also of the belief everything happens for a reason, if she cheats and we split then i move on, if thats the case its obviously not meant to be.

Try not to think irrationally. People cheat for the thirll and because they're horny, not because of cosmic forces.

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Do you know where she gets her nails done at? If not ask her when she texts you and if she acts shady about it then tell her that you just wanted to know so you could grab something to eat (like others have said) that is close to where she is. Reaction from her on this is key.

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It takes one hour max to get your nails done. She probably gets them done during lunch on the days she goes out in the evening with someone else and has a nice 4 hour window to hook up with someone while claiming to get her nails done.

 

I'm sorry, but it sounds more like she and this other guy are cheating and meeting for regular hookups, and perhaps this one time it fell thru becuase the guy had to meet with his GF for some reason. They might have an arrangement where they just meet up for FWB type sex, but you want nothing to do with marrying someone who would do this to you.

 

If she keeps a regular schedule with this, it would be quite easy to get someone to follow her on the night she says she is getting her nails done to see where she goes and what she does and whether she meets up wtih someone else. It think you shouldn't say anything, and should hire someone to follow her on that night. It is well worth whatever you spend for that to determine whether she is a liar/cheater and get out before you get married to someone would do this kind of thing.

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