Kids or no kids?

This is especially for the older females as they would be more experienced and able to answer the question for me I think - but anyone is of course welcome to answer..

If you wanted kids - did you always know you wanted kids? If not when did you realize? Why did you want kids? After having kids have you ever regretted your decision?

If you didn't want kids - did you always know? Did you ever doubt yourself? Why didn't you want kids? Since deciding to not have kids and not having them (especially if you are mid to late 40's or older) do you regret the decision at all?

Thanks!

I always hated kids...HATED them!! I never babysat for anyone of dreamed or planned to have kids. For a long, long, time I would only date men with vasectomies or I would only have oral sex. Well, I got pregnant one night when me and my ex were housesitting for friends and my bc was at home. I had my son 9 months later and fell more in love with that baby than I had with anyone or anything in my life! Through volunterring at his school, I realized I loved kids after all. I am now a teacher. I didn't wait until I fell in love with children to have a child, I waited until I had a child to fall in love with children. This happens a lot.

This may be personal--but are you debating about whether you want kids or not OP?

I don't know if I want kids. I really don't like the idea of having a kid right now - and I have a LOT of reasons why. I'm just wondering whether I will regret this decision when I am say.. 50 or older.

I used to say that I didnt want children when i was younger but i think it had more to do with me not wanting to go through childbirth. Now i cant wait to have children. For me its probably because im with the person I know I want to have children with and im now at a place where i can love and care for a child the way they deserve to be. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. You have to know yourself. Like me, if you want children, you'll just wake up one day and know it. Children can bring so much joy into your life but they are also a very big responsibility. Above all, make sure that you have the money, patience, time, mental stability, and love to give them. Too many people have children for selfish reasons.

If you wanted kids - did you always know you wanted kids? I never really put much thought in to it until I was in my mid twenties.

If not when did you realize? I became sure of it in my late twenties

Why did you want kids? My sister had a son who I spent a lot of time with. He's brought so much joy to my life. I love sharing things with him, teaching him, talking to him, exploring with him. That was the initial reason. After I met my husband, I loved the idea of us doing this together. Made it that much more desirable.

After having kids have you ever regretted your decision? My sons only two months old but I cant imagine ever regretting it. My life has been flipped upside down. It's all about him now and I wouldn't change it for the world

From the time I was a little kid up until I was 16, I did NOT want children. I was scared of the pain. AT 16 I begin to want them. And at 18(after I had been with my bf for about 6 months) I realized I wanted children. It wasn't until the end of last year(when I was 22) that I realized that I wanted kids NOW and soon. And since then my biological clock has been ticking away.

This is especially for the older females as they would be more experienced and able to answer the question for me I think - but anyone is of course welcome to answer..

 

If you wanted kids - did you always know you wanted kids? If not when did you realize? Why did you want kids? After having kids have you ever regretted your decision?

 

If you didn't want kids - did you always know? Did you ever doubt yourself? Why didn't you want kids? Since deciding to not have kids and not having them (especially if you are mid to late 40's or older) do you regret the decision at all?

 

 

Thanks!

I've always wanted kids.. for as long as I can remember and was old enough to think about it. I want kids because I love them.. I love taking care of people and being there for them. I have five nieces and nephews who I adore and love spending time with. I've been an auntie since I was 8 years old, so perhaps I just know I want kids since I've been around them for so long. They've always been a big part of my life. I hate that I have to miss my nieces and nephews grow up. I can't wait until I can have kids of my own.. I want to teach them about life. It's exciting to me. Often I wish I were at the point in my life where I was ready to have kids because I know I'll be a great mom.. but that'll come with time. I know I'm too young now.. but yes, definitely something I want in the future.

Until I was 35 I never wanted kids. Pregnancy and childbirth scared me, I didn't want a pregnancy to ruin my body. I didn't mind kids but wasn't really a kid person. I didn't want the responsibility of taking care of them. I loved my career and only wanted this and not a family. When guys would want to have children I would break up with them. When I was 35 I went to the doctor and wanted my tubes tied. Luckily she thought this was a bad idea because she thought the reasons could change (childbirth, financial, responsibility, etc).

Between 35 and now I've gone from wanting to get my tubes tied to wanting a baby. Why the change? I think because of several changes in my life. I used to be a model and was obsessed with working out, but now age is ruining my body in itself. I figure it doesn't matter if I lose my figure for a short time if I have a child. Also, my niece was born and I've become completely obsessed with her. Then last year I reconnected with the guy I want and dreamt often of having a baby with him. Strangely, he's one of the only guys in the past where I thought about this because of his views. Speaking of views part of my reason for never wanting a child was because I was meeting guys who wanted me to stay at home and this is not me. Finally, between then and now I realized I can have both a career and a baby.

While right now I can't have kids (financial, relationship issues, etc) I hope I eventually can have at least one. I know I'll regret not having any if time runs out for me.

Im quite young still. And sometimes I love the idea of kids and other days I never want them. So I dont have a clue what I want in regards to children.

I've always known that having children would be something I'd like as an option in my life. Definitely to have kids or not?

I have known very strongly since I was a teenage that I would rather have a happy life without giving birth to children, than to bring children into the world in the wrong circumstances. That means for me that - yes, I know I do want children, but not above and beyond my wanting the rest to be right first.

I know so many women who wanted children, and so made sure to make that happen no matter what. I don't want to be that person, and having a bio-child in my life is not as important to me as contributing something really wonderful for a kid. I don't need to give birth to do that; I can meet MY personal needs in lots of other ways, and there are lots of kids who need moms out there. That has always appealed to me; being a mother without actually reproducing another human being onto the planet, though I am not totally against childbirth or having a child myself - it's more the idea of trying to balance my own sense of how much need and people there are out there, with this desire to bring yet more kids into the picture, I find it a very difficult equation to balance. Seems to make more sense, to me, to consider all the options first. I really feel and believe very strongly in population control and family planning - the idea of families not having a lot of bio children.

I have known since my twenties that I would be happy not having bio children, if I do not meet that right man to have a family with young, and figuring out my own issues and situation first, and making sure that a child would get my 100% + everything they would need and deserve and that I would want to be able to give.

I know I'd like a family; how that family comes to be and if they are my 'blood' is less important to me than the other stuff mentioned. I know I'd be a good mother, I know I want that; but I won't do it even if I want it before it is right (for me and the child).

Agree with this. I would be happy adopting a child because there are many kids who need homes. If a decent man doesn't come around or if the one I want never returns this is something I strongly consider.

This is something I've thought about too. This also makes me not worry so much about making the decision within the next 10 years. If I should want a child later on in life- I can always adopt one.

This is something I've thought about too. This also makes me not worry so much about making the decision within the next 10 years. If I should want a child later on in life- I can always adopt one.

Right. It's a bit of a complex issue for women, isn't it? lol.

There is the issue of - how important is it to you to have kids, as in, physically giving birth to a bio child or more.

Then there is the issue of - how important is it to you to be a mother? To do the things a mother does, to have the opportunity to do that, and be that, to someone?

And there is timing, and circumstance. Once you have decided how important having a biological child is to you, I find the rest is easier to figure out.

Right. It's a bit of a complex issue for women, isn't it? lol.

 

There is the issue of - how important is it to you to have kids, as in, physically giving birth to a bio child or more.

Then there is the issue of - how important is it to you to be a mother? To do the things a mother does, to have the opportunity to do that, and be that, to someone?

 

And there is timing, and circumstance. Once you have decided how important having a biological child is to you, I find the rest is easier to figure out.

I wouldn't mind adopting a child. But I've always known that I wanted a child that looked like me and carried some of my traits. If push came to shove and for whatever reason I wasn't able to have my own child, I would adopt or do foster care.

For me the biological part isn't as important as the other things. I know women who want to be pregnant and giving birth and yes I'd prefer my own child but no guarantee that can happen. I've known women in their 20's who adopted because they couldn't give birth. Personally if I found out I couldn't give birth without special procedures like IVF I doubt I'd try that. Many people think adopting is hard and won't give most people a child but that's wrong. There are many KIDS who need homes. I mentioned kids because everyone seems to want a baby. Adopting babies is much harder because that has a huge waiting list, unless you adopt a special needs baby like a different race or disabled baby. I know a few who adopted babies from other countries. Personally I like the idea of adopting a kid who's young enough for them to bond properly but not too old where this would be a problem.

For me I just want the experience--carrying the baby, labor, and all. Adoption wouldn't be a problem(ok yes it would) but I want to have my own children. I haven't tried yet to have a child--so who know's--but I did get pregnant a few years ago so I'm thinking that I may be able to have children. Anyway I think that as long as I was able to have a child--adopted or not adopted--I would be happy.

I've spent time with kids and I can't stand them at any age. 13+ for me, thanks.

I always knew from the time I was a little girl that I wouldn't have kids. I told everyone. When people had babies, I felt grossed out when they tried to get me to cuddle them. When toddlers try to grab my attention in the store by being obnoxious (touching or making noises) I walk away to another line.

Hey, I'm not mean to kids, I just don't engage with them. I much prefer older people.

My being infertile was a blessing in many ways. Makes for a nice excuse. I don't like the ovarian pain though and may get a hysterechtomy in the future for that.

The only people I know who have regret are those who had kids but didn't really want them. Only have kids when you WANT to have them. Don't have them because everyone else has them and you may "regret it". Those who don't want them and don't have them end up not regretting it.

Also, I'm a total workaholic. Being mom doesn't sound fun for me, id rather work and then come home to a quiet house.

Being a mom would get in the way of my career and I've already decided that career is more important.

For me I just want the experience--carrying the baby, labor, and all. Adoption wouldn't be a problem(ok yes it would) but I want to have my own children. I haven't tried yet to have a child--so who know's--but I did get pregnant a few years ago so I'm thinking that I may be able to have children. Anyway I think that as long as I was able to have a child--adopted or not adopted--I would be happy.

I will admit I have fantasized about the experience but of course for me it's wishful thinking. For one in my fantasy the guy I want is around and we are both excited about having a baby. We both do the childbirth classes, he stays with me the entire time at the hospital (including spending the night and holding my hand during the delivery) and takes off work to help with the babies like I would. This is of course a fantasy now because no guarantee he'll come back, or that I'll find another guy who would be just as involved. What if I meet a guy and he was firm on not being in the delivery room with me? What if a guy comes around and it's too late? What if I can't have kids or it's too risky? So many variables which is why I would be fine adopting. I think there is a stronger bond having natural kids but adopting would work as well.

I wouldn't mind adopting a child. But I've always known that I wanted a child that looked like me and carried some of my traits. If push came to shove and for whatever reason I wasn't able to have my own child, I would adopt or do foster care.

Well my boyfriend is hispanic and his genes are stronger than mine, so my children wouldn't look too much like me anyways(I'm super white; blonde hair/light brown eyes.. recessive genes). haha. I have absolutely no problem with the idea of adoption. I have 2 cousins who are adopted and they are family, doesn't matter that they are not my aunt's bio children(she couldn't get pregnant). My cousin also gave her baby up for adoption when she got pregnant in high school. I've seen both sides of adoption and think it's wonderful. My aunt is the happiest woman alive to have my 2 cousins as children. She adopted them as babies, didn't have much of a wait, though that was years ago. I know 100% that if I can't have kids, I will adopt one or two and my boyfriend is right on board with it. Though this is all planned for a few years away. I love children, I nanny and also watch my boyfriend's niece and/or nephew at times. I've always liked kids, ever since I can remember. Family has always been very important to me and I'm a selfless person, always taking care of people and helping others. I've known women who didn't have kids and waited, and then couldn't get pregnant and really regret it. I wouldn't want to wait for too long, would like to have kids before I'm 30, but it's not for everyone. It's a personal decision that shouldn't be taken lightly.

This is especially for the older females as they would be more experienced and able to answer the question for me I think - but anyone is of course welcome to answer..

 

If you wanted kids - did you always know you wanted kids? If not when did you realize? Why did you want kids? After having kids have you ever regretted your decision?

 

If you didn't want kids - did you always know? Did you ever doubt yourself? Why didn't you want kids? Since deciding to not have kids and not having them (especially if you are mid to late 40's or older) do you regret the decision at all?

 

 

Thanks!

I never wanted kids. In my twenties people always said I would change my mind one day. I never did. I am not crazy about kids. I can't coo over newborns as I find them very ugly, not cute. Women go into raptures about the smell of a baby but I always hated the smell of babies. I just find nothing appealing about babies and yet most women go ooh and aah over them. I have never regretted my decision not to have children.

This is especially for the older females as they would be more experienced and able to answer the question for me I think - but anyone is of course welcome to answer..

 

If you wanted kids - did you always know you wanted kids? If not when did you realize? Why did you want kids? After having kids have you ever regretted your decision?

 

If you didn't want kids - did you always know? Did you ever doubt yourself? Why didn't you want kids? Since deciding to not have kids and not having them (especially if you are mid to late 40's or older) do you regret the decision at all?

 

 

Thanks!

I wanted kids for as long as I can remember but I didn't want to bring a child into this world outside of a happy, stable marriage. Why did I want kids - it almost was just instinct but because I love children, I have great rapport with children, I love mothering people (in a good way), taking care of people and it seemed like one of the greatest things I could do with my life. I started trying to conceive at age 40 and had my child at age 42. I am now a full time mom. 99% of the time it is a dream come true -sure I am often tired, there are stresses that I never imagined and I developed a very serious medical problem after the birth (now resolved, was quickly resolved!) after being so very healthy all my life. Regrets? None at all. I can remember a slight twinge when I had to decline a really cool invitation last summer (we don't really use babysitters) but I got over it quickly - it did not even approach a regret. I love every day I spend with my son and I am so appreciative of and grateful for this opportunity.

I never wanted kids. In my twenties people always said I would change my mind one day. I never did. I am not crazy about kids. I can't coo over newborns as I find them very ugly, not cute. Women go into raptures about the smell of a baby but I always hated the smell of babies. I just find nothing appealing about babies and yet most women go ooh and aah over them. I have never regretted my decision not to have children.

I am with you 100% on this one. I could have written this myself.

The only thing with "baby" in it that smells remotely good is baby powder.

I just cannot for the life of me find anything appealing about them.

I'm 21 but annouced my "choice" when I was 5 (not kidding) and was told that I would "change my mind". I haven't even remotely considered it once. I can't wait if I get to be around your age and I can just smile and say "nope, I didn't change my mind and no regrets here."

My life isn't perfect but I consider it to be very satisfying and I am doing what I love and will be doing it in the future. I can't imagine anything better than that or regretting because I didn't have something (a kid) which would have taken away from my career and the things that I need/want to do.

I used to be like Crazyaboutdogs -- disliked kids, thought newborns were ugly, didn't coo over babies. I hated baby dolls too when growing up. I was also afraid of childbirth. I thought I'd never have kids. In my early 30s I began to wonder about it, but not too seriously. I think finding the right man had a lot to do with my change of mind -- I wanted to have HIS kids. I worried a lot while I was pregnant ("Will I not like my baby?") but like the post on the first page, I fell in love with my son and generally like children better now.