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Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #781
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Here's a general timeline of how things have played out over the last year:

    • Summer 2018: I start having doubts about the marriage and my overall direction in life. I expressed to my wife that I wanted to start going to counselling to deal with some personal issues (e.g., my parent’s divorce, career things that had me feeling down). My wife doesn’t think this is a good idea and is afraid of divorce. I decide against going to counselling and try to work on things with her directly. Instead, she starts building a new social circle of girlfriends. I don’t have any desire to hang with them. We start spending a lot of time apart. Looking back on it, this was her way of building a safety net.

    • Fall 2018: My wife and I start engaging in bigger arguments/fights. I was still dealing with unresolved issues from my parents’ divorce. To rectify, I start going to counselling for weekly sessions and start a very good workout routine. Counselling definitely helps me. I start feeling better, but I’m still dealing with pain from my parent’s divorce and job uncertainty. I tell my wife that I won the problems that have resulted from my parents' divorce/how its affected me. She's happy with my progress... my wife and I start having really good sex. I turn 30-years-old.

    • Early 2019: I ask my wife to just be more compassionate. Instead, she drills me with questions all the time. We start separating our assets, I’ve checked out of all family events with her family. At this point, we’ve totally lost track of our romantic and friendship side of our relationship.

    • March 2019: Wife moves out, refuses to give me money for joint expenses. I’m left with $45,000 in bills that I need to figure out how to pay. Wife goes haywire on my family and blames them for the way things are.

    • April 2019: I file for divorce after I realize she’s running up credit card debt under my name and refuses to give me any money. I start spending a lot of time in counselling, reading, self help stuff, etc. I keep going to the gym.

    • Spring 2019: I start to rebuild my life as the divorce continues. I start volunteering, connecting with old friends, making new friends, doing softball. My Dad gets re-married. Issues with him/new wife emerge. We ultimately fixed things, but it was a temporary fix.

    • Summer 2019: I re-connect with my Mom. I visited her for the first time in awhile. I start reconnecting with my longtime childhood friends. Man, I missed them. I start dating and plan some really cool trips. Divorce is about to be finalized as well.

  2. #782
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Tomorrow night, I leave for my big trip. Today, however, I'm just not feeling too confident. The interaction with my Dad has put me in a pretty bad mood for the last two days. Work is meh, doing a lot of mindless work right now while we all sit in limbo. I, however, have stayed active and busy by going to the gym, spent time with friends, etc. I do need to get myself out of this job limbo, though. I'm only sitting through it because the financial package is pretty nice and I'll need the money. I feel like the job limbo has demotivated everyone. I'm being asked to do tasks that I'm not very good at all because we weren't able to get additional help. This isn't as much my problem as its the company's problem. Also, many people work remotely now, but I'm choosing not to do that because I live alone and who wants to sit lone and work on mindless stuff all day.

    I have to be more proactive as I start thinking about the next few years. I've had a lot of success doing fantasy sports and related activities. A lot of that has been very fruitful. I told myself a few years ago that I don't want to do corporate jobs for a long time. I don't like the backstabbing, butt kissing, etc. It's not authentic and it's not who I am. I've been fortunate to work with a lot of very nice/cool people, so the job hasn't been that bad.

    Overall, I've dealt with a lot of disappointment in 2019; (i) my marriage ended so I feel like a 'failure', (ii) my job has been stuck in limbo for over a year and just rocky relationship with people I work with because I just don't care as much anymore, (iii) my roller-coaster relationship with both parents and getting blamed by both sides of the family because I "haven't done enough", (iv) I have to pay alimony to a woman who I loved and gave the world to, financial-wise, (v) reconnecting with my sister who went through a terrible eating disorder, (vi) putting down our family dog, (vii) Uncle passed away. A lot of good things have happened too (e.g., great physical shape, reconnecting with friends, dating new girls, cool fantasy stuff, some exciting trips planned).

    I think I've had it pretty easy, so this year has been a grind for me. I'm doing my best, moving forward, and just being the best man I can be.

  3. #783
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Just got home from my big trip, which was the best fun I've ever had on vacation. It was essentially an all-expenses paid vacation to California with many cool activities planned. I brought my new girlfriend (Girl #2) with me---and we had a blast. I won the trip through a fantasy sports company, so they paid my way and I got play in a 'live final' event. So cool. Brief recap of the trip is presented below.

    Wednesday night: Flight. Company put us in First Class. Amazing Experience.
    Thursday: Went to a scenic beach, met up with friends, rented a convertible, and went to a free country music concert.
    Friday: Went to the zoo, did a lot of sight-seeing, and went to a baseball game at night.
    Saturday: Did more sightseeing, played in the 'live final', went out with new baseball friends
    Sunday: Drove to Los Angeles for more sight seeing and then flew home.

    What a weekend. My girlfriend was so happy and excited (as was I). She's so nice and personable and got along so well with everyone.

  4. #784
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I just want to say good job reconnecting with your mum. I have some backstory on your relationship with your dad and the wedding earlier this year. Great to read the progress with your trips and your date #2 also. She sounds lovely. You sound more and more positive as the weeks go by.

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