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Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #771
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thekid55
    Going to get a chilly response on this entry, but YOLO.

    In the last month, I've gone out with three different women. I've done this for a few reasons; I love meeting new people, I'm putting myself out there to take things slowly, and also doing to prove to myself that there are other women out there.

    Girl #1: I met her at a volunteer event, got her number, and we went out for bar trivia the following week. We hit it off and had fun together. I've been trying to see her again, but she's in grad school and has been super flakey. I told her to contact me when her schedule frees up. She's 27, so a little younger.

    Girl #2: We used to work for the same company, but in different departments. We met through mutual work friends. Even when I was married, I was attracted to her physically, but also super attracted to her energy. I'm more of an 'old soul' whereas she is just beaming with innocence and youthful energy. I always made excuses to go see her once in awhile and spent time with her work functions. We have a lot of similar interests. We've been out twice; one time in her neighborhood and one time in my neighborhood. Needless to say, we had an amazing night when she came to my neighborhood. We're both into each other, but I'm taking it slow. She knew I was married, but she hasn't asked about my situation. Maybe she spoke to other work people? Who knows, but I did tell her indirectly that there are some things from my past that are firmly in my past and are not a part of present or future (Referring to my marriage, which is just paperwork at this time). She seemed okay with that. She's super, super innocent, so I have to be very, very, very careful here. She just turned 26 and comes from a very strong family background.

    Girl #3 I met her through online dating. She texts me all day long. She drove to my neighborhood bar to meet me. She lives about an hour away. We hung out for a few hours and had a great time. I've never done online dating, so I was sort of nervous. But we hit it off and had fun. Unlike Girl #2, she does not have that youthful, intoxicating energy. She's 31 and a little jaded. She's a good friend; I just don't see the romance.

    The situation with Girl #2 reminds me a lot of the situation I wrote about in May 2011. I met this amazing, free-spirited girl (E). E and I were having a great time together. I wrote about how she blew my ex out of the water in every way possible....until my ex came back and I decided to give it another shot. Girl #2 is very similar to E, so I wonder if this is the universe's way of testing me again. We'll see what happens, but I doubt my ex is going to come back. I'm not interested anymore, anyway. There's just been too much drama, emotional damage on both sides, etc.
    Went out w/ Girl #1 again last night. Due to finals, work, and a family vacation, I haven't seen her in a few weeks. Still, she re-initiated plans with me a week ago, confirmed with me yesterday morning, and went out for a fun bingo night and drinks. I like her a lot. She's super, super busy w/ grad school, work, spends a lot of time w/ her family. She kept telling me that she wasn't 'ghosting me'; things have just gotten crazy in her life. Aka she's a successful girl with a busy life. I dig her. She digs me. She's not the type of girl who will blow up your phone constantly with texts, which is nice. She suggested another date venue in the future, so I can tell she's interested. For her, I think I just have to play this one cool and see where it goes. I can't move as fast w/ her.

    Girl #2 just got back from a family vacation as well. I'll likely see her soon.

    I told Girl #3 about my situation and she reacted very coldly. She acted as if I was diseased in a way. Gonna let her go. I didn't see her long-term potential in her. She's older, so she's probably want to settle down much quicker. Therefore, I can understand her not being interested anymore.

  2. #772
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Dropping by for another update....

    I had to text my ex last week regarding some divorce stuff. She was texting my sister about it, so I took the imitative and just reached out to my ex, told her if she had any questions, let me know. She was super angry about everything. There was a breakdown in communication between the attorneys, so she started blaming me, etc. I told her that we both wanted to this move forward, so just worked with her attorney and I'll keep her updated on my side. I didn't argue, get upset w/ her, etc. I can tell she's hurting/upset about this. At this point, I can't whether or not she's going to be vengeful or not. The fact that I took very good care of her is probably irrelevant at this point.

    My ex is just a different person; some of it is my own doing. I definitely took my eye off the ball and didn't handle my own family stuff. However, she started hanging around a new group of friends that are just trashy. She's become one of them now, so it's like I'm dealing with a totally different person. Also, her lashing out at my Mom and Dad wasn't cool. My Mom and Dad aren't perfect by any means, but our marriage was between my ex and I. She should direct all of the blame/pain at me.

    I've been hanging out with Girl #2 a lot. Once she got back from her trip, she reached out immediately and we seen each other four times over the last 2 weeks. I invited her to a fun casino-night fundraiser (she had a blast), we went to a baseball game, did a comedy show, and did a Happy Hour. She brought me back a souvenir from her trip and showed me a lot of really cool pictures. Even though we've been hanging for a short time, I'm into her. She's a lot different from my ex; she's more fun-loving, open-minded, low stress, etc. She doesn't have much relationship/dating experience, but I don't view that as a red flag anymore.

    I'm seeing Girl #1 tomorrow night. Should be fun.

    I started softball on Saturday. I've always loved playing baseball/softball, so it was great to get back out there and play. I got to meet some new friends, too, which was great. We play doubleheaders every Saturday morning. We lost the first game, but won the second game. I hit the game-winning home run in the second game. Great feeling. One of the guys on the team got injured pretty badly, so I helped carry him to the car after the game. Just trying to be a good friend as I move forward with my life.

    In terms of work, we moved to a new office last week. The new office stinks. Everyone is in job limbo. I'm sticking it out now solely for the potential severance package.

    Until next time....

  3. #773
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Dropping in for another update for the holiday weekend...

    Saw Girl #1 last week. We went to an arcade, played games, had a few drinks, and just had fun. It was our third date. We kissed a few times, kept it light, etc. She's so busy with school and stuff that I can't tell whether she's just busy or has low interest. Her actions show me she's interested, but she doesn't chase. I sent her a text the day after our date, told her I had fun, and asked her to reach out when her schedule clears up..No response. Oh well, just going to let this one go. I can tell she likes me, but may purposely trying to create space.

    Saw Girl #2 a few times last week. Went out for drinks mid-week. Saw her over the weekend. She invited me to a fun concert in some really great seats. Some of her friends came along, but I didn't get pressed with questions which was night. I met up with her later that evening and met a different group of friends. She was buying me drinks the entire night, was all over me, etc. I stayed with her that night and we had an amazing time together. All of her friends are good peeps. I hit it all really well with the girls and the guys in her friend group. It's good to be-friend the girls, but the guys are the critical part because typically, they don't like newcomers. I knew this going in, so I spent extra time with the guys, just letting them talk, interjecting once in awhile, etc.

    Overall, I just love this girl's energy. I'm more stoic, strong, confident, etc. She's just beaming with energy, enthusiasm, life, etc. Our energies match-up super well. This girl is super into me and I think she's starting to fall in love....We'll see what happens, but I'm totally playing it cool with her, going with the flow, giving her plenty of time/space. I like her a lot too, but I'm trying to be smart here....

    I met two new girls last week; both were busts. Online dating is such a waste of time. I paid the tabs for both dates and didn't talk to either chick again. I tried to pull some travel/vacation ideas out of each of them, but that was about it. LOL. It's better to meet people in real life/your social circle.

    Softball has been going well. I'm making a lot of really cool new friends on the team, we went out for drinks after the game, etc. Everyone wanted to exchange Instagram info (LOL). It's important for me to develop these friendships, especially since most of my long-term friends live in other cities. The softball friends are a diverse, cool bunch.

    I'm still going to counselling once per month. The counselor thinks I'm doing really well. This is healthy and good. I plan to keep going.

    Going to visit Mom and see some friends for the holiday weekend. I'm optimistic and know it will be good a weekend. Until next time.....
    Last edited by thekid55; 07-02-2019 at 10:44 AM.

  4. #774
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Hi all,

    Stopping by for another update. If you're in the U.S., hope you had a great 4th of July!

    I took the plunge and went to visit my Mom for 5 days! A year ago, if you would have told me I'd do this, I'd say you're crazy! Anyway, I traveled 3 hours down to see her on Wednesday, July 3rd and I stayed until this morning, Sunday, July 7th. Health-wise, my Mom is in really rough shape. She lives on her own in a 55-and-older community, but I don't know how much longer she'll be able to live this way. She uses a walker full-time and can't even get into her bed. She has to sleep on an electronic reclining chair. It's a hell of a way to live, but she's tough and pushes through. I helped her with all of her errands, fixed things around the house, took her on a few fun car rides in her nice van, and just tried to make her laugh as much as possible.

    I haven't seen her in a long time, nearly a year. My relationship with her has been rocky for years. She didn't handle the divorce with my Dad well, at all. She became despressed and suicidal. Honestly, I think her Multiple Sclerosis changed her brain chemistry in ways I can't comprehend. Her and I used to have fights and arguments because I wanted to just 'to be normal' instead of just accepting who she is. Regardless of her life circumstance, she has always wanted to best for my sister and I. She has always wanted us to be happy and to be together. I love her for that and I will spend more time with in the future.

    I saw some high school friends and I saw Girl #2 down near my Mom as well. Girl #2 was visiting friends and we met up one night. She was sick, so it was a quick visit. Seeing my high school friends and going to old hangouts just isn't for me anymore. I left that 'high school bubble' nearly 15 years ago--and just moved on with my life. A lot of my old friends are still stuck in that bubble, telling stupid high school stories about stupid high school people that I just don't care about anymore. I try to be cordial and laugh, but my life has totally moved in a new direction. I accept my friends for who they are as people, but it's clear why we aren't as close anymore.

    Overall, in this journal, I think my biggest takeaway is to just love and accept people for who they are. The more you try to 'change them' into who you want thtem to be, the more disappointed you'll be.

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