Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 78 of 79 FirstFirst ... 7576777879 LastLast
Results 771 to 780 of 782

Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #771
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by thekid55
    Going to get a chilly response on this entry, but YOLO.

    In the last month, I've gone out with three different women. I've done this for a few reasons; I love meeting new people, I'm putting myself out there to take things slowly, and also doing to prove to myself that there are other women out there.

    Girl #1: I met her at a volunteer event, got her number, and we went out for bar trivia the following week. We hit it off and had fun together. I've been trying to see her again, but she's in grad school and has been super flakey. I told her to contact me when her schedule frees up. She's 27, so a little younger.

    Girl #2: We used to work for the same company, but in different departments. We met through mutual work friends. Even when I was married, I was attracted to her physically, but also super attracted to her energy. I'm more of an 'old soul' whereas she is just beaming with innocence and youthful energy. I always made excuses to go see her once in awhile and spent time with her work functions. We have a lot of similar interests. We've been out twice; one time in her neighborhood and one time in my neighborhood. Needless to say, we had an amazing night when she came to my neighborhood. We're both into each other, but I'm taking it slow. She knew I was married, but she hasn't asked about my situation. Maybe she spoke to other work people? Who knows, but I did tell her indirectly that there are some things from my past that are firmly in my past and are not a part of present or future (Referring to my marriage, which is just paperwork at this time). She seemed okay with that. She's super, super innocent, so I have to be very, very, very careful here. She just turned 26 and comes from a very strong family background.

    Girl #3 I met her through online dating. She texts me all day long. She drove to my neighborhood bar to meet me. She lives about an hour away. We hung out for a few hours and had a great time. I've never done online dating, so I was sort of nervous. But we hit it off and had fun. Unlike Girl #2, she does not have that youthful, intoxicating energy. She's 31 and a little jaded. She's a good friend; I just don't see the romance.

    The situation with Girl #2 reminds me a lot of the situation I wrote about in May 2011. I met this amazing, free-spirited girl (E). E and I were having a great time together. I wrote about how she blew my ex out of the water in every way possible....until my ex came back and I decided to give it another shot. Girl #2 is very similar to E, so I wonder if this is the universe's way of testing me again. We'll see what happens, but I doubt my ex is going to come back. I'm not interested anymore, anyway. There's just been too much drama, emotional damage on both sides, etc.
    Went out w/ Girl #1 again last night. Due to finals, work, and a family vacation, I haven't seen her in a few weeks. Still, she re-initiated plans with me a week ago, confirmed with me yesterday morning, and went out for a fun bingo night and drinks. I like her a lot. She's super, super busy w/ grad school, work, spends a lot of time w/ her family. She kept telling me that she wasn't 'ghosting me'; things have just gotten crazy in her life. Aka she's a successful girl with a busy life. I dig her. She digs me. She's not the type of girl who will blow up your phone constantly with texts, which is nice. She suggested another date venue in the future, so I can tell she's interested. For her, I think I just have to play this one cool and see where it goes. I can't move as fast w/ her.

    Girl #2 just got back from a family vacation as well. I'll likely see her soon.

    I told Girl #3 about my situation and she reacted very coldly. She acted as if I was diseased in a way. Gonna let her go. I didn't see her long-term potential in her. She's older, so she's probably want to settle down much quicker. Therefore, I can understand her not being interested anymore.

  2. #772
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Dropping by for another update....

    I had to text my ex last week regarding some divorce stuff. She was texting my sister about it, so I took the imitative and just reached out to my ex, told her if she had any questions, let me know. She was super angry about everything. There was a breakdown in communication between the attorneys, so she started blaming me, etc. I told her that we both wanted to this move forward, so just worked with her attorney and I'll keep her updated on my side. I didn't argue, get upset w/ her, etc. I can tell she's hurting/upset about this. At this point, I can't whether or not she's going to be vengeful or not. The fact that I took very good care of her is probably irrelevant at this point.

    My ex is just a different person; some of it is my own doing. I definitely took my eye off the ball and didn't handle my own family stuff. However, she started hanging around a new group of friends that are just trashy. She's become one of them now, so it's like I'm dealing with a totally different person. Also, her lashing out at my Mom and Dad wasn't cool. My Mom and Dad aren't perfect by any means, but our marriage was between my ex and I. She should direct all of the blame/pain at me.

    I've been hanging out with Girl #2 a lot. Once she got back from her trip, she reached out immediately and we seen each other four times over the last 2 weeks. I invited her to a fun casino-night fundraiser (she had a blast), we went to a baseball game, did a comedy show, and did a Happy Hour. She brought me back a souvenir from her trip and showed me a lot of really cool pictures. Even though we've been hanging for a short time, I'm into her. She's a lot different from my ex; she's more fun-loving, open-minded, low stress, etc. She doesn't have much relationship/dating experience, but I don't view that as a red flag anymore.

    I'm seeing Girl #1 tomorrow night. Should be fun.

    I started softball on Saturday. I've always loved playing baseball/softball, so it was great to get back out there and play. I got to meet some new friends, too, which was great. We play doubleheaders every Saturday morning. We lost the first game, but won the second game. I hit the game-winning home run in the second game. Great feeling. One of the guys on the team got injured pretty badly, so I helped carry him to the car after the game. Just trying to be a good friend as I move forward with my life.

    In terms of work, we moved to a new office last week. The new office stinks. Everyone is in job limbo. I'm sticking it out now solely for the potential severance package.

    Until next time....

  3. #773
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Dropping in for another update for the holiday weekend...

    Saw Girl #1 last week. We went to an arcade, played games, had a few drinks, and just had fun. It was our third date. We kissed a few times, kept it light, etc. She's so busy with school and stuff that I can't tell whether she's just busy or has low interest. Her actions show me she's interested, but she doesn't chase. I sent her a text the day after our date, told her I had fun, and asked her to reach out when her schedule clears up..No response. Oh well, just going to let this one go. I can tell she likes me, but may purposely trying to create space.

    Saw Girl #2 a few times last week. Went out for drinks mid-week. Saw her over the weekend. She invited me to a fun concert in some really great seats. Some of her friends came along, but I didn't get pressed with questions which was night. I met up with her later that evening and met a different group of friends. She was buying me drinks the entire night, was all over me, etc. I stayed with her that night and we had an amazing time together. All of her friends are good peeps. I hit it all really well with the girls and the guys in her friend group. It's good to be-friend the girls, but the guys are the critical part because typically, they don't like newcomers. I knew this going in, so I spent extra time with the guys, just letting them talk, interjecting once in awhile, etc.

    Overall, I just love this girl's energy. I'm more stoic, strong, confident, etc. She's just beaming with energy, enthusiasm, life, etc. Our energies match-up super well. This girl is super into me and I think she's starting to fall in love....We'll see what happens, but I'm totally playing it cool with her, going with the flow, giving her plenty of time/space. I like her a lot too, but I'm trying to be smart here....

    I met two new girls last week; both were busts. Online dating is such a waste of time. I paid the tabs for both dates and didn't talk to either chick again. I tried to pull some travel/vacation ideas out of each of them, but that was about it. LOL. It's better to meet people in real life/your social circle.

    Softball has been going well. I'm making a lot of really cool new friends on the team, we went out for drinks after the game, etc. Everyone wanted to exchange Instagram info (LOL). It's important for me to develop these friendships, especially since most of my long-term friends live in other cities. The softball friends are a diverse, cool bunch.

    I'm still going to counselling once per month. The counselor thinks I'm doing really well. This is healthy and good. I plan to keep going.

    Going to visit Mom and see some friends for the holiday weekend. I'm optimistic and know it will be good a weekend. Until next time.....
    Last edited by thekid55; 07-02-2019 at 10:44 AM.

  4. #774
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Hi all,

    Stopping by for another update. If you're in the U.S., hope you had a great 4th of July!

    I took the plunge and went to visit my Mom for 5 days! A year ago, if you would have told me I'd do this, I'd say you're crazy! Anyway, I traveled 3 hours down to see her on Wednesday, July 3rd and I stayed until this morning, Sunday, July 7th. Health-wise, my Mom is in really rough shape. She lives on her own in a 55-and-older community, but I don't know how much longer she'll be able to live this way. She uses a walker full-time and can't even get into her bed. She has to sleep on an electronic reclining chair. It's a hell of a way to live, but she's tough and pushes through. I helped her with all of her errands, fixed things around the house, took her on a few fun car rides in her nice van, and just tried to make her laugh as much as possible.

    I haven't seen her in a long time, nearly a year. My relationship with her has been rocky for years. She didn't handle the divorce with my Dad well, at all. She became despressed and suicidal. Honestly, I think her Multiple Sclerosis changed her brain chemistry in ways I can't comprehend. Her and I used to have fights and arguments because I wanted to just 'to be normal' instead of just accepting who she is. Regardless of her life circumstance, she has always wanted to best for my sister and I. She has always wanted us to be happy and to be together. I love her for that and I will spend more time with in the future.

    I saw some high school friends and I saw Girl #2 down near my Mom as well. Girl #2 was visiting friends and we met up one night. She was sick, so it was a quick visit. Seeing my high school friends and going to old hangouts just isn't for me anymore. I left that 'high school bubble' nearly 15 years ago--and just moved on with my life. A lot of my old friends are still stuck in that bubble, telling stupid high school stories about stupid high school people that I just don't care about anymore. I try to be cordial and laugh, but my life has totally moved in a new direction. I accept my friends for who they are as people, but it's clear why we aren't as close anymore.

    Overall, in this journal, I think my biggest takeaway is to just love and accept people for who they are. The more you try to 'change them' into who you want thtem to be, the more disappointed you'll be.

  5.  

  6. #775
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Dropping by for another update.

    The last few weeks have been....interesting.

    Last night, we had to put down our family dog. She was 13-years-old and was a great dog. She had a great temperament and we loved her very much. She lived with my Mom and kept her company. We took her to the pet hospital, vet, etc. Ultimately, our dog was having heart and liver failure, so we didn't want her to suffer anymore. My Mom was a wreck, but I called her multiple times today. She felt better with every call. She wanted to send my Dad a nasty e-mail because he refused to help with vet bills, but I talked her out of it. She'll always have great memories of our dog. She was great and is in a better place.

    Luckily, last weekend, I went down to visit my Mom and sister again. I had to move a few things from my sister's house. I also got to spend some quality time with my Mom and our dog. Our dog wasn't acting like herself and I could tell something was wrong. Thankfully, I got to spend some time with her and gave her a big hug before I left. I knew that may be the last time I saw her.

    The divorce is moving along. I made a settlement offer today. I doubt she takes it, but the process is moving forward.

    I also joined a new gym and have been getting some great workouts in. My weight is down to 196 pounds and my body fat is very low. I'm in the best shape of my life. I couldn't be happier with how I look and feel. Somedays, I look and feel like Superman. Still playing softball and building new friendships.

    In terms of dating, I've been spending time with Girl #2. Our dates are fun. We'll see where this goes. I've mentioned this numerous times, but she's inexperienced-dating wise. Earlier this week, I made plans with her for Friday night, but those plans didn't work out. She also made plans for happy hour with friends and I decided not to go. I felt like a second choice when I've been showing her, with my actions, that I'm making her priority. I'm going to back off of her a little bit.

    I have a few friend weddings coming up. It'll be good to celebrate with friends and just have fun.

  7. #776
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Back for another update. The divorce is in the final stages. We're finishing up negotiations. I've been sporadically texting my ex, making sure that her attorney is getting e-mails from my side. Everyone is 100% business on both sides. No drama. This is good.

    Two weeks ago, I won a cool baseball trip to California. I'm leaving next week. It's a unique, all-expenses-paid trip. One night is concert, the next night is a baseball game, and the final night is a pool party. Should be a lot of fun.

    I went to a friend wedding last weekend and took Girl #2 with me. Girl #2 was great and fit in very well. This friend wedding was with an established group of people that I've been friends with 20+ years. Sometimes, in these group settings, new comers can be rebuffed, but my friends loved Girl #2. We had fun dancing, eating, drinking, mingling, etc.

    Softball ended last weekend. It was a fun season. I made some cool new friends. I'm ready to start playing again in the fall.

    I had a death in the family last weekend, so I'm heading to my hometown in a few days for a funeral. Life happens, but things are getting better and better for me. I still have some job uncertainty, but I'm getting paid.

  8. #777
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Quick update time....

    1. I had to go home yesterday for my Uncle's funeral. He was 65-years-old and wasn't in great health. I did my best to be compassionate and be there for my extended family. They had a very nice service and a small lunch afterwards.

    2. My ex and I agreed to terms associated with the divorce. I have to pay her alimony for a year, which stinks, but at this point, it is what it is. Over the last week, we've been talking directly to each other--and have sped up the divorce process. Her attorney is drafting all of the paperwork, which is good, and saves me attorney fees.

    Overall, the whole divorce process just stinks. No one wins, except the attorneys. All of the hardwork/time/effort that was spent on saving, investing, etc. is totally ripped apart. The team concept of the relationship is obviously over and both sides just work in their best interest. I can say that I did everything in my power to take care of her, financially. During the course of our 10-year relationship (married for 5), I purchased her 2 cars, gave her her dream engagement ring, dream wedding, great vacations, made her safe/loved, paid off $50,000 of her student loan debt, etc. (And I still have to pay her alimony....)

    Despite my tone in this journal, I can say that I loved her with all my heart and don't have any regrets. Yes, I was hurt and upset at times, but that's just part of the process. Looking back, I should acted when I felt the relationship starting to slip away, but as I saw with my parents, I stuck it out and thought things would get better. I don't like to quit and give up, but sometimes, you just have to accept that you, yourself have changed and your partner has changed. You have to let each other go when you feel this because that's destiny's way of telling you to move in a different direction. We both obviously need different parents in our lives, so I hope she finds that.

    We'll see what happens with Girl #2, but she's very different from my ex. She's 4-years-younger, much softer/more feminine, and comes from a strong family background. Girl #2 defers to me a lot---and I've learned that I must be the leader in the relationship. I stopped leading with my ex and that's when things got screwy. I can't mess that up, again.

  9. #778
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    My wife’s douche ex that I wrote about the first few pages of this journal? Yeah, well, she follows the guy again on social
    Media. One of my friends told me and I just laughed. We’ve come full circle. The douche is married and has a 1-year-old daughter. YOLO.

  10. #779
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,383
    Gender
    Female
    Well done re family.

    Nice to read of this progress. You worked hard to get here, and to be sure that this is where you wanted to go given all the inputs. Well done.

  11. #780
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,630
    Gender
    Male
    Back for another update....More family drama...

    Yesterday, I was having breakfast and I received a very angry phone call from my Dad. My Dad, by nature, is not an angry man. He started yelling immediately--and I asked him what the problem was...

    Dad: "Thekid55, we need to talk."
    Thekid: "Ok, what's up?"
    Dad: "I heard you were saying disrespectful things about my new wife at the funeral."
    Thekid: "Huh? Like what?"
    Dad: "Your level of disrespect is unreal. You promised we would move on, blah blah blah"
    Thekid: "Dad, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not doing drama anymore. Good bye."

    He sends me a few texts later about how I said disrespectful things to my aunt/uncle about his new wife at my Uncle's funeral, which he didn't attend, mind you. I told him that if he wanted to talk, he should give me a call. If he choose not to call me, I will take that to mean he doesn't care about my side of things. (He never called).

    After I hung up, I was replaying the discussion I had with my aunt/uncle about his new wife. I didn't say anything mean or terrible about the new wife. Granted, this is the woman that he cheated on my Mom with. Rather, I just told them that I didn't like her at all, mainly due to her actions (e.g., cheating with my Dad, who was a married man at the time, using religion to justify her actions, some inappropriate comments she's made about my sister and I, how he called her a prostitute when my Mom busted him cheating), but I would tolerate her in order to have a relationship with my Dad. Her actions were in direct conflict with values/morals, but I was willing to look beyond that because I love my Dad, despite how hurt and upset my Mom still is over it. My sister and I voiced our concerns/displeasure with her for years before they got married, but he never listened.

    I had a nice time with my aunt/uncle at the funeral and we had some nice talks. We even talked about getting together during Christmas time, so I'm even more shocked the my worlds were twisted. My aunt/uncle have always been hot and cold people. Sometimes, they are very sweet and helpful. Other times, they are dramatic. I've always kept them at arm's-length. My uncle has a bad relationship with his own son, so I'm sure he's enjoying the turmoil that my Dad and I are going through.

    I sent my an aunt a text, which said: "Hi aunt, I don't know what was communicated to my Dad about his new wife, but I told you guys that I don't like her at all, purely due to her actin, but I tolerate her in order to have a relationship with my Dad. I've said that to him countless times. It seems like my words were completely twisted for some reason, which is shocking because I thought we had a nice visit and everyone seemed very excited about the Florida trip. At this point, I'm cutting contact because I don't want to deal with the drama anymore. Wishing everyone nothing, but the best. Thanks again for everything." (No response from her, not surprising.)

    During the time I spent with aunt/uncle, they made some off-color comments about my sister who overcame her divorce, eating disorder, money issues (she's working 55 hours per week.) Did I go running to tell other people? Nope. Did I communicate to Aunt/Uncle that their comments were inappropriate? Yes.

    Over the last six months, I've spent a lot of time trimming 'the fat' from my life. Whether it be in the gym (Dropped 20 pounds, got ripped), people (bad friends, toxic family members, ex-wife, her nutty family), it's been a lot, but it's making me a better person. I've added a lot of good things (e.g., in great physical shape, new friends, new girl, reconnecting with old friends), so it's all good even it's a small bump in the road. I can't control what other people say/do; I can only control myself.

    Honestly, screw these people. There's a good reason why I've always kept them at length.

Page 78 of 79 FirstFirst ... 7576777879 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •