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Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #701
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Hello. Dropping in for an update.

    Over the last month, I've started counselling and attended two sessions. The sessions have been very good. My counselor is a good listener and allows me to talk. She offers comments when the moment is right, but she doesn't try to control me or the conversation. We've discussed issues with my wife, my family issues, etc. I'm feeling better, but I'm also do a ton of self improvement on my own. The counselling is just a part of my process.

    In terms of self improvement, I've been in the gym 5x a week. I've been lifting heavy weights and my body is starting changing for the better. More importantly, mentally, I feel grower and more confident. For the last year or so, I've been down about my family situation, but lifting makes me feel great. I also running on 'rest days'.

    With my wife, things are much better. I took 100% accountability for my actions that led to this point (e.g., I got too caught up in the drama with my Mom, I took too much responsibility with her move). Quite simply, I wasn't acting very manly. All of this has changed in the last month---and my wife is reacting much more positively. I'm being strong, more assertive, and having fun with her. Our sex life has been wild (in a good way). Women at work flirt with me constantly, which helps with things at home.

    With work, my company was acquired last December--and the transaction is expected to close in late January. The Company has offered an attractive severance package, but the acquiring company is one of the largest companies in the U.S. Nearly all of the people I work with are going to the acquiring company. Some uncertainty there, which isn't fun, but we'll see.

    I'm going to see some friends this weekend, solo, which should be fun. The holidays and my birthday are coming up, so we will see happens.

  2. #702
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Hi all, popping in for an update.

    I'm turning 30 soon. It's crazy that I started this journal back when I was 21. Time flies.

    I wanted to do a quick post on things I'm proud of/not proud of. This list solely applies to my 20s.

    Proud of:
    1. Pulling myself out of the turmoil I was in when I started this thread. The breakup forced me to self-reflect and improve myself. I sought out new opportunities, new friendships, and new experiences. I went on Spring Break, re-connected with old friends, dated girls outside of my social circle, etc.
    2. Graduating college w/ a double major and honors. I worked so hard in college.
    3. Getting my first job while I was still in college. We were coming out of difficult economic times, so I proud of myself for pushing myself to do numerous internships to set myself up for that opportunity. I worked hard for 5 years at my first job and learn a lot of valuable lessons. I learned how people should be treated (and also shouldn't be treated). I also learned that I don't want to be a slave to my job. Money isn't the only thing.
    4. Getting my second job was a big 'step up' for me. I joined one of the biggest, most popular companies in the U.S. and made a lot more money. I work with some amazing people and I saw how great management works. I built my network up and learned a lot of great skills. As of now, there's some job uncertainty, but I will embrace it.
    5. Self improvement and development. I've read so many books on business, psychology, finance, etc. I've also sought out mentors online that I've learned a lot from. I'm operating at a much higher level than I ever have. The world makes more sense to me now since I spent so much time learning. Learning never stops, either.
    6. I ran a half marathon at 28. I'm currently getting very muscular.
    7. My parents divorce was devastating; there were a lot of sleepless night, a lot of stressful nights. However, it made me a stronger man. I learned that I can't be everything to everyone. I can only do my best and I learned to set better boundaries with people. I allowed my Mom to push my boundaries---I'll never let someone do that again.
    8. Getting married to my college sweetheart. In our 20s, we did a long distance relationship, moved in together, built up our first 'home', supported each others' career and went a lot of great vacations together. We're ready to take the next step (buying a home, having children shortly thereafter). However, the game never stops and I have to keep improving myself on a daily basis. I wouldn't expect anything less from her, either.
    9. I learned to embrace uncertainty when it comes to investing. I made some "risky" investments. Some worked out, others didn't, but each was a learning process.
    10. I improved my style. I dress much better now.


    Not Proud Of:
    • I'm not proud of how I let my 'frame' get scrambled on multiple occasions. When I say "frame", I mean my identity, worldview, etc. My break-up in 2010 scrambled my frame, my parents' divorce scrambled it too.
    • I'm not proud of how I became short-tempered with my wife and close friends. It's something I'm addressing in counselling. I want to be more open.
    • I'm not proud of how some of my friendships dissolved. Maybe that's just life, but I miss some of my friends. I should call them.

  3. #703
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Hi all, popping in for an update. Happy New Year!

    I'm here to reflect on 2018. In short, 2018 was a roller coaster ride.

    Relationship-wise, my wife and I went through a rough patch in the fall, but things have improved. Our sex life is off-the-charts good. She craves me constantly. (Hat tip to my gym sessions, which I'm doing 5x a week.) Our communication still needs some work, but that may be a lifelong task. I love her and see my life with her. We went on some fun vacations together and she planned a fun surprise party for my 30th brithday. Some of my longtime friends attended, which was great.

    With my immediate family, I don't have much of a relationship w/ my Mom. She wants to constantly argue and fight with me about the past. I can't tell whether it's just who she is or if it's her medical condition affecting her. My Dad and I have a solid relationship while my sister is going through a tough time (Rehab, may get divorced).

    With work, things are still unsettled. I'll have options, but it's unsettling not knowing what the next few months look like.

    In terms of side hustles, I started making a lot of money. This has given me confidence that I don't need to totally rely on a salaried-job.

    Going into 2019, I want to continue my excellent workout schedule in the gym, be a better communicator/listener, add more side hustles and just be a better man for all parties in my life.

  4. #704
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    So glad things are looking up for you, K55! You made it through this rough patch, and just know there will be more. I saw an interview with a couple that had been married for 75 years. They asked them the secret, and they said that they fell in love, then fell out of love, then fell in love again, periodically. The key was the commitment - and the fact that they didn't fall out of love at the same time.

    Commitment, communication, listening with respect, and showing you care with small gestures (sweet notes, hugs, a thoughtful coffee, etc.) and a sense of humor will serve you well through the years.

    Happy New Year

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