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Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #51
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

    Well, I had another great night tonight. I am home from college and I went out with all of my buddies from home. Here's the beautiful thing about my friends from home.

    Typically when people graduate from high school, everyone just moves on. However, all of my friends went to different college. We all go to schools in five different states. We typically do not talk much during the semesters, but when we are all home, we just sit around for hours, laughing, talking about the 'good days'. It's so funny to laugh about how dumb yet fun some of our situations were. We have a solid group of about 10-15 of us who always get together. It's been that way for years and I feel blessed.

    After we hung out, we went out to this local bar. Of course, you see people there who you wish you never saw again. However, we had fun. This one girl was basically hitting on me. Another thought I was really cute, but she wasn't my time. It was a good ego boost.

    Outside of that, my ex and I are now on Day 11 of NC. I still think about her often, but I realize that I am the most important person. I know that she went to the city to go to a bar with a girlfriend and this girlfriend was exclaiming how 'wild' it would be. Mind you, my ex is not the 'wild' type of girl and has problems with truly letting herself go. (She won't get drunk, etc) This girlfriend is 'dating' one of my good friends and he told me once that my ex doesn't talk to any other guys or anything when she goes out. Good to know.

    I realize now that we are not supposed to be together right now. There is only so much you can experience in a relationship together when you are so young. If you told me right now that I would be without her for the next 2-3 years, but you'd get her back forever after that, I'd take it.

    I really do not think our story is over, but patience is the key.

    Goodnight.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Got a text from her tonight. She just said 'Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family'

    I responded back a little later and said 'Thanks. Happy thanksgiving to you and your fam'.

    Wasn't part of a chain text. Trying not to over-analyze it.

    Her and I haven't gone longer than 12 days, post-breakup without talking. One of us always breaks it with something stupid. I'm letting her come to me.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Another great day for me today.

    I went out with my Dad during the day to do some car shopping. At night, my friends and I went to casino. Didn't win any money, but we had fun, so that's all that matters.

    I still think of you regularly, but I keep myself as #1.

    Basketball game tomorrow night. Really looking forward to it. Going to spend quality time with the family tomorrow as well.

    Two more days at home before I go back to school/work. Only three weeks left in the semester. Time for the big finish.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    I want to chronicle interaction that we've had since the breakup. It'll help me look back on day and realize how stupid I was acting and she was acting. Here we go.

    Sept. 29- We break up. She is hysterically crying. We both agree that it'll be the best for now. Vow to come back stronger.

    Sept. 30- She texts me early in the morning to tell me that she is still crying. And that she loves me. I text her later on, saying that I'm going out with my friends. She tells me to enjoy it because I deserve it.

    Oct. 3- I go on Facebook. I see pictures of her and her girlfriends out at a party. She is at her ex-boyfriend's house. I get really angry and call her and ask her what she's doing there. She said that she went out with the girls and since her and that guy dated for only a few months, 3 years ago, it should be a problem. (This guy was the first person to break her heart as well and she was crushed). She tells me things like 'I will always love you. We needed for this to happen, you know this'. He apparently apologized to her that night for how he treated her along time ago.

    Oct. 6- She texts me again. Saying that she feels like she lost herself somewhere along the line. She wants to find her own happiness again. She tells me that this has nothing to do with my parents (?, Mind you, they always treated her like gold) and she thanked me for always treating her well. I respond saying 'Glad to hear it'.

    Oct. 7- The worst night of my life. I get super drunk. I'm at this bar and need a ride home. No one is able to come get me, but I text her. She is apparently with her friends still. They were all drinking and she wouldn't come get me. I pour my heart out to her. She gets super mad.

    Oct. 8- I call her in the morning to apologize. She is still extremely angry with me. Tells me that we became 'just friends'. We acted like 'an old married couple'. I took it all in stride. Got a little angry, but was remorseful for how I acted.

    Oct. 8 (2)- We go home for Columbus Day. She texts me that night saying 'Please don't think I'm heartless. I'm hurting as well'. I ignored.

    Oct. 11- I respond to her text finally, saying that we need time and space. She wants to drop something off to me later. I say no. She insists and I say fine. If you come by at dinner time, then we'll get food. She ends up texting me later, cancelling saying 'I got in late. Don't think I was ignoring you. We'll meet another day'.

    Oct. 12- I act like an idiot and decide to ask her out to dinner again. No response. I text her again. She tells me that she doesn't want to go out. It's too soon. I decide to go NC.

    Oct 21- I break NC. I see her at this event at school. We don't interact at all. After the event, I text her, asking her why that was awkward. She feeds me some line saying 'I don't know how to act when you try to something that you aren't'. 100% BS and a cop out. Leads to an argument and I send a million texts at night, none of which are answered. She responds to me in the morning and we start to argue again. Basically poured my heart out again to her. She gets really angry. Tells me to stop contacting her, etc. etc. I finally agree with everything she says and leave her alone.

    Nov 3- She texts me. Late at night too. Saying that her Mom came to visit today and that she wanted to come see me. I ignore it.

    Nov 9- She texts me again. Late at night again (She doesn't drink, either). Asking me how I was. How things were. After not responding for five minutes, she says 'Well, if you feel the need to push me out of your life, then so be it. It's just been a few weeks.' I respond the next day and she starts prying for answers about my life. I just give her some short answers and she looks for more. I suggest lunch in the near future and she says 'Alright. Sounds great. Talk to you soon'.

    Nov 11- I see her at a bar. I say hi to her in passing. At the end of the night, I want her to come back with me. She says no and 'this is why we can't be friends/talk'. And I basically begged for her back and she kept telling me how unattractive that was. Last time I'll ever get like that.

    Nov 13- I call and apologize for my behavior. She is cold on the phone.

    Thanksgiving- Around 8pm, I get a personalized 'Happy Thanksgiving to XXXX and your family' I reciprocated the message and here I am today.

    **90% of this intereaction came via text message. Also seems like we can't go longer than 2 weeks without talking.
    Last edited by thekid55; 11-28-2010 at 12:09 PM.

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Sundays are normally tough for me. Typically, the day of relaxation is a day where I spent a lot of time on here and time thinking about you. I only have three weeks left in the semester and the work load is about to pick up.

    Birthday is this week. Big plans with some friends.

    Haven't initiated anything in 15 days now.

  7. #56
    Silver Member C_Unknown2005's Avatar
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    Your doing good man. Just Keep NC and like you said about you Holiday thread be with friends ans family. It's going to be an interesting 30 days we will get through this.

  8. #57
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Pretty much had an ephiphany here at 2:20 Am.

    We all long for the day that our exes call us, reach out to us, etc. Whatever.

    However, in what state of mind will you be when you eventually get that call?

    My point is, now is the time to put yourself back together. Time to put all of the hurt away. Time to stop with the Facebook, talking to family/friends about it. Use this time to build a better you so you aren't a broken person when they come back knocking as a healthy, healed, new individual. I don't think reconciliation is even possible until the 5-6 month mark at the earliest. We all need time to get ourselves together and MOVE ON from that old relationship because if you want to get back together, it has to be 100% new. The feelings are still there, but the dynamic must be different this time around.

    It'd be unreasonable for them to cast their pride aside and say "I want you back now. Come running back to me" because for one, they probably don't even know if you are dating and they don't want to look stupid. People ease into things. Think about approaching a new girl/guy on the street. Would you bombard them or just let things progress casually?

    I don't believe in game playing at all, so I choose to respond to contact that I believe needs responding to. I'll keep things very brief and to the point.

    For anyone that's hurting, all hope is not gone. Do not read too much into the advice of some posters. Most people at ENA are hurt right now too and will base their advice off their misfortunes. Search the archives and read SuperDave, TiredTiger, and Zorba postings.

    Just remember, if you don't do anything, you can't mess anything up.

    Patience. Patience. Patience.

    Good things happen to those who wait.

  9. #58
    Silver Member C_Unknown2005's Avatar
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    Just remember, if you don't do anything, you can't mess anything up.

    Patience. Patience. Patience.

    Good things happen to those who wait.
    You got this man.

  10. #59
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    I'm pretty much miserable today for absolutely no reason. It's my birthday. I went out last to a casino with my friends. Won a lot of money. Paid for my spring break trip and all. I've heard from a lot of friends already today and it's only 10 AM.

    I feel the love from everyone and I feel truly blessed.

    However, I am just not happy, at all. I haven't gotten any birthday greeting from her today and I've been told so much stuff about her. One of my best friends dates one of her closest friends. He told me that those two girls are literally attached at the hip now, but never hung out when we dated. He told me that she's normally alone with the girls when they go out, but he think she wants someone to hang out with (another guy). No idea why he thinks that, but he just does.

    Another friend called and wished me a happy birthday. She told me that my ex apologized for shutting her out the past couple of weeks. She asked my ex a few days ago about her and I and my ex told her that 'Absolutely nothing is going on'. and that she was 'Very happy with herself and how her life is now'. Pretty much with me completely out of it.

    I'd never wish unhappiness upon anyone. It just sucks knowing that she's probably not feeling the same pain and having as hard of a time as I am. Maybe she is. Who knows. This whole thing could purely be a front. I have no idea. If it's a front, she's a realyl good actress.

    I've read in countless places that dumper always try to put up a facade that everything is wonderful in their lives, but I was told that she seemed genuinely happy.

    I haven't received a birthday text or anything from her today. Who knows if I will. If I don't get anything from her, I'll just assume that she forgot or just doesn't care anymore.
    Last edited by thekid55; 12-03-2010 at 11:33 AM.

  11. #60
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    First of all, Wish You A Very Happy Birthday!

    I'm sorry for how you feel. Just remember you're not alone.
    She might send you a birthday greeting later on just like when she did in Thanksgiving day. Just don't wait for her or expect anything. Still it doesn't mean she forgot you if she didn't text you. She can't actually even if she wanted.

    I know we all want to know about their new lives, but maybe it's better if we don't. It will just make us more miserable. It's hard, but we have to fight this.

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