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Thread: Thekid55's Healing Journal

  1. #21
    Bronze Member Rally's Avatar
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    Yup, theres these things that you do or see during the day thats just going to remind you of her..

    and you just freeze.. and thats when the rush of sadness comes. Well for me, thats when I get my daily dosage of depression. hahaha

  2. #22
    Bronze Member Rally's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by The_Seeker
    You never know.
    Don't give him hope.. it just makes things harder.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rally
    Don't give him hope.. it just makes things harder.
    ;] Fine, I won't.


    I'm just saying, you can't always tell the future. Just move forward, and not putting hold for your ex. But I'm pretty sure you already know that.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    I'm going to embark on a one-week 'No ENA' trip. I'll be back on the 23rd to post how I'm feeling. What I have been up to. Anything that has gone on.

    I feel like sometimes people use this site as a crutch. Don't get me wrong. It definitely helps people get through tough times, but sometimes, we just gotta cut the cord and deal on our own because at the end of the day, we only have ourselves.

    I wish everyone happiness and enjoyable times as the holiday season is about to kick off.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Gold Member SA2000's Avatar
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    I am going to take this same challenge. No ENA until the 23rd. Lets see how many bad decisions I can make in that time. Haha.

  7. #26
    Bronze Member Rally's Avatar
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    Damnit, I enjoyed reading Kid55's and SA2000 thread.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    Well I'm back. A few days early anyway.

    I've had one of the best weekends here in awhile. One of my old room mates came back to college for the weekend and we had a great time. I went out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Each night kept getting better. Yesterday, we had our last huge Thanksgiving dinner together. It's been an annual thing for the last four years and this was our last one. Everyone had a grea time laughing, joking around, and basically just having a great time. We've all stuck together for the entire time in college and it was bitter-sweet. Some of us went out last night and we all had a great time.

    This morning, we all got up early to play football. I really can't believe that we all got up in time to play and some of us were still kind of drunk from last night. Anyway, we had a great time.

    As for my ex, no contact on either of ends during the week. NC for 8 days now. I saw one of our friends last night and we started to talk about my ex at this bar. She told me that my ex has really fallen apart since we broke up. She quit her babysitting job, which really makes me angry. She has big-time money issues and she just can't afford to not do the job. The job was an early morning job and she was making good money each week. Apparently, she told our friend that the job was 'too much', but when we were together, she was all for the job. She wanted to work hard. She was dedicated in getting herself together. Now that I'm gone, it's like that doesn't matter anymore.

    My friend also told me that a few weeks before we broke up my ex told her that she wanted to move in with me, post-grad and how she was going to try to convince her Mom that it'd be a smart thing, even though her Mom is religious. It's just a little surreal what's going on now.

    My friend also made a good point about her. She said, 'Is there anyway you could trust her again after this? Even though you guys agreed to this, you wanted to see her and work on things. She just ran. Could you trust her not to run again?' I really don't know.

    The quality of people she hangs with now are so low-quality. It's almost like she wants to surround herself with people who she thinks she is better is, just to feel better about herself. It raises her self-worth. All of the people who have been her equals or helped her (me, our mutual friend), she has pushed out of her life. People who have treated her poorly, seem to get her attention and time. It's definitely a self-esteem thing.

    I want to believe that she still is a great person. I know deep down underneath all of the garbage, that she is. Does she have the motivation and willpower to raise herself up?

    I know that this is MY healing journal, but I care a lot about her well-being. I worry a lot about her, but there's nothing I can do to help her.

    She hasn't rebounded. She isn't dating. She is really doing a lot of things with her sorority and people in it. The people are so low-quality in it...

    Any comments are appreciated.
    Last edited by thekid55; 11-21-2010 at 01:03 PM.

  9. #28
    Silver Member C_Unknown2005's Avatar
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    Good to see that you are taking care of yourself and doing things for you. The only thing i can say is let her be. If she contacts you then go from there. Kid, you care about her, like i do mine but if she's not going to make the effort to call you, message you or anything else your just going to have to let it be.

    Im proud of you going out and having fun with friends. Possibly next time with your mutual friends just don't let them bring her up.

    I want to believe that she still is a great person. I know deep down underneath all of the garbage, that she is. Does she have the motivation and willpower to raise herself up?
    Im in the same situation, And i just let it go.

    The quality of people she hangs with now are so low-quality. It's almost like she wants to surround herself with people who she thinks she is better is, just to feel better about herself. It raises her self-worth. All of the people who have been her equals or helped her (me, our mutual friend), she has pushed out of her life. People who have treated her poorly, seem to get her attention and time. It's definitely a self-esteem thing.
    God man you care so much.

    Kid you haven given me great advice in the past couple of weeks. It's not your job or responsibility to watch her actions or who she hangs out with. Your doing the right thing by not contacting her. Be strong man.
    Last edited by C_Unknown2005; 11-21-2010 at 02:36 PM.

  10. #29
    Member 30yrold's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SA2000
    I am going to take this same challenge. No ENA until the 23rd. Lets see how many bad decisions I can make in that time. Haha.
    Now THAT was funny! See you soon.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member thekid55's Avatar
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    One of my best qualities is also one of my biggest downfalls: the depth and level that I care about people.

    I trust people very easily, but when someone breaks my trust or turns their backs on me, I'm finished with that person. I've had no problems pushing these types of people out of my life and never looking back. HOWEVA

    The people who I think NEED my friendship, love, or compansionship, I just can't let them go. My ex is the perfect example of this notion. She is such a flawed person that I have convinced myself that she needs me if she wants to live a great life. However, I've realized that this type of thinking and behavior is irrational. I love her endlessly, but I don't love her more than I love myself.

    Codependency is something that I am trying break free from. I make progress each day, but it's going to be a long process.

    [U]Side Note I've been reading my horoscope each day. I've been trying not to force my life into these readings, but they have been eeriely similar to my life right now. Here's the for me today:

    Your surroundings are currently changing, Sagittarius. Perhaps your circle of friends has already undergone a major change. The fact is that you no longer have so many prejudices about the people you meet, and no longer seek only a certain type of person as a friend. You accept whoever comes along. You may not realize it, but your attitude is completely different now than it once was. Good for you!

    100% accurate. I've made so many new friends in the last few weeks. Prior to my breakup, I never would have been friends with these people. Now, I'm thankful for them. I also have been very narrow minded in my selection of friends as well. I've broken free of that as well. I'm doing a lot of new things as well.

    I still have my same, solid group of friends that I've always had, but I've added so many new people and activities to the mix.

    Tomorrow's?

    The day ahead won't be easy, Sagittarius. A glimpse at your love life reveals that you will be bridling at certain inhibitions. You long for peace and stability, and at the moment everything is in suspense. Use the day ahead to gain some perspective on the situation. Until the ice melts and the flow of events resumes, why not devote your energy to some other endeavor?
    Last edited by thekid55; 11-21-2010 at 05:21 PM.

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