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Thread: There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner

  1. #1

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    There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner

    Agree or disagree?

    I've just come from a forum full of lonely men, who have never kissed a girl, never lost their virginity, never experienced any form of intimacy with the opposite sex, you name it. There are a few people over there with a few screws loose, but in general these are good people. You can tell from their posts.

    However, life has made them bitter, and I wonder...is there a purpose for these guys? Or for me? After all, I'm in the same position, and while I've observed quite a lot from friends and family regarding relationships, I still can't say with certainty that I know what it's like...because I don't. The closest I've ever been to a girl, other than a female friend, is brushing up against a hot girl at a rock concert or on the transit on the way to somewhere. And, you know, this makes me extremely lonely, because I desire to be touched and loved, and I feel like I lost the genetic lottery.

    These guys are also really down on their looks, themselves and others. They called me ugly. I don't know if I am, but I felt that way before I joined their forum...and I still feel that way. Honestly, that BDD diagnosis was probably inaccurate, with my therapist blowing smoke up my behind, because I certainly am not attractive like the players that go around snagging all the good looking women.

    So...date down, you'd say. First off, I don't require a model, and I am a sucker for girls with pretty faces. I'd be perfectly fine with dating someone average, or less than model worthy. I'm more drawn to personality, anyway. But I feel like I can't even get that, because I'm not pretty. How can I demand a pretty girl, when I'm not so pretty myself?

    Looks plays a heavy part in attraction. So does sexual experience, sexual appeal, and life experience. All places that I have deficits in.

    I'm not trying to create a downer thread, just for the sake of it. But let's be realistic: there is a possibility that I will never have sex, never get a first kiss, never get married and have kids and live the dream. Therefore, is it better to just delve into my own interests, and forget about girls, unless one shows interest in me? Is it better to accept my fate, rather than be surprised if my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to?

    Is it better to live for yourself, rather than live for a dream that might possibly never come true for us?

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    Sure it is possible that you never find anyone. But I think the possibility is very low. Since you are only 28 and you're gonna live up to 80 something years. So yeah, you will most probably kiss and have sex at some point. The possibility of finding a loving amazing relationship tho is much lower. Not only for you, but for most people.

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    Originally Posted by Sparkly Eyes
    Sure it is possible that you never find anyone. But I think the possibility is very low. Since you are only 28 and you're gonna live up to 80 something years. So yeah, you will most probably kiss and have sex at some point. The possibility of finding a loving amazing relationship tho is much lower. Not only for you, but for most people.
    This is true, but most people have experienced relationships by my age. Hell, most people are married with kids by my age.

    I think the percentage was 1.7% of the general population will remain virgins for their entire lifetimes. From what I've researched and what I've experienced, this is very accurate. Relationships come more easily to some people than others.

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    Platinum Member BriarRose's Avatar
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    Relationships are overrated.

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    Originally Posted by Stray_Cat
    Relationships are overrated.
    Maybe true, but I'd like to judge for myself.

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    Originally Posted by LightbulbSun
    This is true, but most people have experienced relationships by my age. Hell, most people are married with kids by my age.

    I think the percentage was 1.7% of the general population will remain virgins for their entire lifetimes. From what I've researched and what I've experienced, this is very accurate. Relationships come more easily to some people than others.
    Yeah, so what? I experienced relationship later than most girls too, but it still happened. Like I said, you have a long life ahead of you and I'm sure you're gonna find a partner.

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    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Yep, there is a subset of the population that will never date and are "doomed" to remain virgins forever. They include both men and women, you just haven't met the women part yet because you went onto a "lonely male virgin" forum. This subset is forever destined to be lonely, pathetic, sad, unhappy, virgin, no sex, no romance, no marriage, nothing...until the day they die.

    Ok, here's the good news:

    you don't have to be a part of this subset. If you keep feeding into this negative thinking (Am I destined to be alone FOREVER AND EVER) and go to lonely male virgin forums like that, I will GUARANTEE you will be alone, as will all the other lonely male virgins out there.

    Here's what you have to do to NOT be a part of that subset: be happy. take a walk, take up biking, lose some weight if you want/need to, get a job, do volunteer work, go back to school if you want to, go to a doctor and see what can be done for depression and other illnesses, re-organize yourself, get some new clothes, go to new situations, meet new friends, find new hobbies....then come the girls. But not before.

    In other words (concisely), yes, there IS a subset of the population, male and female, doomed to be alone forever. However, it is not society or their circumstances that doom them, it is themselves. They think negative thoughts and by doing that, they isolate themselves, unknowingly. They have only themselves to blame in the end. And sometimes, it's easier to be alone and blame everyone else than to take a step back and make those hard changes, including going out of your comfort zone, to progress in life.


    (I want you to keep in mind what I underlined. It is so very important.)

    C'mon LightBulb, you can do it! I believe in you.

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    Platinum Member pinkelephant's Avatar
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    i dont know.. i thought i was like that too, destined to be alone forever. and then my boyfriend happened and i always doubt him because i didn't think something like love would happen to someone like me. and it did, or does. i dont blame you for being bitter, but being bitter push people away...

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    Thanks Fudgie! You've always been one of my favorite posters, and I appreciate your comments.

    I've actually thought about leaving that forum, because everyone there is so negative. Their views also don't usually mesh with mine, and I have about 3 posters following me around in my threads on there and calling me names. I feel like I was a happier person before I started posting there...so maybe it IS the negativity that's bringing me down.

    Although I still don't see how I can break out of this cycle. I've gotten so used to being alone, that even though I desire companionship, I feel like I would go crazy if I shared my life with someone. I'm also afraid of sex, like paralyzed with fear...what if I'm not any good? What if she breaks up with me over it not being good? The uncertainties are so wide, that it's much, much easier to just sit back and stay in my comfort zone, than to go out and pursue women.

    I realize this is all stuff I need to work on in therapy, but I have some deep rooted anxiety issues, and they're interfering with me ever becoming close to a girl. It's like a wall of anxiety, that pushes us apart.

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    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    In other words (concisely), yes, there IS a subset of the population, male and female, doomed to be alone forever. However, it is not society or their circumstances that doom them, it is themselves. They think negative thoughts and by doing that, they isolate themselves, unknowingly. They have only themselves to blame in the end. And sometimes, it's easier to be alone and blame everyone else than to take a step back and make those hard changes, including going out of your comfort zone, to progress in life.[/U]

    (I want you to keep in mind what I underlined. It is so very important.)

    C'mon LightBulb, you can do it! I believe in you.
    This is true to some degree, but not completely. Who we are, how we look do really play a role in our chances in dating. I don't think it's fair to say that they only have themselves to blame. But I agree that a negative attitude is the worst. Even attractive people lose chances because of their attitude.

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