Changing your last name...ladies...how did/do you feel?

I'm getting married in a month and I just changed my FB name to my fiance's last name. It looks and feels weird. I started blushing and feeling embarrassed. Today at church, the secretary made a new roster of the leaders in the church and she put "______ and _______ (fiance's last name). It was kinda surreal seeing our names together under his last name. It's like we're a new family. It's so exciting! But it's so weird seeing his last name on my name. Am I alone in this? How does it feel?

I think it would take some getting used to.

You just changed it. Give it time. Soon you will see it as a part of your name, not his and yours smushed together. It will integrate.

Personally, I never want to change my name. It is a part of me. I don't like the idea of my name changing depending on who I marry. Too much hassle for me. I also really admire my father and want to always have my last name match his and even when he's gone, it will still match. Sort of my way of saying "I'll always be your daughter."

My ex gave me trouble about my views but ah well. My current boyfriend doesn't care. I don't want to say our last names but my last name is a part of his last name, which is only slightly longer. that's as close as I ever will be to a name change. Our last names are very similar though, enough to make people think we are together or father/daughter....eh I don't mind.

I think everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with. If you want to change your name, go for it! If you don't, then don't. But those who don't aren't any less "committed" than those that do, just as those who do aren't "conforming" or anything like that.

I always knew I wanted to change my mine. I guess I'm just traditional like that? But as I got older, I realized how much my maiden named tied me to my "old" family. So I just tacked hubby's name onto the end. If you take my first three initials and my last name, it's a disaster, so I've ruined my name, but that's okay. I do feel like it helped make the transition from engaged to married couple, especially since we were already living together.

The only reasons I could see not doing it are professional reasons, and even then, you can still change your name legally and just be known as your maiden name in your professional circle.

I had always wanted to change mine. I changed it on FB. I have to take some administrative steps to change it on all my other stuff (legally, I can use either name) ... and in 2 years I haven't found the "time" to do this.

The thing is - at the beginning.. my H said it was completely up to me but if pushed.. he had a slight preference for me to keep my name (because he thinks its part of who I am etc..) - and I very much wanted to change it. But now.. wow.. I'm really struggling to let go of it. Maybe because I really like who I am now and find my name symbolic of that .. I don't know.. I am planning on doing it.. but its hard and I really don't know how I feel about it now..

But now - I can tell my H has a preference for me TO change it.. very funny how these things change. I think given his preference.. and given my original intention.. and given that when we have kids I want us all to have the surname.. I do need to change it and change it fairly soon. I think I'll do it over the next few months (when I'll have heaps of time).

But I'm not 100% comfortable about either changing it or keeping my name as is.. :S

Yeah professionally is another reason too. I'm going into the same profession as my father and I feel it would be special for me to carry the same title elsewhere and add my own accomplishments to the name. That's big for me.

Then again my mom didn't change her last name to his. Guess it was an idea that I grew up with.

from a traditional males perspective. i would sooner break up with a girl than get married with a hyphenated or different names. but thats my personal view.

I don't change my last name, it's a lot of trouble for almost nothing. Do guys nowadays really care?!

from a traditional males perspective. i would sooner break up with a girl than get married with a hyphenated or different names. but thats my personal view.

I'm not sure it's right to say this is a "traditional" point of view.. because that seems to obscure rather than illuminate your motivations.

Traditionally, it was just the social norm that married women changed their name. The option not to wasn't really out there.. so it just wasn't an issue.

Is it a control thing? Do you feel like she's not under your control if she doesn't have your name?

Or is it about placing so much weight on a symbol (your surname being symbolic of your heritage) that you can't see that she may place the same weight on the same symbol for herself (and have the same right to)?

Or.. is it that you take it really personally and interpret her preference to keep her name as a rejection of you?

I understand having preferences. However breaking up with someone I love for .. this particular preference.. I'd just ask myself why you'd do that and.. labelling it "tradition" just hides your reasons..

I have no plans to ever change my name if I marry. For one I've accomplished so much under my maiden name professionally and credit wise so why change it now? I actually know people who broke it off because the woman refused to change her name, which I find dumb. I've seen comments (in real life) like "if you love him you'll take his name" or "the same name unites everyone". Great but then why can't he change his name if it means that much? I am 39 so I would be at least 40 and probably older if I married anyway. Besides, my last name is unique and is the last name of a royal family (which I am distantly related to) so why give that up? I might consider hyphenating my last name if it was such a major thing, but change my last name? Nope not going to do that. It's a big pain changing the name, from drivers license to calling all my credit cards to anything else with my name. And what if I divorce? I know someone who changed their name, got divorced a year later and had to go through a lot to change back the name. So much that they told the next husband they wouldn't be changing the name.

If I have kids I will probably give them my last name as a middle name along with my husband's last name.

I don't change my last name, it's a lot of trouble for almost nothing. Do guys nowadays really care?!

I don't know, but if a guy gave me crap and was disrespectful about my choice, then he's not for me.

Its something that is very personal and I found it offensive when my ex said he wouldn't marry me unless I changed my last name to his. I shuddered at the thought. He told me "people would think I didn't love him"...uhm...okay.

Any guy who dates me knows my name/family ties esp to my father mean so much to me.

My mother also had strong ties to her father and still carries his last name. Also for professional reasons. I carry my dad's name. She's still in the family.

I don't know, but if a guy gave me crap and was disrespectful about my choice, then he's not for me.

 

Its something that is very personal and I found it offensive when my ex said he wouldn't marry me unless I changed my last name to his. I shuddered at the thought. He told me "people would think I didn't love him"...uhm...okay.

 

Any guy who dates me knows my name/family ties esp to my father mean so much to me.

 

My mother also had strong ties to her father and still carries his last name. Also for professional reasons. I carry my dad's name. She's still in the family.

I had an ex pull that too, saying I didn't love him because I wouldn't take his name. If a guy was this upset about the name change he'd probably be upset because I made more or because I'm not his maid. I did have a talk with the guy I want about this. He really didn't say whether he believed I should change my name or not, but he did stress he would expect any kids we have to have his last name. This is because he's an only child and it would mean a lot to his family. I'm fine with any kids from him (or any other guy) having the guy's last name.

If I get married, I may change my name, or I may not. It would depend on some things. One of them being whether I liked his last name or not.

I personally have a first name that doesn't seem to "fit" with most other last names. So for me it looks like I may go the hyphenated route.

I'm very traditional and will change my last name. I don't feel any tie to my last name. It's only a name. My ties are to my family, not some 'word' that represents it. It may be something to get used to, since my boyfriend is Mexican, so my last name will be hispanic, but I look forward to it.

No offense or disrespect ladies; but in a group of guys, any one of them with a hyphenated last name is going to get ragged on to death (to his face and/or behind his back). Not to say that it's "wrong" or anything, but a guy looks at another guy with a hyphenated last name and sees him as whipped. Traditions die hard.

No offense or disrespect ladies; but in a group of guys, any one of them with a hyphenated last name is going to get ragged on to death (to his face and/or behind his back). Not to say that it's "wrong" or anything, but a guy looks at another guy with a hyphenated last name and sees him as whipped. Traditions die hard.

From what I have heard, those who have a hyphenated name are seen as strong feminist and just don't want to let go. It's usually not seen in a positive light.

Also, for those who want to keep their last name for professional reasons, many do that. The optometrist I see, still uses her last name, but legally has her husbands name. Same with my dentist. They use their name professionally, but legally have taken on their spouses name.

No offense or disrespect ladies; but in a group of guys, any one of them with a hyphenated last name is going to get ragged on to death (to his face and/or behind his back). Not to say that it's "wrong" or anything, but a guy looks at another guy with a hyphenated last name and sees him as whipped. Traditions die hard.

Personally, only I would have the hyphenated name not he because I am aware of those happenings as above stated.

I seriously cannot wait to change my last name to his. It's only a name. My identity as a person and a woman goes deeper than whatever my last name is. I don't feel like I'm going to lose my identity or my self respect as a woman in the least bit by taking his last name.

Why do people say "it's only a name" (I've had that twice on this thread now) and then go onto say "I can't wait to change it" .. that very statement proves its not "only a name" at all and does mean something to people.

My maiden name is just a name for me. I have had it for 22 years, just because I change it when I'm married doesn't mean I lose that connection with my family. Family runs so much deeper than just the last name. Does it matter if I change my last name when we get married? Sure. To me I'm becoming apart of his family, we are starting our own. I don't feel any less of a woman just because my kids won't have my name hypenated as their last name. So I suppose while the name itself may not matter to me, the act of becoming his wife completely does.

No offense or disrespect ladies; but in a group of guys, any one of them with a hyphenated last name is going to get ragged on to death (to his face and/or behind his back). Not to say that it's "wrong" or anything, but a guy looks at another guy with a hyphenated last name and sees him as whipped. Traditions die hard.

A guy that's with me couldn't be traditional anyway.

My maiden name is just a name for me. I have had it for 22 years, just because I change it when I'm married doesn't mean I lose that connection with my family. Family runs so much deeper than just the last name. Does it matter if I change my last name when we get married? Sure. To me I'm becoming apart of his family, we are starting our own. I don't feel any less of a woman just because my kids won't have my name hypenated as their last name. So I suppose while the name itself may not matter to me, the act of becoming his wife completely does.

This sounds exactly like what I said to my husband before we got married

I don't know what changed. I think perhaps.. because we didn't live together before hand .. and I was really looking forward to that 'we're a family of our own' .. thing.. I saw the surname change as a part of that and was really excited about it. But now it's kind of obvious we're a family of our own so now I'm less excited about it lol ..

.. and I'm so used to signing my name as a mark of ownership over my work.. and thus its connected with feelings of pride etc.. I think I'll be sad to lose it. But at the end of the day I will because its very important to me that our kids have the same name as both of us and we just dont live in a world where a man could change his name or take a hyphenated name and not be paid out for it..

I'm nowhere close to getting married (not a man in sight, actually!), but I don't think I will change my last name. I used to feel SURE I would, but the importance of taking on his name has diminished in my mind while I've grown more "attached" to my name. Part of the reason is that my last name indicates where I'm from, which you wouldn't otherwise know unless I told you, but is very obvious from the name, and I don't want to lose that. If my last name is "Jones", I feel I will become more detached from that part of myself. You wouldn't believe the number of people who already tell me "You're not really [X nationality]" because I don't look/sound like I am. I would definitely give my children my husband's last name, so maybe when I got to that point it would bother me to have a different last name as my children, but for now I don't feel that way.

WW, I find it a bit out of the ordinary that you changed your name before getting married. To me, the changing of the name is symbolic of being married, and it's the sort of thing I've seen done on facebook ASAP after the wedding, but not generally before. To me it would feel like wearing the wedding ring before being married.

Are you engaged to that guy from the Church who you went out with and then he started seeing someone else? At any rate, I personally would not change my last name as this is who I have been for all of my life. This is who people know me as both personally and professionally. I would like to keep my own identity.

My maiden name is very unique, and my husband's name is not so much. In addition, my husband's brother also married a girl with my first name so now there are two of us in the same immediate family. So I went from being extremely original to being totally indistinguishable (at least I feel that way sometimes).

I couldn't wait to change my name from a symbolic perspective, but as I go through the paperwork since my marriage last month, I am definitely having a small identity crisis. I am hoping very much that it passes soon.