Tired of favoritism

I have felt overlooked at work for quite some time now. I have a co-worker in my department who has constantly upstaged me since I started here. Granted, she started in this company a few months before I did, so she had a bit more time to develop rapport with my boss. She's also a lot more outspoken, better at promoting herself and her accomplishments, and much more of a kiss-as*.

She always eats up my boss's jokes while I kind of smile and go about my business. I have nothing against her because she's actually a good person; her and I are good friends and have helped each other a lot since I began working here. Does my boss show favoritism toward women in general? I can't really say considering the 3 of us are the only ones in this department, and the company is less than 2 years old.

My boss and I have more of a "professional" relationship. All he talks to me about is work, while he discloses details of his personal life with my co-worker. (Many times I find him whispering stuff in her ear while she's in his office.)

I am the quiet/focus/introverted type, so I honestly prefer that he keep things professional with me. However, I have realized that just working hard and doing a good job are probably not enough to get a raise. I would probably have to take more interest in his personal life and hobbies (he loves football, I love baseball) but I have no interest in doing so.

My co-worker gets invited to important meetings while I get left out. What's more, he said he wanted her to accompany him to a breakfast seminar next week -- once again, I was not invited. She and I own a different set of responsibilities, but she seems to get recognized more for them because she's more capable of reporting results back to him (I increased ROI by 10%).

My tasks are writing-based and my boss has shown he doesn't have time to read stuff. My company is money-hungry; still, I refuse to ask for different responsibilities because in the end I love to write. (Note that I have gotten praised for being an excellent writer, but it wasn't enough to earn a raise at my one year evaluation.)

What's going on here? Is this blatant favoritism?

Do I need to work for a bigger company (this one only has 12-15 employees and lacks a bona fide editorial dept) that will better value my writing skills/background? Note that this is a start-up and I was never really given a job description to begin with. I have tried taking this unstructured position and turning into a "Writer" job; while that has happened to some degree, I don't feel my accomplishments are valued to the same degree as those who generate sales.

She's up for a 1-year evaluation in March. I didn't get a raise at my evaluation, but I bet my bottom dollar that she will.

It could be favortism, you never know. But there's always a difference in the person who goes the extra mile versus the person who just shows up to do the job and leaves. You don't have to be an a**-kisser neccessarily to get a promotion or to have the "higher-ups" considering you for advancement opportunities. If you get along well with others and sometimes go outside of your box for your work eventually it'll get noticed. It might take some time, but eventually good work always comes through. Whatever you do, don't show bitterness or envy toward your co-worker and don't have a bone with your supervisor over it. Carry on in professional conduct/business as usual. Sometimes you can work your a** off and it still won't be good enough for your boss. But is it good enough for you? As long as you do it to the best of the ability that you know you can, that's all that really matters.

Look for another job, and don't give them any notice when you leave.

You have to be a bit social to get ahead in today's work world. It is not always right, but it IS the way it is. Open up a bit more to others. Take baby steps until you get very good at it.

Don't focus so much on what the other person is doing. I know it's hard when there's only three of you in the department. But focus on your OWN goals. Are you getting what you need? If not, maybe it IS time to move to another company.

Yes, there is more to career advancement than doing a good job. But you don't have to be cozy with the boss.

Side note: I would worry about harassment if the boss is being so buddy-buddy (whispering in her ear?) with your co-worker.

I don't think it's favouritism. Her personality just seems to match with the company better and she seems to be doing more to get ahead. Even if you have good ROIs you may have not shown yourself to be as valuable as your coworker.

Outgoing people get developed for more outgoing roles, which admittedly don't interest you anyway.

If you like what you do and the company is young, I'd be more focused on ways I could expand my scope and develop my own role from the inside out. Whether it's recognized immediately or not would be less of an issue for me than what I can 'do' with the job. Sometimes a lack of interest from higher ups means more flexibility in self-management, and I'd turn that opportunity into a resume I could sell well once the job market improves.

Record your own accomplishments and build some 'mind maps' to aid you in brainstorming directions YOU want to go. If you can get paid extra for that someday, great--it's a young company and who knows what kind of ticket you could write. If you can't get recognition or a raise and those are primary things you crave, you can always start marketing your resume. You don't need to wait until you're miserable to do that. Learning what's out there can help you gauge your appreciation level for what you've got.

I understand where you're coming from. I, too, tend to be quiet and less outgoing than co-workers, and have been overlooked for at least one position--in favor of other co-workers--because of that fact. In my current job, I have a co-worker who doesn't carry her own weight in terms of job duties (she has literally left myself and another co-worker high and dry when faced with large volumes of tedious work), but she is very buddy-buddy with our mutual supervisor. (I think I mentioned in another post that he often makes her lunch and brings it to work, as well as gives her little gifts every now and then). What irks me about this situation is that she's very clearly not advancing based on her own merits (I know for a fact that I was favored for her position, but I chose not to interview for it). So, she's basically profiting off the of the fact that: 1) she talks a lot, and so does my boss, so they're constantly chit-chatting about inane stuff, which he interprets as her being a good people-person; 2) she's a bit of an a**-kisser, meaning that 9 times out of 10, she'll praise my boss and his pursuits to high heaven; and 3) overall, my boss just likes her, so he doesn't really care that she's not carrying her own weight.

I only mention this because, from what you said about your co-worker, she DOESN'T seem like my co-worker, who's basically just dead weight. The way I see favoritism is that someone is profiting or getting special treatment that they don't deserve and regardless of circumstances; in your case, though, it sounds like your co-worker is a good worker who just happens to have a better relationship with your boss than you do. Now, that's not to say that your boss isn't being remiss in not recognizing your contributions to the company, but it doesn't seem like your co-worker is being rewarded for nothing.

I think others have given you good advice about how to utilize the situation to your advantage. If you want to remain with this company AND be better appreciated, I would say that you need to put more effort into being personable with the boss; I'm not advising that you become an brown-noser, but as you mentioned, the boss seems to enjoy having personal rapport with employees--ask about his weekend or his wife/kids if he has any; chat about hobbies or something. You don't have to pretend an interest in things that you're NOT interested in, but it more about showing some interest outside of just what's work-related. Even though I don't care for one of my co-workers, I still know a lot about her interests, her family situation, the guys she's dating, etc. Conversation creates rapport that facilitates the impression that not only are you a good worker, but you're also someone that co-workers and supervisors, alike, will want to spend time with in those out-of-office workshops/meetings/luncheons that you're equating with success.

However, if you've no interest in truly advancing at this company, then shape the job into what you think will be most beneficial for your next career move; be proactive and creative about expanding your skillset and creating tangible results that will show other potential employers that you're results-driven. In the end, though, my biggest piece of advice would be to get over the bitterness and "her versus me" mentality; I had to chew on a lot of bitterness and dark feelings toward my co-worker before I could just accept things as what they are. Now, I've gotten to the point where I worry only about myself and the work ethic that I go through the day with; it does help that I know this job is just a stepping stone. I fully intend to find other work once I finish my masters degree in 10 months, so that helps make things bearable; it might help you, as well, if you look at this job in terms of a gateway to your next one (assuming the situation becomes so untenable that you feel compelled to leave).

For a minute, I thought you might be one of my co-workers because we currently have two new-ish employees, one who is very outgoing and friendly and the other who is more quiet and reserved.

My advice to you would be to push yourself a bit past your comfort zone. Just because you have a history of being introverted/shy/etc doesn't mean you need to be that way the rest of your life....especially if it doesn't serve you.

You have the potential to have a better career if you work to develop your social skills a bit. It doesn't mean you have to become a constant life-of-the-party type, but it means you won't end up feeling so resentful of someone who has the traits that clearly benefit them in the work world. People are drawn toward friendly, open people.

The work world is a competitive place these days and I think the best approach is to do whatever it takes to make yourself someone who is a very desirable employee.

I would also say that I speak from experience. I used to be more introverted/shy/quiet .... but I'm not as much that way anymore, especially at work. I pushed myself because I didn't want to feel limited in that way.

I agree with where you're coming from. Outright praising others in front of those who work hard and are trying their best, is not the way to foster positive work relations or a good work environment. Unfortunately, many bosses have this problem. It makes you feel less of a person and that you are doing something wrong. That there is something wrong with you and not everyone else. It seems what those here have suggested is that you invest emotionally in your boss' personal life and do some kissing up. Well, in some places it's fine to know the details of your bosses personal life, such as their dating life. VERY professional, right? And if you don't get along, you'd rather die than ask.. well, it's not a solution. But what if you kiss up and nothing happens? It doesn't sound like things would change if you did anyway. I've tried this and I can see what you mean. There will always be favoritism in the workplace no matter what. Just remember, there's nothing wrong with you. I myself am looking for answers and my situation is very different from yours. But this is the advice or viewpoint I can offer now at this point. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Thread is 9 years old. replied in the thread you started on this: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=559997&p=7133295&viewfull=1#post7133295