Jump to content

should i just forget him? 2 weeks between dates? HELP!!


ut804

Recommended Posts

i know i keep posting about this same guy lately but I really like him and i was wondering if he likes me or is just playing games??

 

Quick history:

 

He contacted me on dating site. Asked for my facebook then we exchanged numbers. texted me, then called me. made a date on a sunday to see me for friday. until the first date on friday, he was OBSESSED with me! complimented me, said he looked at my facebook photos 400 times, got jealous seeing me with a guy in a photo, etc. wanted to talk on the phone for hours. texted me everyday. called me everyday.

 

then the first date:

held my hand, paid for my dinner. took a PICTURE of us together on first date. wanted to kiss me. said he wanted to see me on monday (3 days later).

 

On monday i didnt hear anything from him so we didn't end up seeing each other. weird.

 

texted me still, but less. didn't call me anymore. however, he said all the time that he missed me.

 

the next weekend after the 1st date we didnt see each other! now i know he's busy (a cop, volunteer firefighter, takes classes and he lives over an hour away but still.)

 

the 2nd date was 2 weeks after the first! the day of the second date I didn't hear from him so I texted him. he wanted to cancel because he was tired and had to go to bed early because he had work the next day. He said he would see me on monday. i was mad and told him that if we didn't see each other then forget it because it's already over 2 weeks past the first date. so he saw me.

On the second date, he once again held my hand. talked about future plans with me. took more pictures of us together. then we kissed at the end of the night. when he got home from the date he said he missed me already and that he wish we would have kissed for longer.

 

then i didnt hear from him in 3 days. i texted him. he said he was depressed because he had a bad weekend at work. said he would see me on friday because he has no money and gets paid on friday. Today is friday and no word. i think he maybe meant NEXT friday and not this week's friday (today). so now I have to wait another week to see him?

 

what do i do??

 

why the mixed signals??

 

do i confront him??

 

does he like me and is truly busy??

 

plus, i still see him on the dating site.

 

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO AND WHAT YOU THINK!!

Link to comment
  • Replies 69
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Picture on first and second date? He's a bit of an oddball. Yea, those are crazy mixed signals. Don't you want someone a bit more...stable?

 

I think you shouldn't be going nuts over this guy. If he's available to hang out, then hang out, but I wouldn't put too much more effort into it.

 

Frankly, he sounds like a nut.

Link to comment

1) The picture thing would make me really uncomfortable.

2) Two weeks between dates would be too long for me. It could be that he's very busy, but if he's so busy that it takes him two weeks to pencil me in, we're probably not going to be compatible in the long run.

3) Even if it was going to take him two weeks to schedule you in, he should be contacting you every so often to check in and attempting to further things along that way - if he was into you.

 

All of these things combined make me think he's not worth your time.

Link to comment

i knoww its just sooo weird!! when we actually see each other it's like he's in LOVE with me and when we don't see each other i don't hear from him much. why 2 weeks in between dates? if you really like someone you would want to see them!

 

signs that he likes me:

holds my hand

compliments me

wants to kiss me

says he misses me

takes pics of us together

says he wants to meet my parents

talks about future plans

 

 

signs he's NOT into me:

2 weeks in between first and second date and now another 2 weeks in between second and third date?

contacts me a lot less now

still on dating site

when i do hear from him, it's texts. he doesnt really call me unless to make plans

 

 

 

what the heck?? does he like me or not?? i can't handle only seeing him once every 2 weeks

Link to comment

he's very good looking and still on that dating site? i would say he's dating other women..

Im just mad because i dont want to be led on only to get my heart broken. that is why i want to end it before i get deeper feelings for him. i dont want to be some distant option. im going to tell him how i feel.. but should i text him now or wait until he contacts me?

Link to comment

i dont care anymore. i texted him this:

 

"hey.. im sorry i misunderstood, i thought u wanted to see me today and not next friday, but anyway i dunno if i can do the whole 2 week thing, sorry"

 

OMFG i dont care i HATE games screw him... i know i am flipping out. i just went to the dating site and he was on today. he's soo busy and yet he's on that dating site.

 

just screw it.

 

he didnt answer the text yet,

 

just forget it. i dont play games.

Link to comment

Hon, you should not be this freaked out about the guy and you should not try to confront him. If he was your bf, I would understand, but he's not. In my mind, things don't start counting until you meet and you see how they behave with and without you. I suggest that you gently let him know you are moving on and get some peace.

 

And please stop saying but he seemed so into me. He didn't know you. That was a yellow flag that he was either idealizing you or getting you ready to play you.

Link to comment
i dont care anymore. i texted him this:

 

"hey.. im sorry i misunderstood, i thought u wanted to see me today and not next friday, but anyway i dunno if i can do the whole 2 week thing, sorry"

 

OMFG i dont care i HATE games screw him... i know i am flipping out. i just went to the dating site and he was on today. he's soo busy and yet he's on that dating site.

 

just screw it.

 

he didnt answer the text yet,

 

just forget it. i dont play games.

 

Good that you texted him. Don't expect a response immediately.

Link to comment

You know... I dated a guy like this, too. He was a SUPER busy guy who was also SUPER awesome. He worked 16 hour days (and I know he was actually working because I would call, he'd pick up and I could hear it all going on in the background). He had a disabled brother that he tried to take care of and spend time with on the weekends. He volunteered. He was caring... and sweet... and wonderful. But you know what? It was a MONTH between dates. A MONTH. He was ALL about me. When he DID find the time to call me, we'd speak for hours. But... I mean... I've had long distance relationships where I saw the person more...

 

Look. I don't think it's a question of him liking you or not. I think it's a question of this guy just not being available. He may THINK he's 'available' because he's single... but one is not available just by virtue of being single.

 

The end of my story is this... I told him that I couldn't "see" him anymore. He was upset about it. He told me it was a trend for him... that the last few women broke up with him for the same reason. I told him that I'd stand by him if he WANTED to break the trend and that the ball was in his court... crickets. Dude liked me... just not enough to change.

 

Your guy isn't available. Set YOURSELF free.

Link to comment
Hon, you should not be this freaked out about the guy and you should not try to confront him. If he was your bf, I would understand, but he's not. In my mind, things don't start counting until you meet and you see how they behave with and without you. I suggest that you gently let him know you are moving on and get some peace.

 

And please stop saying but he seemed so into me. He didn't know you. That was a yellow flag that he was either idealizing you or getting you ready to play you.

 

As I like to put it, you know your pairs of socks far better than you know him. One or two dates does not a pattern make. If you have a date planned- I mean time and place, sure you can call him to confirm. If he is supposed to call you to tell you the plan and he doesn't you have your answer.

Link to comment

ut804 I had the same problem. The guy I was seeing said he was super busy working two jobs, but he "loved me, cared for me and wanted no other woman", yet I would find him constantly logged on to the dating site where we met. He was so full of crap that was coming out of his ears. I told him I don't appeciate being played and lied to and that I deserve better. I never heard from him again.

 

I think you should move on. Don't work yourself crazy over someone who obviously does not see you as a priority or worth his time. You sent your text, now leave it at that. I would have been more direct though saying something along the lines of "I think we should go our separate ways. I don't feel we are compatable being that you're so tied up and we rarely see each other. It was nice getting to know you. Take care"

Link to comment

He is too busy. He's too busy to put in the effort to make a plan with you. I don't think your text was appropriate because it's the kind of thing you either don't say or say as part of a conversation - all you needed to confirm was whether you had plans.

 

If he promised to see you tomorrow and goes back on his word without an emergency then yes he is acting unreliably. Being on the dating site is not mixed signals or game playing. It is not his fault that you chose to get this attached after only one or two dates.

Link to comment

Ok, why so attached so soon? Is this a pattern for you?

 

I think you better watch out since you are setting yourself up to get hurt for no good reason. A guy being hot to look at, and piling it on thick during a date (which it sounds like he did borderline creepy if not downright freaky) does not a good reason to get so attached so quickly.

 

Maybe that comes accross harsh. But man, how are you going to meet a decent guy if you have this mentality? I think it's virtually impossible, cause even if you met a good one, you'd blow it with this weird attachment thing.

Link to comment

Maybe that comes accross harsh. But man, how are you going to meet a decent guy if you have this mentality? I think it's virtually impossible, cause even if you met a good one, you'd blow it with this weird attachment thing.

 

Good point. Anyone who gets attached so quickly is automatically set up for failure.

 

 

I'll do my best at an analogy (or whatever it's called) Think about it this way....a relationship is built up upon a base of experience, trust, and understanding. If your feelings are piled up way too soon, there's not enough of a base to support those feelings, and it's gonna crumble.

 

EDIT: Metaphor was the word I was looking for.

Link to comment

he still didnt respond.

 

i think if you really like someone you would not wait 2 weeks to see them, even if you are not exclusive. i dont think being busy is an excuse. i can't see you for just one night the whole week? i even told him i would travel to his town. i would not ever (ever!!) wait 2 weeks to see a guy i was into. i would be scared that if i did that he would lose interest.

 

yes I know i got attached fast. he seems like my type, has a good job, educated, good-looking. I only find one guy I like out of hundreds so when I finally find someone I like I get attached/obsessed.

 

I don't know. Is him being busy/having no money truly an excuse or is he just not ineterested??

 

i got my heart broken earlier this year by a guy who was always 'unavailable." it was because he wasn't interested. i dont want to make the same mistakes!!

Link to comment

listen, ive been in relationships before.

 

in my experience, when a guy likes me he wants to see me. actually makes plans. he'll call a lot. I don't have to do a thing. with this guy, i feel as though I am always waiting by my phone. wondering when i will see him. having him want to cancel dates. having to see him on the dating site.

Link to comment

I never would have sent the text.

 

What is said was, obsessive, needy and insecure.

 

NYGuy is right. He won't respond to that. He had already blown you off, so I think you sent the text to get some control back. Thing is, he doesn't care. And if he does respond, it will be out of boredom and wanting to play with you.

Link to comment

look on the first date (which was a friday) he said he wanted to see me on monday. he NEVER called to see me. thats being unreliable.

 

then, I didn't get to see him the next weekend. i have no clue why.

 

then, when we were finally supposed to see each other 2 WEEKS after the first date he wanted to cancel because he was tired!!!

 

then, he wants to go another 2 weeks to see me for a third date??

 

Plus, he doesnt call or text me much.

 

Plus, he's still on the dating site.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...