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Thread: Do ALL dumpers come back during NC?

  1. #1
    suzexxx
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    Do ALL dumpers come back during NC?

    Question for the dumpers really or a dumpee who has experienced this.
    Do dumpers come back during NC? I mean do they start initiating contact with you again (regardless of whether they want to get back together or not)
    How long does it generally take for them to come back?
    And has anyone who's been in a long-term relationship never heard from the dumper again?

    Im failing miserably at NC. Broke up 9 days ago and ive managed 2 days of NC so far. Im hoping he'll miss me and come back to me if i stay at NC. One of the reasons for the break up was that he needed space so i can understand why he hasnt text me or called so far.

  2. #2
    stormie
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    The short answer to that is no. Also, never use the word, "never", "all" or "always" because there are always exceptions. Each case is unique.
    Second, my experience has been - I've been married for 10 years, together with my ex for 12 years in total, and one day I caught him cheating and the week after I found out, he left by surprise.

    He never contacted me except through his lawyer in a surprise divorce. I was never mean to him or anything abusive, so why he never contacted me again probably has to do with guilt.

  3. #3
    hairybda
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    Yah, it will take some time.. they will pop up from time to time. When your in a long term relationship, and it ends.. it isn't super easy to come apart.

    I remember when the X and i went our separate ways.. I was still calling her all the time trying to make things work.. eventually we chatted and she told me her life was so much better now than it was with me... I begin real NC after that. It took about 3 weeks, before she was looking at my facebook profile, and said I looked really good. It felt great to get that message from her.. I didn't respond.. I got the power back...

    You will 2. He probably wants to text you, and call you.. but really, whats it going todo? Its not going to make it any better..

  4. #4
    delicous
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    they don't..my guy dropped me and never called after moving someone else in..but each to its own..

  5. #5
    ny guy
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    I'm sorry if any of this hurts to hear, but I'm I'm going to be honest.

    I've broken up with my g/f about two months ago. She contacted me a little bit a month ago....I've been VERY general in my responses. I DON'T reach out to her. She contacted me the other day, to see how I was doing. Again, I was very general, no reason to give her false hope.


    I don't plan on coming back to her at all. Yea, sometimes when I look at her FB profile, I see a sweet, attractive, amazing girl, but I know it wouldn't have worked for us because after 2.5 years, I only really loved her as a friend, I was never really in-love with her. Perhaps, a long time down the road, we can become friends again, but for now there is really no point in me getting in touch with her. I don't want to mess with her head, and I don't want my head to get messed up as well.


    Every situation is so different though. Your best bet, as you've probably been told, is to do whatever you can to get your mind off of him. Hang out with your friends and family as much as possible, take on a new hobby that really interests you....do ANYTHING to get your mind looking forward and not back. I can't imagine the hurt you're going through, but I've actually been looking at my ex's FB page. She's been keeping very busy with her friends, doing charity events and such, going to NYC, etc. If you make an effort to move on and give both of you space, when those flooding emotions have receded, you'll both better be able to assess your situation. I think if you do want him back, the best thing to do is to give him the space he needs. If he contacts you for anything except for "I want to get back together", don't acknowledge it. There is really no guarantee for him coming back, but it the only effective thing you can do. The no contact will benefit both of you, but you won't benefit unless you make an effort to move on.

  6. #6
    suzexxx
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    Thanks NY guy! Can i ask? Did you only ever respond when she contacted you or did you ever call or text yourself to ask how she was? And if she'd never contacted you at all would that have made a difference to you?

  7. #7
    Scotty123
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    I'm afraid they don't always come back. I told my ex that I didn't want any contact for a while. So give her her due I haven't heard a thing in nearly 4 mths and I don't ever expect to hear from her again. Sorry.

  8. #8
    iBroken
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    They dont ALL come back. The chance of any (including yours) is slim to none.

    I have said it to other members but you cannot try to find your own happy ending in someone else's fairytale. Its really best for your healing if you just accept that he is gone. If he does come back, consider it a bonus and not the norm.

  9. #9
    ny guy
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    Quote Originally Posted by suzexxx [Register to see the link]
    Thanks NY guy! Can i ask? Did you only ever respond when she contacted you or did you ever call or text yourself to ask how she was? And if she'd never contacted you at all would that have made a difference to you?
    Yes, I only responded when she texted me. I never really responded right away, sometimes I thought to ignore, but I figure I should at least be cordial.

    As far as if she never contacted me again, and how I'd feel, I can't really comment on that. It has only really been around 2 months since it happened. Thing is, my mind was probably checked out before it happened, so it's just easier for me to move on. I truly wish her the best of everything in life...and if not contacting her at all indefinitely helps her achieve that, I will do that. A few days ago, I was moving rooms in my house and I had a box of stuff related to her. I was just organizing it to be stored, but when I went through it, I had a flood of emotions, but it was more just a sadness that it was over. There was really no longing to be with her, but it was more like...that was that.

    I do miss certain things about her and what came with being with her, but I think anyone gets those feelings. That doesn't necessarily mean she was right for me or vice-versa. I think knowing that 100% will surely be confirmed in time.

  10. #10
    suzexxx
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    Are you not going to contact her so she can get her stuff back NY guy? I have stuff of mine at our house that he wouldnt really wanna keep. I dont know when he's planning on bringing it back or whether i need to go round and collect it. Ill only give it to charity anyway so it doesnt matter to me. But i know we'll have to see each other at some point to sort stuff out. x

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