He is probably going to move across the country..

I'm just really sad. He confirmed that he wants to move away in the future, to a city accross the country from me. I know we're not together anymore. But it still hurts.

He moved to the city we're in to be with me in January. He had only one friend who he saw very rarely. He worked a week on, a week off.. so basically he had work and me and frequent trips to his hometown (the place where he wants to move, where he grew up, where the majority of his friends live, where he is really happy).

He doesn't like this city we're in right now, never has.

I am trying to be understanding because I can see how it would be hard to be stuck in a city you hate, with just your girlfriend, no vehicle to go see your friends in near cities, and missing all your friends who live far away. I can see how that put stress on our relationship.

I just want someone on here to tell me that they've been in the same situation as my ex. I understand where he's coming from.. but the selfish part of me wonders why I wasn't enough to make him want to stay.

I've never been in his situation before. So I just keep thinking of how I'm feeling.

I want him to be happy. But I want to cry at the same time. This isn't fair. I can't imagine him moving all the way accross the country. I can't cry at work.. ugh.

Well, wasn't this a mutual break-up? You did want to break up with him, right? So you can't really blame him because now he has nothing to make him want to stay.

Well, wasn't this a mutual break-up? You did want to break up with him, right? So you can't really blame him because now he has nothing to make him want to stay.

Yes, I knew we needed a break up. But it's not like I don't want him anymore or don't love him. I'm just sad that this is happening, that's all. He doesn't want to be with me or try again later.. I wish he would try to get better as well as me, and then we could try to be together again. But now I realize that will never happen and it's just a hard thing to accept.

He said it's in the far future. But still. I don't really know what I'm looking for. Just wanted to vent so I didn't cry at work.

how old are you? how old is he?

something I've learned with age is that the city doesn't make you happy. it can certainly help; however, unless you can be happy anywhere, then there is something else going on that needs to be fixed. it may take a move for him to realize it.

if he was really unhappy with the location have you guys discussed moving together? if thats not an option than its more than just the city.

also, i know the feeling D... work is tough enough when you have someone you love in your life... its the pits of hell when your going through losing a loved one...

today, after i'm done writing this. i am going to try my best to enjoy the day at work. enjoy what i'm doing and stay focused on that. pandora classical may help...

don't know what happened but this double posted

how old are you? how old is he?

 

something I've learned with age is that the city doesn't make you happy. it can certainly help; however, unless you can be happy anywhere, then there is something else going on that needs to be fixed. it may take a move for him to realize it.

 

if he was really unhappy with the location have you guys discussed moving together? if thats not an option than its more than just the city.

He's 24. I'm 19. I can't move with him. There are other things going on in the relationship that caused us to break up. After the break up he decided he wanted to do this and I am just having a hard time accepting it. That's why we aren't moving together.. we are broken up and for good reason. But I still miss him. I couldn't move accross the country. The only person I'd have is him. I guess that pretty much sums up why he wants to leave..

I guess I want to know

IF he hadn't felt the need to figure out what he wants, if the accident wouldn't have happened, if he could have his friends and be with me, too in the same place..

would we have been able to make it? would he want to be with me under those circumstances? not that it matters anymore.. but I can't seem to stop questioning everything.

Like I said in your previous thread - you should try and get this worked out.

Like I said in your previous thread - you should try and get this worked out.

I don't see how we can

He doesn't want to live here, he's not happy.

I have been in your shoes, but as the one that wanted to move away.

When my ex split up with me last year, my knee jerk reaction was to move to get away as far as possible. A relocation discussion with my office came up and I seriously considered moving to the US. Unfortunately, I knew that was my emotions taking over so I opted to not make a decision like that until Im in a good place.

So, he might be reacting to the split by instinctively running away. Or, its possible that he really isnt happy here and wants to leave now that you guys are through.

Oh and for the record, I did tell my ex about my opportunity to relocate. Part of me wanted her to fight for me to get me to stay, but the other part of me wanted to keep her informed of whats going on. She was a bit sad when I told her, but didnt fight for me then.

Now that we split again (after a 6 month "reconciliation - aka used me til she found someone else), I have again started to think about relocating. I think its just an instinct thing to run away.

I don't know. I don't think it's him running away. ALL of his friends live there, in his hometown.. the place he flies to every two months and spends a lot of money doing so just so he can be there for one week. He's happiest when he's there. He lived there almost all his life. And I think the fact that he was stuck in a city he hated with JUST me.. well, it was hard on our relationship. And now he doesn't know what he's doing with his life and he wants to start over.. at least that how he's made it sound.

I don't think he's running away. If that was the case I'm sure he would have stopped talking to me.

It's interesting that you said you couldn't move out there to be with him as he would be the only person you'd know...

He made a huge sacrifice to move out to where you currently live. It's very hard to make a major move to a place where you don't really know anyone.

Did you pose the possibility of relocating with him? Does he feel he could try to continue on with you if you were with him in his hometown? If the answer is still no, then you know he's really ready to move on from this relationship. Although, I believe he has been wanting to go back home for quite some time.

I just read a thread last night on another forum where a young lady is in a LDR and recently moved accross country to be with her boyfriend and she is MISERABLE because she does not like the city. She loves her bf, but being in a city with no friends or family is hard on her. She recently complained that her unhappiness is slowly, but surely effecting her relationship with her bf and she is now wondering if they will make it through this transition.

So, I think being in a city you hate with no real social life can definitely effect the relationship.

He's not happy where he is and he simply wants to go home... it's as simple as that. At home, he will be taken care of and loved.. and he doesn't feel that way right now. Read The Lizard by Al Turtle.... it talks about security and what people do when they are threatened. They like to flee. During my breakup, I wanted to move to another city accross the country too. I still think about relocating, but the urge isn't there. When something major happens, our instinct is to run from the situation and be free.

You may not see it now, but he is going through the breakup stages like you as well.

There. That's what I needed to hear.

I wanted you guys to tell me it's hard for him being in this city with no one but me.

Sometimes I forget that. And I shouldn't. Because it's exactly like I said..

I wouldn't want to move accross the country.. I wouldn't know anyone.. my family is all near me.

It's exactly what he's going through now (except for the family part, but he's not close to them)

so how could I expect him to be happy staying here?

I've always said I didn't want to stay in this city we're in. I don't like it either, but it's where my job is now and I'll probably go back to school here. There is another city I'd be willing to move to that he loves.. but I don't know anymore if he wants to go there or not and our relationship is not strong enough right now for that and neither am I.

I'm sorry that you're going through this right now D. Perhaps, it's for the best? Everything happens for a reason.

I know it's hard to acknowledge. Especially letting go of the relationship. However, if he's truly not happy being here, and there's nothing left for him then the best thing to do is let him be.

“You know you love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you aren't part of it.”

Please try to take it one day at a time hun.

It makes sense that he would want to go home, where he is from and his friends are. I don't understand if you are broken up, why you would consider moving there, where he is going. You would know no one, and it isn't like you are with him. You need to accept that he is going home, and you need to work on your own life. If you guys are together, I would try to move with him, if you don't like where you live anyway.

I'm sorry that you're going through this right now D. Perhaps, it's for the best? Everything happens for a reason.

 

I know it's hard to acknowledge. Especially letting go of the relationship. However, if he's truly not happy being here, and there's nothing left for him then the best thing to do is let him be.

 

“You know you love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you aren't part of it.”

 

Please try to take it one day at a time hun.

I wish I could stop asking him stupid questions. Like "IF things were good for you and you were happy and in a city you loved, and then you met me.. do you think we could have had a future?" He said "maybe, But I'd be working 22 days a month". He doesn't understand why I'm asking him this question. I want to know if he wanted a future with me ever, period. I don't think he did. That hurts, but it will be easier to move on knowing that. One day, anyone.

Thanks for the support. I hope this is happening for a reason.. although I don't usually believe in things like that.

It is very hard to let go of this relationship. I find myself constantly searching for an acceptable reason that it ended.. one that I can live with and be satisfied with. But I can't find one and I don't think I ever will. Feels like it's going to haunt me forever. I know it's only been 4 days. I've got to give it more time.

It makes sense that he would want to go home, where he is from and his friends are. I don't understand if you are broken up, why you would consider moving there, where he is going. You would know no one, and it isn't like you are with him. You need to accept that he is going home, and you need to work on your own life. If you guys are together, I would try to move with him, if you don't like where you live anyway.

I'm not considering moving there. But according to him.. this break up isn't because of me or anything I did. It's about him not being happy and working out issues in his life. I guess I feel stuck in the mindset that once he's happy, we could be. I don't know why I'm doing that. I still have to work on my life. I have to accept that we aren't together, that I wasn't enough for him to want to work something out.

4 days is nothing. I'm finally accepting things after 1 1/2 years. Some questions you will never get an answer to. You finally just let them go.

Why do I have this fairy tale mindset

that if I guy really loved you he would just do whatever it takes to make it work with you??

Obviously that is completely unrealistic. People have to be happy with themselves and their own lives before they can be happy in a relationship. And I know that. But my mind always goes back to.. 'if he loved you enough, he would...' which is completely ridiculous. But I can't stop it. I guess that's why I'm codependent. I love him so much I would probably do a lot for him that most people wouldn't do. And I expect the same. Except I shouldn't be expecting him to stay in a city for me if I wouldn't do the same for him (not that he ever asked or expected me to). Maybe if we were serious and engaged and in a good relationship I could move somewhere for him, but not like this. Ugh. Why do I put myself through this?!

4 days is nothing. I'm finally accepting things after 1 1/2 years. Some questions you will never get an answer to. You finally just let them go.

Really? You can let go of them? That's all I'm hoping for.

It's only natural to be wondering "what if". I did the same thing at one point with my first serious ex. I told myself, if I did this or if I did that - would the outcomes be the same? Quite frankly, yes it would be the same.

You can't force someone to feel a certain way when they truly don't.

I know how you feel D, you've been having a lot of issues aside from this awhile ago. Perhaps, there is just someone better along the way for you? I know it's hard to believe, but trust me, things do happen for a reason.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to be patient. Once you acknowledge that the relationship has reached it's course, it will be much easier to let it go. Accepting it - is key!

You've done nothing wrong. If anything, you could tell yourself that you guys were good together at one point, but unfortunately, you met at the wrong place and at the wrong time.

You're still young, you have plenty of time to find someone more suitable for you. I guarantee it.

Finally you just give it up. You finally get to a point where you realize you will never fully understand what happened, but you are so sick of it, you just let it go. Like I don't understand why my ex cut me off completely. I finally haved stopped trying to make sense of it. There are 5 stages of grief, and the last one is acceptance. I guess I finally accepted it. You get to the point, where you are so sick of making yourself miserable wondering, you give it up.

You broke up 4 days ago??

Finally you just give it up. You finally get to a point where you realize you will never fully understand what happened, but you are so sick of it, you just let it go. Like I don't understand why my ex cut me off completely. I finally haved stopped trying to make sense of it. There are 5 stages of grief, and the last one is acceptance. I guess I finally accepted it. You get to the point, where you are so sick of making yourself miserable wondering, you give it up.

 

You broke up 4 days ago??

Yes.. on Sunday. But things have been going sour for a little while now. It's just very complicated. I realize I'm kind of jumping the gun, trying to get over this. I know it takes a lot of time. It took my\e 4 months to get over someone I dated for 3 months. If that's the case now.. it's going to take me 3 years to get over him. I sure hope not.