Why is there so much divorce?

Just a simple question wondering why dont people make it work. I mean a 50% divorce rate is pitiful.

Shouldn't we stop for a second ask ourselves "Um * * * is going on with the people in this country, I have a 50/50 chance of being divorced"

I know everybody says that its a risk, but a divorce especially with kids will destroy a person and take away from their ability to enjoy life. So I really dont think a 50% chance of being divorced is inspiring.

Doesn't it make sense in this day and age not to get married and have kids, because all of the pain you're going to cause yourself and just think about the young kids who are going to grow up feeling sad that they did something wrong.

Whats the point of getting married if my entire generation is about as committed as changing the channels on a TV.

Im a man, and the thought of handing over my house and my kids and so much of my money because she found a hot gardener to sleep with, or didnt want to deal with my issues because she assumed that she had none of her own that I dealt with and worked on her with. I noticed how themes of cheating and being unfaithful are celebrated in shows like Sex and the City.

Why men, why bother wasting time and energy getting married to todays women when the 50% of divorce is filled by 85% of women. Either get a pre-nup or just live a life of a player, have a few girlfriends, live your life and travel and meet many women and enjoy a varied life. So you dont wake up at age 40 find out the other partner has cheated.

This applies to women as well why get married to todays man that will cheat on you because a hot young thing caught his eye. Why risk so much of yourself when its so easy to cheat.

I really think less people need to get married especially now. Or charge 10,000 to get a marriage license, or change the rules of who gets what in a divorce and erase the favoritism the courts give women in divorce court.

I know that if I get married no matter how much I love my fiance at the time she will sign a pre-nup even my professor who teaches told me "Dont let love fool you and dont be foolish, sign a pre-nup"

link removed

There are countless reason of why there are so many divorces.

ill list 2 of the reason off the top of my head that probably account for most of the %.

1.Do not know how or what it takes to make a relationship work.

read posts on here, u will see people dont know some of the basic tools that you need to make a relationship work. lying, cheating, not talking, what is a relationship without trust, commitment, and communication? its another tally for divorce.

2.They rush things, and get married way way too fast.

It probably impossible to every fully know someone. i learned something the other day about one of my parents, i was like what? really? and ive known them for 21 years...

But also rushing into it, thinking your happy, then u cheat later on because u really arent happy because u rushed into it and didnt even care to see that they were not the right person.

"32% of wives earn MORE than their husbands and it is rising dramatically. Why? For every degree a young man earns now, TWO are earned by a woman. The highest average earnings are people with degrees. In cities young women out earn men because more have white collar jobs. In another 15 years women will far surpass mens earnings. Women will force you to sign a prenup but why she would bother marrying at all is beyond me. It's easy to get sex for a woman and she doesn't need your cash. Men are just as bad gold diggers. You live in an old fashioned fantasy where women are penniless and you have all the money power and control. That was your grandfathers generation. With your attitude you'd be lucky anyone will want you, and I expect the only hand "accepting" you will be your own"

"truthhrts stated that women earn twice as many degrees than men. Most women do loser degrees like Philiospy or French History that only get you low paid jobs. Men do vocational degrees or do a trade. A tradesman business owner usually earns more money than a woman with a loser degree. Education systems have been set up to discriminate against men, agreed.

Men are losing interest in the whole marriage and children thing anyway. Only deadbeats, racial minorities and religeous people get married these days. I am 34 and I have no plans to marry at all. Casual sex is the only relationship that I want with a woman and that is getting more boring the older I get. The younger men often prefer video games to relationships with women, except for casual sex."

These are two people arguing back and forth and makes me sad

"Only a dumb woman would sign a prenup. But then again, why would you wanna marry a dumb woman? Oh, that's right... for the cash

"I recently got divorced and thank god I had insisted on a prenup before the marriage. My ex tried her best to crack the prenup but I had a good one. Thank god. I say no prenup no marriage And don't forget if you go out with the same woman for 7 years well get a prenup or break off. Same rules as marriage apply in some states."

"

The whole problem including articles from link removed is they rarely focus on committed relationship and keeping marriages alive. Then again the magazine itself isn't geared towards married couples. Many people get married for the wrong reason, rush into things as mentioned by cruzer, and a lot of times history show many relationships between married couples become a back burner getting stuck in a comfort zone. On the contrary, when you read and learn about people who have been successfully married for many years work hard for their relationship everyday; not taking their partners for granted.

The last thing I heard the divorce rate was going down - which is positive. Also the 50% isn't for first time marriages but all marriages. If you are in a second marriage the chances of getting divorced are higher.

As for why there is as much divorce as there is, I don't know. But not everyone shares the 'run at the sign of any potential trouble' attitude that some do. I remember posting a thread here about being quite scared of having children and not really wanting any myself. But it's an issue I'm willing to compromise on for my husband a few years down the track.

I remember one poster telling me the best thing to do was to go our separate ways!!! I was flabbergasted. My husband and I have stayed strong, tight and loving through a very difficult couple of years (with a parent dying for him and periods of depression and a career change etc) - and I feel that we have not waivered on the love, commitment and respect we show each other, nor will we ever. For someone to come along and say 'you better go your separate ways' in response to that post.. my jaw dropped.

It was especially annoying because noone ever says that when its the man that feels unsure about having kids but is willing to have them because his wife wants them.. that's natural and ok.

But that's a different issue. My main point is I can't BELIEVE how quickly people will advise two married people to split up. That said, it seems to be unmarried people who do this - so maybe less people would get divorced if they had less single friends giving them crap advice.

^ I hope that I find a woman like you one day because all the women Ive met always threaten to leave me and Im always telling them, I know I have faults (no cheating or abuse physical or emotional) but lets work on it.

Im young and it seems like all the young women I meet just love moving onto the next guy, and the work through phase lasts about three days and then you're out.

My friend loves his gf as much as he could, and then they got into an argument and he didnt pickup the phone because he didnt want to argue while their tempers where hot.

She decided she no longer loved him and left him, heartbroken. My friend and her were both responsible for the fight, Im sure my friend must have done something to upset her, but he was willing to work on it.

Since all women have to do is dangle their bodies in front of a horny man, its easy for them to snag another man, even if they dont love him.

You only value something has is how easily you can and cannot replace it. Young women especially just go through those men who want to be dedicated, and dont want to be players.

The game is forcing me to be a player, I have to start going through women like tissue paper, because who knows tomorrow she just might get at me and leave.

So the men play women, date many, cheat and never fully commit themselves, in return women say "men are messed up and I should have cheated and met more men"

Its called spinning plates, having like 5 different women on rotation, so if the one you're with cuts it dry.

So many men are doing that.

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I want a family and a nice home and a woman to take care of her. If she wants to work or not have romantic date nights, make her feel special. I am 24 years old.

But Im watching all the men who feel that way keep getting burnt. Ive had three relationships and nope no good.

I feel like I'm being forced to be a player and a tail chaser because if I dont I'l get left behind in this mating game.

Well I can't really comment on why other people are getting divorced but can only comment on my experience.

I got married after being together 3 years which I don't think was too fast and I was 31 at the time, not too young. For me my husband changed after my kids were born. He couldn't deal with the change that kids bring to your life, He also couldn't cope with the fact that I have a good career. He was quite happy that I earned all the money, he was happy to spend it all but couldn't deal with the commitment that kids require. In my opinion he changed and made it his business to blame me for the fact that he was unsatified with his life. Everything was my fault and he was not responsible for anything. I took this attitude for years and then one day decided no more !

He still continues with his lack of responsibility and does not participate in the kids life at all, by his choice. So for me the general conclusion I have come to is that I married the wrong person. Would I get married again .... no. Because I don't trust my own judgement any more. I made such a bad decision which resulted in ten years of misery so never again.

I think I just no longer believe in the happy ever after. Maybe it works for some ppl, just not me.

Doesn't answer the question but just my experience.

Im sorry that you had to experience that, I guess in your case I dont think anyone would blame you. I know for a fact that I could never leave MY woman to take care of MY kids, those are MY kids my flesh and blood and if my woman needs a break and she is tired from her work then its my job to help her thats understood.

If the woman is working and making the money its obviously the mans job to take over the majority of the home chores and child rearing responsibilities.

Thats me though and I'm just looking for a good woman that can appreciate that about me

First let me start off by saying I couldn't agree more, on a broad level, with this; I think overall, it is sad that more people can't stay happily together. Sure, if it were something I could wish for, I would hope that less divorces could happen.

However, I think when people panic too much over divorce they are making several assumptions that need to be kept in mind:

1. Just because people divorce doesn't mean it wasn't the best alternative. For example, (and for the record, I am not an agenda-pushing feminist), consider a mere few decades ago all of the women who had no choice in seeking out a divorce, and instead had to suffer the potential abuse and adultery of their husbands. Now they have equal right to seek divorce, and I see this as a good thing. Yes, I realize this is a stereotype - but please keep in mind that this is an example, not an explanation of all cases. But even if it adds a few percentage points to the growing divorce rate, it at least accounts for some of the growth.

2. Far too many people in my opinion consider divorce rates to be a gauge of how many marriages "work out" or "are happy". Do you realize how many people, after the kids have grown and moved out, simply don't feel the same way anymore? Or, consider the number of spouses who stay 100% invested in their partners, but find out after 20 years of marriage that the other partner has become 100% complacent and could care less about contributing to the marriage. I fully support the right to leave in the latter example, and I think the option of leaving is a good thing. If I feel a relationship is something that I choose to be in, I am more likely to continue nurturing that relationship; if I feel it is something that, now, due to a marriage, I can never ever leave (or my partner can never ever leave), who knows what subconscious things could go through my head (e.g. "well, we are together forever anyway so I don't need to continue surprising them with morning sex or breakfast in bed." P.S. I don't actually think like this, but this is definitely a type of thought that some people would think)

3. People associate non-divorce with success and divorce with failure. While this may be true in some cases, where people are just selfish and pursuing affairs and not taking a marriage seriously, there are other instances, too. How many times have I heard my young adult and middle-aged friends talk about their grandparents who, still married, are completely bitter towards each other. They grew up in a different time where divorce was not a moral option. Even if someone religiously doesn't agree with divorce - do you really think that staying married in this type of case is more of a success than a failure? I realize it would be ideal if they could be happily married, but that isn't something that we can change or force upon them; rather, they can either stay together to keep these divorce statistics from rocketing even higher, or they could have divorced years ago (if they wanted) and perhaps not had so much anger and bitterness in their late adulthood.

4. Last, whether people like it or not, marriage is becoming less of a formal, ceremonial blessing and more of a civil benefit between two people; sharing health insurance, lowering taxes, and having children are all economic reasons to get married, and let's face the fact that for many people marriage is all about this and not about the idea of a life-long, god-blessed marriage. To me, yes, marriage is lifelong, but I do not have unrealistic views that it is like this for everyone. Sometimes two people are not destined to be together, but if they can be married for 5-10 years and call it quits, but still be able to gain a lot of positive things from the marriage, it was not a failure. Consider the single mom with three kids who is barely making it, who falls in love with a guy (who also falls in love with her). They marry, watch the kids grow and work their butts off to support them, then later divorce realizing they don't have much in common without the kids around. Maybe it's just me, but I really can see the positive in this, even if they divorce after realizing when the kids were gone that they just don't have enough in common to sustain a marriage.

In sum, the divorce rates don't scare me a bit. In a world of choice and individualism, it actually makes me feel like my choice to stay in a committed relationship in which I am married is completely optional and therefore lets me know how invested I am to that person.

Hey harkkam, thanks With regard to your post about having multiple woman just incase one of them decides to walk off. I can understand your reasoning but can I ask you just a wee question ? By having a few woman around at one time do you think that you are respecting the woman you are with ? The reason I ask is that one day you may meet someone you really want to stay with but due to the other woman hanging about any woman with some good self respect will not hang about if there are any other woman on the scene. So by having a few woman hanging around you are increasing the chances of a good woman disappearing.

As I say I understand what you are saying and I am guessing that you are fairly young, but in my opinion time will teach you that one woman at a time is quite enough ! Just my thoughts.

Nerdyjock .... I think you made some very valid points. I agree that in my generation it is not such a tabo thing to get divorced, but personnally I do feel as though divorce is a failure as I am sure many ppl do. But it doesn't mean I regret my decision to get married. I have two wonderful kids which I wouldn't change for the world. It's just the way life goes

A couple things to remember about "the past" that you are comparing "the present" to:

Even in as short a time as my lifetime (I am 46) there have been a number of changes that are contributing factors:

On average, people are living longer than 40 or 50 or 60 years ago. Drugs & medical treatments are prolonging people's lives. Therefore "til death do us part" is becoming a (potentially) longer period of time than it has been historically. I read somewhere that in the early 1900s "til death do us part" was often only 6 or 7 years because of how many women died in childbirth, how many people died from what are now treatable or manageable diseases/illness, how many people died in work-related accidents, and so forth.

When I was a kid, most moms did not work. So a woman working outside of the home and being able to financially support herself (let alone herself and child(ren)) is something that's only become common in the last few decades. It is difficult to say how many women might've sought out a divorce back then if they'd had the ability/opportunity to hold a decent-paying job along with things like subsidized daycare, WIC, food stamps, etc. to support themselves & their children.

Much of the social stigma is gone from being divorced or being a single parent. Again, when I was a kid, getting divorced was a scandalous thing....and some people are very sensitive to social pressure/what others think about them/if others are talking about them.

If you want to look at previous generations' divorce rates and compare them to present day, you have to look at the whole picture and ask this question: If those previous generations had the same options and social climate we have now, would their divorce rate have been different?

This comment:

Whats the point of getting married if my entire generation is about as committed as changing the channels on a TV.

and similar sentiments really gripe my cookies. Much as you want to believe your generation has found new, unique, and different ways to mess up, you haven't. People have been screwing up their lives in multitudes of ways since the beginning of time. Oh, they may have been more private about it in the past....and they certainly didn't have venues like the Internet to spew all their guts for the world to see....but the crazy crap's been going on for about as long as humans have been trodding the face of the earth.

This is an excellent post !

 

However, I think when people panic too much over divorce they are making several assumptions that need to be kept in mind:

 

2. Far too many people in my opinion consider divorce rates to be a gauge of how many marriages "work out" or "are happy". Do you realize how many people, after the kids have grown and moved out, simply don't feel the same way anymore? Or, consider the number of spouses who stay 100% invested in their partners, but find out after 20 years of marriage that the other partner has become 100% complacent and could care less about contributing to the marriage. I fully support the right to leave in the latter example, and I think the option of leaving is a good thing. If I feel a relationship is something that I choose to be in, I am more likely to continue nurturing that relationship; if I feel it is something that, now, due to a marriage, I can never ever leave (or my partner can never ever leave), who knows what subconscious things could go through my head (e.g. "well, we are together forever anyway so I don't need to continue surprising them with morning sex or breakfast in bed." P.S. I don't actually think like this, but this is definitely a type of thought that some people would think)

 

3. People associate non-divorce with success and divorce with failure. While this may be true in some cases, where people are just selfish and pursuing affairs and not taking a marriage seriously, there are other instances, too. How many times have I heard my young adult and middle-aged friends talk about their grandparents who, still married, are completely bitter towards each other. They grew up in a different time where divorce was not a moral option. Even if someone religiously doesn't agree with divorce - do you really think that staying married in this type of case is more of a success than a failure? I realize it would be ideal if they could be happily married, but that isn't something that we can change or force upon them; rather, they can either stay together to keep these divorce statistics from rocketing even higher, or they could have divorced years ago (if they wanted) and perhaps not had so much anger and bitterness in their late adulthood.

QUOTE]

 

To add- Number 2- I think there are too many instances of complacency. People change. People stop caring. In my case, my ex husband thought once we were married, he never had to care about me ever again- including treating me with any level of respect because he "got" me and didn't need to "try"- he assumed I'd just stay with him "Just because"- obviously, I didn't agree. If you have someone who gives up or won't try- You ask yourself, "Why do I choose to stay with someone who doesn't care enough about me to try ?" I begged, I pleaded, I sought advice from counselors, psychologists, etc. Nothing helped. I NEVER wanted to get divorced, but I couldn't be in a marriage of one.

He refused to try and I refused to live in agony for the rest of my life.

 

Number 3-

 

So true. My parents have a "successful" marriage of 45 years. On the outside, people congratulate them, call them "an example", etc. They are miserable. Neither of them have been very happy people for at least thirty of those years. I have had to hear both of my parents tell me as an adult that they stayed together "for us kids"- but that they were both horribly unhappy. They live completely separate lives, they insult & disrespect each other daily, they live like roommates, they've had separate bedrooms for many years. They have both grown into extremely bitter people, they put both my siblings and I in the center of their arguments for years and years. IMVHO, they should have gotten divorced. They might have both been happier people.

 

I, on the other hand, decided to get divorced. On the outside it looks terrible. People tell me that "I gave up", that "I didn't take my vows seriously", that I "should have tried harder". that "I didn't take my time"-etc. But I am happy. And my ex husband is happier now too. We could have stayed together for the sake of staying together, but what for ? So that other people can tell us that we were "successful" ? At the end of the day, all of those people commenting don't live my life, I do !

 

The cold hard fact is- Every relationship ends. Either through someone leaving or someone dying. Whether good or bad, Nothing lasts forever.

I have a few theories.

One being, women are now working. A lot of the time when women weren't working and they were married, they couldn't leave the marriage because they had no financial means to leave. So now that many are working and there's more support out there for women, women realize they don't have to stay in lifeless marriages if they're not happy.

Secondly, money. People get married and have these extravagant marriages and buy these expensive homes and cars, and they have NO MONEY. Arguments about spending money. I think couples don't know how to spend time together and put each other first.

If I get married, I wont' get my husband to sign a prenup. I'm going to be the breadwinner in the family and I don't think he's going to go after my money.

^ what about the fact that what constitutes as the definition as a lifeless marriage has changed into (he beats me, and drinks) to (he sometimes forgets to buy groceries when he drives home or we dont go out on as many dates as we like, or we are different people and like different things)

To me it seems like its easy for women especially to just walk away from marriages for increasingly more trivial matters like the show Sex in the City, my mother was watching an episode and I happened to catch a few mins where one of the women was planning to get married to this rich man and they were in a garden and she cheats on him with the guy in the garden. Later apologizing but saying how the fiances sex drive was not satisfying enough.

I think thats such a terrible reason, especially if you havent even given the other person you're support and time to work on the issue. If my future wife for whatever reason lost interest in sex I would try my best to be there for her, and help her re-gain that passion w.e it may be whether that means more dates out, more foreplay. As long as she is willing to work with me, and it wasnt a loss of passion over finding another man.

Same here I mean if you really love the person your man, why wont you work with him to get the pill or w.e it is to get him up to speed if you really do care about him.

I also see lots of men who just leave because they got bored and she wasn't exciting enough for them, or because she was too much this or that.

See I come from an indian background and I guess my views are a bit different but I feel like as long as you love each other that then whatever issue that stems up should be handled by both, there isn't that many issues actually that cant be resolved by two willing and loving partners.

Partner 1 says "I need more affection" Partner 2 says "How so, what is lacking" and Partner 1 explains and Partner 2 fixes it.

The problem becomes when one person is no longer willing to give the other what they need. In some cases its self destructive like a woman who wants her man to never spend time with his friends vs a woman who just wants more time to feel satisfied.

Cant we just all work around what we want from each other instead of being so inflexible with such rigid constructs of who "I" am things never will work.

For example if my wife says that we dont go out on as many dates as we used and she doesnt feel as special to me as she once did and doesnt want to stay home and go out more which means less buddy time. I recognize that, it is HER feelings and I cannot invalidate them because thats what she is feeling at the moment. However I may think that her feelings are unfounded and unfair but nonetheless she is feeling unappreciated for some reason and it may not even have to do with you at all but she is feeling unappreciated. Now if you think her feelings are unfounded and unfair before attacking the person you can ask them why that they feel that way?

And she may be more honest with you "We do go out a lot but it doesnt feel like you like being with me when we do go out" and then again you feel like they are unfounded and unfair but that is how she is feeling and you cant invalidate a persons feelings. Then you can say "Well hunny I always have a good time with you and I didnt realize you were feeling this way, perhaps stress from work has me distracted, why dont we try dates that require more interaction like bowling instead of movies, places where we can talk more"

Now suppose you are trying you're very best and she still feels unappreciated, what is a man to do? or a woman when the roles are reversed.

I feel like before people reach that point where you work really hard and keep trying and trying, only then should you give up. But today people toss each other away and then cry about being lonely and hurt, etc.

I just feel like if so many marriages could be saved if people learned these basic skills that I did NOT have 6 months ago when my gf broke up with me. I would invalidate her feelings.

The divorce rate is dropping slightly because of economics. Both realize that they can't afford to divorce at the moment and stay together for now.

The number one reason for most divorces as far as I can see is selfishness. If you boil most problems down they often come down to this. The other reason is lack of repsect for the marriage or spouse.

It is very sad but many people just give up and don't try and save what they once had. "I'm done" has been uttered to much and the fanatsy of being free once again which in turn will MAKE them happy is an allusion. Divorce sucks giant monkey butt but there are plenty of times when it must be done to save ones self.

Lost

Another line of faulty thinking that people fall into is assuming that previous generations were somehow morally superior and that's why people stayed married rather than getting divorced.

No one has ever been born knowing how to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Given the number of screwed up people in the world, very few of us have been lucky enough to have a healthy relationship modeled for us growing up. Relationship skills are something people have to learn....and most people generally end up learning them "the hard way" (making mistakes, surviving a few bad/unhealthy relationships).

The generations before the current ones didn't know any more than we did about what makes a healthy relationship. Heck, one could even argue that they knew LESS than we do about human psychology and what makes for a healthy relationship. But you do yourself no favors thinking it was all tea & crumpets in the "old days" and people stayed together because they were somehow better. In a lot of cases, they stayed together because they didn't have the kind of options that are readily available now.

Glass half empty or glass half full?

50% of marriages survive.

But why the higher divorce rate? I think for multiple reasons. One, it is less taboo to get a divorce, so people who were miserable before, now have a choice to leave. So people not being stuck in horrendous relationships is not necessarily a bad thing.

Secondly, like other posters have stated, peopel have no idea how hard marriage is. Nor do they have coping skills to keep it going. I see people divorce over stupid reasons. There are gonna be times when you don't swoon over your spouse, you work through those times. You get into a more mature, secure love that doesn't have you obsessing every minute. It is amazing how many peopel think that when the honeymoon period ends, that they have fallen out of love. I can't stand the honeymoon period myself. I prefer not talking for a day and feeling secure that we are alright.

Next, people focus on life partners, but not parenting skills if they choose to have children. Nothign will warp a couple faster then mismatched parenting ideas. They don't consider what kind of parent that the spouse is going to be. And that puts serious strain on a relationship. Yes you should get along and find stuff in common. But if you plan on having children, how that person is as a parent needs as much consideration.

Last, these days people are marrying when they were not happy in the first place. They knew the relationship wasn't great, but they hope that the wedding planning and/or marriage would fix that. It doesn't. In fact, it complicates things.

I believe that people need to take classes before getting married,t hey need communication and coping skills.

Most importantly, they need to know what to expect.

 

I believe that people need to take classes before getting married,t hey need communication and coping skills.

Most importantly, they need to know what to expect.

True in a sense - We had to have classes back when I got married. Everything was * * * * * * dorey then, but as time went on - well we fell apart. Classes don't help IMO. When one spouse becomes complacent, its useless. Two to get married, one to file, whether you want to or not.

True in a sense - We had to have classes back when I got married. Everything was * * * * * * dorey then, but as time went on - well we fell apart. Classes don't help IMO. When one spouse becomes complacent, its useless. Two to get married, one to file, whether you want to or not.

When I say classes I mean in depth classes. What do you do if your spouse falls ill. How do you handle grief if you lose a love one or job? How do you handle stress? How are is it going to be when you have children, if you do? What if you have a special needs child? Resources and help must be provided. Yes, there may come a time when a partner checks out and there is nothing you can do. But I think that if people learn that it is not all roses, they may know that a tough situation can be handled, as opposed to thinking it is the end.

I still dont think its smart for men to get married anymore. 50 % divorce rate with 85% filled by women. Just think about the kids that have to suffer.

Why put innocent lives through that. I think I will adopt kids because having my own flesh and blood taken from me I just cant fathom that, having to share my children. Thats so disgusting and wrong, I mean how could two people who get together to create life ever take their marriage so complacently to hurt one another and cause so much damage.

I think divorce is great for those extreme cases, he beats me, she/he cheated on me, he is drunk, drugs etc.

But still why get married, why not just live together under the same roof, no need for a wedding or mingling of finances, etc. I dont think I want to take a 50/50 chance at losing everything and my children to a woman. Those are terrible odds which Im sure if your were at a casino and had the same odds presented to you, there would be no way in hell you would bet your deed, your income, your children against the house.

I read a post that was very influential in my decision to not marry a woman. By a man called JD posted here

link removed

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This is my first comment, so it could get long. I've been reading your blog for ~6 months now. This posting sums up what single guys like me experience every day quite brilliantly. As an unattached, never married, professional 33 year old with a grad degree and good career, I want to thank you Mark for the Public Service you are performing.

This is exactly why I have chosen to stay single as long as I live in the USA. That and watching friends and colleagues go through hellish marriages and the inevitable, ruinous divorce. If women think the marriage strike is a myth, I'm here to tell you it's real. My personal, spiritual and financial well-being are too important to risk. I haven't worked to get where I am only to lose it all. And there are plenty of educated, professional single men of my generation and younger who are waking up to everything in Zenking's post and more. We talk about it at the gym, over drinks, on the golf course, on motorcycle rides, and at the local wine shop.

You should see the heads nod when the subject comes up. We're sick of it all and voting with our feet. The feminists got what they wanted and now they're complaining about the lack of 'real men' as their bio clocks tick ever louder. Deal with it. We're not buying what you're selling. Go find a self-loathing mangina with a spine of overdone linguine.

Marriage in the USA simply isn't worth the risk. I'm not going to lose my house, my current & future assets, children, and my peace of mind. Guys, take a step back and think about your future. Do a simple risk-benefit analysis. Learn the facts and the laws here in the USA.

Here's the abridged version:

- at least 50% of marriages end in divorce, and if you're married to a non-foreign woman, it's closer to 60%

- she brings the divorce 70% of the time

- if she's college educated, she brings it 90% of the time

- between 10% and 20% of men who think they are the father of a child are not, depending on which study you reference; and, you WILL have to support the kid that isn't yours if the child was born while you were married - see Lord Mansfield’s Rule of English Common Law, which is what most states follow

- women cheat as often as men

- in divorce, you will see your kids 14% of the time at best and 40% of ex-wives openly admit to interfering with their ex-husband's visitation rights

- you will lose your house and at least half of all assets

- you will have to contend with the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), meaning your wife can call 911, claim abuse or simply be afraid of you, have you arrested with no evidence and get a restraining order put against you, again with no evidence. You can count on fighting false charges of domestic and child abuse

- the Bradley Amendment ensures that if you lose your job or become injured, alimony & child support will not be adjusted & if you can't pay, you will be imprisoned while your obligations continue to mount

- No Fault Divorce is the law of the land; she can divorce you for little or no reason, without warning.

- look up the statistics on risks to children in single parent households - truly frightening

You must realize that it is LIKELY you will get divorced in the USA. It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not. Exercise your gray cells, further your career, save, live within your means, continue your education, travel, find a hobby you enjoy and maintain relationships with your friends and family. If you are a person of faith, there are ways to contribute to your community and serve God that don't include marriage here in the US. Personally, I hope to move abroad permanently someday, perhaps start a family there.

Remember, you were not meant to be a wage slave, sperm bank, walking ATM, retirement fund and whipping boy. Do not put up with any of her childish mind games and poor behavior. You are not responsible for 'saving' her from her myriad, self-inflicted problems or fulfilling some unrealistic fantasy. You are not selfish for refusing to join an institution rigged against you. Do not let a woman shame you for being a single, successful, intelligent and responsible citizen who enjoys the life God has given you. Live in the real world. Be happy. That is all.

the short answer. very few people know how to communicate with their partner and/or how to bring up and deal with issues, before it's too late.

Or charge 10,000 to get a marriage license

I think it's due to two main factors.... higher expectations from both partners and easier ways to split up.

Once I am divorced, I doubt I will ever marry again. Why sign a piece of paper that only makes things worse. Failed expectations, useless obligations, and you have to gegt a judge to decide wether or not you can break up...not to mention, it's expensive. Marraige has lost it's luster. I married because I thought it was the right thing to do, and we got along well enough.

Until we grew up. We now share nothing. We don't enjoy each other, we don't make love we just . And worst of all, my daughter now will not have parents that love each other,likeI wanted her too. (since i never experienced it.)

simple. people and society are quick to label